🎧 In this episode, you'll get:

• Language for the guilt that can follow suicide loss
• Permission to stop chasing an answer you may never get
• A reason to ask for help before you think you “need” it
• A better way to think about therapy when the first person isn't the right fit
• A frame for the three paths grief can put in front of you: fall apart, white-knuckle it, or use it
• Permission to cry, talk about your dad, and stop treating emotion like weakness
• Ideas for keeping your dad present through music, traditions, and rituals

Scott Panov never imagined his dad would die by suicide.

They hadn't spoken for six weeks after a family disagreement. After his dad died, Scott was left with guilt, anger, and questions he knew might never be answered.

That night, he asked for help.

This one's about suicide loss, therapy, letting go of blame, and realizing the dad you thought was superhuman was human too.

👨 Meet Scott Panov

Scott is a son, father, hockey coach, artist, and advocate for men's mental health.

After his dad Nikolai died by suicide in 2023, Scott sought trauma therapy and grief counselling. It changed how he thought about strength.

Instead of carrying everything alone, he started talking, asking for help, sharing how he felt, and supporting other men who were struggling.

⏱️ Episode chapters

00:00 — “I never would've seen it coming”

01:00 — Welcome Scott Panov

02:50 — Meet Nikolai

04:30 — Measuring yourself against your father

07:00 — Dad and Splash Mountain

10:15 — Men who weren't taught to talk

10:55 — August 24, 2023

11:40 — The phone call from Mom

12:50 — The signs nobody understood

14:35 — We hadn't spoken for six weeks

16:00 — Telling his kids

17:45 — His superhuman dad was human

18:30 — The backpack full of rocks

18:55 — Searching for a reason

19:20 — Asking for help that night

22:00 — Trauma therapy

23:15 — The three paths after trauma

24:45 — Making emotion a superpower

25:30 — Finding the right therapist

29:00 — Becoming kinder to himself

30:00 — Men's mental health

31:50 — Buying Dad records every birthday

34:30 — Where his grief is now

36:00 — “I miss my dad”

37:00 — Scott's advice to other men

Meet another guy in the club:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yutMlctDGYE

🖤 About Dead Dads

Dead Dads is a podcast for men figuring out life after losing their dad.

Hosted by Roger Nairn and Scott Cunningham, the show features honest conversations about father loss, grief, identity, family, memory, masculinity, and everything that happens after your dad dies.

No grief brochure voice. No tidy healing arc.

You're not alone.

If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts, reach out for help. In Canada and the U.S., call or text 988.

☕ Support the show:

https://buymeacoffee.com/deaddadspodcast

Website:

https://www.deaddadspodcast.com/

Instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/deaddadspodcast/

TikTok:

https://www.tiktok.com/@dead.dads.podcast

Substack:

https://substack.com/@deaddadspodcast

New episodes every week.

Produced with the support of JAR Podcast Solutions:

https://jarpodcasts.com/

This episode is for any guy whose dad disappeared in slow motion. If you've watched someone you love forget who they are — or you're the son who made the facility call — start here.

Blake Collier's dad Rodney had early-onset Alzheimer's for 14 years. Rancher. Property manager. Voracious reader. Devoted Christian. A man who used to punch holes in walls — and later became a teddy bear.

Blake parked the truck and watched his dad work in circles for 45 minutes. He sat through the mumbled Thursday prayers. He walked into a daycare where his dad didn't know who he was. And after the diagnosis, Rodney told him he'd fight it — and Blake made it about ten minutes down the road before he lost it.

This one's about the long goodbye. The genetic fear you won't get tested for. The day you say your piece knowing he might not hold it. And the line Blake wrote for the eulogy that still hits: there's 100 deaths. Which one do you want me to talk about?

