ABOUT THE EPISODE:

When a young person you love is struggling with substances or challenging behaviors, the instinct to fix everything can feel overwhelming. In this illuminating conversation, marriage and family therapist Todd Sarner brings decades of attachment science into sharp focus, and offers a roadmap for parents navigating the turbulent waters of adolescence.

Drawing from his training with Dr. Gordon Neufeld and other attachment pioneers, Todd reveals why our kids' most hurtful behaviors often mask their deepest needs for connection. We explore the delicate dance between holding firm boundaries and maintaining compassion – what Todd beautifully describes as being both the "agent of futility" (clear limits) and the "angel of comfort" (empathy). We unpack why teenagers simultaneously push us away while desperately needing our presence, and how parents can invest in their own nervous systems to weather these storms.

Perhaps most powerfully, Todd reminds us that attachment isn't about perfection – research shows secure relationships miss connection bids 50-60% of the time. It's about showing up consistently, even imperfectly, with the understanding that our love remains the most powerful intervention we have.

You'll learn:

• Why sensitive kids often present as tough and disconnected – and how "defensive detachment" protects them from the pain of unmet connection needs
• The critical difference between punishment and boundaries, and how to communicate limits while preserving relationship
• How to navigate the teenage paradox: their biological drive for independence colliding with their continued need for guidance and safety
• Practical nervous system regulation techniques (including 4-7-8 breathing) that help parents stay grounded during explosive moments
• Why investing in your own self-care isn't selfish – it's essential preparation for holding space during your child's struggles
• The power of "bridging" – maintaining connection even through conflict, letting your child know that nothing can change your love for them

EPISODE RESOURCES:

• Transformative Parenting website
• Todd’s Instagram

This podcast is part of a nonprofit called Hopestream Community
Learn about The Stream, our private online community for moms
Find us on Instagram here
Find us on YouTube here
Download a free e-book, Worried Sick: A Compassionate Guide For Parents When Your Teen or Young Adult Child Misuses Drugs and Alcohol

Hopestream Community is a registered 501(c)3 nonprofit organization and an Amazon Associate. We may make a small commission if you purchase from our links.

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

In this episode Cathy and I discuss unique skills from the business world that can be applied to our relationships - especially one with a struggling teen or young adult who is misusing substances and has mental health challenges.

I share a surprising learning I picked up from reading a book about hostage negotiation (you may even be able to relate to that kind of situation) and we dig into why it’s important for parents not to take your child’s actions and behaviors too personally. We tie this all into the CRAFT approach (of course) and I give a first hand account of how skills like SURF communication can be applied with anyone in your world, not just your struggling child.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

• Never Split the Difference - negotiating as if your life depends on it, by Chris Voss

This podcast is part of a nonprofit called Hopestream Community
Learn about The Stream, our private online community for moms
Find us on Instagram here
Find us on YouTube here
Download a free e-book, Worried Sick: A Compassionate Guide For Parents When Your Teen or Young Adult Child Misuses Drugs and Alcohol

Hopestream Community is a registered 501(c)3 nonprofit organization and an Amazon Associate. We may make a small commission if you purchase from our links.

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

If someone in your life has an unhealthy relationship with drugs and/or alcohol, you likely already know my guest for today’s episode - Amber Hollingsworth. Amber hosts the wildly popular YouTube channel, “Put The Shovel Down,” with nearly 1 million subscribers.

Amber and I sat down to talk about her addiction-riddled family of origin, and the best advice she gives family members from her two-plus decades in the field of addiction counseling. We cover what to do if parents aren’t on the same page about their child’s substance use, her thoughts on how to navigate a child and a partner or spouse’s addiction at the same time, whether she believes in “rock bottom,” and so much more.

Amber is a passionate and delightful human who clearly cares about anyone struggling with substances (and their family members) - as evidenced by her 1,000+ free YouTube videos that serve as a lifeline for so many in this difficult position.

You’ll learn:

• How Amber got started in the field of addiction counseling with a group of teens and zero experience
• Where to start first if your child and spouse are both struggling with substances
• Why Amber believes in “moments of clarity” rather than “rock bottom”
• The difference between a parent’s punishment and the world’s consequences

EPISODE RESOURCES:

• • Put The Shovel Down YouTube Channel
  • Family Recovery Academy - Amber’s Organization, Hope For Families

This podcast is part of a nonprofit called Hopestream Community
Learn about The Stream, our private online community for moms
Find us on Instagram here
Find us on YouTube here
Download a free e-book, Worried Sick: A Compassionate Guide For Parents When Your Teen or Young Adult Child Misuses Drugs and Alcohol

Hopestream Community is a registered 501(c)3 nonprofit organization and an Amazon Associate. We may make a small commission if you purchase from our links.

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

When your friend or family member has a child struggling with mental health and substance use, it can feel awkward and difficult to know how to help support them. This episode is meant to be a resource for learning ways that you can be helpful, not hurtful, when your friend or family member is experiencing a parenting crisis.

I share some common misperceptions about addiction and substance use, talk about the latest science on motivation and change, and give real examples of what you can do to help. It’s a practical guide to give you ideas and new information about substance use, mental health and navigating the hardest parenting season.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

• Dr. Anna Lembke on Hopestream episode 110
• Addiction Primer for Friends and Family Members

This podcast is part of a nonprofit called Hopestream Community
Learn about The Stream, our private online community for moms
Find us on Instagram here
Find us on YouTube here
Download a free e-book, Worried Sick: A Compassionate Guide For Parents When Your Teen or Young Adult Child Misuses Drugs and Alcohol

Hopestream Community is a registered 501(c)3 nonprofit organization and an Amazon Associate. We may make a small commission if you purchase from our links.

