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Most men are told to “listen better,” but almost nobody teaches the actual skills. In this episode, therapist and professor Tim Wienecke breaks empathy down into a practical, trainable system you can improve in 30 days. No personality shift required—just simple tools that help you communicate clearly, stay grounded in tough moments, and understand what people actually need from you.

Tim teaches the same framework he uses with counseling students: a 30-day daily drill that improves emotional recognition, grounding skills to keep you out of fixer mode, and a three-level reflective listening method that makes conversations easier and more productive. You’ll also learn the one question that prevents most difficult conversations from blowing up, plus how to apply these skills in romantic partnerships, leadership, and parenting.

Whether you want to connect better with your partner, lead more effectively at work, or simply be the man people feel safe opening up to, this episode gives you a complete step-by-step system you can start using today.

What You’ll Learn

• The 30-day stranger exercise that builds emotional accuracy
• Why the Eyes Test is a helpful baseline for empathy
• How the Emotion Wheel expands emotional vocabulary
• Grounding techniques that help you stay present
• The three types of reflections: simple, dual-sided, and summary
• The question that keeps conversations from going sideways
• How empathy shows up differently in parenting, leadership, and relationships

Chapters

00:00 Why Empathy Is a Trainable Skill
00:50 The Eyes Test and Your Baseline
02:10 The 30-Day Stranger Exercise
03:10 Using the Emotion Wheel
04:00 Skill 1: Grounding So You Stop Fixing
06:40 Skill 2: Reflective Listening (Simple → Dual → Summary)
12:00 Skill 3: “Am I Helping or Listening?”
15:10 Applying the Skills: Kids, Leadership, and Partnerships

Tools Mentioned

Reading the Mind in the Eyes Test - https://socialintelligence.labinthewild.org/mite/

Emotion Wheel (vocabulary expansion tool)- https://feelingswheel.com/

Recommended Reading

How to Win Friends and Influence People — Dale Carnegie
If I Understood You, Would I Have This Look on My Face? — Alan Alda
Motivational Interviewing (3rd ed.) — Miller and Rollnick

Get them from delivered by your local bookstore:

https://bookshop.org/lists/amp-32-empathy-and-communication-reading-list

Full Fact Check and Show Notes: www.americanmasculnity.com/amp32-skilled-empathy

📊 Research Notes:
The 36-item Reading the Mind in the Eyes Test measures emotion recognition accuracy. Studies show empathic accuracy and reflective listening improve with deliberate practice.
John Gottman's research finds 69% of relationship conflicts are "perpetual"—the goal

The American Masculinity Podcast™ is hosted by Timothy Wienecke — licensed psychotherapist, Air Force veteran, and men’s advocate.
Real conversations about masculinity, mental health, growth, and how men can show up better — as partners, leaders, and friends.
We focus on grounded tools, not yelling or clichés. If you have questions or want a tool for something you're wrestling with, leave a comment or send a message — your feedback shapes what we build next.
Note: While this doesn’t replace therapy, it might help you notice something worth exploring.

Send us a text

What happens to men’s mental health after #MeToo—once the headlines fade and you’re left with shame, confusion, and a culture you didn’t choose but still live in?

In this final part of the Men and #MeToo series, licensed therapist and veteran Tim Wienecke sits down with advocate Michael Brasher for an unhurried conversation about the “water” men were raised in: intergenerational violence, confusing sexual scripts, status pressure, and the stories that keep “good guys” from seeing the harm they cause.

Together they unpack why so many men feel attacked or shut down when they hear terms like #MeToo, “rape culture,” or “toxic masculinity”—and how those reactions are often about fear, shame, and status threat, not about being hopelessly broken. They also talk about young men’s dating anxiety, the mentorship gap, and what it takes to build a version of masculinity that is both strong and deeply safe for others.