In this episode, you'll get:

• Language for the slow disappearance — when “forgetting things” doesn’t cover what you’re watching

• Permission to skip the genetic test (and stop feeling weak for not wanting the answer)

• A real map of the facility decision — so you’re not inventing it alone the week it hits

• A way to say goodbye while he’s still here, without needing the perfect speech

• A frame for why it keeps hurting in waves: “there’s 100 deaths”

• A tool when talking fails — writing it down so it doesn’t sit on your chest

• Proof your grief doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s to count

About Blake

Blake Collier is a writer and a son from the Texas Panhandle — the kind of place where emotions don't help with survival, until they have to. His dad Rodney was a renaissance ranch guy. Then came early-onset Alzheimer's. Fourteen years of decline. Blake rode the whole arc and processed a lot of it the only way that worked: writing it down. Not a therapist. Not a grief expert. Just a guy who took the long version of losing his dad.

Chapters

0:00 — Dad didn't know who I was

1:50 — Welcome Blake Collier

3:00 — Texas Panhandle. Emotions don't help with survival

4:20 — Rodney: ranch, property, renaissance man

5:40 — The anger that punched holes in walls

9:00 — College advice and the history switch

10:00 — Mom saw it first

10:40 — I parked the truck and watched him for 45 minutes

12:15 — "I will do my best to fight it"

12:50 — I lost it on the drive home

15:00 — The mumbled Thursday prayers

17:30 — When hope started dwindling

18:00 — The day of the facility

21:30 — The visit where I said my piece

25:00 — "There's 100 deaths"

27:00 — The genetic fear I won't get tested for

28:40 — "Ride along with me"

29:30 — Writing it down instead of saying it out loud

31:00 — Grief looks different for everybody

About Dead Dads

Dead Dads is a podcast for men figuring out life after losing their dad. Hosted by Roger Nairn and Scott Cunningham. Honest conversations about father loss, grief, identity, family, memory, masculinity, and all the strange stuff that happens after. No grief brochure voice. No tidy healing arc.

You're not alone.

Website: https://www.deaddadspodcast.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/deaddadspodcast/

Buy us a coffee: https://buymeacoffee.com/deaddadspodcast

Linktree: https://linktr.ee/deaddads

Produced with support from JAR Podcast Solutions — https://jarpodcasts.com/

This episode is for anyone who has kids. If you've ever frozen when your kid asked where grandpa went, start here.

Welcome to the first of many "Ask the Expert" episodes at Dead Dads.

Dr. Korie Leigh is a thanatologist — a grief scientist. She told us the exact words to use. Not "passed away." Not "went to sleep." Most of us use soft language to protect kids from death. Dr. Korie's research says that backfires — hard. Kids fill gaps with stories scarier than the truth.

We cover the fish story, the fence story, why the five stages of grief aren't real, the two-conversation method for separating biology from belief, how to explain cremation to a child, and the single most important sentence to say after someone dies.

Meet Dr. Korie Leigh

Dr. Korie Leigh studies death, dying, grief, and loss for a living. She teaches it at the university level, sees kids and families in her clinical practice, trains hospices and schools, and wrote When Everything Changes — a book that takes all that knowledge and makes it usable for real families at the worst possible moment. She's also the first expert we've ever had on the show. We're trying to behave.

When Everything Changes: mcnallyrobinson.com

Next in the club: Matty Woods on his dad's funeral, which had only two rules. Listen now

About Dead Dads

Honest conversations about losing your dad. Hosted by Roger Nairn and Scott Cunningham. No grief brochure voice. No tidy healing arc. Just real talk for guys figuring it out. deaddadspodcast.com

Instagram: @deaddadspodcast

New episodes every week.

Jordan's dad rode 60km on an e-bike with a chemo bottle taped to the frame. Stage four cancer. Then one day the bike stayed in the garage.

Jordan didn't fall apart. He felt… neutral. Then guilty for feeling neutral.

This episode explores the quiet grief nobody talks about. The feeling that 30% of you disappears when your dad dies. You're still functioning, but you're running on less.

If you've lost your dad and wondered why you're not more of a wreck, this one's for you.

