Sometimes growth is not about becoming a completely different person.

Sometimes it is about deciding which parts of yourself still belong in the life you are building—and which old rules no longer deserve to come with you.

Today, Amanda shares how therapy helped her recognize that what she had long described as “deeply caring about people” was often tangled up with people-pleasing, fear of conflict, and a constant need to keep everyone around her happy.

From answering a marriage proposal with “Sure, why not?” to realizing how often other people were holding the grading pen for her life, Amanda explores what it meant to finally start asking a simple but powerful question:

Why?

Why am I saying yes?

Why am I taking this on?

Why am I afraid to disappoint someone?

Why am I carrying this at all?

Together, we’ll explore how people-pleasing can hide inside traits we genuinely value—like reliability, generosity, thoughtfulness, and high expectations—and how we can begin separating the value from the rule attached to it.

Because moving forward does not always mean throwing away who you used to be.

Sometimes it means: Keep the value. Change the rule.

In This Episode, You’ll Discover:

• How people-pleasing can look like kindness, dependability, generosity, and being “easy” from the outside.
• Why someone else’s disappointment can quickly become a judgment about who we are.
• How shame can turn one uncomfortable interaction into evidence that we are a “bad” person.
• Why considering someone else’s feelings is different from giving them the deciding vote.
• How the simple question “Why?” can help uncover what is really driving a choice.
• Why discomfort does not automatically mean you made the wrong decision.
• How to tell the difference between violating a value and breaking an old rule.
• Why growth does not require becoming the opposite of who you used to be.
• How to keep qualities like reliability, generosity, thoughtfulness, and high standards without sacrificing yourself to prove them.
• Why consciously choosing what you carry forward feels different from carrying it automatically.

Reflection Questions

As you head into your week, spend a few moments with these questions:

• What parts of myself do I genuinely value and want to carry forward?
• Which of those values have become attached to rules that no longer serve me?
• Where in my life am I still trying to earn an A from someone else?

One Small Step

Choose one thing you regularly do because it feels expected.

Then ask yourself:

Why am I doing this?

What am I afraid would happen if I didn’t?

Do I still want to carry this forward—and if I do, how do I want to carry it differently?

You do not have to make a dramatic change.

You do not have to reinvent yourself.

You are simply giving yourself the chance to notice whether the choice actually belongs to you.

Maybe being reliable still matters deeply to you.

Maybe being generous does too.

Maybe you still want to be thoughtful, dependable, ambitious, or someone who shows up for the people you love.

The question is not whether you should throw those qualities away.

The question is:

What rule have I attached to them?

Sometimes the value still fits.

The rule doesn’t.

Ask Amanda

You can submit your question through the Ask Amanda link below, and it may become part of a future podcast conversation.

Resources

https://bit.ly/atplinks

One link. Everything you need.

Stay Connected

If this episode made you think about something you have been carrying simply because you thought you were supposed to, I’d love for you to follow the podcast, leave a review, or share this conversation with someone who may be asking the same questions.

And remember:

You don't have to throw away the best parts of yourself to grow.

Sometimes the work is simply:

Keep the value. Change the rule.

Small steps. Real growth.

Sometimes overwhelm isn’t just having too much to do.

Sometimes it’s feeling like you need to figure it all out right now.

Right now, Amanda and her family are preparing to sell their house—which means repairs, painting, packing, contractors, mortgage conversations, realtor conversations, work, family life, and the occasional dog vomiting on the carpet at the worst possible moment.

Add in migraine flares, changing schedules, and plans that keep taking longer than expected, and one unfinished task can suddenly feel like evidence that the entire project is failing.

In this episode of I’m Amanda, I’m Listening, Amanda talks about what happens when her brain gets “squirrely,” and every future problem starts demanding attention at the same time.

Together, we’ll explore the difference between what matters and what needs your attention right now, why a changing timeline doesn’t automatically mean you’ve failed, and how narrowing your focus to the next useful step can make something overwhelming feel manageable again.

Because you don’t always need the whole plan.

Sometimes you just need to know what moves you forward from here.

