Grief support for men who've lost their dads. This week: Dave Siff on the sudden, no-warning death of his father — and the mystery that came with it.

Dave texted his 85-year-old dad and got one garbled reply back. Days later he was in the same ICU where his mom died, deciding when to pull the tube. Then the breathing tube came out — and his dad's eye shot open and locked onto him. "This is it. I can't look away right now."

What he didn't know yet: something no one could explain had killed his father.

This one's for the guys whose dad's death came with a mystery they're still carrying — a sudden loss and a cause that didn't make sense until it was over. Not for you if you want a tidy, comforting take on dying.

In this episode:



• Why a sudden, no-warning death can wreck you harder than a long goodbye — and why that's not overreacting
• What it's like to make the call to stop treatment, and the second-guessing that follows
• The strange relief of finally getting an answer — and the new weird that shows up once you have it
• Why the last ordinary thing you did with your dad ends up outweighing the funeral
• How losing your dad quietly reorders what you'll put up with in your own life
• Permission to find some of this darkly funny without feeling like a bad son

⏱️ Episode chapters:

00:00 Garbled Text Warning

00:11 Welcome And Guest Tease

00:46 Support The Podcast

01:54 Meet Dave Siff

02:04 Why Dead Dads

02:29 Introducing Paul Siff

04:17 A Healthy 85

05:53 Procedure Goes Wrong

08:55 ICU And Uncertainty

12:02 Palliative Care Decision

13:23 Final Moments And Shock

14:16 Cause Of Death Revealed

15:33 When He Stopped Being Him

17:09 Anniversary And New Priorities

21:32 Keeping Dad Alive

22:54 Guilt And Self Kindness

24:25 What Grief Teaches

25:05 Thanks And Subscribe

25:47 Closing Tagline

About Dave and his dad, Paul:

Dave Siff lost his dad, Paul — suddenly, at 85, with no warning. Paul was a college professor of 42 years, a cyclist, a scotch drinker, and the guy who taught Dave to add "two, three, four drops of water" to a bourbon. A conversation about what a father passes down, and what gets quietly reordered when he's gone.

Another guy in the club → Matty Woods on his dad's funeral with two rules: https://youtu.be/Ocm8NTnDLX4

About Dead Dads:

Dead Dads is the podcast for men figuring out life after losing their dad. Hosted by Roger Nairn and Scott Cunningham, it's honest conversation about father loss, grief, identity, family, memory, and masculinity — and all the strange stuff that happens after your dad dies. No grief-brochure voice. No tidy healing arc. Losing your dad sucks. But talking about it doesn't have to. You're not alone.

If this episode helped you feel a little less alone, follow the show and leave a rating and review on Apple Podcasts — it's the single biggest thing that helps another guy in the club find us.

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Produced with support from JAR Podcast Solutions, the branded podcast agency that helps organizations build shows people actually want to spend time with: https://jarpodcasts.com/