This episode is for any guy whose dad disappeared in slow motion. If you've watched someone you love forget who they are — or you're the son who made the facility call — start here.

Blake Collier's dad Rodney had early-onset Alzheimer's for 14 years. Rancher. Property manager. Voracious reader. Devoted Christian. A man who used to punch holes in walls — and later became a teddy bear.

Blake parked the truck and watched his dad work in circles for 45 minutes. He sat through the mumbled Thursday prayers. He walked into a daycare where his dad didn't know who he was. And after the diagnosis, Rodney told him he'd fight it — and Blake made it about ten minutes down the road before he lost it.

This one's about the long goodbye. The genetic fear you won't get tested for. The day you say your piece knowing he might not hold it. And the line Blake wrote for the eulogy that still hits: there's 100 deaths. Which one do you want me to talk about?

In this episode, you'll get:

• Language for the slow disappearance — when “forgetting things” doesn’t cover what you’re watching

• Permission to skip the genetic test (and stop feeling weak for not wanting the answer)

• A real map of the facility decision — so you’re not inventing it alone the week it hits

• A way to say goodbye while he’s still here, without needing the perfect speech

• A frame for why it keeps hurting in waves: “there’s 100 deaths”

• A tool when talking fails — writing it down so it doesn’t sit on your chest

• Proof your grief doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s to count

About Blake

Blake Collier is a writer and a son from the Texas Panhandle — the kind of place where emotions don't help with survival, until they have to. His dad Rodney was a renaissance ranch guy. Then came early-onset Alzheimer's. Fourteen years of decline. Blake rode the whole arc and processed a lot of it the only way that worked: writing it down. Not a therapist. Not a grief expert. Just a guy who took the long version of losing his dad.

Chapters

0:00 — Dad didn't know who I was

1:50 — Welcome Blake Collier

3:00 — Texas Panhandle. Emotions don't help with survival

4:20 — Rodney: ranch, property, renaissance man

5:40 — The anger that punched holes in walls

9:00 — College advice and the history switch

10:00 — Mom saw it first

10:40 — I parked the truck and watched him for 45 minutes

12:15 — "I will do my best to fight it"

12:50 — I lost it on the drive home

15:00 — The mumbled Thursday prayers

17:30 — When hope started dwindling

18:00 — The day of the facility

21:30 — The visit where I said my piece

25:00 — "There's 100 deaths"

27:00 — The genetic fear I won't get tested for

28:40 — "Ride along with me"

29:30 — Writing it down instead of saying it out loud

31:00 — Grief looks different for everybody

About Dead Dads

Dead Dads is a podcast for men figuring out life after losing their dad. Hosted by Roger Nairn and Scott Cunningham. Honest conversations about father loss, grief, identity, family, memory, masculinity, and all the strange stuff that happens after. No grief brochure voice. No tidy healing arc.

You're not alone.

Website: https://www.deaddadspodcast.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/deaddadspodcast/

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Linktree: https://linktr.ee/deaddads

Produced with support from JAR Podcast Solutions — https://jarpodcasts.com/