In This Episode, You’ll Discover

• Why overwhelm can make everything feel equally urgent.
• How trying to solve future problems can make today feel impossible.
• Why being busy does not always mean you are actually moving forward.
• How changing circumstances may require changing the plan—and why that isn’t failure.
• Why “not now” does not mean “never.”
• How to separate the whole problem from the problem that actually needs your attention today.
• Why the next right step does not have to be the perfect step.
• How small actions can give you information that clarifies the next decision.
• Why plans need to work for the person you actually are—not an imaginary version of yourself with unlimited time and energy.
• How asking for help, resting, changing course, or deciding something is good enough can also help you move forward.

Reflection Questions

As you head into your week, spend a few moments with these questions:

• Where in my life am I trying to solve my entire future instead of the problem right in front of me?
• What am I treating as urgent simply because I know it will eventually need my attention?
• What is one step I can take from where I am, with what I know, and with what I have available to me today?

One Small Step

Think about one thing in your life that feels overwhelming right now.

Then finish these two sentences:

• The whole problem is...
• The next thing I can do that moves this forward is...

You are not looking for the step that fixes everything.

You do not need the step that guarantees everything will work out.

You don’t even need the perfect next step.

Ask Amanda

Maybe you’re staring at something in your own life that feels way too big right now.

Maybe there are so many decisions to make that you don’t know which one deserves your attention first.

Maybe your timeline changed, and you’re having a hard time believing that doesn’t mean you’ve failed.

Or maybe you know something needs to change, but you simply cannot see what comes next.

That’s what Ask Amanda is for.

You don’t need the perfect question.

Just tell me what’s going on.

Tell me what you’re carrying.

You can submit your question through the Ask Amanda link below, and it may become part of a future podcast conversation.

Resources

Looking for the resources from today’s episode?

I’ve gathered everything in one place—including the free Overwhelm Reset, the Ask Amanda question form, my weekly email, and more.

You’ll find it all here:

https://bit.ly/atplinks

One link. Everything you need.

Stay Connected

If this episode reminded you that you don’t have to solve everything at once, I’d love for you to follow the podcast, leave a review, or share this conversation with someone who may be trying to carry the whole plan at once.

And remember:

You don’t need the whole map.

You just need the next step that moves you forward.

Small steps. Real growth.

Episode 9: Grief Isn’t Just About Death

Content note: This episode includes brief themes of relationship abuse. No graphic details are shared.

When we hear the word grief, most of us think about death.

But grief can show up whenever something meaningful ends, changes, disappears, or becomes different from what we thought it would be.

A relationship.

A friendship.

A career.

Our health.

A dream.

A future we had already started imagining.

Sometimes the losses that are hardest to understand are the ones we chose—or the ones we knew needed to happen.

In this episode of I’m Amanda, I’m Listening, Amanda shares the story of leaving her first marriage at twenty-one. There was abuse in the relationship, and she knew leaving was necessary. She expected freedom and relief.

Instead, alongside those feelings, she found herself grieving.

She was grieving the future she thought she was building, the version of adulthood she believed she had already begun, and the painful belief that the end of the marriage meant she had failed.

Together, we’ll explore why grief does not require regret, why necessary endings can still hurt, and how we can begin separating the fact that something ended from the verdict we may have created about ourselves because of it.

In This Episode, You’ll Discover

• Why grief is not limited to the death of someone we love.
• How we can grieve relationships, careers, health, friendships, dreams, identities, and imagined futures.
• Why choosing an ending does not take away your right to grieve it.
• How relief and sadness can exist at the same time.
• Why “this ended” and “I am a failure” are not the same statement.
• How necessary endings can still involve real loss.
• Why you do not have to be grateful for something that hurt you in order to recognize what you learned from surviving it.
• How changing the question from “How did I fail?” to “What do I know now?” can create room for a different understanding of the experience.
• Why grief does not have to be rushed into meaning, gratitude, or a lesson.

Reflection Questions

As you head into your week, spend a few moments with these questions:

• What loss have I been telling myself I shouldn’t still be grieving?
• What have I decided that ending says about me?
• What do I understand about myself now that I didn’t understand before?

One Small Step

Think about one loss you may have minimized because you believed you weren’t supposed to grieve it.

Then write two sentences:

I lost...

and

That mattered to me because...

You don’t have to justify the loss.

You don’t have to decide that you’re grateful for it.

You don’t have to figure out what it means yet.

Sometimes the first step is simply allowing yourself to say:

This was a loss. And it mattered to me.

