Some marriage advice gets repeated so often, we stop questioning whether it actually works.

In this episode of Share the Pants, Joel and Nicole pull out one of their favorite wedding gifts: a journal filled with marriage advice from friends, family, and even complete strangers.

They unpack some of the most common pieces of advice they got and why certain advice sounds great in theory but doesn’t actually work for them.

But this isn’t an episode about declaring traditional marriage advice wrong.

It’s about something much more useful: figuring out what actually creates a healthy marriage for the two people living in it.

They also talk about:
• Why repair matters more than rushing to resolve a conflict
• The difference between being best friends and romantic partners
• Why dating your spouse matters after the wedding
• What it means to treat marriage like a team sport
• How supporting each other can look different depending on who needs to be carried that day
• Why love, rather than a specific set of rules, sits at the center of our marriage

Because the best marriage advice might not be a rule you blindly follow.

It might be learning how to build a marriage that actually works for you.

And yes, there’s more advice in that journal. So we’ll probably be pulling it back out again.

Want some advice on your relationship from our perpective? Send your questions our way. We might answer it on a future episode of Share the Pants.

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Nicole and Joel tackle a listener question about a man who decided the way to make a good first impresion was to show up on FaceTime... in bed... with his shirt off.

Was it inappropriate? What do you actually say when a man does something that immediately makes you think, “Yeah, this isn’t for me”?

They talk about:

• Whether you should FaceTime or have a phone call before meeting someone in person
• Why Nicole preferred to keep her phone number private until after the first date
• What happens when a man pushes past a boundary instead of respecting it
• Unsolicited dick pics and requests for sexy photos
• What “negging” is and why deliberately making someone insecure is not flirting
• How attraction tactics designed to create insecurity can turn dating into a power struggle
• When ghosting is actually appropriate
• How long you need to date someone before a breakup deserves a phone call or conversation
• And the big one: why women so often talk themselves out of their own discomfort

You don't have to prove that someone's behavior was objectively terrible before you're allowed to decide you don't want to date them.

Sometimes your immediate reaction of, “Nope,” is enough.

Trusting yourself doesn't mean judging someone as a "good" or "bad."
It means recognizing when someone's behavior doesn't work for you and having the confidence to walk away.

And yes, Nicole and Joel have a few things to say to the men sending unsolicited dick pics, too.

Send us your dating and relationship questions HERE!

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What actually makes a man want a second date?

Nicole puts her husband Joel in the hot seat to get the male perspective on one of dating’s most frustrating questions: Why didn't he ask me out again?

Joel’s answer might surprise you because it’s nowhere near as complicated as women tend to make it.

They talk about what men are actually looking for on a first date, why you don’t need instant sparks or a perfect performance, and why an awkward first date isn’t necessarily a bad date.

Nicole also shares the story of a client who came to her convinced she was bad at first dates because she hadn't been on a second date in forever, and what they found when they took a closer look at what was actually happening.

Plus, Nicole and Joel get into the danger of overanalyzing a first date, whether chemistry can grow, why intense sparks can sometimes lead you straight into a toxic relationship, and the truly unhinged first date that ended with an ex-girlfriend showing up at his apartment and breaking shit.

If you’ve ever replayed a first date wondering What did I do wrong?, this one is for you.

Sometimes it really is just a first date.

Have a dating or relationship question you want Nicole and Joel to tackle on the podcast? Submit your question and it might be featured in a future episode.

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What can a reality TV experiment where strangers get married teach you about choosing a partner, creating emotional safety, and knowing when to stop trying to make a relationship work?

A LOT.

In this episode of Share the Pants, Nicole and Joel break down the MAFS Season 20 finale and the relationship lessons hiding underneath all the drama, questionable decisions, and one hell of a pickleball obsession.

We’re talking about:

• Why Cameron and Michelle were the only couple who seemed to understand what makes a relationship actually feel safe
• The difference between asking your partner for what you need and trying to change them into the person you want
• Why you cannot coach someone into being your person
• How criticizing and nitpicking your partner can make emotional vulnerability almost impossible
• The difference between high standards and unrealistic expectations
• Why dating is a dojo: sometimes you don't know what matters to you until you experience what doesn't work
• How self-abandonment can sneak in right when you're about to choose yourself
• When a lack of attraction is a mountain you can't climb and when it's just a hill
• Why talking shit about your partner to other people can quietly sabotage your relationship
• And what Nicole learned about herself when predicting which couples would make it

Plus, we revisit the couples we got right, the ones we got wrong, and the MAFS moments that had us yelling at the television.

Full spoilers for MAFS Season 20.

If you watch reality TV for the drama and love dissecting what the hell is actually happening underneath it, this one's for you.

Got a dating, relationship, or marriage question you want Nicole and Joel to answer on the podcast?

Submit your listener question and you might hear it answered on a future episode of Share the Pants. We love getting into the messy, complicated, hilarious, and occasionally unhinged relationship questions you’re actually dealing with.

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You really like him. He’s kind, emotionally available, respectful, consistent, and everything seems to be going right.

So why are you still wondering, Is this really my person?

💌 Have a dating or relationship question you want Nicole and Joel to answer on the podcast?

We love getting into the real-life dating and relationship questions you’re actually wrestling with. Send us yours, and it could be featured on a future episode of Share the Pants.

👉 Submit your listener question HERE

Now, back to today's question...

In this episode of Share the Pants, Nicole and Joel get brutally honest about the doubts and anxiety they each experienced while falling in love and deciding whether they were truly right for each other.

