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Were you the middle child—the one who stayed out of the way, kept the peace, and quietly handled your own emotional needs? You’re not alone. In this episode of Not Your Therapist, we dive deep into the psychology of middle child syndrome, emotional distancing, and why so many middle children become chronic people-pleasers or “distancers” in adulthood.

We’ll talk about how middle children are shaped by their role in the family, what happens when your needs are ignored, and how that invisibility can turn into emotional walls later in life. Plus: the difference between being the middle of three vs. the second of two, and why that matters more than you might think.

Whether you’re a recovering mediator or the “easy” one who no one checked on, this episode is your permission slip to stop shrinking and start taking up space.

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Are you the firstborn and secretly exhausted? You’re not alone. In this episode, we dive deep into the eldest child experience—how being the “responsible one” often leads to perfectionism, people-pleasing, burnout, and emotional overfunctioning in adulthood.

If you were basically a third parent growing up, this one’s for you. We’ll talk about parentification, high-achiever syndrome, and how to start setting boundaries with the roles you’ve outgrown.

Keywords: eldest child traits, birth order psychology, parentified child, high-achiever burnout, therapy podcast, perfectionism, family dynamics, childhood roles in adulthood

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Did your family birth order shape your personality? Spoiler: yep. In this episode, we explore how birth order influences your identity, temperament, and adult relationships. Whether you're the eldest child, middle child, youngest, or only child, this episode helps you understand how your role in the family still shows up in your life today.

You’ll learn the psychology behind birth order, what patterns to look for, and how to break free from the expectations you never asked for.

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Ever feel like you're constantly running on a productivity treadmill, unable to step off without experiencing overwhelming guilt and anxiety? You're not alone. What looks like ambition and high achievement might actually be anxiety masquerading as motivation – and over time, it can evolve into something more concerning.

In this revealing episode, we explore how childhood messages about productivity and worth create deeply ingrained neural pathways that follow us into adulthood. When our parents or caregivers unconsciously taught us that our value comes from what we accomplish rather than who we are, we developed thinking patterns that trained our nervous systems to feel unsafe whenever we try to rest. This high-functioning anxiety creates a constant background hum telling us we should be doing more, and we can't slow down without falling behind.

The most fascinating part? This pattern often transforms into what therapists call "Pure O" OCD – a quieter form of obsessive-compulsive disorder that doesn't involve the stereotypical hand-washing or lock-checking behaviors. Instead, it manifests as internal rules, mental rituals, and relentless "shoulds" that drive our behavior. The productivity loop becomes addictive: feel anxious, do something productive, experience temporary relief, repeat. It's particularly insidious because our culture actually praises this harmful pattern, mistaking trauma responses for motivation and "hustle." I share practical strategies for breaking free from this cycle, starting with simply noticing when you're acting from pressure versus genuine desire, and practicing sitting with the discomfort of incomplete tasks. Your worth isn't measured by checked boxes on a to-do list, and you deserve to be present for the people and experiences that matter most in your life. Ready to transform your relationship with productivity? Listen now and take the first step toward authentic motivation and true balance.

👉 Grab your FREE Audio Training: Get Unstuck- 3 Strategies to Break Free from Unhealthy Patterns

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Ever hit a milestone and still feel... kinda hollow? Or find yourself needing everyone else’s opinion before you can trust your own? Been there. And spoiler alert: It’s not because you’re broken.

It’s because most of us were raised in homes where self-validation wasn’t modeled—so now we second-guess everything from our feelings to our freaking lunch order. In this episode, I’m breaking down why learning to validate yourself is the foundation for real confidence, calm, and clarity.

We’ll talk about:

• Why “outsourcing your reality” leaves you anxious, resentful, and stuck
• How your inner critic got installed (and how to replace it)
• Three self-validation practices that actually work—no journal prompts required

This isn’t about toxic positivity or pretending everything’s fine. It’s about naming what’s real, responding to yourself like someone who actually likes you, and learning to separate past triggers from present-day truth.

If you’re done twisting yourself up trying to be palatable, likable, or agreeable—this one’s for you.

Ready to become your own biggest ally? Hit play. Then send this to the friend who needs to hear, “You make sense. You’re doing great. You don’t need permission to feel how you feel.”

👉 Grab your FREE Audio Training: Get Unstuck- 3 Strategies to Break Free from Unhealthy Patterns

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The quiet dismissal of your feelings? That sh*t cuts deeper than yelling ever could.

