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Loneliness is hitting men hard — but you’re not stuck with it. In this episode, therapist Tim Wienecke (LPC, LAC) talks with Atlanta-based counselor Phillip Quinones, M.S., LPC about living alone without feeling isolated, using anger as a boundary signal, and building the kind of community that actually supports you.

Show notes & links: www.americanmasculinity.com

Guest site: https://pqcoachingandconsulting.com/

Key takeaways:
• Loneliness is a real health risk — and there are specific, doable ways to counter it
• Anger is information: a boundary cue that can also mask fear/shame
• Talking ≠ processing — add skills so conversations lead to change
• Money stress can mimic/trigger depression — get practical support
• Progress beats perfection for sustainable motivation
• Status symbols won’t fill you; presence and people will

Chapters:
0:00 Intro & Phillip’s background
3:00 Loneliness in modern America
5:00 Men’s friendships, self-esteem, and boundaries
7:00 How men and women often connect differently
11:00 Boundaries + anger: “the bouncer”
15:00 Why schools rarely teach emotional skills or finance
22:00 Talking vs processing (and how to practice)
31:00 Money stress, depression, and adjustment responses
37:00 Progress > success: motivation that lasts
44:00 Culture, status symbols, and real fulfillment
50:00 Accountability & building a ramp to change
59:00 Closing empowerment: “Nobody was you…”

References cited:
Surgeon General (2023) loneliness advisory: https://www.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/surgeon-general-social-connection-advisory.pdf

Pew (2023) friendship patterns: https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2023/10/12/what-does-friendship-look-like-in-america/

Ryan & Deci — Self-Determination Theory: https://selfdeterminationtheory.org/SDT/documents/2000_RyanDeci_SDT.pdf

Dittmar et al. (2014) materialism & well-being: https://selfdeterminationtheory.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/08/2014_DittmarBondHurstKasser_PPID.pdf

CTA: If this resonated, follow the show and share it with a friend living solo.
Disclaimer: Educational content, not therapy. If you’re in crisis, seek local professional help.

The American Masculinity Podcast™ is hosted by Timothy Wienecke — licensed psychotherapist, Air Force veteran, and men’s advocate.
Real conversations about masculinity, mental health, growth, and how men can show up better — as partners, leaders, and friends.
We focus on grounded tools, not yelling or clichés. If you have questions or want a tool for something you're wrestling with, leave a comment or send a message — your feedback shapes what we build next.
Note: While this doesn’t replace therapy, it might help you notice something worth exploring.

Send us a text

I almost skipped this week’s Thought of the Week because I’ve been stuck in a perfectionist loop on another video—4 hours rerecording a 90-second intro. As a licensed therapist who helps men break free from perfectionism, you’d think I’d have this figured out. I don’t. And that’s the point.

In this 3:44 episode, I share how I use the 80/20 rule: getting to ~80% takes reasonable effort; pushing from 80% to “perfect” eats time, energy, and momentum. The hard part is accepting what 80% actually looks like when your work is tied to credibility, reputation, and (for many of us) our identity as competent men.

Key ideas:
• Perfectionism as a status/credibility fear—why “being exposed” keeps us looping takes
• The 80/20 framework applied to creative and professional work
• A simple constraint: “3 takes max” to force decisions and ship the work
• “Done and useful” beats “perfect and late”

Try this:

1. Define your 80% before you start (one sentence).
2. Set a cap (e.g., 3 takes, 30 minutes, 2 edits).
3. Ship it—and write one note you’ll improve next time.

Your turn: When you’re stuck in the perfectionism loop, what breaks you out of it? Drop a comment so other guys can steal what works.

—
🎙️ American Masculinity Podcast
Honest conversations about men’s mental health, relationships, and what healthy masculinity actually looks like.
Host: Tim Wienecke — Licensed Psychotherapist, Veteran, Men’s Mental Health Advocate

Disclaimer: This podcast is for education, not therapy. If you’re struggling, please seek personalized support from a qualified professional.

#mensmentalhealth #perfectionism #masculinity #therapist #mentalhealth #thoughtoftheweek

The American Masculinity Podcast™ is hosted by Timothy Wienecke — licensed psychotherapist, Air Force veteran, and men’s advocate.
Real conversations about masculinity, mental health, growth, and how men can show up better — as partners, leaders, and friends.
We focus on grounded tools, not yelling or clichés. If you have questions or want a tool for something you're wrestling with, leave a comment or send a message — your feedback shapes what we build next.
Note: While this doesn’t replace therapy, it might help you notice something worth exploring.

Send us a text

What really happens when fathers step into family court? And how do men cope with the chaos of divorce, custody battles, and financial strain?

In this episode of the American Masculinity Podcast, host Tim Wienecke sits down with Furkhan Dandia, a Canadian Certified Counsellor, therapist, and divorced father, to unpack the realities men face in court. With a background that spans two decades in engineering and business before moving into therapy, Furkhan brings both personal experience and professional insight into how the system impacts dads.