The episode ends with something rare: an explicit on-air fact-check. Tim revisits several overstatements from the conversation and corrects them using current research on sexual assault, harassment, unwanted consensual sex, and male survivors—modeling how men can be emotionally honest and factually precise at the same time.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• How intergenerational violence and family secrecy shape men’s addictions, relationships, and blind spots
• Why the “good men vs. bad men” story blocks accountability and repair
• What the latest data say about sexual assault, harassment, and unwanted consensual sex for both women and men
• How shame, empathy, and self-kindness interact when men try to face their own harm-doing
• Why status threat feels like a physical reaction in men’s bodies—and how to ride it instead of exploding or shutting down

Parts 1 and 2 of this series give you practical tools:

• Part 1: What to do when you’re accused
• Part 2: How men can support survivors without walking on eggshells

This conversation (Part 3) gives you the cultural context and emotional landscape those tools sit inside.

🔗 Full fact-check, references, and show notes:
www.EmpoweredChangeCE.com/american-masculinity

The American Masculinity Podcast™ is hosted by Timothy Wienecke — licensed psychotherapist, Air Force veteran, and men’s advocate.
Real conversations about masculinity, mental health, growth, and how men can show up better — as partners, leaders, and friends.
We focus on grounded tools, not yelling or clichés. If you have questions or want a tool for something you're wrestling with, leave a comment or send a message — your feedback shapes what we build next.
Note: While this doesn’t replace therapy, it might help you notice something worth exploring.

Send us a text

Most men want to support survivors—but freeze when it matters. This guide teaches the three phases men need to show up with safety and presence.

Many men believe in the MeToo movement but freeze when it’s time to actually show up. In Part 2 of the Men and MeToo series, therapist and veteran Tim Wienecke outlines a modern masculine framework for supporting survivors—focusing on emotional regulation, relational skill, and community presence.

PHASE 1 — Support Yourself (01:20–07:30)
Learn to regulate anger, fear, and protectiveness when someone discloses harm. Address your own shame, past behavior, and cultural conditioning before trying to hold someone else’s story.

PHASE 2 — Support Your People (07:30–32:00)
Master listening without interrogating. Explore the Continuum of Harm, the 10-Level Boundary Scale, and simple scripts for showing up without making things worse.

PHASE 3 — Support Your Community (32:00–45:30)
Move beyond online performance into real-world action. Learn how to enter survivor-led spaces, when men should lead (and when we shouldn’t), and what healthy masculine presence looks like.

Chapters:
00:00 – Why Men Freeze Up
00:50 – Survivor Statistics
01:20 – Phase 1: Managing Your First Reactions
03:40 – Responding Without Blame
05:40 – Looking Honestly at Your Past
07:30 – Phase 2: You Can’t Do This Alone
11:00 – Building Your Support Circle
17:00 – The Continuum of Harm
22:00 – The 10-Level Boundary Scale
31:00 – Recap
32:00 – Phase 3: Taking This Work Into the World
33:30 – Why Online Outrage Fails
36:20 – Real-World Support
38:00 – Walking Into Spaces That Don’t Belong to You
40:20 – When Men Should Lead
44:00 – Strengthening Community
45:30 – Closing

This is practical masculinity that repairs. If it resonates, share it with men who want to do better.

Series & Resources:
• Part 1: What To Do When You’re Accused
• Guide: How to Walk Into Spaces That Don’t Belong to You – https://americanmasculinity.gumroad.com/l/xvcnj

• How to Build a Men’s Group That Holds You Accountable

Key Facts:
• 1 in 4 men, 1 in 2 women, and even higher rates among trans/non-binary adults experience sexual violence (CDC 2023; NSVRC 2024).
• Very few cases result in conviction due to evidentiary limits—not because survivors are lying.
• Questioning or interrogating survivors increases self-blame and isolation (Ullman & Peter-Hagene 2014).

Full fact-check and citations: www.americanmasculinity.com

What support do you need as you try to show up better for survivors in your life?
Your story might help another man take his first step.

The American Masculinity Podcast™ is hosted by Timothy Wienecke — licensed psychotherapist, Air Force veteran, and men’s advocate.
Real conversations about masculinity, mental health, growth, and how men can show up better — as partners, leaders, and friends.
We focus on grounded tools, not yelling or clichés. If you have questions or want a tool for something you're wrestling with, leave a comment or send a message — your feedback shapes what we build next.
Note: While this doesn’t replace therapy, it might help you notice something worth exploring.

Send us a text

When an accusation hits, everything collapses. Here’s how to steady yourself and move forward with integrity.

