Hello and welcome to another episode of the Rhythm of Expression podcast. And we're still doing things a little bit different because it's summer why not? And so I am at my brother's place again, I have been house and pet sitting. And one of the lovely things that they have at their place is a pool. And I tried to hang out in the pool over my lunch hour earlier in the week and it just was so scorching that I just couldn't handle being out in the sun much, mostly because I burn very easily and there wasn't, there's no shade a- around the pool at lunchtime, it is just blasting at you full, full sun. And so I decided to try and go in the pool yesterday at the end of my work day but Mother Nature decided that she was going to start dropping some water drops and I thought, “No, I'll wait and try again later.” And then I took off the swimsuit and it got sunny again for a moment. But I just decided to wait until today. But I digress.

Today's episode is called The Power of Place. And this is a subject that has been heavily on my mind for many years as I am living in the house, where I lived with the ex spouse and there's a lot of energy there. That was really not very good. And I've often wondered if, you know, being somewhere else would just be better. A fresh clean start somewhere where those memories at least didn't reside for us. And they one challenge to that is in my area it's really difficult to find real estate available. Rentals are close to impossible to find. And it's also difficult to actually find properties available to buy also recently. And in general, we live in a place that, you know, where depending on which area you live, your child can go to multiple different elementary schools and the house that we are at right now, we specifically chose to be in that specific place because we really heard great things about that school. So it served a purpose, most definitely. And I am grateful for all of the time all of the years that we did have there. However due to the things that have happened to me recently, within the past few years, I really physically am not able to do all of the things that I would like to do there. And there are some things that really need to get done at some point and I just, I'm not sure if that's my thing to do. So you know, I was doing investigating and I've contemplated moving many times and so I've also had the opportunity to start traveling again. And so just being in a different place and feeling that different energy is such a huge thing. You get to go somewhere else and be somewhere else, someone else for a little while. And that can be very refreshing, especially if you feel stuck or stagnant or, you know, there's some part of your life that just isn't really going the way that you want it. Yes, you can call it an escape. Okay, maybe. 

I've actually used those times where I've been house sitting and pet sitting at someone else's place to kind of rest and regroup and I generally come away at the end of the stay with a fresh perspective on things sometimes. I've even encountered a bit of growth and had maybe some aha moments and those are oh so helpful because then you can make better informed decisions on new directions that you may want to take. One of the things I was fortunate enough to travel to Ireland at the last quarter of 2017 and that just was an absolutely amazing experience. Many people will tell you that if they travel there the people are lovely it is a very rich, cultural place, which some in some areas, it kind of feels like it can be lacking. And you know, maybe that's also just because you're not getting out and doing the things in your local area. I know that that's been a challenge for me physically, to be able to get out and do those things that are going on locally. Again, thankfully, I have seen a tremendous improvement in my ability to do more than just work and rest and sleep...

This week, the podcast episodes name is Finally, Finally Progress this comes after surgery May 3, 2022 to address decades long issue. Herein lies the challenge. How do you know when your body's having an issue if your body is functioning pretty much the way that it has for a very long time? It can be really difficult to notice a gradual decline and your stamina and your endurance and your general energy levels. And so you know, I had the data on my body and it got to the point where it was crippling me. I basically couldn't do much beyond work my day at work and collapse either in bed or on the sofa and that was it. That was my life. That was my life pretty much for the past five, six years. But it had also happened around the time that I had been in a major car accident. And so the combination of those two things literally just stole my life. I did my best to try and do the things that I had to do. 
Take care of my children, work a full-time job single parent. All of the usual things we see as the life of an average American woman it is really really difficult to be a single parent even when you have the help of the other parent it's also super, super helpful to have family close by to help you and sometimes you need more help than you could have possibly imagined. And sometimes in the midst of all of that insanity. You're fighting daily fighting absolutely every thing in your life. 
But today's episode as I'm being covered by mosquitoes is about progress. And over the past, specifically two to three weeks. I have seen amazing things in myself. And no I may get a little emotional again about that because I thought I was hitting the downside of my life. I'm somewhat young to be thinking in that way but I really really wondered if all I had left was sitting on a sofa, couch, or laying in bed was going to be my life. What if I got to a point where I could no longer work? All of those things get are going through your head when you have a very chronic and debilitating issue and when you have two of them. It just it's horrendous. It drains you. It plays with your mind. 
All of a sudden I'm going from almost a decade of sitting on my ass to being able to start thinking about having a life again. I went from one day depending on the level of activity wiping me out for one to two weeks. It would take me to recover from a really big day
I wondered how long I had left you know it you really just start doubting also all sorts of things right? 
So it's been a complete 180, just...it's blowing my mind.
It's nuts when I stop and think about it. Because I have the potential again to do things. I have the potential again to live big dreams and not wonder if I'm gonna have to settle for just you know being stuck somewhere where I can't ever leave and I can't ever go and do the things that I want to do. It's huge. It is just phenomenally huge.  And I wasn't able to be the kind of person that I wanted to be in a relationship with someone else.
So progress. Goodness. I'm just blown away. And I'm super thankful and I'm continuing on my path of healing my inner stuff.
I had an excellent session today with my one friend and I found one of those big things. One of those routes that stuck down there in the dirt that you've kind of forgotten was one of the originating issues. One of the things that kind of defined how you viewed yourself from that little person from that point in time from that snapshot of who someone else defined you as when you were a small child unfairly with no concept yourself of these things that are being put upon you. We spend the rest of our lives trying to like unlearn these things right. Unlearn who the world told us who we were, I don't know who said that quote. So I'm not claiming it but I found a big piece today. And I realized that within that I found a huge nugget of my power. A huge nugget of my worth, my value today. 

