For most of my 5 brutal years of insomnia, I called myself an insomniac. Out loud, to other people, and in my own head.

It felt like the truth. Looking back, calling myself an insomniac was doing real damage.

Why the word keeps you stuck

Every time you say you're an insomniac, you build an identity around it. Insomnia stops being something you're going through and starts being who you are.

And once it's who you are, your brain starts watching for proof. Every bad night confirms it. Every good night feels like luck.

That watching keeps the alarm in your brain on. And that alarm is the exact thing keeping you awake at night.

So here's what I tell my clients. You're not an insomniac. You're you. Insomnia is something you're dealing with for a while, and things you go through come to an end.

Stop making sleep the main thing you talk about

The same goes for talking about it.

You complain about it to friends, to family, to yourself. I get why. It feels good to get it off your chest for a minute.

But most people won't get what you're going through. A lot of them will give you advice that doesn't help, like "just relax" or "have you tried melatonin?" And every talk about your sleep makes it a bigger deal, not a smaller one.

When people asked how I slept, I used to say it was okay, even when it wasn't. Now I tell my clients to do the same, but for a different reason. Not to hide it. To stop making sleep the thing everybody talks about.

So when someone asks, say "I slept fine," and talk about something else. Talk about the things you'll talk about once your insomnia is gone. That's good practice for the life you want back.

It's okay to lean on a partner or a close friend. Just make sure they understand what you're working on. Otherwise they might say things that pull you the other way.

Your worst nights are your best chance

Here's something that sounds backwards at first.

If you want to become less afraid of bad nights, the bad nights are where it happens. Not the good ones.

You don't get over the fear of not sleeping when everything is going great, or when you have a random good night and don't know why. You get over it by facing the thing you're afraid of, and seeing that you can handle it.

On some of my worst nights I felt like I got exactly 0 hours of sleep. The next day I was drained, fatigued, exhausted. But I still went through it.

Every time you get through a day like that, your brain learns something. That a bad night isn't the emergency it thought it was.

So the next rough night, ask yourself two questions. Can I see tonight as practice, a chance to fight less and get used to being awake? And can I see tomorrow as a chance to prove I can get by, and maybe even have a good day?

Your challenge this week

Two things.

First, drop the word insomniac. If it comes out, say "I'm going through insomnia" instead.

Second, the next time someone asks how you slept, say "I slept fine," and change the subject.

Every time you do this, sleep gets a little less important to your brain. And the less important it is, the more the alarm can come down. Once that alarm comes down, sleep comes back on its own.

If you want my personal help ending insomnia, start a 7-day FREE trial of the End Insomnia Program on Skool and recover within 12 months or get a full refund👇

Start Your 7-Day FREE Trial on Skool

To peaceful sleep,

Ivo at End Insomnia

Why should you listen to me?

I recovered from insomnia after 5 brutal years of suffering. I've now coached 100s like you to end their insomnia for good, 100% naturally, by fixing the root cause: hyper-arousal.

[FIRST NAME GOES HERE],

During my 5 brutal years of insomnia, I tried pretty much everything. Pills, supplements, weighted blankets, gadgets, anything really.

What actually changed things for me wasn’t something I bought. It was mindfulness meditation. It was at the core of my recovery.

I know, when you’re exhausted, meditation can sound like one more thing on your list. You just want your old life back. So let me tell you why it’s worth it.

What meditation really is

You sit up straight and put your attention on your breathing. Your mind goes somewhere else, again and again. Every time you notice, you bring it back.

That’s it. You’re not trying to reach some special calm state. You’re not trying to empty your mind. You’re just practicing being here, right now.

Reason 1: You get better at noticing

You can’t stop fighting the night if you don’t notice you’re fighting it.

You can’t be kind to yourself if you don’t catch yourself being hard on yourself.

And you can’t stop checking the clock if you only realize you did it after the math is already running in your head.

Meditation works on exactly that. Every time your mind goes off and you bring it back, you get a little better at noticing in the moment. And once you catch it, you get to choose something different.

Reason 2: It helps your body come out of flight or fight

Your nervous system has two sides. One side switches on flight or fight, and it switches on fast, because your survival depends on it.

