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If you cling when someone pulls away, panic when a text goes unanswered, or want closeness and fear it at the same time, you're not "too much" — you're likely running an Attachment pattern formed long before the relationship you're in now.

In this video, Gary explains Anxious and Disorganized Attachment: where the terror of being abandoned comes from, why the two styles feel so different from the inside, and how early experiences of unreliable or frightening caregivers wire the nervous system to expect loss.

Gary trained under Thaddeus Birchard, founder of ATSAC (The Association for the Treatment of Sex Addiction and Compulsivity) — the body that shaped how sex and porn addiction is treated clinically in the UK. He works with both addicts and their partners through separate, specialist pathways, trains and supervises other therapists in this field, and hosts The Sex Addiction Podcast (66K+ downloads, 187 episodes).

TAGS:

Core/broad:

fear of abandonment, anxious attachment, disorganized attachment, attachment styles, attachment trauma

Specific/technical:

anxious attachment style, disorganized attachment style, abandonment issues, fearful avoidant attachment, attachment and childhood trauma

Intent-based:

why am I afraid of being abandoned, why do I panic when someone pulls away, signs of abandonment issues, why am I so clingy in relationships, how to heal abandonment fears

Credibility/framework tie-in:

trained by Thaddeus Birchard, ATSAC therapist, sex addiction specialist UK, accredited sex addiction therapist

Long-tail:

anxious vs disorganized attachment difference, signs of fear of abandonment in relationships, how childhood causes abandonment fear

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Send us Fan Mail

On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre

"I don't need anyone" often sounds like strength — but it's frequently a trauma response, not a personality trait. In this video, Gary breaks down hyper-independence: why it develops (usually from learning early on that relying on others wasn't safe or reliable), how it quietly damages relationships by keeping partners, friends, and family at arm's length, and why the people who most need connection are often the ones most convinced they don't.

Gary trained under Thaddeus Birchard, founder of ATSAC (The Association for the Treatment of Sex Addiction and Compulsivity) — the body that shaped how sex and porn addiction is treated clinically in the UK. He works with both addicts and their partners through separate, specialist pathways, trains and supervises other therapists in this field, and hosts The Sex Addiction Podcast (66K+ downloads, 187 episodes).

TAGS:

Core/broad:
hyper independence, trauma response, self reliance, emotional trauma, relationship psychology

Specific/technical:
hyper independence trauma, why I don't need anyone, avoidant coping, childhood trauma and independence, fear of relying on others

Intent-based:
why can't I ask for help, why do I push people away, is hyper independence a trauma response, why do I refuse help from others

Credibility/framework tie-in:
trained by Thaddeus Birchard, ATSAC therapist, sex addiction specialist UK, accredited sex addiction therapist

Long-tail:
signs of hyper independence, hyper independence and childhood trauma, how to unlearn hyper independence

Support the show

Send us Fan Mail

On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre

Most relationship patterns — the ones you keep repeating without meaning to — trace back to one thing: your Attachment Style. In this video, Gary breaks down the four Attachment Styles (secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized), what drives each one, and why understanding yours is often the missing piece in relationships that keep hitting the same wall.

This isn't about labelling yourself — it's about recognising the pattern so you can actually change it. Gary trained under Thaddeus Birchard, founder of ATSAC (The Association for the Treatment of Sex Addiction and Compulsivity) — the body that shaped how sex and porn addiction is treated clinically in the UK. He works with both addicts and their partners through separate, specialist pathways, trains and supervises other therapists in this field, and hosts The Sex Addiction Podcast (68K+ downloads, 192 episodes).

TAGS:

Core/broad:

attachment styles, attachment theory, secure attachment, insecure attachment, relationship psychology

Specific/technical:

anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, disorganized attachment, attachment style quiz, attachment and relationships

Intent-based:

what is my attachment style, why do I push people away, why am I so anxious in relationships, how to fix insecure attachment

Credibility/framework tie-in:

trained by Thaddeus Birchard, ATSAC therapist, sex addiction specialist UK, accredited sex addiction therapist

Long-tail:

signs of anxious attachment style, signs of avoidant attachment style, how attachment style affects relationships

Support the show