Together they explore why custody often feels stacked against fathers, how stigma and brief hearings shape outcomes, and what practical steps men can take when everything feels out of their control. From therapy and men’s groups to radical acceptance and community rebuilding, this episode offers clarity and tools—not easy answers, but real strategies that matter.

If you’re a father navigating family court, or a clinician supporting men through it, this conversation delivers validation, hard truths, and hope for rebuilding life on the other side.

The American Masculinity Podcast™ is hosted by Timothy Wienecke — licensed psychotherapist, Air Force veteran, and men’s advocate.
Real conversations about masculinity, mental health, growth, and how men can show up better — as partners, leaders, and friends.
We focus on grounded tools, not yelling or clichés. If you have questions or want a tool for something you're wrestling with, leave a comment or send a message — your feedback shapes what we build next.
Note: While this doesn’t replace therapy, it might help you notice something worth exploring.

Send us a text

The shame–anger cycle breaks men—and it breaks our relationships.

I’ve lived it myself. Even as a clinician with 10 years of experience, I’ve let this cycle destroy relationships, including my marriage. Shame tells us to swallow our needs, to stay small, to “be strong” and never burden anyone. But when we push it down long enough, anger steps in as the bouncer—forcing the conversation in all the worst ways.

In this episode, I share:

• How shame silently fuels anger
• Why provider expectations make the cycle worse
• The way sharing breaks the loop and opens connection

If you’ve ever found yourself stuck—ashamed, then angry, then even more ashamed—you’re not alone. This isn’t just about individual men; it’s about how American masculinity taught us to suffer in silence.

This conversation was inspired in part by Mark Manson’s Unsolved podcast, but also by years of clinical practice and my own failures. My hope is simple: that you’ll see yourself here, and that you’ll take one step toward breaking the cycle this week.

🎙️ American Masculinity Podcast — honest conversations on men’s mental health, relationships, and what it means to be a man today. Hosted by Tim Wienecke, psychotherapist, veteran, and men’s advocate.

Chapters:
0:00 - The Shame and Anger Cycle
0:50 - Why We Don't Share Our Needs
1:20 - When Anger Becomes Your Bouncer
2:00 - The Provider Trap in American Masculinity
2:40 - How Shame Was Meant to Work
3:10 - Breaking the Cycle This Week
3:40 - Join the Conversation

Solved Episode on Shame:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/how-to-let-go-of-your-shame/id1247526593?i=1000724349667

The American Masculinity Podcast™ is hosted by Timothy Wienecke — licensed psychotherapist, Air Force veteran, and men’s advocate.
Real conversations about masculinity, mental health, growth, and how men can show up better — as partners, leaders, and friends.
We focus on grounded tools, not yelling or clichés. If you have questions or want a tool for something you're wrestling with, leave a comment or send a message — your feedback shapes what we build next.
Note: While this doesn’t replace therapy, it might help you notice something worth exploring.

Send us a text

What happens when two podcasters swap seats to talk fatherhood and masculinity? In this crossover between American Masculinity and Daughtered, Tim Wienecke and Oscar explore what it really means to raise daughters while rethinking the old scripts of being a man.

This candid conversation blends lived experience with clinical insight. From the fading role of intergenerational fatherhood to the dangers of early sports specialization, Tim and Oscar dive into the challenges modern dads face while raising resilient, confident girls. You’ll hear why presence matters more than perfection, why chores and boredom build stronger kids, and how fathers can model the balance of strength and vulnerability their daughters need to see.

Whether you’re a dad striving to show up better, a clinician supporting fathers, or simply curious about the evolving landscape of masculinity, this episode offers perspective, practical wisdom, and encouragement.

Tune in for a refreshing look at fatherhood—and stay for the powerful reminders about what our kids reflect back to us.

00:00 Presence, Patience, and Parenting Struggles
02:00 Why Raising Daughters Needs a Different Conversation
04:00 The Three Things Every Dad Needs: Strength, Mindfulness, Presence
07:00 Quality vs. Quantity of Time With Kids
12:00 The Generational Shift in Fatherhood
16:00 Masculinity Then and Now
18:00 Kids Learn More From What You Show Than What You Say
20:00 Garbage Time vs. Quality Time With Children
23:00 “Babysitting” Your Own Kids and Household Roles
25:00 Chores, Happiness, and Over-Involved Parents
29:00 Nuclear Families, Patience, and Boredom
32:00 Masculine vs. Feminine Roles in Parenting
38:00 Modeling Complete Parenthood for Kids
42:00 Incongruence, Safety, and How Kids Make Sense of Parents
47:00 Accountability, Boundaries, and Emotions
50:00 Redefining “Be a Man” and Healthy Masculinity Today
55:00 Conditional vs. Unconditional Love
58:00 Veteran Suicide, Service, and Masculine Purpose
01:02:00 Capability, Confidence, and Failing Forward
01:07:00 Sports Burnout and Specialization Too Young
01:10:00 Personal Questions: Rules of Masculinity Learned Young
01:11:00 When Masculinity Hurts You
01:14:00 When Masculinity Empowers You
01:18:00 Partnership, Roles, and Long-Term Marriage
01:21:00 Fact Check and Closing

