Crisis Lifeline: Call/Text 988

National Helpline 1-800-662-4357

Veterans Crisis Line (dial 988 then press 1)

National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-SAFE)

letsexamineaddictionhonestly@gmail.com

​

theleahpodcast@gmail.com

​

In this episode, I talk about signs of addiction using an article focused on alcohol, while applying those same warning signs to other struggles I’ve dealt with, including nicotine and technology. I reflect on how addiction doesn’t always look like losing your job or falling apart—it can show up as using substances or screens to cope during downtime, stress, boredom, or emotional exhaustion. I share personal experiences from my time in the military and working in corrections, where drinking became routine, and how patterns like drinking to cope, spending more time recovering than living, and continuing despite consequences slowly wore me down.

I also discuss how addiction impacts family, relationships, and self-respect, including missed time, guilt, unhealthy role modeling, and long-term regret—especially after my DUI. I walk through common red flags, the stages of recovery, and where I currently stand in that process, while being honest about my hesitation with medication and my desire to return to therapy. This episode isn’t about labels or shame—it’s about recognizing patterns early, being honest with yourself, and remembering that change is always possible, even one small step at a time.

00:00 — Intro: Signs of Addiction & Why This Topic Matters

00:29 — Technology, Phone Use & Modern Addiction

01:27 — Disclaimer, Articles & Why I Use Them

01:59 — Personal Reflection: Drinking, Presence & Regret

02:23 — Functioning While Addicted & Daily Escape Habits

03:26 — My Relationship With Alcohol & Ritual Drinking

05:22 — Drinking, Recovery Time & Physical Consequences

06:22 — Coping With Stress, Boredom & Emotions

08:10 — DUI, Risk, Guilt & Turning Points

13:43 — How Addiction Affects Family, Recovery Stages & Closing Message

My Patreon

​https://patreon.com/TheFosterDadDirective?utm_medium=unknown&utm_source=join_link&utm_campaign=creatorshare_creator&utm_content=copyLink

Crisis Lifeline: Call/Text 988

National Helpline 1-800-662-4357

Veterans Crisis Line (dial 988 then press 1)

National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-SAFE)

letsexamineaddictionhonestly@gmail.com

theleahpodcast@gmail.com

In this episode, I talk openly about the deep connection between grief and addiction, drawing from my own life experiences with loss and substance use. I share how my relationship with alcohol began after my great grandmother passed away in 2011, and how drinking became my way of avoiding the pain and regret of not being there when she died. I also reflect on the recent loss of my grandfather, the difficult decision not to visit him due to illness and logistics, and how—thankfully—I did not turn to alcohol this time. I discuss losing my dogs, the emotional weight of those losses, and how grief shows up in many forms, not just death. This episode is a raw look at how grief shaped my past drinking and how I’m trying to respond differently today.

I also break down key insights from two major resources—the Hazelden Betty Ford Institute and The Addiction Center—about how grief can lead to addiction through avoidance, substance-based coping, replacing relationships with alcohol, and lacking healthy coping skills. I connect these concepts directly to my own struggles with alcohol, nicotine, impulsive behaviors, and emotional suppression learned from family and military culture. I explain how therapy, fitness, and creative outlets like podcasting have helped me build healthier coping skills, and why this podcast exists in the first place—to remind people that they are not alone and that change is possible. My goal isn’t fame or money, but to help even one person choose healing over self-destruction and to show that we are never obligated to stay the same person we were yesterday.

