Send us a text

In this raw and soul-stirring episode of the Self-Care Sht* podcast, host Kathy Love sits down with Erica Bonham, a therapist, author, and somatic trauma specialist whose work blends science, spirituality, and deep humanity. Together they unpack what it really means to heal the “not-so-pretty parts” of ourselves—those stories, sensations, and inherited wounds that live beneath the surface.

Erica shares how her own journey through adoption, sobriety, and family trauma shaped her mission to help others integrate body, mind, and heart. She explains ancestral and epigenetic trauma in down-to-earth language and offers powerful ways to reconnect to the body when talking therapy isn’t enough. From rage as sacred energy to shaking, laughing, and crying your way toward wholeness, this conversation is a masterclass in embodied healing.

🔑 Key Takeaways

• We All Have “Stuff.” Healing isn’t about erasing pain—it’s about metabolizing it so it can transform.
• Trauma Lives in the Body. You can’t think your way out of trauma; you have to feel and move through it.
• Find Your Own Medicine. Meditation, dancing, shaking, screaming, or stillness—whatever helps you release energy is valid.
• Slow Is Fast. Real healing takes time; rushing the process only recreates the trauma.
• At the Center of the Shadow Is Sweetness. When we compost the hard parts, we uncover love, levity, and liberation.

Erica Bonham is passionate about walking folks through the beautiful, messy process of turning wounds into wisdom so that we can all remember our true nature—that we are always and already enough AND we still have work to do. Her work bridges personal healing with collective transformation and invites us to remember that the world needs us here in our fullest expression. She is a nationally sought-after speaker, licensed professional counselor, certified EMDR clinician, consultant, trainer, bestselling author, and nervous system regulation coach. She’s passionate about redefining leadership as a practice of presence, resilience, equity, and joy.


📦 Download the Free Regulation Toolkit: 11 Somatic Practices to Get You Out of Overwhelm: https://www.avoscounseling.com/freebie

🌐 Connect with Erica and her team for therapy and coaching services at: http://www.avoscounsleing.com

📘 Book: Get a signed copy of Erica's bestselling book, Always Enough, Never Done: https://www.avoscounseling.com/always-enough

💌 Find AVOS on Instagram and Linkedin:
https://www.instagram.com/avoscounseling/

Support the show

If you’ve been struggling with emotional codependency or want to learn how to establish a healthy balance of independence and vulnerability in relationships, join Kathy on this transformative journey. Be sure to subscribe to My Self-Care Sht* and leave a review!

Follow Kathy:

Website

LinkedIn

Instagram

Facebook

YouTube

TikTok

X

Books on Amazon

Send us a text

In this uplifting episode of the Self-Care Sht* podcast, host Kathy Love sits down with her friend Clayton, a leadership trainer and mindfulness teacher, to explore how a 20-year finance career evolved into a life devoted to presence, service, and practical self-care.

Clayton shares the inflection point that changed everything: a values-based approach to money (inspired by George Kinder) that unexpectedly led him out of finance and into not-for-profit work, meditation, and eventually corporate leadership training grounded in mindfulness and neuroscience. From the “brain’s negativity bias” to why gratitude works on a biological level, this conversation is equal parts science, storytelling, and totally usable tools.

You’ll hear how meditation can live far beyond the cushion—on the pickleball court, in the shower, or in a tough conversation in your kitchen—and why the real magic is noticing (without judgment) and then choosing your next best action. Also: the funniest unexpected benefit of meditation? Becoming “a little less of a jerk.” 😂

🔑 Key Takeaways

• Mind–Heart Alignment: A successful career can still feel misaligned. Mindfulness helped Clayton move from “head only” to a purpose rooted in service.
• Meditation Is a Tool, Not a Trophy: It’s not about bliss; it’s about practicing awareness so you can choose your response when life gets real.
• Negativity Bias Is Normal: Our brains are “Velcro for threat and Teflon for reward.” Gratitude—specific and embodied—helps rebalance the system.
• Everyday Mindfulness Works: Showers, walks, eating, golf, pickleball—if you intentionally engage your senses, you’re training presence.
• Humor Heals: Laughter can downshift tension and create space for wiser choices (and kinder relationships).