The other side calms you down, so you can rest. That side comes on much more slowly.

With insomnia, the flight or fight side is working way too hard, and the calm side barely gets a chance.

Research shows that meditation turns on that calm side and turns down flight or fight. And the more you practice, the easier it gets for your body to make that switch on its own.

That’s the alarm in your brain coming down. And that alarm is the exact thing keeping you awake at night.

Reason 3: It changes your brain over time

More than 24 studies looked at the brains of people who meditated every day for 8 weeks.

The parts of the brain that help you think straight and handle your emotions got stronger. And the part of the brain that sets off the alarm got smaller.

There’s also more and more research showing that a daily meditation practice on its own can help people with chronic insomnia.

Not because it’s a trick to fall asleep. Because it breaks the stress cycle that keeps insomnia going.

One thing to keep in mind

Don’t use meditation to force sleep tonight. The second it becomes a trick to make you sleep, it turns into a sleep effort, and sleep efforts don’t work. Your brain feels the pressure, and the alarm stays on.

You meditate for the long run. It’s the same as going to the gym. One day doesn’t change much. A few months of showing up every day changes a lot.

For me, the more I brought the alarm down, the less attention I paid to my sleep. And the less attention I paid, the better it got.

Your practice this week

Tomorrow morning, sit down for 5 minutes. Put your attention on your breathing, and every time your mind goes somewhere else, bring it back.

Do it every day this week, no matter how you slept. That’s how you start teaching the alarm in your brain to switch off. And once that alarm comes down, sleep comes back on its own.

If you want my personal help ending insomnia, start a 7-day FREE trial of the End Insomnia Program on Skool and recover within 12 months or get a full refund👇

Start Your 7-Day FREE Trial on Skool

To peaceful sleep,

Ivo at End Insomnia

Why should you listen to me?

I recovered from insomnia after 5 brutal years of suffering. I've now coached 100s like you to end their insomnia for good, 100% naturally, by fixing the root cause: hyper-arousal.

For most of my 5 brutal years of insomnia, I didn’t want anyone to know how bad it was.

We don’t want to be seen as weak. We prefer to appear tough. I was like that. But deep down, I was suffering, and it was hard.

And I see the same thing in a lot of my clients. Especially the ones who have always pushed themselves. They’re used to being strong, getting things done, and meeting high expectations.

Then insomnia shows up, and suddenly they can barely function.

Why this hits people who push themselves the hardest

When you’re used to solving every problem by trying harder, insomnia feels like a personal failure.

You’ve done everything right. You tried the pills, the supplements, the routines, maybe even CBT-i. And you still can’t sleep. So the voice in your head says you must be weak.

On top of that, you don’t feel like yourself anymore. You’re low energy, you’re not productive, you don’t feel like you used to. All of that hits how you see yourself, and that’s completely normal during insomnia.

But there’s nothing weak about it. Some of the most driven people I’ve coached had insomnia for years, and they recovered.

Here’s the problem with that voice.

Every time you call yourself weak at 2 am, your brain reads that as danger. And danger is exactly what keeps the alarm in your brain switched on.

That alarm is the whole reason you can’t sleep. So the harder you are on yourself, the harder it gets for the alarm to switch off.

A sentence that calms the alarm

Here’s a simple practice you can do anytime, day or night.

First, think of something that’s been bothering you. Your sleep, or anything else.

Then find where you feel it in your body. Maybe it’s a knot in your stomach. A heavy chest. Tense muscles. Just notice where it is.

Keep your attention there, and say a few kind words to yourself. Something like:

“I feel awful right now. That is okay. It will pass.”

Or:

“This is really hard. I’m here for you."

That’s it. You’re not trying to fix anything. You’re not trying to make the feeling go away. You’re just being there for yourself, the same way you would be for someone you love.

It might feel weird at first. That’s normal. The more you practice, the more natural it gets.

Being kind doesn’t mean going soft

A lot of driven people worry that if theyre kind to themselves, they’ll get lazy. That they’ll lose the discipline that made them successful.

You won’t. You can be kind to yourself and still hold yourself accountable. You can still push toward your goals. You can still stick to your sleep window and wake up at the same time every day.

