Sometimes growth is not about becoming a completely different person.

Sometimes it is about deciding which parts of yourself still belong in the life you are building—and which old rules no longer deserve to come with you.

Today, Amanda shares how therapy helped her recognize that what she had long described as “deeply caring about people” was often tangled up with people-pleasing, fear of conflict, and a constant need to keep everyone around her happy.

From answering a marriage proposal with “Sure, why not?” to realizing how often other people were holding the grading pen for her life, Amanda explores what it meant to finally start asking a simple but powerful question:

Why?

Why am I saying yes?

Why am I taking this on?

Why am I afraid to disappoint someone?

Why am I carrying this at all?

Together, we’ll explore how people-pleasing can hide inside traits we genuinely value—like reliability, generosity, thoughtfulness, and high expectations—and how we can begin separating the value from the rule attached to it.

Because moving forward does not always mean throwing away who you used to be.

Sometimes it means: Keep the value. Change the rule.

In This Episode, You’ll Discover:

• How people-pleasing can look like kindness, dependability, generosity, and being “easy” from the outside.
• Why someone else’s disappointment can quickly become a judgment about who we are.
• How shame can turn one uncomfortable interaction into evidence that we are a “bad” person.
• Why considering someone else’s feelings is different from giving them the deciding vote.
• How the simple question “Why?” can help uncover what is really driving a choice.
• Why discomfort does not automatically mean you made the wrong decision.
• How to tell the difference between violating a value and breaking an old rule.
• Why growth does not require becoming the opposite of who you used to be.
• How to keep qualities like reliability, generosity, thoughtfulness, and high standards without sacrificing yourself to prove them.
• Why consciously choosing what you carry forward feels different from carrying it automatically.

Reflection Questions

As you head into your week, spend a few moments with these questions:

• What parts of myself do I genuinely value and want to carry forward?
• Which of those values have become attached to rules that no longer serve me?
• Where in my life am I still trying to earn an A from someone else?

One Small Step

Choose one thing you regularly do because it feels expected.

Then ask yourself:

Why am I doing this?

What am I afraid would happen if I didn’t?

Do I still want to carry this forward—and if I do, how do I want to carry it differently?

You do not have to make a dramatic change.

You do not have to reinvent yourself.

You are simply giving yourself the chance to notice whether the choice actually belongs to you.

Maybe being reliable still matters deeply to you.

Maybe being generous does too.

Maybe you still want to be thoughtful, dependable, ambitious, or someone who shows up for the people you love.

The question is not whether you should throw those qualities away.

The question is:

What rule have I attached to them?

Sometimes the value still fits.

The rule doesn’t.

Ask Amanda

You can submit your question through the Ask Amanda link below, and it may become part of a future podcast conversation.

Resources

https://bit.ly/atplinks

One link. Everything you need.

Stay Connected

If this episode made you think about something you have been carrying simply because you thought you were supposed to, I’d love for you to follow the podcast, leave a review, or share this conversation with someone who may be asking the same questions.

And remember:

You don't have to throw away the best parts of yourself to grow.

Sometimes the work is simply:

Keep the value. Change the rule.

Small steps. Real growth.

Sometimes overwhelm isn’t just having too much to do.

Sometimes it’s feeling like you need to figure it all out right now.

Right now, Amanda and her family are preparing to sell their house—which means repairs, painting, packing, contractors, mortgage conversations, realtor conversations, work, family life, and the occasional dog vomiting on the carpet at the worst possible moment.

Add in migraine flares, changing schedules, and plans that keep taking longer than expected, and one unfinished task can suddenly feel like evidence that the entire project is failing.

In this episode of I’m Amanda, I’m Listening, Amanda talks about what happens when her brain gets “squirrely,” and every future problem starts demanding attention at the same time.

Together, we’ll explore the difference between what matters and what needs your attention right now, why a changing timeline doesn’t automatically mean you’ve failed, and how narrowing your focus to the next useful step can make something overwhelming feel manageable again.

Because you don’t always need the whole plan.

Sometimes you just need to know what moves you forward from here.

In This Episode, You’ll Discover

• Why overwhelm can make everything feel equally urgent.
• How trying to solve future problems can make today feel impossible.
• Why being busy does not always mean you are actually moving forward.
• How changing circumstances may require changing the plan—and why that isn’t failure.
• Why “not now” does not mean “never.”
• How to separate the whole problem from the problem that actually needs your attention today.
• Why the next right step does not have to be the perfect step.
• How small actions can give you information that clarifies the next decision.
• Why plans need to work for the person you actually are—not an imaginary version of yourself with unlimited time and energy.
• How asking for help, resting, changing course, or deciding something is good enough can also help you move forward.