👤 About the Guest

Clayton is a leadership trainer and mindfulness teacher who blends neuroscience, soft-skills coaching, and practical meditation for real-world impact. After two decades in finance and a decade in nonprofit fundraising, he now helps teams and leaders build clarity, calm, and courage through mindful presence. He hosts a free Friday Morning Online Meditation featuring centering practice, a short talk, and guided meditation, with open community sharing afterward. (Details and contact in the links below.)

Connect with Clayton:
Friday Morning Meditation

Meditation4Leadership

LinkedIn

Support the show

If you’ve been struggling with emotional codependency or want to learn how to establish a healthy balance of independence and vulnerability in relationships, join Kathy on this transformative journey. Be sure to subscribe to My Self-Care Sht* and leave a review!

Follow Kathy:

Website

LinkedIn

Instagram

Facebook

YouTube

TikTok

X

Books on Amazon

Send us a text

High-end boudoir photographer and empowerment coach Lindsay Hite (Show Your Spark, Boston) joins me to talk about why her studio experience is far more than photos—it’s a nervous-system-aware, hospitality-inspired container for women (and those who identify as women) to see themselves with new eyes. We get into body image, perfectionism, imposter syndrome, EFT/tapping, hypnosis, and how one day in the studio can become an anchor for lasting self-worth. I also share my own session with Lindsay—what terrified me, what surprised me, and how those images still remind me who I am. This is self-care sh*t in action.

Guest: Lindsay Hite, owner of Show Your Spark (Boston), high-end boudoir photographer, hypnotherapist, and certified life & success coach.
Find Lindsay:

• Instagram (Coaching): @lindseyhight
• Instagram (Studio): @show.your.spark
• Studio: showyourspark.com
  (We’ll link these directly in the episode page.)

What We Cover

• From weddings to “show your spark”: Lindsey’s path from luxury destination weddings to founding a studio centered on confidence, identity, and inner light.
• Why it’s true self-care: Curating a safe, trauma-aware, hospitality-inspired experience—music, mindset, makeup, and a whole-day arc—so the photos become anchors for how you want to feel.
• Seeing yourself—really: Kathy’s session story (fear, tears, the reveal) and how the images rewired her inner dialogue about her body and worth.
• Mindset + modalities: How Lindsey integrates subconscious tools—hypnosis, EFT/tapping, journaling, subliminals, meditation—before/after sessions and in coaching.
• Coaching ripple effect: Why Lindsey now mentors photographers to deliver empowerment-first experiences in their own way.
• Real talk on perfectionism & imposter syndrome: Using the tools while building, parenting, and handling life’s curveballs (hello, studio flood + norovirus week).
• Daily self-care sh*t: Candles, quick meditations, cards/affirmations, A Course in Miracles, early-morning solitude, and micro-rituals (yes, the five-minute shower reset).

Favorite Lines

• “The photographs are an anchor for the emotional state you’re in when they’re taken.” —Lindsey
• “She was in me all along. I finally saw her.” —Kathy
• “We go first. As coaches and creators, we embody the mindset we invite our clients into.” —Lindsey

Connect with Lindsay

• IG (Coaching): @lindsayhite
• IG (Studio): @show.your.spark
• Web: showyourspark.com
• 
  
• If this episode helped you “see yourself,” share it with one friend who needs that mirror today.

Support the show

If you’ve been struggling with emotional codependency or want to learn how to establish a healthy balance of independence and vulnerability in relationships, join Kathy on this transformative journey. Be sure to subscribe to My Self-Care Sht* and leave a review!

Follow Kathy:

Website

LinkedIn

Instagram

Facebook

YouTube

TikTok

X

Books on Amazon

Send us a text

In this heartfelt and raw conversation, Doug and I explore the journey of self-discovery, breaking free from codependency, and the power of truly knowing yourself. Doug shares his story of how he spent most of his life letting others define him, until he had a profound awakening that led him to embrace self-love and ownership of his identity. We dive into the importance of personality assessments like the MBTI, the Enneagram, and even human design in helping us understand ourselves at a deeper level. We also touch on relationships—how codependency shows up in partnerships, and how true self-care isn’t about avoiding conflict, but embracing it with honesty and compassion. Doug’s evolution from people-pleasing to owning his boundaries and trusting his intuition in business and life is a powerful reminder of the transformative impact of self-love.