The only difference is that you stop beating yourself up when things are hard.

And that difference matters a lot for your sleep. Because a brain that feels under threat stays on guard. And a brain on guard keeps the alarm on all night.

When you meet your worst nights with care instead of blame, your brain starts to feel safe again. That’s when the alarm starts to settle down. And when the alarm settles down, sleep comes back on its own.

Your practice this week

Every time you catch yourself being hard on yourself, stop for a second.

Find where you feel it in your body. Put your attention there. And say, “I feel awful right now. That is okay. It will pass.”

Do it every time, even when it feels weird. That’s how you teach the alarm in your brain that it doesn’t need to protect you from yourself.

If you want my personal help ending insomnia, start a 7-day FREE trial of the End Insomnia Program on Skool and recover within 12 months or get a full refund 👇

Start Your 7-Day FREE Trial on Skool

To peaceful sleep,

Ivo at End Insomnia

Why should you listen to me?

I recovered from insomnia after 5 brutal years of suffering. I've now coached 100s like you to end their insomnia for good, 100% naturally, by fixing the root cause: hyper-arousal.

During my 5 brutal years of insomnia, I spent months thinking there must be something seriously wrong with me.

And at 3 am, the voice in my head was not nice. “What’s wrong with you? Why can’t you just sleep like everybody else? Everyone else can do this.”

I thought being tough on myself would help. Like if I pushed hard enough, I would finally get it right.

It did the opposite.

Why being hard on yourself keeps you awake

Research across 48 studies found that people who are hard on themselves have more anxiety and more depression. It doesn’t make you stronger. It just makes the night harder.

And here’s the part that matters for sleep. When you talk to yourself like that, your brain reads it as one more threat. The part of your brain that looks for danger gets more active.

That’s the alarm in your brain. And that alarm is the exact thing keeping you awake at night.

So every time I called myself broken at 3 am, I was feeding the alarm that was causing my insomnia in the first place.

Research also shows the other side. Being kind to yourself calms that same part of the brain down. So being kind to yourself during insomnia is one of the most practical things you can do for your sleep.

Insomnia is not your fault

Here’s how it usually starts. A few weeks of stress you barely noticed. Some bad news. Even a cold that gave you a couple of rough nights.

Then you start worrying about sleep. The worry keeps the alarm on. You sleep worse, so you worry more. And before you know it, you’re stuck in a vicious cycle.

Anyone in that cycle would be struggling. It has nothing to do with being weak. Your brain learned to treat the night as a threat, and that’s all that happened.

Everybody thinks their insomnia is unique at first. I thought the same about my own insomnia for 5 brutal years. But the pattern is always the same.

And a fear your brain learned, it can also unlearn. I’m living proof of that, and so are the hundreds of people I’ve coached.

Try this: talk to yourself like a friend

Think about a rough night you had recently. Probably even last night? The worry, the anger, the feeling that you’re failing.

Now picture a good friend coming to you and telling you they’re going through the exact same thing. You know how it feels, because you’ve been there.

What would you say to them?

You wouldn’t say,

“What’s wrong with you? Just relax and sleep.

You’d probably say something like,

“I get it. This is really hard. You’re going to be okay.

Now say those same words to yourself. Close your eyes, think of your own rough night, and give yourself the care youd give your friend.

It’s going to feel weird at first. For most of us, being hard on ourselves is automatic, and being kind to ourselves is new. That’s normal. It gets easier the more you practice.

What this does for your sleep

Being kind to yourself doesn’t make the rough nights disappear. Youre still tired. It still sucks.

But it takes away the extra layer of pain you were adding on top. All the blame, all the whats wrong with me.” That’s dirty pain, and it only keeps the alarm going.

When your brain stops hearing a threat from you, the alarm has one less reason to stay on. And once that alarm comes down, sleep comes back on its own.

So tonight, when you catch that voice, stop and ask yourself one question. What would I say to a friend right now? Then say that to yourself.

If you want my personal help ending insomnia, start a 7-day FREE trial of the End Insomnia Program on Skool and recover within 12 months or get a full refund 👇

Start Your 7-Day FREE Trial on Skool

To peaceful sleep,

Ivo at End Insomnia

Why should you listen to me?