Joel shares why he was actually afraid to swipe right on Nicole in the first place, what made him question whether he was ready for a serious relationship, and the moment he finally knew he wanted to marry her.

Nicole shares the very different experience of knowing almost immediately that Joel was her person while still gathering the evidence she needed to trust that intuition. She also reveals the surprising moment when she wondered if she might get bored in their relationship but realized she wasn't bored at all. She was learning what it felt like to be safe.

Together, they unpack one of the hardest questions in dating:

How do you know if your relationship anxiety is intuition telling you something is wrong or fear asking you to run from something that is actually good for you?

You’ll hear them talk about:

• Why having doubts doesn't automatically mean you're with the wrong person
• The difference between intuition, anxiety, and overthinking
• Why a healthy relationship can initially feel unfamiliar or even boring
• How your past relationships can influence what you expect love to feel like
• Why vulnerability can be one of the best tests of a relationship
• How your partner responds when you share your fears and insecurities
• Why conflict can actually give you important information about a relationship
• How to tell whether a question about your relationship is really about him or about you
• Why you don't need 100% certainty to keep moving toward deeper commitment

And perhaps most importantly, Nicole and Joel talk about the data points that helped them move from “I think this person might be the one” to “I know I can build a life with this person.”

Because the goal isn't to eliminate every doubt.

It's to learn how to listen to yourself without letting fear make the decision for you.

If you've ever wondered “Is this relationship anxiety or my intuition?”, “How do I know if he's the right person?”, or “Why am I questioning a relationship that's actually going well?”... this conversation is for you.

Share the Pants is a podcast about dating, love, marriage, and what actually happens when two people stop trying to follow the rules and start figuring out what works for them.

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In this episode, we’re looking at three couples from Married at First Sight because they each brought their unresolved shit into the experiment in very different ways.

Courtney is a perfect example of what happens when anxiety takes the wheel:

“If I can get enough reassurance, I’ll finally feel safe.”

Except reassurance never feels like enough, so the testing, nitpicking, criticism, and fear keep escalating.

With Devin and Caitlin, it’s:

“If you love me the way I need to be loved, I’ll finally feel connected.”

Except when two people have completely different needs around affection, independence, and physical touch, waiting for your partner to naturally get it doesn’t create connection. Communication and compromise do.

And then there's Felipe:

“If I get married, I’ll magically become ready to give up my single life.”

Except marriage doesn’t flip a switch. If you haven’t actually grieved your old life and made peace with what you’re giving up, you can end up wanting the commitment and the freedom at the same time.

We’re digging into anxious attachment, the “fake ick,” love language mismatches, fear of commitment, secure attachment, and the uncomfortable truth that getting the relationship you want doesn’t magically make you ready for it.

Plus, we’re debating whether the MAFS experts are actually helping these couples... or making things worse.

If you’ve ever thought, “Once he does this, I’ll finally feel secure,” “If she loved me differently, we’d be closer,” or “Maybe getting into a relationship will finally make me ready for one,” this episode is for you.

And now we want to turn the mic toward you!

Got a dating or relationship situation you want us to unpack on the podcast? Submit your question and tell us what’s really going on. Submit your question here. (The form takes about 2–3 minutes to fill out.)

You might just hear your question, and our very honest opinions about it, on a future episode of Share the Pants.

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This episode breaks down the relationship patterns hiding underneath the drama of Married at First Sight Season 20. From power struggles to compatibility issues, there’s a lot more going on with these couples than meets the eye.

Adam and Marissa’s struggle to find compromise, Nikki and Sean’s escalating power struggle, and Mecca and Belle navigating insecurity and vulnerability aren’t just problems playing out on reality TV. They’re universal relationship patterns that most of us will recognize in our own dating and relationships.

What happens when you want someone to fit into the life you’ve already built instead of creating a life together? How much do shared hobbies actually matter when it comes to compatibility? What happens when chemistry makes you lose yourself? And why can being deeply loved feel terrifying when you’ve experienced abandonment before?

Plus, Nicole and Joel get into one of the biggest differences between a therapist and a coach: sometimes you don’t need another question to find your answer. You need someone willing to tell you the uncomfortable truth.

If you love Married at First Sight but also want to understand what these couples reveal about your own dating and relationship patterns, this episode is for you.

And if you have a dating or relationship question you’d love Nicole and Joel to tackle on the podcast, send it our way. Your question might be the next one we unpack on Share the Pants.

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What does a healthy first date actually feel like?

People say, "You'll know when you know." But... what does that actually mean?

In this episode, we're taking you back to where it all started. Our Bumble match, our first messages, and the first date that changed everything. As we relive the night, we realize just how many green flags were there from the very beginning.

We talk about:

• Why one small gesture made a bigger impression than any pickup line ever could
• The surprising conversation that almost convinced Nicole there wouldn't be a second date
• The unexpected moments that made us feel emotionally safe with each other
• The first-date green flags we didn't fully appreciate until much later
• Why we both believe you don't have to play games to build attraction
• Our honest thoughts on chivalry, paying for the first date, and traditional courtship

Whether you're swiping on dating apps, getting ready for a first date, or wondering how healthy relationships actually begin, this episode will give you a real-life look at what compatibility felt like for us. Not because everything was perfect, but because we both showed up as ourselves.

If you've ever wondered, "How will I know when I find the one?" this episode is for you.

Okay, now it’s your turn. What dating question are you dying to ask but haven’t had anyone answer honestly?

Drop it in our listener question form. It takes just 2 minutes, and we might answer your question on a future episode of Share the Pants.

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Want more dating advice between episodes?
Follow Nicole on social media
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TikTok: @datingpowers