3 Key Takeaways:

1. Self-love begins with knowing yourself.
   Doug’s journey highlights that falling in love with yourself starts with understanding your personality, your strengths, and the way you process the world. The more you know, the more confidently you can make decisions aligned with who you truly are.
2. Codependency stems from letting others define you.
   Codependency often arises when we disconnect from our true selves and allow others' expectations to shape who we are. The path to healing begins with reclaiming your identity and trusting your own judgment.
3. True self-care involves tough conversations.
   True self-care isn’t always easy or comfortable. It’s about setting boundaries, engaging in difficult conversations, and honoring your needs, even when it means stepping into discomfort to protect your peace.

Connect with Doug Skoke on LinkedIn

Support the show

If you’ve been struggling with emotional codependency or want to learn how to establish a healthy balance of independence and vulnerability in relationships, join Kathy on this transformative journey. Be sure to subscribe to My Self-Care Sht* and leave a review!

Follow Kathy:

Website

LinkedIn

Instagram

Facebook

YouTube

TikTok

X

Books on Amazon

Send us a text

Author and writer Abby Rosmarin takes us through the healing journey that led to her new book, The Year of Dating Myself: How My Solo Tour Healed More Than Just My Heartbreak. After years of jumping from relationship to relationship, Abby decided to break the cycle and take a year to rediscover herself—not through dating others, but by dating herself. In this conversation, Abby shares her raw experience of learning to be comfortable in her own company, setting boundaries, and letting go of old patterns. From solo concert dates to deep introspection, Abby walks us through how she learned to love herself first, and how that self-love set the stage for the best relationship of her life. This conversation is a powerful reminder that true self-care is about reconnecting with yourself, breaking old cycles, and embracing loneliness without fear.

3 Key Takeaways:

1. Breaking the Cycle of Codependency
   Abby's journey highlights the importance of breaking free from the cycle of seeking validation through relationships. By dating herself, she finally gave herself permission to be whole, independent, and enough.
2. The Power of Solo Adventures
   Taking solo dates—like attending a concert alone—was both uncomfortable and empowering for Abby. It’s about proving to yourself that you’re worthy of your own love and company, without needing anyone else to complete you.
3. Healing from Loneliness, Not Escaping It
   Embracing loneliness can be incredibly painful, but Abby shows us how leaning into this discomfort is crucial for growth. True self-love isn’t about avoiding loneliness, but about learning to sit with it and grow stronger because of it.

For books and more info: Abby Rosmarin

Support the show

If you’ve been struggling with emotional codependency or want to learn how to establish a healthy balance of independence and vulnerability in relationships, join Kathy on this transformative journey. Be sure to subscribe to My Self-Care Sht* and leave a review!

Follow Kathy:

Website

LinkedIn

Instagram

Facebook

YouTube

TikTok

X

Books on Amazon

Send us a text

Retired U.S. Army officer and mental performance/leadership coach Andy Riise (NFL Chicago Bears, University professor, Speaker) breaks down self-care as mental fitness—the inside-out training that lets athletes, leaders, parents, and teams perform under pressure. Andy shares his “mental mechanic” approach, the Survive → Cope → Thrive bridge model, and a simple daily check-in (1–10) to “fight to the right.” We talk stress, confidence, burnout, performance anxiety, and why aiming for a solid C game on bad days beats chasing perfection. This conversation reframes self-care as both personal discipline and a team sport—maintenance, not emergency repair.

3 Key Takeaways:

1. Train your mind like your body.
   Psychological skills (energy & stress management, reframing, confidence, focus) are the decisive edge—especially when you don’t have your A game.
2. Use the bridge + daily check-in.
   Rate 1–3 (surviving), 4–7 (coping), 8–10 (thriving). Ask: Where am I? Why? What’s one action to move right today? How can someone help? Consistency > perfection.
3. Self-care is a team sport.
   Don’t wait for the “check-engine” light. Normalize support and vulnerability (especially for men). Remember: 70% done well is winning—show up, then squeeze the juice from what you’ve got.

Links to learn more and contact Coach Andy Riise.

