Hello and welcome to another episode of the Rhythm of Expression podcast. And we're still doing things a little bit different because it's summer why not? And so I am at my brother's place again, I have been house and pet sitting. And one of the lovely things that they have at their place is a pool. And I tried to hang out in the pool over my lunch hour earlier in the week and it just was so scorching that I just couldn't handle being out in the sun much, mostly because I burn very easily and there wasn't, there's no shade a- around the pool at lunchtime, it is just blasting at you full, full sun. And so I decided to try and go in the pool yesterday at the end of my work day but Mother Nature decided that she was going to start dropping some water drops and I thought, “No, I'll wait and try again later.” And then I took off the swimsuit and it got sunny again for a moment. But I just decided to wait until today. But I digress.

Today's episode is called The Power of Place. And this is a subject that has been heavily on my mind for many years as I am living in the house, where I lived with the ex spouse and there's a lot of energy there. That was really not very good. And I've often wondered if, you know, being somewhere else would just be better. A fresh clean start somewhere where those memories at least didn't reside for us. And they one challenge to that is in my area it's really difficult to find real estate available. Rentals are close to impossible to find. And it's also difficult to actually find properties available to buy also recently. And in general, we live in a place that, you know, where depending on which area you live, your child can go to multiple different elementary schools and the house that we are at right now, we specifically chose to be in that specific place because we really heard great things about that school. So it served a purpose, most definitely. And I am grateful for all of the time all of the years that we did have there. However due to the things that have happened to me recently, within the past few years, I really physically am not able to do all of the things that I would like to do there. And there are some things that really need to get done at some point and I just, I'm not sure if that's my thing to do. So you know, I was doing investigating and I've contemplated moving many times and so I've also had the opportunity to start traveling again. And so just being in a different place and feeling that different energy is such a huge thing. You get to go somewhere else and be somewhere else, someone else for a little while. And that can be very refreshing, especially if you feel stuck or stagnant or, you know, there's some part of your life that just isn't really going the way that you want it. Yes, you can call it an escape. Okay, maybe. 

I've actually used those times where I've been house sitting and pet sitting at someone else's place to kind of rest and regroup and I generally come away at the end of the stay with a fresh perspective on things sometimes. I've even encountered a bit of growth and had maybe some aha moments and those are oh so helpful because then you can make better informed decisions on new directions that you may want to take. One of the things I was fortunate enough to travel to Ireland at the last quarter of 2017 and that just was an absolutely amazing experience. Many people will tell you that if they travel there the people are lovely it is a very rich, cultural place, which some in some areas, it kind of feels like it can be lacking. And you know, maybe that's also just because you're not getting out and doing the things in your local area. I know that that's been a challenge for me physically, to be able to get out and do those things that are going on locally. Again, thankfully, I have seen a tremendous improvement in my ability to do more than just work and rest and sleep...

This week, the podcast episodes name is Finally, Finally Progress this comes after surgery May 3, 2022 to address decades long issue. Herein lies the challenge. How do you know when your body's having an issue if your body is functioning pretty much the way that it has for a very long time? It can be really difficult to notice a gradual decline and your stamina and your endurance and your general energy levels. And so you know, I had the data on my body and it got to the point where it was crippling me. I basically couldn't do much beyond work my day at work and collapse either in bed or on the sofa and that was it. That was my life. That was my life pretty much for the past five, six years. But it had also happened around the time that I had been in a major car accident. And so the combination of those two things literally just stole my life. I did my best to try and do the things that I had to do. 
Take care of my children, work a full-time job single parent. All of the usual things we see as the life of an average American woman it is really really difficult to be a single parent even when you have the help of the other parent it's also super, super helpful to have family close by to help you and sometimes you need more help than you could have possibly imagined. And sometimes in the midst of all of that insanity. You're fighting daily fighting absolutely every thing in your life. 
But today's episode as I'm being covered by mosquitoes is about progress. And over the past, specifically two to three weeks. I have seen amazing things in myself. And no I may get a little emotional again about that because I thought I was hitting the downside of my life. I'm somewhat young to be thinking in that way but I really really wondered if all I had left was sitting on a sofa, couch, or laying in bed was going to be my life. What if I got to a point where I could no longer work? All of those things get are going through your head when you have a very chronic and debilitating issue and when you have two of them. It just it's horrendous. It drains you. It plays with your mind. 
All of a sudden I'm going from almost a decade of sitting on my ass to being able to start thinking about having a life again. I went from one day depending on the level of activity wiping me out for one to two weeks. It would take me to recover from a really big day
I wondered how long I had left you know it you really just start doubting also all sorts of things right? 
So it's been a complete 180, just...it's blowing my mind.
It's nuts when I stop and think about it. Because I have the potential again to do things. I have the potential again to live big dreams and not wonder if I'm gonna have to settle for just you know being stuck somewhere where I can't ever leave and I can't ever go and do the things that I want to do. It's huge. It is just phenomenally huge.  And I wasn't able to be the kind of person that I wanted to be in a relationship with someone else.
So progress. Goodness. I'm just blown away. And I'm super thankful and I'm continuing on my path of healing my inner stuff.
I had an excellent session today with my one friend and I found one of those big things. One of those routes that stuck down there in the dirt that you've kind of forgotten was one of the originating issues. One of the things that kind of defined how you viewed yourself from that little person from that point in time from that snapshot of who someone else defined you as when you were a small child unfairly with no concept yourself of these things that are being put upon you. We spend the rest of our lives trying to like unlearn these things right. Unlearn who the world told us who we were, I don't know who said that quote. So I'm not claiming it but I found a big piece today. And I realized that within that I found a huge nugget of my power. A huge nugget of my worth, my value today. 