00:00 — Intro, Addiction, Grief & Great Grandma’s Passing

00:28 — Drinking Through Loss & Deep Regret

01:56 — Grandpa’s Passing, Choosing Not to Drink

03:36 — Family Drinking History & Health Decline

04:57 — Stages of Grief & Loss of Dogs

05:52 — Hazelden Betty Ford: Complicated Grief Defined

07:02 — Why I Started the Podcast & Healthier Outlets

08:09 — Nicotine Sobriety & Addictive Tendencies

12:03 — Four Ways Grief Leads to Addiction

16:27 — Learning Coping Skills, Recovery Goals & Closing Message

My Patreon

​https://patreon.com/TheFosterDadDirective?utm_medium=unknown&utm_source=join_link&utm_campaign=creatorshare_creator&utm_content=copyLink

Crisis Lifeline: Call/Text 988

National Helpline 1-800-662-4357

Veterans Crisis Line (dial 988 then press 1) National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-SAFE)

letsexamineaddictionhonestly@gmail.com

theleahpodcast@gmail.com

In this episode of Let’s Examine Addiction Honestly, I open up about my lifelong struggle with alcohol and how deeply it has shaped who I am. I talk about my first experiences drinking at 17, the influence of my friends and family, and how alcohol quickly became woven into my social life and identity.

I share what it was like entering the Army, where drinking wasn’t just common—it was expected. I discuss the risky situations I put myself in, the embarrassing moments, the injuries, and the arrests that happened along the way. Looking back, I can clearly see how alcohol fueled so many of my bad decisions and strained relationships.

After the military, my drinking only increased. I was frustrated with my career path, angry at myself, and disappointed in the person I felt I’d become. I also talk about the impact addiction had on my relationships, including the pain of losing a child because of someone else’s substance use—an experience that still affects me deeply.

I also address my DUI, the consequences that followed, and the counseling that forced me to confront the truth about my behavior. For a long time, I didn’t like who I was, and alcohol was at the center of that.

Now, I’m working to slow down my drinking and move toward a life without alcohol. This podcast is part of that journey. I want to be honest about my past, take responsibility for my choices, and create a space where others can feel safe sharing their own experiences.

I end the episode reminding listeners that even if your past is messy or painful, you’re not alone. Change is real, and it’s possible—even if you have to rebuild your life piece by piece.

00:00 — Introduction & Purpose

Podcast intro, disclaimer, and first memories of drinking/smoking.

00:23 — First Experiences With Alcohol

Graduation party, Army training, early drinking patterns.

01:10 — Influence of Friends & Family

How friend groups and family drinking shaped early habits.

02:13 — Siblings & Different Paths

Comparing drinking habits among siblings; early exposure.

03:29 — Early Adult Drinking & Relationships

First sexual experience, Army years, early relationship issues.

04:33 — Alcohol-Related Incidents

Injuries, arrests, dangerous situations, and regrets.

05:24 — Post-Military Drinking & DUI

Transition home, becoming dependent, self-resentment, career struggles.

06:16 — Addiction, Parenting, and Loss

Relationship with addicted partner, DUI restrictions, losing a child.

07:04 — Acknowledgment & Accountability

Owning choices, recognizing alcohol’s role, shifting mindset.

07:51 — Recovery Goals & Closing

Slowing down, desire to quit fully, invitations for listener engagement.

Crisis Lifeline: Call/Text 988

National Helpline 1-800-662-4357

letsexamineaddictionhonestly@gmail.com

theleahpodcast@gmail.com

In this episode of Let’s Examine Addiction Honestly, I explore both my personal relationship with alcohol and the broader history behind it. I talk about how addiction has followed me throughout my life—drinking, smoking, technology—and how this podcast serves as an honest audio journal while I try to understand why I’ve relied on these habits for so long. I trace alcohol’s origins from ancient civilizations to the development of stronger distilled spirits, and I discuss how cultures have used it for religion, medicine, trade, and daily life. Along the way, I reflect on how alcohol shaped early America, the rise of distillation, why some religions ban alcohol, and how inconsistent historical sources make it hard to pin down a single truth. I also share how psychedelics helped reduce my drinking and why I don’t recommend that path for everyone.

From there, I shift into the connection between alcohol and crime, especially drunk driving. I cover the evolution of DUI laws, early breath-testing devices, and how groups like Mothers Against Drunk Driving pushed for safer roads after preventable tragedies. I share statistics about alcohol-related violence and crime, talk about how DUI punishments have become harsher over time, and reflect on my own DUI—what I regret, what I learned, and how the system often feels more like punishment than treatment. Ultimately, I end the episode by encouraging listeners to reach out, share their stories, and remember that recovery isn’t about perfection. Even one sober day is something to be proud of, and none of us have to stay the person we were five minutes ago.

