🎧 In this episode, you'll get:

• Language for the guilt that can follow suicide loss
• Permission to stop chasing an answer you may never get
• A reason to ask for help before you think you “need” it
• A better way to think about therapy when the first person isn't the right fit
• A frame for the three paths grief can put in front of you: fall apart, white-knuckle it, or use it
• Permission to cry, talk about your dad, and stop treating emotion like weakness
• Ideas for keeping your dad present through music, traditions, and rituals

Scott Panov never imagined his dad would die by suicide.

They hadn't spoken for six weeks after a family disagreement. After his dad died, Scott was left with guilt, anger, and questions he knew might never be answered.

That night, he asked for help.

This one's about suicide loss, therapy, letting go of blame, and realizing the dad you thought was superhuman was human too.

👨 Meet Scott Panov

Scott is a son, father, hockey coach, artist, and advocate for men's mental health.

After his dad Nikolai died by suicide in 2023, Scott sought trauma therapy and grief counselling. It changed how he thought about strength.

Instead of carrying everything alone, he started talking, asking for help, sharing how he felt, and supporting other men who were struggling.

⏱️ Episode chapters

00:00 — “I never would've seen it coming”

01:00 — Welcome Scott Panov

02:50 — Meet Nikolai

04:30 — Measuring yourself against your father

07:00 — Dad and Splash Mountain

10:15 — Men who weren't taught to talk

10:55 — August 24, 2023

11:40 — The phone call from Mom

12:50 — The signs nobody understood

14:35 — We hadn't spoken for six weeks

16:00 — Telling his kids

17:45 — His superhuman dad was human

18:30 — The backpack full of rocks

18:55 — Searching for a reason

19:20 — Asking for help that night

22:00 — Trauma therapy

23:15 — The three paths after trauma

24:45 — Making emotion a superpower

25:30 — Finding the right therapist

29:00 — Becoming kinder to himself

30:00 — Men's mental health

31:50 — Buying Dad records every birthday

34:30 — Where his grief is now

36:00 — “I miss my dad”

37:00 — Scott's advice to other men

Meet another guy in the club:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yutMlctDGYE

🖤 About Dead Dads

Dead Dads is a podcast for men figuring out life after losing their dad.

Hosted by Roger Nairn and Scott Cunningham, the show features honest conversations about father loss, grief, identity, family, memory, masculinity, and everything that happens after your dad dies.

No grief brochure voice. No tidy healing arc.

You're not alone.

If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts, reach out for help. In Canada and the U.S., call or text 988.

☕ Support the show:

https://buymeacoffee.com/deaddadspodcast

Website:

https://www.deaddadspodcast.com/

Instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/deaddadspodcast/

TikTok:

https://www.tiktok.com/@dead.dads.podcast

Substack:

https://substack.com/@deaddadspodcast

New episodes every week.

Produced with the support of JAR Podcast Solutions:

https://jarpodcasts.com/