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Many partners expect relief when sobriety begins.
Instead, they may feel confused, guilty, and angry when everything is finally going well.

In this episode, Matt and Paige explore why anger often surfaces months or even years into recovery, not during the chaos itself. They break down how survival mode suppresses emotion, why the brain protects relationships through betrayal blindness, and how safety is often what allows buried feelings to finally emerge.

They also talk about the guilt partners feel for being angry once their loved one is doing everything right, why being grateful and angry can coexist, and how avoiding the past in the name of moving forward often creates more damage long term.

If you have ever asked yourself, “Why am I angry now?” this conversation will help you understand what is happening and what to do with it.

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Most partners think they’re “holding someone accountable,” but what they’re really doing is chasing accountability, forcing awareness, and slipping into shaming without realizing it. This episode cuts through all of that.

Paige breaks down the difference between identity attacks and behavior statements, why shame can be a driver for change but shaming never works, and how to communicate in a way that aligns with your values even when the person you’re talking to doesn’t change.

If you’ve ever wondered why your conversations escalate instead of resolve, or why “explaining it better” doesn’t help, this episode will give you the clarity you’ve been missing.

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In this Mindset Monday, Matt gets real about why the holidays are a pressure cooker for people in recovery and for the families who love them. He shares hard personal memories from his last Christmas in active addiction and his first Christmas sober, and breaks down the three stages of relapse, emotional, mental, and physical, so you can catch a slip long before a drink ever hits your hand. You will hear simple rules for getting through parties, travel, and family drama without “testing” your recovery, plus how to talk with your spouse about support without falling into codependent patterns. Matt also walks spouses through his three tiers of holiday invitations for someone in active addiction, from full invite with hard boundaries to separate, safer meetups, so you can protect your kids and the sanctity of the day without losing your mind. If this is your first sober Christmas or your first one on your own, this episode will help you grieve what was, create new traditions, and remember there is still a fire inside you and a future worth building.

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In this first episode of our three part anger series, we talk about what anger really is when you are still with someone in active addiction or someone sober, but unhealed. Anger is not a flaw to fix or a sign that you are the problem. It is a mobilizing, revolutionary emotion that is trying to tell you that you are not safe, that your values are being violated, and that you cannot keep living like this.

We break down the difference between anger and aggression, why stuffing anger down only prolongs the chaos, and how waiting for your partner to finally take accountability keeps you stuck. You will hear how we each processed anger differently, how to use anger as fuel instead of a weapon, and how to start shifting from destructive reactions to constructive action using our VEER framework. Even if your partner is in recovery or you are already out of the relationship, this episode lays the groundwork for parts 2 and 3, so do not skip it.

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In this Mindset Monday, Matt sits down with the questions men usually ask in private. These are the messages he gets from guys in crisis who are trying to get sober, repair their marriage, and figure out what it actually means to be a good man.

We'll go rapid fire through questions like:
• “Why do I have to be the one to change first?”
• “If I am sober, why is she still angry?”
• “How long is she supposed to stay mad after I apologized?”
• “Why do I feel like the bad guy even when I am trying?”
• “Do I get to have needs too, or is it all about her healing?”
• “How much of her triggers are my responsibility?”
• “What is the difference between her boundary and her controlling me?”
• “Why does everything still get blamed on my addiction, even when I am sober?” • “Why does she shut down about sex?”

Matt shares the mindset shifts that helped him get and stay sober for nearly 13 years, rebuild his marriage, become a better father, and stop seeing himself as the victim of his own past. If you are a man who is trying to change, or a partner who wants to understand what might be going on in his head, this one will give you language, perspective, and a challenge to rise to.

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In this Paige’s Perspective, I talk about something I see online all the time. There is a lot of content that normalizes staying stuck. People laugh about being overwhelmed or blame survival mode for how they treat others, and it removes the accountability that actually creates change.

I share my own experience with anxiety, panic disorder, depression, OCD, and the season this summer when I slipped back into survival mode. I explain how I decided to treat those moments as a challenge instead of a permanent identity. You can understand your struggle and still choose to rise from it.

This episode is a reminder that your symptoms are real, your pain is real, and your potential is real too. You are capable of more than you think, and you do not have to shrink to make other people comfortable. You can grow, you can heal, and you can stand back up.

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In this episode Matt breaks down why people struggling with addiction and people in relationships with addicts keep their standards low and stay stuck in the same cycles. He explains why so many men fear success more than failure, why sobriety feels terrifying even when you know you can do it, and how comfort becomes the enemy of long-term recovery.

Matt shares his own story of keeping the bar on the floor for years and how Paige’s unrelenting standards for honesty, integrity, and showing up as a good man forced him to confront the life he was hiding in. He talks about burning the boats on the old life that was easy but destructive, raising the bar, and finally committing to the hard work that recovery requires.

This episode also speaks directly to spouses and partners of addicts, explaining why they lower expectations, avoid enforcing boundaries, and silence themselves to avoid conflict, abandonment, or disappointment. Matt shows the parallel between men avoiding effort and spouses avoiding expectations, and how both create long-term pain and resentment.

If you are trying to get sober, rebuilding trust, fighting for your marriage, or trying to find yourself again after years of addiction-related chaos, this episode will give you clarity, direction, and a push toward the higher standards that lead to real change.

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We live in a world that is obsessed with asking, “Why am I like this?” and “Why are they like this?” Trauma, childhood wounds, addiction, nervous systems, attachment. All important pieces of the puzzle. But at some point, just understanding the why stops moving your life forward. It can quietly turn into a hall pass for staying stuck.

In this episode, Matt and Paige talk about the missing piece in so many trauma and addiction conversations. The how. How do you start responding differently when your nervous system is wired for survival. How do you stop pouring your pain onto your kids and partner. How do you move from “this is why I am the way I am” to “this is what I am going to do about it.”

Together they explore:
• Why insight and validation alone do not rebuild a marriage or keep you sober
• How too much compassion without boundaries can keep both spouses and addicts in victim mode
• Practical ways to create a pause between reaction and response, especially with kids
• What it really looks like to break generational patterns, even when it feels unfair and impossible
• Why you do not have to fully understand your trauma before you start healing it

If you are tired of overanalyzing, tired of feeling broken, and ready to actually do something different, this conversation will challenge you and remind you that you are not powerless.

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