This episode is for anyone who has kids. If you've ever frozen when your kid asked where grandpa went, start here.

Welcome to the first of many "Ask the Expert" episodes at Dead Dads.

Dr. Korie Leigh is a thanatologist — a grief scientist. She told us the exact words to use. Not "passed away." Not "went to sleep." Most of us use soft language to protect kids from death. Dr. Korie's research says that backfires — hard. Kids fill gaps with stories scarier than the truth.

We cover the fish story, the fence story, why the five stages of grief aren't real, the two-conversation method for separating biology from belief, how to explain cremation to a child, and the single most important sentence to say after someone dies.

Meet Dr. Korie Leigh

Dr. Korie Leigh studies death, dying, grief, and loss for a living. She teaches it at the university level, sees kids and families in her clinical practice, trains hospices and schools, and wrote When Everything Changes — a book that takes all that knowledge and makes it usable for real families at the worst possible moment. She's also the first expert we've ever had on the show. We're trying to behave.

When Everything Changes: mcnallyrobinson.com

Next in the club: Matty Woods on his dad's funeral, which had only two rules. Listen now

About Dead Dads

Honest conversations about losing your dad. Hosted by Roger Nairn and Scott Cunningham. No grief brochure voice. No tidy healing arc. Just real talk for guys figuring it out. deaddadspodcast.com

Instagram: @deaddadspodcast

New episodes every week.

Jordan's dad rode 60km on an e-bike with a chemo bottle taped to the frame. Stage four cancer. Then one day the bike stayed in the garage.

Jordan didn't fall apart. He felt… neutral. Then guilty for feeling neutral.

This episode explores the quiet grief nobody talks about. The feeling that 30% of you disappears when your dad dies. You're still functioning, but you're running on less.

If you've lost your dad and wondered why you're not more of a wreck, this one's for you.

🎧 In this episode:

• Why feeling "neutral" doesn't mean something's wrong

• The "deflated balloon" model of grief

• Why guilt and anger show up in unexpected ways

• Becoming the family patriarch overnight

• Caring for a dying parent at home

• Honouring your dad without forcing closure

• Why the conversations you avoid today become the ones you miss tomorrow

👨‍👦 Meet Jordan and PJ

PJ worked the mill, retired early, and spent his best years riding e-bikes, wearing Hawaiian shirts, and building things in his workshop. When cancer reached his liver, he kept riding. Jordan grew up watching a man who lived on his own terms, which is part of why grieving him has felt so quiet.

⏱️ Chapters

0:00 Neutral... and the guilt that follows

1:50 Why Jordan wanted to tell this story

4:50 Meet PJ

7:50 Riding through chemo

12:50 The deflated balloon

16:50 The hospital bed at home

22:00 The DNR magnet on the fridge

22:50 Becoming the patriarch

25:50 When anger arrives anyway

26:50 The Hawaiian shirts

29:00 "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

32:00 Riding 120km in PJ's honour

34:50 Have the conversations now

🖤 About Dead Dads

Dead Dads is a podcast for men figuring out life after losing their dad. Hosted by Roger Nairn and Scott Cunningham, it's an honest conversation about grief, identity, family, memory, masculinity, and everything that changes after father loss.

No grief brochure voice. No tidy healing arc. Just real conversations.

You're not alone.

☕ Support the show: https://buymeacoffee.com/deaddadspodcast

Follow Dead Dads:

Website: https://www.deaddadspodcast.com/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@deaddadspodcast

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/deaddadspodcast/

Spotify & Apple Podcasts: https://www.deaddadspodcast.com/listen

New episodes every week.

Grief support for men who've lost their dads. This week: Dave Siff on the sudden, no-warning death of his father — and the mystery that came with it.

Dave texted his 85-year-old dad and got one garbled reply back. Days later he was in the same ICU where his mom died, deciding when to pull the tube. Then the breathing tube came out — and his dad's eye shot open and locked onto him. "This is it. I can't look away right now."

What he didn't know yet: something no one could explain had killed his father.

This one's for the guys whose dad's death came with a mystery they're still carrying — a sudden loss and a cause that didn't make sense until it was over. Not for you if you want a tidy, comforting take on dying.

In this episode:



• Why a sudden, no-warning death can wreck you harder than a long goodbye — and why that's not overreacting
• What it's like to make the call to stop treatment, and the second-guessing that follows
• The strange relief of finally getting an answer — and the new weird that shows up once you have it
• Why the last ordinary thing you did with your dad ends up outweighing the funeral
• How losing your dad quietly reorders what you'll put up with in your own life
• Permission to find some of this darkly funny without feeling like a bad son

⏱️ Episode chapters:

00:00 Garbled Text Warning

00:11 Welcome And Guest Tease

00:46 Support The Podcast

01:54 Meet Dave Siff

02:04 Why Dead Dads

02:29 Introducing Paul Siff

04:17 A Healthy 85

05:53 Procedure Goes Wrong

08:55 ICU And Uncertainty

12:02 Palliative Care Decision

13:23 Final Moments And Shock

14:16 Cause Of Death Revealed

15:33 When He Stopped Being Him

17:09 Anniversary And New Priorities

21:32 Keeping Dad Alive

22:54 Guilt And Self Kindness

24:25 What Grief Teaches

25:05 Thanks And Subscribe

25:47 Closing Tagline

About Dave and his dad, Paul:

Dave Siff lost his dad, Paul — suddenly, at 85, with no warning. Paul was a college professor of 42 years, a cyclist, a scotch drinker, and the guy who taught Dave to add "two, three, four drops of water" to a bourbon. A conversation about what a father passes down, and what gets quietly reordered when he's gone.

Another guy in the club → Matty Woods on his dad's funeral with two rules: https://youtu.be/Ocm8NTnDLX4

About Dead Dads:

Dead Dads is the podcast for men figuring out life after losing their dad. Hosted by Roger Nairn and Scott Cunningham, it's honest conversation about father loss, grief, identity, family, memory, and masculinity — and all the strange stuff that happens after your dad dies. No grief-brochure voice. No tidy healing arc. Losing your dad sucks. But talking about it doesn't have to. You're not alone.

If this episode helped you feel a little less alone, follow the show and leave a rating and review on Apple Podcasts — it's the single biggest thing that helps another guy in the club find us.

☕ Buy us a coffee: https://buymeacoffee.com/deaddadspodcast

Follow Dead Dads:

Website: https://www.deaddadspodcast.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/deaddadspodcast/

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@dead.dads.podcast

Substack: https://substack.com/@deaddadspodcast

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4WWlXBPzgj151SFYRUZeSBNew episodes every week.

Produced with support from JAR Podcast Solutions, the branded podcast agency that helps organizations build shows people actually want to spend time with: https://jarpodcasts.com/