When someone avoids eye contact, scrolls their phone mid-convo, or chuckles at your story like it’s a joke—they might not say anything cruel, but your nervous system still gets the memo: You don’t matter here.

After a recent family visit left me feeling invisible and low-key spiraling, I had to unpack the slow-burn pain of emotional invalidation. If you grew up in a family where your feelings were ignored, mocked, or met with a blank stare, this episode is for you.

We’ll talk about:

• How invalidation messes with your self-esteem and nervous system
• Why subtle exclusion can trigger social anxiety, fawning, or people-pleasing
• What to do when it happens again (because let’s be honest—it will)
• How to validate yourself first and stop internalizing the rejection

Spoiler: people who dismiss you aren’t always evil—they’re just unbaked cookies (aka emotionally underdeveloped). But you? You’re allowed to feel what you feel. You’re allowed to take up space.

Grab my free boundary-setting scripts at kaylareilly.com/saythis, and remember—sometimes the most healing thing is finally seeing yourself.

👉 Grab your FREE Audio Training: Get Unstuck- 3 Strategies to Break Free from Unhealthy Patterns

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Dr. Larry Waldman brings decades of forensic psychology experience to this raw, insightful conversation about the hidden casualties of divorce – the children caught in the crossfire between warring parents. Drawing from twenty years as the expert judges called on during high-conflict custody battles, Dr. Waldman exposes the psychological damage inflicted when parents prioritize their hurt feelings over their children's wellbeing.

"Kids are born naked and naive. What they see in their home, as far as they're concerned, is their reality," Dr. Waldman explains. When that reality fractures during divorce, children experience profound disorientation and insecurity. The conversation delves deep into parental behaviors that create what he calls a "loyalty squeeze" – when children feel torn between two people they love, unsure who to trust or believe.

The episode reveals startling patterns: children's academic performance dropping, social withdrawal, depression, eating and sleeping disturbances – all stemming from being caught in parental conflict. Perhaps most eye-opening is Dr. Waldman's observation that alienated children often reach adolescence or young adulthood and suddenly realize they've been manipulated, sometimes cutting off the alienating parent entirely.

Beyond alienation, we explore other common "sins" divorcing parents commit: fighting in front of children, using them as confidants, the "Disney parent" syndrome, and rushing into new relationships (explaining why second marriages fail at an alarming 65% rate). Dr. Waldman offers practical, compassionate strategies for protecting children during separation – speaking positively about your ex, maintaining consistency between households, and seeking professional support.

Whether you're navigating divorce, supporting someone who is, or processing your own experience as a child of divorced parents, this conversation offers validation, clarity and a roadmap for breaking destructive patterns. As Dr. Waldman wisely concludes: "You have to put the kids' needs first."

👉 Grab your FREE Audio Training: Get Unstuck- 3 Strategies to Break Free from Unhealthy Patterns

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Are you staring at your calendar wondering how you'll face another workday? That crushing exhaustion isn't just tiredness—it's burnout, and it's reached epidemic levels among high-achievers and caregivers.

In this eye-opening conversation with psychologist Dr. Jessica Tai, we dive into the science behind workplace burnout, revealing why it's now an official diagnosis with three distinct types that affect us differently. From the frenetic burnout that drives us to check emails during family dinner to the worn-out burnout that makes everything feel urgent, we unpack the hidden symptoms our culture has normalized as "just being busy."

What makes this episode particularly powerful is Dr. Tai's surprising revelation that 99% of her burnout clients stay in their jobs after implementing her recovery strategies. The problem isn't necessarily your career—it's your relationship with work and the boundaries you've never learned to set.

You'll discover practical, immediately applicable techniques to break free from the burnout cycle without sacrificing your success. Learn how a simple dopamine detox can reset your anxious mind, why processing your workplace stress is essential for mental clarity, and how small boundary shifts can reclaim hours of your life each week.

For anyone who's feeling depleted, resentful, or trapped in their career, this conversation offers hope and tangible solutions. Your work doesn't have to consume your identity or drain your soul. Listen now to discover how making your work work for you might be simpler than you think.

👉 Grab your FREE Audio Training: Get Unstuck- 3 Strategies to Break Free from Unhealthy Patterns

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👉 Ask me a question hello@kaylareilly.com