I recovered from insomnia after 5 brutal years of suffering. I've now coached 100s like you to end their insomnia for good, 100% naturally, by fixing the root cause: hyper-arousal.

For 5 brutal years I told myself the same thing. Once I sleep normally again, everything else in my life is going to be fine.

So I put everything on one number. The hours I got last night. Everything else in my life was on hold until that number went up.

And that’s the trap, because what you chase, evades you.

A quick question

Say you slept 3 hours last night and you feel like crap this morning. And then today you win the lottery. Three billion dollars.

(Or your child is born).

How would you feel?

Probably pretty amazing, right? On the same 3 hours of sleep. Your whole state changed in one second, and nothing about last night changed.

I use this with my clients because it shows something important. The hours you got don’t decide your day on their own. What’s going on in your life and where your attention goes matter just as much.

Why chasing good sleep keeps the alarm on

Here’s the other half of it. Even when you get the thing you were waiting for, you get used to it pretty fast, and it stops feeling special.

We do this with everything, not just sleep. The new job. The new house. You want it for years, you get it, and a few months later its just normal.

Sleep works the same way. I see it with my clients all the time. They get a few good nights in a row and they feel amazing. Then the fear comes back. What if I lose this?

And that fear alone is enough to wake the old alarm back up. A few bad nights follow, and it feels like the progress is gone.

It’s not gone. But it does tell you something. As long as good sleep is the one thing your whole life depends on, your brain still sees the night as something to protect. And as long as there’s something to protect, the alarm stays switched on.

That alarm has to come down first. Sleep returns after that, not before.

Aim at the day insteadS

o stop aiming at tonight, and aim at today.

Do things that matter to you, even tired. Small ones count too. Time with your family. The gym. Your work. A walk outside.

Those things are your values, and you can act on them on any day. Good night or bad night. You don’t have to feel like a million bucks to do them.

The goal here is to care less about sleep. And when you care less, your body stops seeing the night as a threat, and sleep starts to happen on its own.

One thing to keep in mind here.

You’re not doing them to sleep better tonight. The second you turn it into a trick for sleep, it becomes another Sleep Effort, and your brain feels the pressure again.

You do them because that’s the life you want back. The better sleep is what shows up later, once the alarm is off.

What I’d tell you to do this week

Write down 2 or 3 things that matter to you. Not the things you think should matter. The ones that actually do.

Then do them this week, no matter how you sleep.

Some of those days will be rough. Rough days pass.

At the end of the week, look at what you did instead of the hours you got. Confidence comes from evidence, and the evidence you need is a week of days where you showed up anyway.

That’s the switch that starts to turn the alarm off. And once it’s off, the sleep comes back on its own.

If you want my personal help ending insomnia, start a 7-day FREE trial of the End Insomnia Program on Skool and recover within 12 months or get a full refund 👇

Start Your 7-Day FREE Trial on Skool

To peaceful sleep,

Ivo at End Insomnia

Why should you listen to me?

I recovered from insomnia after 5 brutal years of suffering. I've now coached 100s like you to end their insomnia for good, 100% naturally, by fixing the root cause: hyper-arousal.

During my 5 brutal years of insomnia, my whole life got smaller.

I stopped making plans. I stopped doing things I enjoy. And a couple of hours of work tired me out completely. I was burned out all the time. I also used to hate just thinking about going to bed at night.

It made complete sense to me back then. When you barely sleep, you don't feel like going out. You don't feel like hitting the gym. You don't feel like seeing friends.

So during insomnia we self-isolate. We stop meeting friends and family. We stop doing the things we want. We stop our hobbies.

Why that makes the nights worse

Every time we cut something out, our life gets a little more about sleep. And when your life is all about sleep, every single night turns into a test you have to pass.

Your brain reads that pressure as danger. So the alarm in your brain stays switched on. And that alarm is the exact thing keeping you awake at night.

Because the fear we carry all day is exactly what keeps that alarm going. It's sitting there waiting for you the moment your head hits the pillow.

It also builds our insomniac identity. We start to believe we are insomniacs. That we're broken. That we're going to be like this forever.