When you’re accused—rightly or wrongly—your body floods with fear, anger, and shame.
Licensed therapist and veteran Tim Wienecke shares what to do next: how to regulate, think clearly, and take accountability without losing who you are.

This isn’t legal advice. It’s therapeutic guidance for one of the hardest moments a man can face. Drawing from over a decade of clinical work with men, veterans, and those accused of harm, Tim explains how to move through crisis with structure and care.

You’ll learn a three-phase framework to get through the chaos:
1️⃣ Stabilize: Ground your body, slow your breathing, and manage emotion before reacting.
2️⃣ Assess: Build your support team—legal, HR, clinical, community—and gather facts, not stories.
3️⃣ Repair: Rebuild integrity and trust through self-accountability, apology, and service.

Tim also discusses:
• Why public declarations of innocence often backfire
• How acceptance isn’t approval, and why it matters for healing
• Why 12-Step amends and restorative justice can guide moral repair
• How service and belonging help rebuild dignity after harm

What You’ll Learn
• Grounding techniques to regulate anger and panic
• How to separate facts from fear and rumor
• The difference between guilt (I did wrong) and shame (I am wrong)
• How to rebuild community and self-respect after rupture

Chapters
00:00 Before I Was a Counselor — Why This Topic Matters
01:10 Three-Part Roadmap to Accountability
02:10 Phase 1 • Taking the Hit and Stabilizing
03:30 Ground Your Body — Breath, Cold Water, Movement
06:30 Name Your Emotions and What They Need
09:30 Organize Your Thoughts and Avoid Coping Traps
13:30 Phase 2 • Assess What’s Real
18:10 Phase 3 • Accountability and Repair
22:30 Relational Repair and Community Reintegration
26:00 Three Models of Accountability + Closing Reflection

Fact-Check Highlights
• Social pain activates brain regions tied to physical pain (Eisenberger & Lieberman, 2004).
• Cold-water resets and breathwork can support parasympathetic calm (Porges, 2011).
• HR’s duty is to the organization—get outside legal guidance (SHRM, 2023).
• Public self-defense often worsens outcomes (Jensen & Wigley, 2021).
• 12-Step models provide tested paths for accountability (Kelly et al., 2020).

Reflective Prompts
• Who can hold me accountable and still believe in my growth?
• What would “repair” look like if I valued trust over reputation?
• How can I respond to accusation without losing integrity?

Key Message:
Slow down. Ground yourself. Tell the truth carefully. Accountability isn’t punishment—it’s the path back to belonging.

🔗 Full transcript, references, and resources at:
www.americanmasculinity.com/29-metoo1-accused

The American Masculinity Podcast™ is hosted by Timothy Wienecke — licensed psychotherapist, Air Force veteran, and men’s advocate.
Real conversations about masculinity, mental health, growth, and how men can show up better — as partners, leaders, and friends.
We focus on grounded tools, not yelling or clichés. If you have questions or want a tool for something you're wrestling with, leave a comment or send a message — your feedback shapes what we build next.
Note: While this doesn’t replace therapy, it might help you notice something worth exploring.

Send us a text

Modern men have 20–30 percent less testosterone than their fathers. ER physician Dr. Hisham Valiuddin joins therapist Tim Wienecke to unpack why levels are falling and what responsible care looks like. They reveal what most low-T clinics won’t tell you about TRT, fertility, and whole-body health—separating quick-fix marketing from evidence-based medicine so you can get comprehensive testing and real answers.

Why are men today averaging drastically lower testosterone than their fathers?
Dr. Hisham Valiuddin, MD, is a board-certified emergency-room physician and founder of 40 Health a concierge men’s-health clinic providing stigma-free hormone and metabolic care for men.
Host Tim Wienecke, MA, LPC, LAC—licensed psychotherapist and veteran—shares his own fertility story: how TRT restored his energy at 38 but left him temporarily infertile, and what every man should know before starting hormone therapy.

This isn’t panic fuel; it’s a field guide to competent care, self-advocacy, and protecting yourself from rushed clinics promising quick fixes.