Reflection Questions

As you head into your week, spend a few moments with these questions:

• Where in my life am I trying to solve my entire future instead of the problem right in front of me?
• What am I treating as urgent simply because I know it will eventually need my attention?
• What is one step I can take from where I am, with what I know, and with what I have available to me today?

One Small Step

Think about one thing in your life that feels overwhelming right now.

Then finish these two sentences:

• The whole problem is...
• The next thing I can do that moves this forward is...

You are not looking for the step that fixes everything.

You do not need the step that guarantees everything will work out.

You don’t even need the perfect next step.

Ask Amanda

Maybe you’re staring at something in your own life that feels way too big right now.

Maybe there are so many decisions to make that you don’t know which one deserves your attention first.

Maybe your timeline changed, and you’re having a hard time believing that doesn’t mean you’ve failed.

Or maybe you know something needs to change, but you simply cannot see what comes next.

That’s what Ask Amanda is for.

You don’t need the perfect question.

Just tell me what’s going on.

Tell me what you’re carrying.

You can submit your question through the Ask Amanda link below, and it may become part of a future podcast conversation.

Resources

Looking for the resources from today’s episode?

I’ve gathered everything in one place—including the free Overwhelm Reset, the Ask Amanda question form, my weekly email, and more.

You’ll find it all here:

https://bit.ly/atplinks

One link. Everything you need.

Stay Connected

If this episode reminded you that you don’t have to solve everything at once, I’d love for you to follow the podcast, leave a review, or share this conversation with someone who may be trying to carry the whole plan at once.

And remember:

You don’t need the whole map.

You just need the next step that moves you forward.

Small steps. Real growth.

Episode 9: Grief Isn’t Just About Death

Content note: This episode includes brief themes of relationship abuse. No graphic details are shared.

When we hear the word grief, most of us think about death.

But grief can show up whenever something meaningful ends, changes, disappears, or becomes different from what we thought it would be.

A relationship.

A friendship.

A career.

Our health.

A dream.

A future we had already started imagining.

Sometimes the losses that are hardest to understand are the ones we chose—or the ones we knew needed to happen.

In this episode of I’m Amanda, I’m Listening, Amanda shares the story of leaving her first marriage at twenty-one. There was abuse in the relationship, and she knew leaving was necessary. She expected freedom and relief.

Instead, alongside those feelings, she found herself grieving.

She was grieving the future she thought she was building, the version of adulthood she believed she had already begun, and the painful belief that the end of the marriage meant she had failed.

Together, we’ll explore why grief does not require regret, why necessary endings can still hurt, and how we can begin separating the fact that something ended from the verdict we may have created about ourselves because of it.

In This Episode, You’ll Discover

• Why grief is not limited to the death of someone we love.
• How we can grieve relationships, careers, health, friendships, dreams, identities, and imagined futures.
• Why choosing an ending does not take away your right to grieve it.
• How relief and sadness can exist at the same time.
• Why “this ended” and “I am a failure” are not the same statement.
• How necessary endings can still involve real loss.
• Why you do not have to be grateful for something that hurt you in order to recognize what you learned from surviving it.
• How changing the question from “How did I fail?” to “What do I know now?” can create room for a different understanding of the experience.
• Why grief does not have to be rushed into meaning, gratitude, or a lesson.

Reflection Questions

As you head into your week, spend a few moments with these questions:

• What loss have I been telling myself I shouldn’t still be grieving?
• What have I decided that ending says about me?
• What do I understand about myself now that I didn’t understand before?

One Small Step

Think about one loss you may have minimized because you believed you weren’t supposed to grieve it.

Then write two sentences:

I lost...

and

That mattered to me because...

You don’t have to justify the loss.

You don’t have to decide that you’re grateful for it.

You don’t have to figure out what it means yet.

Sometimes the first step is simply allowing yourself to say:

This was a loss. And it mattered to me.

Ask Amanda

Maybe you’re dealing with a loss that doesn’t fit neatly into the kinds of grief people usually talk about.

Maybe you left a relationship you knew needed to end.

Maybe a friendship changed.

Maybe your health, career, or future looks different from what you expected.

Or maybe you simply know something hurts and you don’t even know what to call it yet.

That’s what Ask Amanda is for.

You don’t need the perfect question.

Just tell me what’s going on.

Tell me what you’re carrying.

You can submit your question through the Ask Amanda link below, and it may become part of a future podcast conversation.

Resources

Looking for the resources from today’s episode?

I’ve gathered everything in one place—including the free Overwhelm Reset, the Ask Amanda question form, my weekly email, and more.

You’ll find it all here:

https://bit.ly/atplinks

One link. Everything you need.

Stay Connected

If this episode helped you put words to a loss you haven’t fully acknowledged, I’d love for you to follow the podcast, leave a review, or share this conversation with someone who may need it.

And remember:

Grief does not require regret.

You can know an ending was necessary and still acknowledge what it cost you.

Small steps. Real growth.