In an increasingly complex, polarised, and fast‑moving world, the ability to have high‑quality conversations may be one of the most important leadership skills we have.

In this episode of We Not Me, Dan Hammond and Pia Lee are joined by Dianna Anderson, founding member of the International Coaching Federation and a pioneer of coaching-based leadership. Together, they explore why conversations are the hidden engine of change — and how curiosity, presence, and shared language can help teams and societies move forward together.

Dianna introduces her framework “Untying the Knot”, offering a practical way to understand what really blocks progress in conversations — and how to shift from argument and polarity to connection, trust, and hope.

🎯 Three Reasons to Listen

1. Learn a simple framework for navigating difficult conversations
   Diana’s Untying the Knot model helps you quickly identify what’s really getting in the way — whether it’s awareness, fear, or skills.
2. Build confidence to engage across difference
   Discover how to stay grounded, curious, and connected — even when values, worldviews, or emotions run high.
3. Reconnect with hope in a complex world
   This episode reframes today’s uncertainty not as collapse, but as fertile ground for meaningful change — starting with how we talk to one another.

✨ Episode Highlights

• Why change today is fundamentally different — and why linear conversations no longer work
• How our worldviews shape every interaction (often without us realising)
• The three types of “knots” that block progress in teams and relationships
• Why curiosity is more powerful than persuasion
• How to regulate yourself before entering high‑stakes conversations
• The link between psychological safety, leadership, and behavioural change
• Why hope is not naïve — but a leadership choice
• How better questions can completely transform everyday conversations

🔓 The Three Knots That Block Change

Diana explains that when conversations stall, there’s always a knot — and it’s usually one of these:

• Do‑Not‑See Knots
  Someone isn’t aware of a possibility, assumption, or perspective.
• Do‑Not‑Want Knots
  Fear, risk, or emotional resistance is holding someone back.
• Do‑Not‑Know Knots
  A genuine skills or capability gap is creating friction.

Identifying the right knot helps focus the conversation where change can actually happen.

💡 Practical Takeaways

• Enter conversations with curiosity, not certainty
• Ask open questions like “How does this make sense to you?”
• Don’t aim to win — aim to understand
• Regulate yourself before engaging others
• Start small: connection is success

📚 Recommended by Dianna

📖 Maybe You Should Talk to Someone — Lori Gottlieb
A warm, thoughtful exploration of different human worldviews through the lens of therapy — and a powerful way to build empathy and curiosity.

🔗 Links Mentioned

• We Not Me podcast:
  👉 https://www.squadify.net
• Squadify (podcast supporter):
  👉 https://www.squadify.net
• Book recommendation:
  Maybe You Should Talk to Someone by Lori Gottlieb
  (Available via major book retailers and libraries)
• International Coaching Federation (ICF):
  👉 https://coachingfederation.org

🎙 About the Guest

Dianna Anderson is a founding member of the International Coaching Federation and a global thought leader in coaching-based leadership and change. With over 30 years of experience, she helps leaders and organisations build shared language for navigating the human side of complexity, transformation, and collaboration.

In this episode, Dan and Pia are joined by Danielle DeMarco and Greg Neufeld to explore a powerful idea: the family is the first and most important team we ever belong to. Drawing on their backgrounds in venture capital, startups, and leadership, Danielle and Greg share how they intentionally design family culture using the same principles that underpin high‑performing teams — clarity, shared identity, rituals, and psychological safety.

The conversation spans family values, collective purpose, rites of passage, co‑leadership, and why modern parenting often creates more anxiety than clarity. Along the way, the group surfaces lessons that apply not just at home, but directly to enterprise teams, co‑leaders, and organisations navigating complexity.

Three Reasons to Listen

1. Reframe family as a team — not a series of individuals
   Learn how shared identity, collective incentives, and simple rituals can dramatically strengthen connection and reduce fragmentation at home and at work.
2. Practical leadership ideas you can apply immediately
   From family meetings to co‑leader alignment rituals, this episode offers concrete practices that translate directly into enterprise teams and leadership partnerships.
3. A refreshing antidote to “perfect parenting” culture
   Danielle and Greg challenge fear‑based parenting narratives, replacing them with a zoom‑out, long‑game approach grounded in culture, intention, and compassion.