Hello, and welcome to the Rhythm of Expression podcast. This episode is a bit off the cuff so the normal intro is not in play the episode today is Coming Back Through the Fire. It is this kind of a concept that I came up with after thinking about the idea of you know, becoming the Phoenix and being engulfed by the fire and then emerging from the ashes. But sometimes there's a bit more beyond that. And so I had this thought come to mind and it was coming back through the fire because sometimes we have things that happen to us that are so absolutely profound that we just don't work the same we don't think the same we don't. It we have become so fundamentally changed at our very core that that analogy may not capture everything completely. There is a baptism by fire when you're approaching life from a new perspective on whatever subject and I had had a podcast episode recorded a while back about returning to calm. And I was such, or rather I was so far from that. Like in the moment when I recorded it, I was there, I was. I had found my peace, you know, in that moment, but it didn't carry through for very long and so I didn't actually even get back to editing that episode because it felt so inauthentic. I just could not find my way to work on a piece that was talking about returning to calm when I wasn't there. And so I just had to step back for a bit and get to a point where I am calm and even and it may not be where I want to be. But today I am very tech minimal. I have my phone that's pretty much it. No fancy microphone, no fancy recorder, no laptop to do my editing. This is just all as it is off the cuff but I really felt compelled to record it as I lay there trying to take a nap. It can be so very difficult sometimes to see anything beyond that particular moment, to have the ability to do much more than put one foot in front of the other and take the next breath, when we have these things that hit us so deeply. And I don't often find comfort in the monotony of like a regular day to day job. But I really just needed to pull back from everything else and just be in those moments. And do those things that were so mundane that they at least present, blah, excuse me...at least provided some consistency and some comfort of familiarity. And sometimes we need those things when the rug has been pulled out from under us. We absolutely need those things then.  Having a vacation smack dab in the middle of this past work week was amazing and beautiful and so restorative. It really just gave me time and space away from more recent things that I've been processing and working through and trying to find my way through. You have to go through them and feel every pang. So now I'm outside and you're hearing the locusts and some of the birds and maybe the wind and we are just low tech and in the moment watching the grasses wave and the butterflies and listening to the pool filter. It is hot. Super, super, super hot today, even in the shade, but everything is alive and vibrant. That's just what it's all about, isn't it? So apologies for the long break in my postings again because I keep thinking that I'm getting to a point where I'm good and I'm through the thing and I'm ready to you know just move forward, carry on whatever and then you have something that reminds you and sometimes those reminders are everywhere and they take your breath away and they take you to another place in time. So you got to shake things up. Do something different just go somewhere else for a few days. That might help wake you back up might help you breathe a little easier. might make you move a little easier. And might make you help to dream again alright might help you to dream again I have no idea how this recording is going to turn out. So we shall see. But coming back through the fire even when you feel like you've risen yet again. You have to learn how to walk again. How to breathe again. How to dream again.