Hello, and welcome to the Rhythm of Expression podcast. This episode is a bit off the cuff so the normal intro is not in play the episode today is Coming Back Through the Fire. It is this kind of a concept that I came up with after thinking about the idea of you know, becoming the Phoenix and being engulfed by the fire and then emerging from the ashes. But sometimes there's a bit more beyond that. And so I had this thought come to mind and it was coming back through the fire because sometimes we have things that happen to us that are so absolutely profound that we just don't work the same we don't think the same we don't. It we have become so fundamentally changed at our very core that that analogy may not capture everything completely. There is a baptism by fire when you're approaching life from a new perspective on whatever subject and I had had a podcast episode recorded a while back about returning to calm. And I was such, or rather I was so far from that. Like in the moment when I recorded it, I was there, I was. I had found my peace, you know, in that moment, but it didn't carry through for very long and so I didn't actually even get back to editing that episode because it felt so inauthentic. I just could not find my way to work on a piece that was talking about returning to calm when I wasn't there. And so I just had to step back for a bit and get to a point where I am calm and even and it may not be where I want to be. But today I am very tech minimal. I have my phone that's pretty much it. No fancy microphone, no fancy recorder, no laptop to do my editing. This is just all as it is off the cuff but I really felt compelled to record it as I lay there trying to take a nap. It can be so very difficult sometimes to see anything beyond that particular moment, to have the ability to do much more than put one foot in front of the other and take the next breath, when we have these things that hit us so deeply. And I don't often find comfort in the monotony of like a regular day to day job. But I really just needed to pull back from everything else and just be in those moments. And do those things that were so mundane that they at least present, blah, excuse me...at least provided some consistency and some comfort of familiarity. And sometimes we need those things when the rug has been pulled out from under us. We absolutely need those things then.  Having a vacation smack dab in the middle of this past work week was amazing and beautiful and so restorative. It really just gave me time and space away from more recent things that I've been processing and working through and trying to find my way through. You have to go through them and feel every pang. So now I'm outside and you're hearing the locusts and some of the birds and maybe the wind and we are just low tech and in the moment watching the grasses wave and the butterflies and listening to the pool filter. It is hot. Super, super, super hot today, even in the shade, but everything is alive and vibrant. That's just what it's all about, isn't it? So apologies for the long break in my postings again because I keep thinking that I'm getting to a point where I'm good and I'm through the thing and I'm ready to you know just move forward, carry on whatever and then you have something that reminds you and sometimes those reminders are everywhere and they take your breath away and they take you to another place in time. So you got to shake things up. Do something different just go somewhere else for a few days. That might help wake you back up might help you breathe a little easier. might make you move a little easier. And might make you help to dream again alright might help you to dream again I have no idea how this recording is going to turn out. So we shall see. But coming back through the fire even when you feel like you've risen yet again. You have to learn how to walk again. How to breathe again. How to dream again. 