Show Highlights

• Family as the first team: Why the earliest lessons about teamwork, expectations, and belonging are learned at home.
• Shared identity in action: The Neufeld family cheer — and how rituals instantly shift five individuals into one collective.
• Incentives that unite, not divide: How a shared “super ding ding ding” reward reinforces team behaviour rather than individual competition.
• High standards + high support: Lessons from elite investment cultures (including Ken Griffin’s Citadel) applied to family leadership.
• Culture lives in the present: Why great culture isn’t built for a distant future — but day by day, moment by moment.
• Family meetings done right: Moving beyond logistics and correction toward appreciation, learning, and connection.
• Rites of passage and individuation: Helping children climb their own mountains while keeping family as base camp.
• Co‑leadership under pressure: How to surface fear beneath non‑negotiables and stay on the same side.
• Why things going wrong is not failure: A powerful reframing of mistakes, hit rates, and “winning enough” in families and teams.
• Media recommendations with a twist: From the Founders podcast to Real Housewives as an unexpected masterclass in group dynamics.

Useful Links & References

• The Most Important Thing Podcast — Danielle DeMarco & Greg Neufeld
  Focused on intentional family culture, leadership at home, and raising capable, connected humans.
• Bruce Feiler – Happy Families
  Referenced for its research on family meetings as a cornerstone of strong family culture.
• The Founders Podcast
  Recommended by Greg for studying timeless leadership and entrepreneurial mental models.
• Real Housewives (Franchise)
  Danielle’s unconventional but insightful recommendation for observing group dynamics, power, rupture, and repair.

Maintaining relevance and purpose as we age requires letting go of entitlement based on experience, embracing genuine curiosity about new things, and focusing our energy on meaningful connections and contributions within our immediate sphere of influence rather than consuming anxiety-inducing information we cannot control.

Three reasons to listen

• Explore how to maintain relevance and purpose as you age without falling into entitlement or becoming disconnected from younger generations.
• Understand the balance between bringing wisdom from experience and staying curious about new developments in a rapidly changing world.
• Rethink what legacy means beyond career achievements, focusing on love, connection, and positive impact on the people directly around you.

Episode highlights

• [00:00] Introduction: A Special Episode in New York
• [01:35] Hitting the Big 6-0: Expectations vs. Reality
• [03:15] Life 6.0 and Finding Comfort in Your Own Skin
• [04:45] Navigating Age Discrimination and Bias in Tech
• [06:50] The Duty of Curiosity and Learning AI
• [08:10] Combating the Fear of Irrelevance at 3:00 AM
• [10:20] Neolithic Floods: The Evolutionary Value of Elders
• [12:35] Defining Legacy: Family, Capitalism, and Spirit
• [15:45] The Power of Love and Connection in Teams
• [17:15] Managing Stress: Moving from Global News to Local Influence
• [19:30] Closing: Celebrating in New York

Links

• Track and improve your team performance with Squadify
• Leave us a voice note

AI transformation is fundamentally a human transformation, not a technology project. Success depends on taking deliberate steps to build AI literacy across your entire organisation while managing fear and maintaining team cohesion.

Most companies are still at the beginning of their AI journey. The key is to start with a clear plan that's reviewed regularly, ensure everyone from board level to front desk has basic AI literacy, and create psychological safety by addressing fears about job loss.

Stephen Hunt is serial entrepreneur whose AI journey dates back to 2011, when he used machine learning and neural networks to for ad targeting. He founded the Square Wave initially as a hobby project to help him understand AI, and he now works with clients on AI transformation, providing training and helping organisations develop AI strategies.

Three reasons to listen

• Understand the leadership, rather than the technical challenges posed by AI transformation
• Start building AI literacy immediately through research, prompting, and training
• Reframe AI as an opportunity for humans to be amplified rather than replaced

Episode highlights

• [00:12:53] What opportunities is AI presenting right now?
• [00:19:46] How to start taking advantage of AI
• [00:22:12] Three core AI literacy skills
• [00:26:40] Start with clarity
• [00:31:12] Where to start
• [00:35:52] Steve's media recommendation
• [00:38:12] Takeaways from Pia and Dan

Links

• Connect with Steve via LinkedIn
• The Square Wave
• Startups Decoded – Steve’s podcast recommendation
• Track and improve your team performance with Squadify
• Leave us a voice note

Many groups calling themselves teams are actually "TINOs" (Teams In Name Only) — collections of individuals focused on their own functional KPIs rather than collective goals. Transforming them into real teams needs three critical elements: a shared goal that transcends individual targets, genuine interdependence through cross-functional strategies, and executing together on making work visible and collaborative.