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

Trevor Hanson had accumulated a pretty good life - from living on a beach in Hawaii, to getting a great job at Tesla and engaged to be married. One year later, he was unemployed, his engagement and his jaw were both broken, and he was living alone in the Reno desert.

Trevor suffered depression, nightmares, and suicidal thoughts before deciding to seek therapeutic help. He developed a real appreciation for the process of therapy – but he also had ideas about how it could be better.

Today, Trevor holds a master's degree in marriage and family therapy and has helped thousands of people around the world, specializing in a topic critical for everyone, especially parents, to understand: attachment. Trevor has undergone training from some of the world’s top attachment experts, and today he brings his expertise and unique concepts to the podcast.

When I sat down with Trevor, we discussed the basic types of attachment styles, why our ‘style’ can lead to difficulties in relationships with our kids, and why being part of a supportive community is a vital part of helping us move from anxious or avoidant attachment, to secure.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

• The Secure Self Club

This podcast is part of a nonprofit called Hopestream Community
Learn about The Stream, our private online community for moms
Find us on Instagram here
Find us on YouTube here
Download a free e-book, Worried Sick: A Compassionate Guide For Parents When Your Teen or Young Adult Child Misuses Drugs and Alcohol

Hopestream Community is a registered 501(c)3 nonprofit organization and an Amazon Associate. We may make a small commission if you purchase from our links.

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

We've all been there. A tense or heated conversation where something flies out of your mouth that you don't really mean, or you inflict your 'help' when it's not wanted or needed. You might, at times, find yourself solving a problem that has nothing to do with you, or you give well-intentioned advice to someone who will never, ever take it.

Enter our favorite Hopestream tool...the Lip Clip. A metaphorical device that prevents you from jumping in when you should really stay back, and gives you a magical opportunity to observe before acting. The problem is, when and how do you use the Lip Clip to its maximum effectiveness?

In this episode, you'll learn what situations the Lip Clip is best suited for, how to apply it so you get the most out of it, and, importantly, when and how not to use it. As always, Cathy and I give personal examples from our lives and you'll walk away with a clear idea of how you can put this powerful little tool to use with a challenging child, or anyone in your life who tends to trigger you to act in ways you'd rather not.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Hopestream episode with Dr. Mark McConville - Getting Unstuck From Failure To Launch Mode (ep. 51)

This podcast is part of a nonprofit called Hopestream Community
Learn about The Stream, our private online community for moms
Find us on Instagram here
Find us on YouTube here
Download a free e-book, Worried Sick: A Compassionate Guide For Parents When Your Teen or Young Adult Child Misuses Drugs and Alcohol

Hopestream Community is a registered 501(c)3 nonprofit organization and an Amazon Associate. We may make a small commission if you purchase from our links.

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

Substance use and recovery can shift every aspect of a young person's life - even the faith that has been deeply ingrained in someone’s upbringing. Parents often have visions and expectations of their child's lives, and for parents of faith, that usually includes a life of shared values and traditions. So what happens when our kids choose differently?

My guest today, Heather Frazier, only developed ideas about this when her own children not-so-politely exited the family's religious practice. Her advice has striking similarities to our advice to parents of kids struggling with substance use: maintaining healthy, open relationships while learning to let go of expectations and abandoning a false sense of control.

In this episode, Heather explains the "dangerous two-part cocktail" of unhealed wounds and ego. We discuss the fullness of God's plan for our family's lives, how looking inward can change our perspective, and how a distorted view of traditional Christianity may contribute to the feelings of being not-enough that often fuel substance misuse.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

• Heather’s website
• Pivot Parenting Podcast

This podcast is part of a nonprofit called Hopestream Community
Learn about The Stream, our private online community for moms
Find us on Instagram here
Find us on YouTube here
Download a free e-book, Worried Sick: A Compassionate Guide For Parents When Your Teen or Young Adult Child Misuses Drugs and Alcohol

Hopestream Community is a registered 501(c)3 nonprofit organization and an Amazon Associate. We may make a small commission if you purchase from our links.

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

When Ed and Mary Ternan finally met the police officer who had been on scene at their son's overdose death, he had an off-the-record theory: "This is not official, and you'll have to wait for toxicology to come back, but this is going to be fentanyl," the officer told them.

News about the synthetic opioid is inescapable today, but in 2020, the couple had never heard of it. Charlie was a popular, successful student with no substance use issues. How could this have happened?

As it turned out, Charlie was Santa Clara County's seventh fentanyl death in only 10 days. Suffering occasional pain from back surgery a year earlier, Charlie had taken a single counterfeit pill purchased from a dealer ("plug") on Snapchat.

Incredibly, it took less than two months for Ed and Mary Ternan to found a nonprofit dedicated to awareness and education about the skyrocketing deaths from accidental fentanyl overdose. In this episode, we trace the lessons we can learn from Charlie's story, the storm of circumstances that has placed young people in such danger, and how to reach both kids and parents in specific ways.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

• Song For Charlie website
• Bandcamp page for Song For Charlie (download the song here)

This podcast is part of a nonprofit called Hopestream Community
Learn about The Stream, our private online community for moms
Find us on Instagram here
Find us on YouTube here
Download a free e-book, Worried Sick: A Compassionate Guide For Parents When Your Teen or Young Adult Child Misuses Drugs and Alcohol

Hopestream Community is a registered 501(c)3 nonprofit organization and an Amazon Associate. We may make a small commission if you purchase from our links.