The American Masculinity Podcast™ is hosted by Timothy Wienecke — licensed psychotherapist, Air Force veteran, and men’s advocate.
Real conversations about masculinity, mental health, growth, and how men can show up better — as partners, leaders, and friends.
We focus on grounded tools, not yelling or clichés. If you have questions or want a tool for something you're wrestling with, leave a comment or send a message — your feedback shapes what we build next.
Note: While this doesn’t replace therapy, it might help you notice something worth exploring.

Send us a text

Every relationship I had through high school ended the same way—with betrayal. At the time, I thought being “the nice guy” was the answer. What I didn’t realize was that avoiding conflict and failing to set boundaries actually invited disrespect. It wasn’t until I hit a breaking point that everything changed.

In this bonus episode connected to Daughtered, I share my personal story of repeated betrayal and the exact moment I decided to stop being a victim in my own relationships. You’ll hear about the uncomfortable truth behind “nice guys finish last,” how fear of confrontation attracts betrayal, and why real respect in relationships starts with learning to enforce your boundaries.

If you’ve ever been cheated on, ghosted, or disrespected, this episode is for you. It’s not your fault—but there are practical steps you can take to break the cycle and build the kind of relationships you actually want.

The American Masculinity Podcast™ is hosted by Timothy Wienecke — licensed psychotherapist, Air Force veteran, and men’s advocate.
Real conversations about masculinity, mental health, growth, and how men can show up better — as partners, leaders, and friends.
We focus on grounded tools, not yelling or clichés. If you have questions or want a tool for something you're wrestling with, leave a comment or send a message — your feedback shapes what we build next.
Note: While this doesn’t replace therapy, it might help you notice something worth exploring.

Send us a text

Betrayal isn’t just about broken promises — it shatters trust, identity, and safety all at once.

In this episode of American Masculinity, Tim Wienecke talks with Dr. Debi Silber, founder of the PBT Institute and creator of the Post-Betrayal Transformation framework. Drawing on research with over 100,000 participants, Dr. Debi explains why betrayal trauma is different from other wounds, the symptoms of Post-Betrayal Syndrome™, and the five stages of healing. Together, they explore why men often suffer in silence — and how betrayal, when faced honestly, can become a catalyst for transformation.

Full Show Notes and Resources:

https://americanmasculinity.com/staff/episode-22-why-men-suffer-in-silence-after-betrayal-with-dr-silber

The American Masculinity Podcast™ is hosted by Timothy Wienecke — licensed psychotherapist, Air Force veteran, and men’s advocate.
Real conversations about masculinity, mental health, growth, and how men can show up better — as partners, leaders, and friends.
We focus on grounded tools, not yelling or clichés. If you have questions or want a tool for something you're wrestling with, leave a comment or send a message — your feedback shapes what we build next.
Note: While this doesn’t replace therapy, it might help you notice something worth exploring.

Send us a text

Even therapists get the dating jitters. After sitting down with one of the world’s best dating coaches, I found myself right back in the world of first dates—awkward, ambiguous, and full of lessons.

Here’s what really happens:

The pressure to “make it a date” kills genuine connection—change the frame and be present.

The so-called “friend zone” is a made-up concept that turns connection into a competition. Real intimacy grows from curiosity, not conquest.

Approach anxiety isn’t about rejection—it’s about the stories you tell yourself. Will this be your soulmate or a disaster? Neither is real. Focus on the next three minutes, not the next three years.

Taking rejection gracefully actually makes you more attractive and respected—people notice how you handle yourself.

If someone only wants to be friends after seeing your true self, they’re not your person and that's OK. Keep looking.

Practical tip:

When you feel the vibe, don’t freeze. Try: “I’m enjoying this conversation and find you attractive—would you be interested in something more?” A simple, honest check-in beats weeks of overthinking.

It’s okay to be nervous. It’s OK if things don’t go anywhere. The goal isn’t to win or lose—it’s to enjoy the conversation and learn about the person in front of you.

What’s your biggest challenge with dating anxiety? Drop your story in the comments—let’s normalize the nerves and support each other.

The American Masculinity Podcast™ is hosted by Timothy Wienecke — licensed psychotherapist, Air Force veteran, and men’s advocate.
Real conversations about masculinity, mental health, growth, and how men can show up better — as partners, leaders, and friends.
We focus on grounded tools, not yelling or clichés. If you have questions or want a tool for something you're wrestling with, leave a comment or send a message — your feedback shapes what we build next.
Note: While this doesn’t replace therapy, it might help you notice something worth exploring.