WHAT YOU’LL LEARN
• Why testosterone levels have declined about 1 % per year since the 1980s
• Environmental factors such as BPA and processed foods that disrupt hormones
• The difference between “normal” lab ranges (≈ 250–900 ng/dL) and healthy ranges
• Red flags of predatory low-T clinics and illegal testosterone sources
• How TRT affects fertility and what safer alternatives exist (Clomid, Enclomiphene)
• The 2024 TRAVERSE Trial that changed FDA policy on testosterone safety
• Why erectile and heart health are deeply connected

CHAPTERS
00:00 Why Modern Men Have Lower Testosterone
03:00 What Low-T Clinics Get Wrong
08:25 The Comprehensive Lab Panel You Actually Need
14:00 TRT: Benefits and Real Risks
24:00 Fertility and Heart Health Considerations
28:50 Lifestyle Factors That Move the Needle
37:00 Alternatives to TRT (Clomid & Enclomiphene)
41:50 What You Can Control in Your 20s and 30s
44:00 Finding the Right Doctor
52:00 Research and Sources Behind This Episode

Research for this episode includes the 2023 TRAVERSE Trial (FDA update), testosterone-decline studies (Travison 2007; Sartorius 2021), fertility data (Liu 2017), and cardiovascular research (AHA 2018).
Full fact-check and citations: americanmasculinity.com

Medical Disclaimer: This content is for educational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. Consult a qualified healthcare provider before beginning any hormone therapy or making health decisions based on this content.

The American Masculinity Podcast™ is hosted by Timothy Wienecke — licensed psychotherapist, Air Force veteran, and men’s advocate.
Real conversations about masculinity, mental health, growth, and how men can show up better — as partners, leaders, and friends.
We focus on grounded tools, not yelling or clichés. If you have questions or want a tool for something you're wrestling with, leave a comment or send a message — your feedback shapes what we build next.
Note: While this doesn’t replace therapy, it might help you notice something worth exploring.

Send us a text

In this episode of American Masculinity, licensed therapist and veteran Tim Wienecke talks with Commander William C. Spears — an active-duty U.S. Navy submarine warfare officer and author of “Stoicism as a Warrior Philosophy: Insights on the Morality of Military Service.” Full fact-check notes, sources, and extended show notes for this episode are available at www.americanmasculinity.com
.

This is not the internet version of Stoicism. We’re not talking about pretending you’re unbothered or building a hard shell. We’re talking about what you actually do in the moment when you’re angry, disrespected, anxious, or under pressure — with your partner, with your kid, with your team, or in a life-or-death environment.

We break down how anger really works, why Seneca called anger “a brief madness,” and why “calm” is not weakness. We get into the Stoic psychology pipeline — impression → judgment → emotion → action — and why catching the judgment in the middle can save you from saying or doing the thing you regret.

One of the biggest topics in this conversation is control. Stoicism teaches that you can’t control the world, outcomes, or other people. You can only control your own judgments and your own actions. We talk about how that idea shows up in submarine command, in fatherhood, and in day-to-day conflict. This is also where we connect Stoic practice to modern therapeutic work like CBT without pretending they’re the same thing.

We also dig into roles and identity. Are you acting like “the tough guy,” “the partner,” “the dad,” “the leader,” or are you acting like the person you’re actually trying to be? Stoicism doesn’t tell you to stop caring. It tells you to act with virtue inside those roles — and refuse the parts of any role that demand you become something you can’t live with.

You’ll leave this episode with three practical tools:

• A one-minute nightly audit: “What’s mine to control tomorrow, and what isn’t?”
• A way to interrupt anger before it takes the wheel.
• A question you can use all week: Where have I overused armor and underused awareness?

About the guest:
Commander William C. Spears is an active-duty U.S. Navy submarine warfare officer and an independent scholar of military ethics. He’s the author of “Stoicism as a Warrior Philosophy,” which explores how ancient Stoic practice applies to modern military decision-making and moral stress.

Required note:
Commander Spears appears in this interview in a personal capacity. The views he expresses are his own and do not represent the United States Navy, the Department of Defense, or the United States Government.

Full citations, sources mentioned in this conversation, and extended show notes: www.americanmasculinity.com

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The American Masculinity Podcast™ is hosted by Timothy Wienecke — licensed psychotherapist, Air Force veteran, and men’s advocate.
Real conversations about masculinity, mental health, growth, and how men can show up better — as partners, leaders, and friends.
We focus on grounded tools, not yelling or clichés. If you have questions or want a tool for something you're wrestling with, leave a comment or send a message — your feedback shapes what we build next.
Note: While this doesn’t replace therapy, it might help you notice something worth exploring.