Ask Amanda

Maybe you’re dealing with a loss that doesn’t fit neatly into the kinds of grief people usually talk about.

Maybe you left a relationship you knew needed to end.

Maybe a friendship changed.

Maybe your health, career, or future looks different from what you expected.

Or maybe you simply know something hurts and you don’t even know what to call it yet.

That’s what Ask Amanda is for.

You don’t need the perfect question.

Just tell me what’s going on.

Tell me what you’re carrying.

You can submit your question through the Ask Amanda link below, and it may become part of a future podcast conversation.

Resources

Looking for the resources from today’s episode?

I’ve gathered everything in one place—including the free Overwhelm Reset, the Ask Amanda question form, my weekly email, and more.

You’ll find it all here:

https://bit.ly/atplinks

One link. Everything you need.

Stay Connected

If this episode helped you put words to a loss you haven’t fully acknowledged, I’d love for you to follow the podcast, leave a review, or share this conversation with someone who may need it.

And remember:

Grief does not require regret.

You can know an ending was necessary and still acknowledge what it cost you.

Small steps. Real growth.

Have you ever found yourself saying, “It’s fine. I’ve got it,” even when you very clearly did not have it?

For some of us, being the person who can handle everything becomes part of our identity.

We become the dependable one.

The capable one.

The one who steps in.

The one who figures it out.

And over time, carrying everything can start to feel like proof that we’re strong, responsible, or even doing life well.

In this episode of I’m Amanda, I’m Listening, Amanda shares how “It’s fine, I’ve got it” became a personal motto—and how that mindset showed up everywhere; how being “indispensable” can actually limit growth; and why letting others carry part of the load can help, from group projects and household responsibilities to leadership and chronic illness.

She also shares the memorable moment when, in the middle of a migraine episode, she decided to launch an entirely unnecessary art project and ended up falling down the back porch steps while carrying the supplies.

Thankfully, she wasn’t seriously hurt.

But the moment highlighted something bigger:

Sometimes the need to prove we can handle everything keeps us carrying things long after we should have asked for help.

Together, we’ll explore why asking for help can feel weak, burdensome, inefficient, or uncomfortable, how being “indispensable” can actually limit growth, and why allowing other people to carry part of the load can be good for everyone involved.

In This Episode, You’ll Discover

• Why “I’ve got it” can become more than a phrase—it can become part of your identity.
• How carrying everything can begin to feel like proof that you’re capable, strong, or doing life well.
• Why asking for help can bring up fears of weakness, being a burden, losing control, or causing inconvenience.
• How doing everything yourself can unintentionally keep others from learning, contributing, or growing.
• Why being indispensable isn’t always the same thing as being effective.
• How “different from how I would do it” does not automatically mean “wrong.”
• Why accepting help can be just as difficult as asking for it.
• How chronic illness, pain, and changing capacity can force us to reconsider what independence really means.

Reflection Questions

As you head into your week, spend a few moments with these questions:

• What am I carrying right now that someone else could reasonably help me carry?
• What do I believe it says about me when I need help?
• What might become possible—for me or for someone else—if I stopped trying to do everything myself?

One Small Step

Choose one thing this week that you would normally automatically handle yourself.

Then either ask for help...

or accept the help that is already being offered.

Before you automatically say:

“It’s fine. I’ve got it.”

pause and ask:

“Do I really need to carry this alone, or is that just my default?”

Then try a different response:

“Can you help me with this?”

“Can you take this one?”

“I could use some help.”

Or maybe simply:

“Yes. Thank you.”

Sometimes the small step isn’t learning how to do more.

It’s learning how to let someone else carry something too.

Resources

Looking for the resources from today’s episode?

I’ve gathered everything in one place—including the free Overwhelm Reset, the Ask Amanda question form, my weekly email, and more.

You’ll find it all here:

https://bit.ly/atplinks

One link. Everything you need.

Stay Connected

If this episode made you think of someone who is always saying, “It’s fine. I’ve got it,” I’d love for you to share this episode with them.

And if that person is you, follow the podcast for more conversations about overwhelm, growth, boundaries, and learning to move through life a little differently.

If you have a question you’d like me to explore in a future episode, I’d love to hear from you. You can submit your question through the Ask Amanda form at the link above.

Remember...

Small steps. Real growth.

Have you ever finally stopped working… only to spend the entire break thinking about everything you should be doing instead?