00:00 – Intro & Purpose
Opening the episode and explaining the podcast’s focus on addiction and personal reflection.

00:12 – Personal Addiction Background
Technology, drinking, smoking, and the feeling of isolation.

01:27 – Episode Theme: Alcohol, Crime & History
Setting up the discussion and goals for the episode.

01:54 – Origins of Alcohol
Ancient fermentation, accidental discovery, early cultural use.

03:34 – Rise of Stronger Alcohol
Distillation, freezing methods, increased potency, and risks.

06:15 – Alcohol’s Social Role
Medicine, sanitation, naval use, and everyday drinking.

09:48 – Religion & Alcohol
How major religions restrict or incorporate alcohol.

10:47 – Drinking in Early America
Early habits, stigma, and personal reflections on drinking as social lubrication.

12:08 – Prohibition & Crime
Illicit alcohol, dangerous manufacturing, and unintended consequences.

17:02 – Alcohol & Modern Crime
DUI history, statistics, MADD/SADD, and evolving legal penalties.

Crisis Lifeline: Call/Text 988

National Helpline 1-800-662-4357

letsexamineaddictionhonestly@gmail.com

​theleahpodcast@gmail.com

In this episode of Let’s Examine Addiction Honestly, I open up about my 15-year struggle with nicotine—from the first cigarette I accepted after Army training to the years of smoking, dipping, and eventually vaping that followed. I talk about how smoking became a social habit in the military, fueled by stress, downtime, camaraderie, and drinking. I share the embarrassing and funny moments, the long drives where cigarettes kept me company, and how deeply nicotine wove itself into every part of my daily life. Even after countless attempts to quit for my health, family, or finances, I always slipped back into the habit, especially when alcohol or other smokers were around.

I then explain how I eventually quit—not through traditional methods, but surprisingly through a mix of vaping and carefully guided psychedelic experiences in Ann Arbor, which helped me rethink my habits, confront emotions, and detach from cravings. I describe the physical recovery process, the mucus and breathing issues, and how life slowly improved once I finally stopped. I encourage listeners to share their stories, reach out for support, and remember that relapse doesn’t erase progress. Quitting nicotine freed up my life and gave me hope that I can tackle other addictions too, and I want others to know they aren’t alone, they deserve second chances, and they’re capable of change one day at a time.

00:00 — Introduction & Disclaimer
Opening the episode, explaining the focus on nicotine addiction.

00:13 — My First Cigarette
First experience after Army training and how it began.

01:11 — Smoking in the Military
Learning to inhale, smoke pits, bonding, and deployment habits.

02:47 — Smoking as Social & Emotional Coping
How smoking paired with talking, drinking, and stress relief.

03:41 — Alcohol & Nicotine Connection
Why drinking fueled cravings and relapse concerns.

05:57 — Years of Trying to Quit
Failed attempts, switching between smoking and dipping.

07:24 — Vaping & Psychedelics as Turning Points
Quitting cigarettes, exploring psychedelics, mental breakthroughs.

09:25 — The Moment I Finally Quit
Throwing out the vape, reduced cravings, emotional clarity.

11:00 — Health Improvements After Quitting
Lung recovery, mucus clearing, increased energy, lifestyle changes.

13:42 — Encouragement, Support & Closing Message
Reaching out, community support, second chances, and self-compassion.

Crisis Lifeline: Call/Text 988

National Helpline 1-800-662-4357

letsexamineaddictionhonestly@gmail.com

theleahpodcast@gmail.com

In this episode of Let’s Examine Addiction Honestly, I dive into the basics of tobacco and nicotine addiction—from cigarettes to vapes—and what I found while researching what’s actually inside these products. I talk about the hundreds of chemicals in cigarettes, many of them toxic or carcinogenic, and how nicotine affects the body in both the short and long term. I explore tobacco’s history, from sacred Native American rituals to European misuse to wartime normalization, and how its cultural presence changed once health risks became impossible to ignore. I also break down the physical dangers of nicotine, from increased heart rate and nausea to cancer, emphysema, COPD, stroke, and fertility issues. Even vapes, which many see as “safer,” can drastically increase addiction because of how easy and continuous they are to use.

