Today is our season three finale . It has been an absolute privilege watching Rachel and Mike untangle their negative cycles, and they open today's session with the ultimate proof that the work is paying off .

When a major trigger hit just two nights ago, the script flipped entirely . Instead of his typical silent shutdown and her sharp tongue, Mike paused and shared the vulnerable feelings he was processing, allowing Rachel to meet him with compassion instead of anger . By slowing down, they turned what would have historically been a catastrophic fight into an opportunity to bond .

In this finale, we walk through the TEMPO framework (Trigger, Emotion, Meaning, Protection, Organization) that helped them get here . Mike also opens up about the paralyzing "doom and gloom" fear he carries when they go into a state of disconnection .

Not sure what your attachment style is? Take the free quiz, three minutes,
and you'll get your style plus what to do about it.
https://www.thesecurerelationship.com/attachment-style-quiz?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=shownotes&utm_campaign=secure_love_podcast&utm_content=back-catalog

More from Julie:

* Secure Love, the national bestseller
https://www.thesecurerelationship.com/secure-love-relationship-book?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=shownotes&utm_campaign=secure_love_podcast&utm_content=back-catalog

* The Secure Love Club, 100+ hours of recorded sessions, plus live group meetings with Julie
https://www.thesecurerelationship.com/the-secure-love-club?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=shownotes&utm_campaign=secure_love_podcast&utm_content=back-catalog

* Work with a coach, schedule a 15-minute call to see if we're a fit
https://www.thesecurerelationship.com/relationship-coaching?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=shownotes&utm_campaign=secure_love_podcast&utm_content=back-catalog

The feeling of waiting for the other shoe to drop is universal. When your nervous system is deeply accustomed to chaos, peace can actually feel scary and alarming because it brings up fears of losing what feels so good.

As we near the end of our time with Rachel and Mike, they are finally finding real stability. Mike has been stepping up in wonderfully subtle ways, intentionally checking in during a "midweek lull" with a small hand gesture that gave Rachel an immense sense of safety and lightness. However, because they haven't had a major rupture in a while, Rachel is starting to panic. She admits that it is entirely foreign to her not to be sliding into a negative cycle, and she has no idea how to sit and enjoy the goodness. Today, we navigate that new quiet space. We also use their hard-earned stability to unpack one of the heaviest unspoken resentments in their marriage: the fact that Rachel left everything she knew to move into Mike's world, and how painfully alone she has felt in that sacrifice.

Not sure what your attachment style is? Take the free quiz, three minutes,
and you'll get your style plus what to do about it.
https://www.thesecurerelationship.com/attachment-style-quiz?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=shownotes&utm_campaign=secure_love_podcast&utm_content=back-catalog

More from Julie:

* Secure Love, the national bestseller
https://www.thesecurerelationship.com/secure-love-relationship-book?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=shownotes&utm_campaign=secure_love_podcast&utm_content=back-catalog

* The Secure Love Club, 100+ hours of recorded sessions, plus live group meetings with Julie
https://www.thesecurerelationship.com/the-secure-love-club?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=shownotes&utm_campaign=secure_love_podcast&utm_content=back-catalog

* Work with a coach, schedule a 15-minute call to see if we're a fit
https://www.thesecurerelationship.com/relationship-coaching?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=shownotes&utm_campaign=secure_love_podcast&utm_content=back-catalog

Have you ever tried to set a boundary or express that you were uncomfortable only to be told that you're just being too sensitive or a stick in the mud? You know, when you hear that enough times, you stop trusting your own gut and start believing that maybe you are the problem.

Today we dive deep into that exact wound with Rachel. We trace her deep-seated belief that she's defective back to its roots, exploring heavy memories from a past relationship where she constantly had to be the responsible one while someone else was acting unsafely. She was simply trying to prevent disaster, but instead of being thanked, she was humiliated and told she didn't know how to have fun. When you are left entirely alone with that kind of shame, it builds a thick layer of armor. In this session, we rewrite that script. Watch as Rachel bravely asks Mike for the exact emotional protection she was denied in the past, and witness Mike step up without even flinching to simply sit with her pain.

Not sure what your attachment style is? Take the free quiz, three minutes,
and you'll get your style plus what to do about it.
https://www.thesecurerelationship.com/attachment-style-quiz?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=shownotes&utm_campaign=secure_love_podcast&utm_content=back-catalog

More from Julie:

* Secure Love, the national bestseller
https://www.thesecurerelationship.com/secure-love-relationship-book?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=shownotes&utm_campaign=secure_love_podcast&utm_content=back-catalog

* The Secure Love Club, 100+ hours of recorded sessions, plus live group meetings with Julie
https://www.thesecurerelationship.com/the-secure-love-club?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=shownotes&utm_campaign=secure_love_podcast&utm_content=back-catalog

* Work with a coach, schedule a 15-minute call to see if we're a fit
https://www.thesecurerelationship.com/relationship-coaching?utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=shownotes&utm_campaign=secure_love_podcast&utm_content=back-catalog