For some of us, rest doesn’t actually feel restful. It comes with guilt, restlessness, mental to-do lists, and the nagging feeling that we haven’t done enough to deserve it yet.

In this episode of I’m Amanda, I’m Listening, Amanda explores how an innocent idea—do the thing, then get the reward—slowly became a much more rigid rule in her own life: you don’t get to stop until the work is done.

From postponing food, water, and even bathroom breaks until tasks were finished, to pushing through schoolwork while overwhelmed and in tears, Amanda shares how productivity became tied to permission to care for herself.

She also reflects on the example she absorbed growing up from watching her hardworking father rarely stop, and how chronic migraines and arthritis eventually forced her to confront a difficult truth: sometimes rest isn’t a reward at all. Sometimes it is simply part of what allows us to keep functioning.

Together, we’ll explore the hidden rules that can make rest feel uncomfortable, why unfinished work can make it difficult to truly stop, and how creating intentional stopping points can help us build a healthier relationship with productivity.

In This Episode, You’ll Discover

• How “do the thing, get the reward” can slowly become “I’m not allowed to stop yet.”
• Why stopping your body doesn’t always mean your mind is actually resting.
• How childhood examples and old definitions of responsibility can shape our relationship with rest.
• Why adult life makes “I’ll rest when I’m caught up” an almost impossible standard.
• The difference between choosing to keep going and feeling like you’re not allowed to stop.
• How timers, smaller task lists, shared responsibilities, and predetermined stopping points can make rest easier to access.
• Why rest and basic care don’t have to be prizes you earn through productivity.

Reflection Questions

As you head into your week, spend a few moments with these questions:

• What do I believe I have to accomplish before I’m allowed to rest?
• Where did I learn that rule?
• What would change if I stopped treating rest as something I had to earn?

One Small Step

Before you begin a task that tends to take over your entire day, decide what enough looks like before you start.

Set a timer.

Choose three things you want to accomplish.

Pick a stopping time.

Or agree with someone else about what actually needs to get done.

Then practice stopping when you reach that point—even if there is still more you could do.

The work being unfinished doesn’t mean you did something wrong.

Resources

Looking for the resources from today’s episode?

I’ve gathered everything in one place—including the free Overwhelm Reset, the Ask Amanda question form, my weekly email, and more.

You’ll find it all here:

https://bit.ly/atplinks

One link. Everything you need.

Stay Connected

If this episode made you think about your own relationship with rest, I’d love for you to follow the podcast, leave a review, or share it with someone who has a hard time giving themselves permission to stop.

And if you have a question you’d like me to explore in a future episode, I’d love to hear from you. You can submit your question through the Ask Amanda form at the link above.

Remember...

Small steps. Real growth.

Have you ever felt like there must be a right way to keep every part of your life balanced—and if you could just figure it out, you would finally feel like you were doing everything right?

For Amanda, that search started long before adulthood. As a kid, getting an A meant more than earning a good grade. It meant having things under control. It meant knowing the right answer. It meant being “good.”

Then adulthood came along, the report cards disappeared, and the subjects changed.

Work. Marriage. Motherhood. The house. Relationships. Health.

But the pressure to get the A never really went away.

In this episode of I'm Amanda, I'm Listening, Amanda shares the story of the college Logic class that challenged her relationship with achievement—and how she eventually realized that the “balance” she spent years chasing was really just adulthood’s version of the A.

Together, we’ll explore the invisible standards we use to grade ourselves, why trying to perfectly balance every role can leave us feeling like we’re constantly failing, and what changes when we remember that we’re the ones holding the grading pen now.

You’ll also be guided through a simple reflection exercise to uncover one of the hidden rubrics you may be using in your own life—and decide whether it still deserves to define what success looks like for you.

In This Episode, You’ll Discover

• Why achievement can become tied to our sense of being “good” or having life under control.
• How the search for balance can become another form of perfectionism.
• Why a messy house, forgotten detail, difficult season, or need for help doesn’t automatically mean you’re failing.
• How invisible expectations can quietly become the rubrics we use to judge ourselves.
• Why there may not be one “right answer” for how to manage all the roles you carry.
• How remembering that you’re holding the grading pen can help you choose what success actually looks like in your life right now.