I also share how smoking becomes tied to daily life—through social habits, stress relief, family exposure, media influence, and drinking—and why quitting is so incredibly difficult. I discuss the many methods people try, from cold turkey to patches to vapes to hypnotherapy, and how withdrawal brings irritability, cravings, anxiety, and sugar rushes. I encourage listeners to share the strangest, best, or worst quitting strategies they’ve tried and remind anyone considering smoking not to start. Even though I regret the 16 years I spent addicted, I focus on staying smoke-free today and helping others feel less alone in their struggles. The next episode dives deeper into my personal connection to nicotine, but here I simply want to inform, support, and remind everyone that the person you are today doesn’t have to be the person you are tomorrow.

00:00 — Introduction & Episode Overview

Introducing the topic: tobacco, nicotine, vapes, and research findings.

00:27 — Disclaimer & My Smoking Background

Medical disclaimer; smoking for 16 years and its link to drinking.

01:21 — Why Nicotine Is So Addictive

Availability, variety, and cultural normalization (coffee + cigarettes).

01:51 — What’s Actually in Cigarettes

600 ingredients, 4,000+ chemicals, carcinogens, toxins, radioactive elements.

03:12 — Tobacco’s Cultural & Historical Roots

Native American traditions, European spread, “curative” uses, wartime normalization.

04:55 — Decline in Smoking & Media Restrictions

Surgeon General warnings, ad bans, cultural shift away from smoking imagery.

06:25 — Short- & Long-Term Health Effects

Immediate effects (BP, heart rate, nausea); long-term risks (cancer, COPD, stroke).

09:10 — Early Exposure & Smoking Culture

Family influence, candy cigarettes, smoking bans, casinos, media portrayals.

11:48 — Quitting Attempts & Withdrawal

Cold turkey, vapes, patches; irritability, cravings, anxiety, sugar rushes.

14:29 — Final Thoughts, Warnings & Listener Engagement

Why not to start smoking, regrets, staying vigilant, inviting listener stories.

Crisis Lifeline: Call/Text 988

National Helpline 1-800-662-4357

letsexamineaddictionhonestly@gmail.com

theleahpodcast@gmail.com

In this introductory episode of Let’s Examine Addiction Honestly, I set the stage for the entire podcast by exploring what addiction actually is, how it develops, and how it has shaped my own life. I talk about researching reputable sources like the American Addiction Centers and the National Institute on Drug Abuse, and how eye-opening it was to learn that addiction is a chronic, relapsing brain disorder that rewires the systems responsible for reward, stress, and self-control. Even though these definitions seem obvious once you read them, they weren’t obvious while I was actively drinking or smoking. I explain how behaviors like drinking alone, smoking socially, or reaching for a substance without thought are tied to deep biological and environmental factors—genetics, stress, trauma, peer pressure, and early exposure. I also discuss how addiction affects judgment, maturity, and decision-making, helping me understand many of the bad choices I made in my teens and twenties.

I also outline my goals for this podcast: to explore different addictions such as nicotine, alcohol, caffeine, technology, and more; to be open about the mistakes I’ve made; and to connect with others who have struggled. I share my desire to examine not only the scientific side of addiction but also the emotional and social side—how addiction impacts families, friendships, identity, and self-worth. I invite listeners to send in their stories, ideas, and experiences so this podcast can become a supportive community where people learn from one another and feel less alone. Ultimately, I close by reminding myself and others that no matter how far we’ve fallen, we are not defined by our past. We can repair what we’ve broken, grow from our worst moments, and choose to be a better version of ourselves—because, as I quote at the end, we are under no obligation to remain the person we were five minutes ago.

00:00 — Opening & Podcast Introduction

Introducing the show and setting up the topic of addiction.

00:13 — Overview of Upcoming Episodes

Explaining the structure: informational episodes followed by personal stories.