Three reasons to listen

• Identify the telltale signs you’re in a Team in Name Only
• Transform TINO behaviour into genuine teamwork
• Build psychological safety and interdependence amongst team members so they feel supported rather than isolated

Episode highlights

• [00:01:58] What is a TINO?
• [00:05:31] Defining a clear team
• [00:10:27] The challenges of increased visibility
• [00:12:53] You don't need to wait for a crisis

Links

• Track and improve your team performance with Squadify
• Leave us a voice note

Teams often struggle with hidden dysfunctions that disguise themselves as positive behaviours, like pretending everything’s fine when it isn't, making decisions in corridors rather than as a team, and heaping blame on a single person rather than addressing systemic issues.

These patterns are particularly insidious because they hide under seemingly good intentions, making them difficult to spot and address.

Noj Hinkins is a team coach and leadership development consultant. He’s been working with senior teams for the past 15-20 years, typically at director level and above, doing one-on-one coaching, team building, and leadership development work. He specialises in identifying dysfunctions that can hold teams back.

Three reasons to listen

• Recognise when toxic positivity is preventing your team from addressing real problems and creating a disconnect between team members
• Identify and eliminate covert processes that override team decisions
• Spot scapegoating patterns where teams blame one person for systemic issues

Episode highlights

• [00:12:50] Team patterns in 2026
• [00:14:19] Toxic positivity
• [00:24:23] Covert process
• [00:30:33] Scapegoating
• [00:41:39] What to do first if you spot these patterns
• [00:43:34] Noj's media recommendation
• [00:44:53] Takeaways from Dan and Pia

Links

• Covert Processes at Work, by Robert Marshak
• So Far So Good, by the Blue Moon – Noj’s media recommendation
• Track and improve your team performance with Squadify
• Leave us a voice note

In a working world where the conversation is increasingly dominated by AI, we need to consciously prioritise human connection and old-school practices, like face-to-face conversations, physical books, and time for deep thinking, to avoid becoming trapped in a cycle of constant acceleration that ultimately undermines our wellbeing and what makes us fundamentally human.

Jon Whittle is the former CEO of CSIRO's Data61, Australia's national AI research and development centre. He led a team of around 500 scientists, engineers and support staff across Australia. Jon’s working is transitioning to helping organisations understand and adopt AI in an effective, human-centred way, particularly with boards and leadership teams.

Three reasons to listen

• To reframe AI adoption around human needs rather than pure efficiency
• To discover the risks of outsourcing human connection to AI
• Ao learn how to adopt old-school practices that preserve your humanity

Episode highlights

• [00:10:24] Leading hundreds of scientists and engineers
• [00:13:14] What it means to be human in an AI world
• [00:23:25] The danger of sharing problems with AI rather than other humans
• [00:31:33] What Jon has learned from classical Indian dance
• [00:36:18] AI for Business
• [00:39:55] Jon's media recommendation
• [00:42:06] Takeaways from Pia and Dan

Links

• Connect with Jon via LinkedIn
• AI for Business – Jon’s book
• CSIRO presents: Everyday AI – Jon’s podcast
• Turning Down the Noise – Jon’s media recommendation
• Track and improve your team performance with Squadify
• Leave us a voice note

Leading through uncertainty means accepting complexity rather than fighting it. The most powerful tool for doing so is clarity.

While conventional wisdom suggests focusing on trust-building and communication skills, Squadify data shows that starting with clarity – specifically around shared goals, processes, and measures of success – is what actually transforms groups of individuals into cohesive teams and drives performance.

Three reasons to listen

• Learn to befriend uncertainty and focus on what you can influence
• Discover how to build team cohesion through clarity rather than trust exercises
• Understand how teams work together as the key performance driver

Episode highlights

• [00:02:31] Jamie's question
• [00:03:36] Befriending uncertainty
• [00:05:38] Are you a team, or a TINO?
• [00:08:51] The sixth dysfunction in teams
• [00:11:12] The trigger question for high performance
• [00:13:42] Doubling down on humanity
• [00:16:41] Coming up in 2026

Links

• Track and improve your team performance with Squadify
• Leave us a voice note