So the smaller my life got, the bigger my insomnia got.

Get your life back first

For years I was waiting to sleep normally again before I would start living again. It works the other way around. That's why the real work of fixing insomnia happens during the day.

You get your life back first, with the fatigue and all. The pressure comes off your nights. The alarm in your brain starts to switch off. And then sleep comes back on its own.

So say yes to the dinner. Go to the gym tired. Make the plans. Book the trip. I hated sleeping in a hotel bed for most of those 5 years, so I know exactly what I'm asking here.

Yes it sucks when you're running on a few hours. But it's 100% doable, and I promise you it's nowhere near as bad as your morning brain tells you it's going to be.

Every time you go anyway, you show your brain that your life doesn't depend on last night.

What about coffee and alcohol?

A lot of people give up coffee and alcohol completely because of insomnia. I understand why. When you're desperate, you try everything.

You can have your coffee in the morning. That's fine. It won't stop you from recovering. Just don't take any after noon while your nervous system is still on high alert.

I love Diet Coke and that one kept me awake at night too as it has caffeine, so I treat it the same way.

Alcohol is a different story. A drink with friends is fine. Drinking to fall asleep is a sleep effort, and every night you drink to sleep, you teach your brain that sleep needs help. That belief keeps the alarm switched on.

It also knocks you out at the start, which feels like a win. Then a few hours later your body works through it and it breaks up the second half of your night. And the next day you feel like crap.

So keep the drinks social, and keep them light while you're working on this.

Your challenge this week

Pick one thing insomnia took from you. The gym, dinner with friends, a trip, whatever it is for you.

Put it back this week. Do it tired if you have to.

That's how you teach the alarm in your brain that there's nothing to protect. And once that alarm comes down, sleep takes care of itself.

If you want my personal help ending insomnia, join me inside the End Insomnia Program on Skool and recover within 12 months or get a full refund👇

Start Your 7-Day FREE Trial on Skool

To peaceful sleep,

Ivo at End Insomnia

Why should you listen to me?

I recovered from insomnia after 5 brutal years of suffering. I've now coached 100s like you to end their insomnia for good, 100% naturally, by fixing the root cause: hyper-arousal.

I used to wake up foggy. Counted the hours. And then decided that the day is going to be ruined.

During my 5 brutal years of insomnia, just a couple of hours of work tired me out completely. I was burned out all the time. So I know exactly what you’re going through.

But here’s what I know now. How you feel in the first hour after a bad night tells you almost nothing about the rest of your day.

Our energy goes up and down all day, even for people who sleep great. Everybody gets tired in the afternoon. It’s completely normal.

And the brain fog usually gets better once you start moving. So don’t decide at 7 am how your whole day is going to go.

Molding your day around your sleep

A lot of people with insomnia start molding their entire day around how they slept the night before.

Good night? You do the important stuff. Bad night? You only do the bare minimum.

And every time you do that, you teach your brain that your whole day depends on last night. Which means tonight becomes a test. And a test is pressure.

And pressure is exactly what keeps the alarm in our brain switched on. So the more your day depends on your sleep, the harder it gets to sleep.

So do the important stuff anyway, even after a bad night. Even if you’re not feeling like a million bucks.

That’s how you prove to yourself that insomnia doesn’t get to dictate what you do and what you don’t do.

It usually goes better than you expect.

And every time you get it done, you build evidence that you can do way more on bad sleep than you think. I keep telling my clients this: confidence comes from evidence.

You still showed up

The goal is to live your day as normally as possible, even when you’re tired.

That doesn’t mean you have to pretend everything is great. Being tired is completely normal. Yes it sucks, but it’s 100% doable.

Think back to the time before insomnia. You probably had a bad night here and there. And the next day you still went to work without even thinking about it.

So after a bad night, you still show up. You still do the thing. You still go to work. You still spend time with your family.

And at the end of the day you look back and go, okay, the world didn’t end. It was actually a pretty good day.

That in itself starts to lower the stakes on sleep. Because once your day stops depending on your night, the night gets a lot less scary. And that’s when the alarm in your brain can finally start to switch off.

What about big days?