Support the show

If you’ve been struggling with emotional codependency or want to learn how to establish a healthy balance of independence and vulnerability in relationships, join Kathy on this transformative journey. Be sure to subscribe to My Self-Care Sht* and leave a review!

Follow Kathy:

Website

LinkedIn

Instagram

Facebook

YouTube

TikTok

X

Books on Amazon

Send us a text

Executive coach and fractional CHRO Lauren Lefkowitz gets real about how “fine” keeps high-achievers stuck—and what it actually takes to build a sustainable career and life. Lauren shares the jaw-dropping moment that forced her to stop people-pleasing (yes, it involved a Roomba and two broken shoulders), and how she rebuilt with boundaries, therapy, guided meditation, accountability, and celebration. We unpack codependency at work, the fear of being labeled “lazy,” and why saying no isn’t mean—it’s mature. You’ll learn Lauren’s simple Notice → Decide → Do framework, how to use the pause/breath before you act, and why the feelings wheel belongs in every leader’s toolkit. If you’ve ever said “it’s fine” while your body screams otherwise, this conversation is your loving wake-up call. (Grab Lauren’s free Fine Is A Trap inventory and connect with her—links in the show notes.)

3 Key Takeaways:

1. Notice → Decide → Do (with a Pause).
   Slow down first. Notice what you’re saying yes to, decide what truly serves you, then do—after a breath.
2. Boundaries aren’t lazy—they’re leadership.
   Redefine “selfish” as self-honoring. A clear no protects your health, work, and relationships—and you’re still worthy even if others don’t like it.
3. Support and celebration are self-care.
   Therapy, accountability partners, sleep, guided meditation, the feelings wheel—and yes, celebrating wins (even small ones) rewires “fine” into thriving.

LINK to all of Lauren's links

Support the show

If you’ve been struggling with emotional codependency or want to learn how to establish a healthy balance of independence and vulnerability in relationships, join Kathy on this transformative journey. Be sure to subscribe to My Self-Care Sht* and leave a review!

Follow Kathy:

Website

LinkedIn

Instagram

Facebook

YouTube

TikTok

X

Books on Amazon

Send us a text

What if your greatest fears could become the gateway to living your most authentic life? In this illuminating conversation with transformational success coach Heather Vickery, we explore the powerful intersection of human design and subconscious reprogramming—two complementary approaches that can help you truly know, like, and trust yourself.

Heather unpacks the fascinating world of human design, a scientific self-discovery system that reveals how you're uniquely designed to experience the world. Unlike personality tests that change over time, your human design remains constant, offering profound insights into your decision-making process, energy patterns, and life purpose. We explore the five human design types—Manifesters, Generators, Manifesting Generators, Projectors, and Reflectors—and how understanding your type can transform the way you approach everything from career choices to relationships.

The conversation takes a deeper turn as Heather explains how Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP) can help reprogram the 95% of your mind that operates subconsciously. Through techniques like timeline therapy and subliminal audios, you can make subtle yet powerful shifts that lead to remarkable transformation—often more quickly than you might expect. "Just because it took you a lifetime to get to a point where you want to make change does not mean it will take you a lifetime to change," Heather reminds us.

Whether you're struggling with codependency, seeking greater self-understanding, or simply curious about human design, this episode offers practical wisdom for your self-care journey. Pull your free human design chart at victoryandco.com and begin discovering who you truly are.

My Guest:

Heather Vickery, Transformational Success Coach

www.vickeryandco.com

Join Heather for Chicago's Premier Networking Event, emPower Breakfast, the 2nd Friday of every month.

JOIN Heather IN COSTA RICA, JANUARY 2026!

Unlock self-love and inner strength with The Spark Collective. Tap into on-demand resources and journal prompts—crafted for your busy life. Join now and start your transformation!

Live with Heather Vickery - Weekly Live Show on Thursdays @ 12pm Central

Podcasts: Was It Chance? | The Brave Files Podcast

Support the show

If you’ve been struggling with emotional codependency or want to learn how to establish a healthy balance of independence and vulnerability in relationships, join Kathy on this transformative journey. Be sure to subscribe to My Self-Care Sht* and leave a review!

Follow Kathy:

Website

LinkedIn

Instagram

Facebook

YouTube

TikTok

X

Books on Amazon