Reflection Questions

As you head into your week, spend a few moments with these questions:

• Where in your life are you still chasing an A?
• What would happen if you stopped assuming there was one right answer?
• If you’re holding the grading pen now, what is one expectation you’re ready to rewrite?

Resources

Looking for the resources from today’s episode?

I’ve gathered everything in one place—including the free Overwhelm Reset, the Ask Amanda question form, my weekly email, and more.

You’ll find it all here:

https://bit.ly/atplinks

One link. Everything you need.

Stay Connected

If this episode encouraged you, I’d love for you to follow the podcast, leave a review, or share it with someone who might be exhausted from trying to get an A in every part of their life.

And if you have a question you’d like me to explore in a future episode, I’d love to hear from you. You can submit your question through the Ask Amanda form at the link above.

Remember...

Small steps. Real growth.

Have you ever felt like you've been working so hard, yet somehow you're still standing in the same place?

Whether it's your health, your relationships, your career, or your personal growth, it can be discouraging when your effort doesn't seem to match the results you hoped for.

In this episode of I'm Amanda, and I'm Listening, Amanda shares her personal journey of redefining what progress really means. What began as a desire to lose weight and "fix" her body eventually became something much deeper—a lesson about identity, chronic illness, self-compassion, and learning to measure what truly matters.

Together, we'll explore how the things we choose to measure can quietly become the stories we tell ourselves about who we are, and why changing what you measure may be one of the most powerful steps you can take toward real growth.

You'll also be guided through a simple reflection exercise to help you identify the measures you're using in your own life and consider whether they align with the person you're becoming.

In This Episode, You'll Discover

• Why progress often feels invisible while it's happening.
• How the things we measure can shape the way we see ourselves.
• Why changing your measurements isn't giving up—it's growing.
• How chronic illness, changing seasons of life, and shifting priorities invite us to redefine success.
• A practical exercise to help you choose measurements that reflect the life you're trying to build.

Reflection Questions

As you head into your week, spend a few moments with these questions:

• What have you been measuring lately?
• How has that measurement shaped the way you see yourself?
• What's one new measure you could choose this week that better reflects the person you're becoming?

Resources

Looking for the resources from today's episode?

I've gathered everything in one place—including the free Overwhelm Reset, the Ask Amanda question form, my weekly email, and more.

You'll find it all here:

🔗 bit.ly/atplinks

One link. Everything you need.

Stay Connected

If this episode encouraged you, I'd love for you to follow the podcast, leave a review, or share it with someone who might need this conversation today.

And if you have a question you'd like me to explore in a future episode, I'd love to hear from you. You can submit your question through the Ask Amanda form at the link above.

Remember...

Small steps. Real growth.

What if the hardest part isn't the work itself?

What if it's simply opening the door?

In this episode of I'm Amanda, and I'm Listening, Amanda shares the story of a garage that quietly became the catch-all for years of unfinished decisions, sentimental belongings, and postponed choices. What started as a cluttered space eventually became something much bigger—a source of mental and emotional weight.

Together, we'll explore why overwhelm often has less to do with the size of the task and more to do with the number of decisions we're carrying. Amanda shares the surprising lesson she learned when frustration finally pushed her to begin: we often overestimate the cost of starting and underestimate the relief that comes from making progress.

You'll also be guided through a simple reflection exercise to help you identify the "door" you've been avoiding and discover one small next step you can take this week.

In This Episode, You'll Discover

• Why unfinished decisions often feel heavier than unfinished tasks.
• How overwhelm convinces us to overestimate the effort it takes to begin.
• Why the relief of making progress is something we rarely account for.
• How guilt and obligation can keep us holding onto things that no longer serve us.
• A practical way to identify your next small step when everything feels overwhelming.

Reflection Questions

As you head into your week, spend a few moments with these questions:

• What did you notice about yourself today?
• What's one small step you're choosing before we meet again?
• What do you want to carry forward—and what can you give yourself permission to set down for now?

Resources

Looking for the resources from today's episode?

I've gathered everything in one place—including the free Overwhelm Reset, the Ask Amanda question form, my weekly email, and more.

You'll find it all here:

bit.ly/atplinks

One link. Everything you need.

Stay Connected

If this episode encouraged you, I'd love for you to follow the podcast, leave a review, or share it with someone who might need to hear this conversation today.

Remember...

Small steps. Real growth.