🎧 In this episode:

• Why feeling "neutral" doesn't mean something's wrong

• The "deflated balloon" model of grief

• Why guilt and anger show up in unexpected ways

• Becoming the family patriarch overnight

• Caring for a dying parent at home

• Honouring your dad without forcing closure

• Why the conversations you avoid today become the ones you miss tomorrow

👨‍👦 Meet Jordan and PJ

PJ worked the mill, retired early, and spent his best years riding e-bikes, wearing Hawaiian shirts, and building things in his workshop. When cancer reached his liver, he kept riding. Jordan grew up watching a man who lived on his own terms, which is part of why grieving him has felt so quiet.

⏱️ Chapters

0:00 Neutral... and the guilt that follows

1:50 Why Jordan wanted to tell this story

4:50 Meet PJ

7:50 Riding through chemo

12:50 The deflated balloon

16:50 The hospital bed at home

22:00 The DNR magnet on the fridge

22:50 Becoming the patriarch

25:50 When anger arrives anyway

26:50 The Hawaiian shirts

29:00 "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

32:00 Riding 120km in PJ's honour

34:50 Have the conversations now

🖤 About Dead Dads

Dead Dads is a podcast for men figuring out life after losing their dad. Hosted by Roger Nairn and Scott Cunningham, it's an honest conversation about grief, identity, family, memory, masculinity, and everything that changes after father loss.

No grief brochure voice. No tidy healing arc. Just real conversations.

You're not alone.

☕ Support the show: https://buymeacoffee.com/deaddadspodcast

Follow Dead Dads:

Website: https://www.deaddadspodcast.com/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@deaddadspodcast

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/deaddadspodcast/

Spotify & Apple Podcasts: https://www.deaddadspodcast.com/listen

New episodes every week.

Grief support for men who've lost their dads. This week: Dave Siff on the sudden, no-warning death of his father — and the mystery that came with it.

Dave texted his 85-year-old dad and got one garbled reply back. Days later he was in the same ICU where his mom died, deciding when to pull the tube. Then the breathing tube came out — and his dad's eye shot open and locked onto him. "This is it. I can't look away right now."

What he didn't know yet: something no one could explain had killed his father.

This one's for the guys whose dad's death came with a mystery they're still carrying — a sudden loss and a cause that didn't make sense until it was over. Not for you if you want a tidy, comforting take on dying.

In this episode:



• Why a sudden, no-warning death can wreck you harder than a long goodbye — and why that's not overreacting
• What it's like to make the call to stop treatment, and the second-guessing that follows
• The strange relief of finally getting an answer — and the new weird that shows up once you have it
• Why the last ordinary thing you did with your dad ends up outweighing the funeral
• How losing your dad quietly reorders what you'll put up with in your own life
• Permission to find some of this darkly funny without feeling like a bad son

⏱️ Episode chapters:

00:00 Garbled Text Warning

00:11 Welcome And Guest Tease

00:46 Support The Podcast

01:54 Meet Dave Siff

02:04 Why Dead Dads

02:29 Introducing Paul Siff

04:17 A Healthy 85

05:53 Procedure Goes Wrong

08:55 ICU And Uncertainty

12:02 Palliative Care Decision

13:23 Final Moments And Shock

14:16 Cause Of Death Revealed

15:33 When He Stopped Being Him

17:09 Anniversary And New Priorities

21:32 Keeping Dad Alive

22:54 Guilt And Self Kindness

24:25 What Grief Teaches

25:05 Thanks And Subscribe

25:47 Closing Tagline

About Dave and his dad, Paul:

Dave Siff lost his dad, Paul — suddenly, at 85, with no warning. Paul was a college professor of 42 years, a cyclist, a scotch drinker, and the guy who taught Dave to add "two, three, four drops of water" to a bourbon. A conversation about what a father passes down, and what gets quietly reordered when he's gone.