Send us a text

What if aggression, sex drive, risk-taking, and status-seeking aren’t toxic at all? Licensed therapist and veteran Tim Wienecke reframes four core masculine traits from Richard Reeves’ Of Boys and Men and shows how to channel them through Service · Discipline · Connection · Expression.

These traits aren’t moral judgments or gender rules—they’re descriptive, not prescriptive. Calling them “masculine” doesn’t mean they belong only to men; it means they tend to appear more often or more intensely in men as a group. The goal isn’t to label them good or bad—it’s to use them effectively.

From early aggression in toddlers to sexual motivation, risk-taking, and the drive for status, Tim explores how each can become either destructive or deeply connective depending on how it’s guided.

Fact Check Highlights: Boys show 5× more early aggression (Tremblay 1999); men make up 79 % of violent crime (FBI 2022); women are ~60–65 % of living kidney donors (UNOS 2024); testosterone rises after wins and falls after losses (Carré 2015).

Full notes → www.americanmasculinity.com

The American Masculinity Podcast™ is hosted by Timothy Wienecke — licensed psychotherapist, Air Force veteran, and men’s advocate.
Real conversations about masculinity, mental health, growth, and how men can show up better — as partners, leaders, and friends.
We focus on grounded tools, not yelling or clichés. If you have questions or want a tool for something you're wrestling with, leave a comment or send a message — your feedback shapes what we build next.
Note: While this doesn’t replace therapy, it might help you notice something worth exploring.

Send us a text

Loneliness is hitting men hard — but you’re not stuck with it. In this episode, therapist Tim Wienecke (LPC, LAC) talks with Atlanta-based counselor Phillip Quinones, M.S., LPC about living alone without feeling isolated, using anger as a boundary signal, and building the kind of community that actually supports you.

Show notes & links: www.americanmasculinity.com

Guest site: https://pqcoachingandconsulting.com/

Key takeaways:
• Loneliness is a real health risk — and there are specific, doable ways to counter it
• Anger is information: a boundary cue that can also mask fear/shame
• Talking ≠ processing — add skills so conversations lead to change
• Money stress can mimic/trigger depression — get practical support
• Progress beats perfection for sustainable motivation
• Status symbols won’t fill you; presence and people will

Chapters:
0:00 Intro & Phillip’s background
3:00 Loneliness in modern America
5:00 Men’s friendships, self-esteem, and boundaries
7:00 How men and women often connect differently
11:00 Boundaries + anger: “the bouncer”
15:00 Why schools rarely teach emotional skills or finance
22:00 Talking vs processing (and how to practice)
31:00 Money stress, depression, and adjustment responses
37:00 Progress > success: motivation that lasts
44:00 Culture, status symbols, and real fulfillment
50:00 Accountability & building a ramp to change
59:00 Closing empowerment: “Nobody was you…”

References cited:
Surgeon General (2023) loneliness advisory: https://www.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/surgeon-general-social-connection-advisory.pdf

Pew (2023) friendship patterns: https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2023/10/12/what-does-friendship-look-like-in-america/

Ryan & Deci — Self-Determination Theory: https://selfdeterminationtheory.org/SDT/documents/2000_RyanDeci_SDT.pdf

Dittmar et al. (2014) materialism & well-being: https://selfdeterminationtheory.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/08/2014_DittmarBondHurstKasser_PPID.pdf

CTA: If this resonated, follow the show and share it with a friend living solo.
Disclaimer: Educational content, not therapy. If you’re in crisis, seek local professional help.

The American Masculinity Podcast™ is hosted by Timothy Wienecke — licensed psychotherapist, Air Force veteran, and men’s advocate.
Real conversations about masculinity, mental health, growth, and how men can show up better — as partners, leaders, and friends.
We focus on grounded tools, not yelling or clichés. If you have questions or want a tool for something you're wrestling with, leave a comment or send a message — your feedback shapes what we build next.
Note: While this doesn’t replace therapy, it might help you notice something worth exploring.