ABOUT THE EPISODE:

When a young person you love is struggling with substances or challenging behaviors, the instinct to fix everything can feel overwhelming. In this illuminating conversation, marriage and family therapist Todd Sarner brings decades of attachment science into sharp focus, and offers a roadmap for parents navigating the turbulent waters of adolescence.

Drawing from his training with Dr. Gordon Neufeld and other attachment pioneers, Todd reveals why our kids' most hurtful behaviors often mask their deepest needs for connection. We explore the delicate dance between holding firm boundaries and maintaining compassion – what Todd beautifully describes as being both the "agent of futility" (clear limits) and the "angel of comfort" (empathy). We unpack why teenagers simultaneously push us away while desperately needing our presence, and how parents can invest in their own nervous systems to weather these storms.

Perhaps most powerfully, Todd reminds us that attachment isn't about perfection – research shows secure relationships miss connection bids 50-60% of the time. It's about showing up consistently, even imperfectly, with the understanding that our love remains the most powerful intervention we have.

You'll learn:

• Why sensitive kids often present as tough and disconnected – and how "defensive detachment" protects them from the pain of unmet connection needs
• The critical difference between punishment and boundaries, and how to communicate limits while preserving relationship
• How to navigate the teenage paradox: their biological drive for independence colliding with their continued need for guidance and safety
• Practical nervous system regulation techniques (including 4-7-8 breathing) that help parents stay grounded during explosive moments
• Why investing in your own self-care isn't selfish – it's essential preparation for holding space during your child's struggles
• The power of "bridging" – maintaining connection even through conflict, letting your child know that nothing can change your love for them

EPISODE RESOURCES:

• Transformative Parenting website
• Todd’s Instagram

This podcast is part of a nonprofit called Hopestream Community
Learn about The Stream, our private online community for moms
Find us on Instagram here
Find us on YouTube here
Download a free e-book, Worried Sick: A Compassionate Guide For Parents When Your Teen or Young Adult Child Misuses Drugs and Alcohol

Hopestream Community is a registered 501(c)3 nonprofit organization and an Amazon Associate. We may make a small commission if you purchase from our links.

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

In this episode Cathy and I discuss unique skills from the business world that can be applied to our relationships - especially one with a struggling teen or young adult who is misusing substances and has mental health challenges.

I share a surprising learning I picked up from reading a book about hostage negotiation (you may even be able to relate to that kind of situation) and we dig into why it’s important for parents not to take your child’s actions and behaviors too personally. We tie this all into the CRAFT approach (of course) and I give a first hand account of how skills like SURF communication can be applied with anyone in your world, not just your struggling child.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

• Never Split the Difference - negotiating as if your life depends on it, by Chris Voss

This podcast is part of a nonprofit called Hopestream Community
Learn about The Stream, our private online community for moms
Find us on Instagram here
Find us on YouTube here
Download a free e-book, Worried Sick: A Compassionate Guide For Parents When Your Teen or Young Adult Child Misuses Drugs and Alcohol

Hopestream Community is a registered 501(c)3 nonprofit organization and an Amazon Associate. We may make a small commission if you purchase from our links.

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

If someone in your life has an unhealthy relationship with drugs and/or alcohol, you likely already know my guest for today’s episode - Amber Hollingsworth. Amber hosts the wildly popular YouTube channel, “Put The Shovel Down,” with nearly 1 million subscribers.

Amber and I sat down to talk about her addiction-riddled family of origin, and the best advice she gives family members from her two-plus decades in the field of addiction counseling. We cover what to do if parents aren’t on the same page about their child’s substance use, her thoughts on how to navigate a child and a partner or spouse’s addiction at the same time, whether she believes in “rock bottom,” and so much more.

Amber is a passionate and delightful human who clearly cares about anyone struggling with substances (and their family members) - as evidenced by her 1,000+ free YouTube videos that serve as a lifeline for so many in this difficult position.

You’ll learn:

• How Amber got started in the field of addiction counseling with a group of teens and zero experience
• Where to start first if your child and spouse are both struggling with substances
• Why Amber believes in “moments of clarity” rather than “rock bottom”
• The difference between a parent’s punishment and the world’s consequences

EPISODE RESOURCES:

• • Put The Shovel Down YouTube Channel
  • Family Recovery Academy - Amber’s Organization, Hope For Families

This podcast is part of a nonprofit called Hopestream Community
Learn about The Stream, our private online community for moms
Find us on Instagram here
Find us on YouTube here
Download a free e-book, Worried Sick: A Compassionate Guide For Parents When Your Teen or Young Adult Child Misuses Drugs and Alcohol

Hopestream Community is a registered 501(c)3 nonprofit organization and an Amazon Associate. We may make a small commission if you purchase from our links.