Me personally, I NEVER sleep before an early flight. My brain just won’t let me. It’s like, “hey, if I let you sleep, you’ll miss it 100%.”

And that’s TOTALLY fine. Because the next night, things just go back to normal.

Think about the people who compete in the the Olympics. Do you think anybody sleeps the night before? Nobody does. And they still crush records.

Because our bodies are resilient. Way more resilient than insomnia makes us believe.

So before a big day, you go anyway. You show up, and you let the day happen.

And when you crush it on a bad night of sleep, you prove to yourself that you can handle whatever comes. Every time you do that, the fear before the next big day gets a little smaller.

So here’s my challenge for you.

Today, whatever kind of night you have, pick one thing you’d normally save for a good night. And do it anyway.

If you want my personal help ending insomnia, join me inside the End Insomnia Program on Skool👇

Start Your 7-Day

FREE Trial on Skool

To peaceful sleep,

Ivo at End Insomnia

Why should you listen to me?

I recovered from insomnia after 5 brutal years of suffering. I've now coached 100s like you to end their insomnia for good, 100% naturally, by fixing the root cause: hyper-arousal.

You have probably thought some version of this.

“Once I fix my sleep, everything will be better. I’ll feel like me again. I’ll finally be happy.”

That makes sense. Sleep feels like the one thing standing between you and the life you want.

But there is a trap hiding in that idea. And seeing it clearly is one of the most freeing things you can do right now.

We get used to good things fast

Here is something researchers have studied for years.

You have a normal level of happiness. Call it your baseline. You believe that hitting some big goal will raise that baseline for good.

But when you actually get the thing, you feel a bump for a while, and then you drift right back to where you started.

The new thing becomes normal. And then you start looking for the next thing.

There is a famous study from 1978 that showed this.

A few months after winning, lottery winners were not happier than people who never won.

And people who became paralyzed in accidents were not much less happy than everyone else once they adjusted. Good or bad, we get used to it.

Think about your own life.

Maybe you once thought, “Once I get this job, this house, this relationship, then I’ll really be happy.” And maybe you got it. And it was great for a while. Then it just became your life.

This does not mean goals are bad. But building your whole sense of purpose on a future win, including beating insomnia, sets you up to keep chasing.

What actually helps

Researchers say three things shape your happiness. The level you were born with. Your life setup, like money and health and job. And the things you choose to do each day.

Because we get used to our life setup so fast, that third one matters most. What you do each day, and how you show up for it, is where you have the most power.

That is where values come in.

Values are different from goals. A goal is something you finish. Get the promotion. Run the race. Fix your sleep.

A value is a way of being that you live out every day, no matter what is going wrong. Things like honesty. Courage. Kindness. Curiosity. Love. Humor.

You can finish a goal. You can never finish a value. Your values are always there for you. Even on your worst day. Even after your worst night. That is what makes them so powerful.

When you act on a value, the act itself means something. Not because it leads to a result, but because it is who you want to be. That kind of meaning does not wear off.

A quick exercise

Ask yourself three questions. Write down whatever comes up.

• What do I want my life to stand for?
• How do I want to show up each day?
• At my funeral someday, what would I want a close friend to say about how I lived?

Now pick three to five values that stand out. Not ones you think you should have. Ones that really matter to you.

Then write one line for each about what living it looks like.

If your value is courage, maybe it is “facing my fears to do what matters.”

If it is kindness, maybe it is “being kind to others and to myself every day.”

Keep it to three to five. More than that and they lose their meaning.

Why this helps your sleep

When your sense of purpose rests on a future win like sleeping well, every bad night feels like a threat to everything.

But when your purpose comes from how you live each day, a bad night is just a bad night. It is still hard. But it does not take the meaning out of your life.

That drop in pressure is quietly one of the best things you can do for your sleep.

If you want my personal help ending insomnia for life by fixing the root cause, join me and many others inside the End Insomnia Program.

Start Your 7-Day FREE Trial on Skool

To peaceful sleep,

Ivo at End Insomnia

Why should you listen to me?

I recovered from insomnia after 5 brutal years of suffering. I've now coached 100s like you to end their insomnia for good, 100% naturally, by fixing the root cause: hyper-arousal.