Another guy in the club → Matty Woods on his dad's funeral with two rules: https://youtu.be/Ocm8NTnDLX4

About Dead Dads:

Dead Dads is the podcast for men figuring out life after losing their dad. Hosted by Roger Nairn and Scott Cunningham, it's honest conversation about father loss, grief, identity, family, memory, and masculinity — and all the strange stuff that happens after your dad dies. No grief-brochure voice. No tidy healing arc. Losing your dad sucks. But talking about it doesn't have to. You're not alone.

If this episode helped you feel a little less alone, follow the show and leave a rating and review on Apple Podcasts — it's the single biggest thing that helps another guy in the club find us.

☕ Buy us a coffee: https://buymeacoffee.com/deaddadspodcast

Follow Dead Dads:

Website: https://www.deaddadspodcast.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/deaddadspodcast/

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@dead.dads.podcast

Substack: https://substack.com/@deaddadspodcast

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4WWlXBPzgj151SFYRUZeSBNew episodes every week.

Produced with support from JAR Podcast Solutions, the branded podcast agency that helps organizations build shows people actually want to spend time with: https://jarpodcasts.com/

James turned 21. He spent the day on the golf course with his mates. That night he was downstairs drinking champagne while, upstairs, his dad Willie was dying.

At 10pm, on his birthday, it was over.

That was the day James became a man who'd lost his father. The same date he's been asked to celebrate every year since.

James joins Roger and Scott to talk about bowel cancer, the diagnosis, the final days, and what 25 years of grief actually looks like when the loss is tied to a date you can never avoid.

This one's for the guy whose grief still shows up on a certain day every year. The guy who lost his dad before he'd figured out who he was. The guy whose birthday quietly became an anniversary.

In this episode:

• Losing his dad Willie at 10pm on his 21st birthday

• What grief looks like 25 years later

• The day the bowel cancer diagnosis arrived

• Fighting, coping, and the final days

• "Death math" and the arithmetic of anniversaries

• Health checks, colonoscopies, and becoming a father yourself

• Building an adult life without a dad's advice

• Keeping grandpa alive for children who never met him

• The hug he gives his kids now, the one Willie gave him

• What he'd say if he got one more conversation

About James and Willie

James Wood Robertson lost his dad Willie to bowel cancer 25 years ago, at 10pm on his own 21st birthday. Since then, he's learned how to carry a loss that never leaves the calendar, how to become a father without a blueprint, and how to keep a grandfather alive through stories.

It's a conversation about father loss, cancer, memory, fatherhood, and the small inheritances that outlast the people who gave them.

And yes, there are laughs. Because grief is weird like that.

⏱️ Episode chapters

00:00 Why James Is Here

01:05 Support The Podcast

02:31 Meet James Wood Robertson

04:23 Grief 25 Years Later

07:31 Who Willie Was

08:26 The Cancer Diagnosis Day

11:37 Fighting And Coping

12:46 His Final Days And Passing

15:37 Anniversaries And Death Math

16:56 Health Checks And Fatherhood

19:23 Life Without A Dad's Advice

23:01 Keeping Grandpa Alive

26:23 Hugs And Lasting Love

27:10 If He Could Talk Again

29:24 Final Advice And Goodbye

About Dead Dads

Dead Dads is a podcast for men figuring out life after losing their dad. Hosted by Roger Nairn and Scott Cunningham, the show features honest conversations about grief, identity, family, memory, masculinity, and all the strange things that happen after your father dies.

No grief brochure voice. No tidy healing arc. Just real conversations.

You're not alone.

☕ If The Dead Dads Podcast has helped you feel a little less alone, consider buying us a coffee: https://buymeacoffee.com/deaddadspodcast

Follow The Dead Dads Podcast:

Website: https://www.deaddadspodcast.com/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@deaddadspodcast

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/deaddadspodcast/

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@dead.dads.podcast

Substack: https://substack.com/@deaddadspodcast

And listen to us here, or wherever you enjoy podcasts:

Spotify

Apple Podcasts

New episodes every week.

Dead Dads Podcast is produced with the support of JAR Podcast Solutions, the branded podcast agency that helps organizations build shows people actually want to spend time with. Learn more at https://jarpodcasts.com/