01:06 — Disclaimer & Purpose of the Podcast

Clarifying that you're not a professional and the podcast is for connection and information.

01:30 — Defining Addiction (What It Really Is)

Reading definitions from medical sources and relating them to your own experiences.

02:32 — How Addiction Shows Up in Daily Life

Discussing compulsive behaviors like drinking during gaming or social discomfort.

03:24 — Addiction as a Brain Disorder

Exploring how addiction affects brain circuits, risk, reward, and self-control.

04:32 — Preventable, Treatable, Not Curable

Talking about relapse risks, triggers, and lifelong management.

05:38 — Causes of Addiction (Biology & Environment)

Genetics, family history, social influences, stress, early exposure.

09:22 — Why People Use (Feel Good, Feel Better, Do Better, Belong)

Breaking down motivations like dopamine, anxiety relief, curiosity, peer pressure.

12:51 — Future Podcast Goals & Final Thoughts

Outlining topics you'll cover, inviting listener stories, and closing with encouragement.

Crisis Lifeline: Call/Text 988

National Helpline 1-800-662-4357

letsexamineaddictionhonestly@gmail.com

theleahpodcast@gmail.com

In this introductory episode of Let’s Examine Addiction Honestly, I share my personal history with addiction and the experiences that shaped who I am today. I talk about growing up in a family with a strong history of alcoholism, my first drink at 17, and how drinking truly took hold when I joined the Army. I explain how I never developed an “off switch” with alcohol — how even early on I drank until I was sick, and how drinking became a major part of military life, from barracks parties to reckless moments during deployments. I also discuss my long struggle with nicotine, smoking from age 18 until recently, cycling through cigarettes, dipping, and vaping before finally quitting for myself and not for others. I share how the environments I worked in, like the military and later the prison system, were deeply tied to stress and alcohol culture, and how those pressures shaped my choices, my habits, and in some cases, my deepest regrets.

I also open up about the legal trouble I’ve faced, including a hunting-related alcohol incident in the military and a DUI in 2017 that forced me to confront my drinking more seriously. I talk about the challenges I’ve had seeking help through the VA and mental health facilities, especially when treatment felt like prescriptions rather than real support. While I’m not fully sober today, I explain how far I’ve come, how much my drinking has decreased, and how determined I am not to fall back into old patterns — for my safety, my future, and the people I love. Finally, I invite listeners to join me on this journey, share their stories, and help create a judgment-free community where people at any stage of recovery can feel supported. I remind anyone struggling that setbacks don’t erase progress, change is always possible, and we are never obligated to remain the same person we were five minutes ago.

00:00 — Introduction & Purpose of the Episode

Welcoming listeners and explaining that this episode covers your personal history and what future podcasts will explore.

00:25 — Family Background & First Experiences With Alcohol

Growing up around alcohol, first drink at 17, and early attitudes toward drinking.

00:43 — Early Drinking Habits & Lack of an “Off Switch”

Entering the Army, drinking heavily, and recognizing lifelong issues with binge patterns.

01:55 — Smoking History & Struggles With Nicotine

Starting at 18, 16 years of addiction, switching methods, and eventually quitting.

03:05 — Life in the Army & Alcohol Culture

Deployments, drinking traditions, barracks culture, irresponsible behavior, and biggest regrets.

05:21 — Post-Military Life & High-Stress Careers

Working in corrections, heavy drinking culture, grief, burnout, and losing coworkers.

09:11 — Legal Troubles & Consequences

The 2010 hunting incident, 2017 DUI, treatment attempts, and issues with medication-based help.

11:20 — Current State of Sobriety & Ongoing Challenges

Reduced drinking, fears of relapse, memory issues, and the difficulty of balancing progress with pressure.

12:32 — Building Community & The Purpose of This Podcast

Welcoming listeners at any stage of sobriety, rejecting shame, and inviting shared stories.

13:46 — Final Encouragement & Closing Message

Reminding listeners of self-worth, resilience, and the power of small steps; Alan Watts quote.