What happens when a couple survives a major crisis, only to be thrown back into their negative cycle by a simple text message? This week, after Bethany recounts a traumatic car accident and Brian’s initial, supportive response, a seemingly small conflict about a baby monitor spirals into a "knock-down, drag-out" fight.

We dive deep into the difficult work of co-regulation when both partners are hurting. We explore the raw hurt behind Brian's sarcasm—his pain of feeling controlled, questioned as a parent, and like a "second-class citizen." We also uncover why Bethany’s instinct to explain and rationalize, a lifelong strategy to manage overwhelming emotions, lands as a dismissal and keeps them stuck.

This extended session highlights the essential, messy process of learning to attend to one partner's pain at a time, even when you're drowning in your own. Can you put your hurt aside, just for a moment, to truly see the person across from you? It’s hard, but necessary work if healing is the goal.

This week’s prompt: Reflect on your last conflict. When you felt hurt, what was your go-to protective move (sarcasm, explaining, silence)? What feeling were you trying to communicate underneath that defense?

Send your responses to this prompt or any questions/comments you have about the podcast via email or voice note to support@thesecurerelationship.com.

Your submission might be featured on a future episode.

This session moves beyond blame to understand the fears and unmet needs that often drive dishonest behavior. It’s a powerful look at why healing mistrust is an essential first step before a couple can begin to repair their negative cycle, reminding us that while we can't excuse the behavior, understanding its origin is essential for healing.

This week’s prompt: Reflect on a time you've experienced dishonesty. If you were the one being dishonest, what fear or unmet need was driving your actions? If you were on the receiving end, what did that moment teach you about trust, healing, and boundaries?

Send your responses to this prompt or any questions/comments about the podcast via email or voice note to support@thesecurerelationship.com. Your submission might be featured in a future episode.

• Follow Julie Menanno on social media @thesecurerelationship.
• For weekly homework assignments visit our website: The Secure Relationship Podcast
• Take Julie's Anxious Attachment Course: Anxious Attachment: Self-Work Course
• Purchase Julie's book Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime

We explore how their survival strategies collide when old pain is triggered. Bethany uses logic and explanation to stay safe from overwhelming emotion, while Brian uses anger as a desperate attempt to be seen and heard. We hear the story of Bethany’s hidden grief over feeling alone and the story of Brian’s broken trust.

This episode reveals that healing doesn't start with tallying wrongs or proving who was right. It begins with building the capacity to finally see the wound in the person across from you. The turning point comes not from winning the fight, but from learning how to speak from the pain instead of the defense.

This week’s prompt: What is your go-to emotional defense when you feel hurt? Do you tend to explain and rationalize, or do you get loud to demand being heard?

Send your responses to this prompt or any questions or comments about the podcast via email or voice note to support@thesecurerelationship.com. Your submission might be featured on a future episode.

• Follow Julie Menanno on social media @thesecurerelationship.
• For weekly homework assignments visit our website: The Secure Relationship Podcast
• Take Julie's Anxious Attachment Course: Anxious Attachment: Self-Work Course
• Purchase Julie's book Secure Love: Create a Relationship That Lasts a Lifetime