Healing and grief. This is my first episode back after having surgery. And I had something come up about two weeks before surgery, massive emotional roller coaster type stuff. Absolutely shot my hopes up through the stratosphere only for them to be shattered, absolutely shattered the following week. And because I was headed for surgery, I basically told myself, Okay, I can't deal with this right now I have to prepare for surgery. And I will find a way to deal with it after. That didn't go exactly to plan. Again, I'm not exactly sure how well I did. But that was what it was. I actually was very calm and pretty non-emotional coming up to surgery. I'm kind of at a point where, again, whatever it is, it is. And so I just kind of don't put a lot of expectations out there.
Surgery went wonderfully, perfectly. I was able to return to work fairly early on in the recovery process. I'm not 100% That's going to be a while yet. But recovery is well on its way, physically, mentally. Recovery from an illness or a surgery or some major trauma to your body. Even if it's purposely inflicted,  surgery is still trauma, it really stirs the emotional pot as well. And even with pain medications and that sort of thing, there are a lot of things that end up getting processed during recovery from anything from the common cold to major surgery. I don't even know that we always recognize that we're processing hurts, and disappointments and other types of emotional pain when we're in the midst of dealing with physical pain. But that's become more and more evident to me over the years and especially with this last surgery shortly following something that was massively painful to me. It still is.
I think as our body is fighting and healing, there are a lot of maybe emotional muscles we forgot that we had just like we would say, Oh, well I did such and such and I found muscles I forgot I had, same kind of thing. I really do heavily believe that, and a lot of times, we just put things aside or shove them in a box and put them in the back of our little cubby or our closet, or our pantry of the mind. Whatever works best for you. Of course, the ones that are most present, most recent, most painful, are going to really kick up, kick up in a massive way.  We're conditioned to always put aside these things that have had a major impact on us and on our lives, and just slap on a smile, pretend everything's fine. Most of us do not have the luxury of the time to really honor our bodies and our minds and our spirits. And it is a horrible disservice to ourselves.
I have really wanted to steer my path towards something that's better for the entirety of me. Yes, I need money to live on, so does everyone else. And most of us do not get paid the real worth of our time and attention. You know, the basis of capitalism is pretty much-paying people what they will accept in order to show up every day. That's this side of things, you know, the not big business side of that equation. And we forget a lot of our humanity in it.
And we struggle to find it. Many of us in at least some way. And going out into nature is a huge, huge part of recharging the batteries, even just hearing the birds even when you're stuck inside, if you can hear them and just revel in that moment of beautiful song just for what it is, and sigh and take that moment to give your being space because in those times where we give ourselves that space, and we can start hearing that voice within us. We can start to hear those little whispers and they may be whispering the same thing to us, they may be singing that same song. Even when that song seems impossible, then when you've lost hope for what your heart desires most, that's still singing in your heart. Some things never go away. And sometimes you just have to be happy, loving that way. 

Due to having major surgery, I've been on a hiatus and hope to be back with you soon. 

In this episode, we discuss how the unexpected shows up in our lives. Sometimes these things take us by surprise, sometimes they knock us off our feet. We can take out power back by taking time and breathing and just letting these moments sit with us as we do other things... We also talk about the concept of the emotional and energetic bank accounts after I caught a Youtube Video by Bruce Lipton...which also finally made the subconscious programming click in a huge way. We have choice...despite what we were taught, and we have to choose better if we want a better life. Give yourself the gift of choosing new programming and watching your emotional, energetic, and health checkbooks...all of the answers are hidden there. 

First Thing's First...you have to feel well in mind and body to be able to go beyond just existing. You need to have a properly functioning mind and body so that you can have the energy, clarity, and focus to do even those things that are most precious to you. Over the last two weeks, things have gone a bit differently. Last week I didn't get an episode out and this week, it is releasing 4 days later than usual...because...life happens. And I've been having a lot more life happening again. Thank you for listening in, I hope you enjoy this week's episode and see you next week. 

Have you ever had one of those days where you wake up and everything seems wrong? Sure, we all have. I talk a bit about my last kick in the gut day and the things I tried to shake things up and change the energy of the day. This episode starts with a bit of poetry to cast some light ...because no matter how the day is going, there are ways to put ourselves in a different mental space. Thank you for joining me and have a great week!