In this episode of The Self-Driven Child Podcast, I sit down once again with my good friend and New York Times bestselling author Jeff Selingo. You probably know Jeff from his book Who Gets In and Why, which cracked open the mysterious college admissions process. But now, he’s back with a powerful new guide, Dream School: Finding the College That’s Right for You.

We explore the realities behind the college admissions frenzy—the pressures, the myths, and the real indicators of student success. Jeff and I dive deep into why so many students and families narrow their college lists too soon, how prestige bias and community pressure shape decision-making, and what really matters when it comes to finding the best college fit. Whether you're a parent, student, educator, or just curious about higher education, this episode is a roadmap to cutting through the noise and focusing on what will actually help kids thrive.

Episode Highlights:

[1:55] - Welcoming back Jeff Selingo and his new book Dream School
[3:41] - Unpacking the narrative arc from elite admissions to finding fit
[5:27] - Why students and parents fixate on prestige and how that narrows options
[7:40] - Grade inflation and the overconfidence trap
[10:44] - Why balanced college lists matter more than ever
[13:49] - Conformist bias and how schools like Archer are challenging the status quo
[16:38] - Misconceptions around adding more "backup" schools
[18:21] - Is college worth it? A nuanced look at ROI and student outcomes
[23:06] - Why regional job markets matter more than college name
[26:45] - The value of being a "big fish" at a smaller school
[30:56] - Faculty incentives, mentorship, and why engagement matters
[34:50] - Hands-on learning and mentors as keys to student success
[37:09] - How to spot signs of strong faculty engagement on campus visits
[41:23] - Belonging uncertainty and how it affects student retention
[45:47] - First-year programming that fosters connection and success
[46:59] - Extracurriculars as a path to discovery, not just admissions
[49:59] - Bringing joy back to the college search
[51:55] - Finite vs. infinite games and redefining what college is really about

Links & Resources:

· Jeff Selingo's new book: Dream School: Finding the College That’s Right for You

· College Scorecard: https://collegescorecard.ed.gov

· National Survey of Student Engagement (NSSE): https://nsse.indiana.edu

· The Craziest Year Ever in College Admission with Jeff Selingo: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-craziest-year-ever-in-college-admission-with/id1676859533?i=1000650463806

· Who Gets In and Why with Jeff Selingo: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/who-gets-in-and-why-with-jeff-selingo/id1676859533?i=1000613195766

If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.

If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

Hey folks, Ned here! In this episode, I sit down once again with my friend and co-author Dr. Bill Stixrud for a candid, real-world conversation not just about whether your kid is ready for college—but whether you are too. While we’ve talked before about student readiness, today we focus on the parent side of the equation.

We dive deep into the emotional rollercoaster of sending a kid off to college—especially that first semester. From managing your own stress and expectations to shifting your role from fixer to consultant, we cover the principles that help young adults step up while helping parents step back (without losing their minds). Whether your teen is packing their bags or you're still a few years out, this episode is packed with wisdom, laughs, and some very practical takeaways to support both you and your child through this major life transition.

Episode Highlights:

[1:27] - Framing the college transition and the emotional load it carries for both kids and parents
[3:24] - Why so many students flounder during the first semester of college
[4:50] - What it really means to be "college-ready": from laundry to self-regulation
[7:33] - Parents’ struggle to let go: DoorDash, bad Wi-Fi, and the illusion of control
[9:10] - The N.U.T.S. framework: understanding stress triggers in the college transition
[13:06] - How to show up as a “non-anxious presence” for your college-bound kid
[15:18] - Why being a consultant—not a commander—is more effective and brain-friendly
[18:45] - Teaching resilience through trust and shared problem-solving
[21:01] - Handling late-night panic calls and how not to take on your kid’s stress
[24:21] - Setting healthy communication boundaries without harming the relationship
[26:21] - Tuition, leverage, and waivers: what parents can control
[27:51] - How regular Sunday check-ins can be a win-win for parents and students
[33:10] - The messy, non-linear path to adulthood—and why that’s okay
[35:18] - Plan B thinking: preparing mentally and emotionally for alternate routes
[37:51] - Gap years, burnout, and why "not now" doesn't mean "never"
[41:20] - A personal story: why Ned didn’t call his son that first night of college
[43:12] - Final takeaways: consult, don't control—and maybe get a dog

Links & Resources:

· Who's Ready For College: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-self-driven-child/id1676859533?i=1000653304892

· Navigating Childhood Anxiety: A Conversation With Dr. Eli Lebowitz: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-self-driven-child/id1676859533?i=1000619235562

If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.

If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

As parents, we often think of middle school as a gauntlet—something our kids just need to survive. But my guest today, education leader, author, and school founder Chris Balme, sees it differently. To him, middle school is an extraordinary time of growth and self-discovery—a period where young people’s brains are changing at their fastest pace since early childhood, making it the perfect time to nurture creativity, agency, and resilience.

Chris joins me to share ideas from his new book, Challenge Accepted: 50 Adventures to Make Middle School Awesome—a guide for kids themselves to turn these years into something remarkable. With challenges ranging from stealth artistry to healing broken friendships, Chris shows us how experiences can inspire, connect, and grow the skills kids truly need for life. Along the way, we talk about adolescent brain development, the power of awe, peer-led conflict resolution, and why middle schoolers deserve more agency than they usually get.

If you’ve got a tween about to make the leap—or you’re already in the thick of it—this conversation will help you see these years not as a trial to endure, but as a hero’s journey worth embracing.

Episode Highlights:

[0:00] – Kicking off with a quick update on The Seven Principles for Raising a Self-Driven Child: The Workbook
[1:37] – Introducing Chris Balme and his passion for transforming the middle school experience
[4:19] – Why middle schoolers are the “ultimate underdogs” and how reframing these years changes everything
[7:25] – Building a curriculum of experiences—how “Challenge Accepted” was born
[10:19] – Science-backed challenges for the TikTok generation that build connection, creativity, and agency
[13:04] – The “Stealth Artist” challenge and the value of positive rule-breaking
[23:54] – “Propose a Better Rule” and empowering students to create real change
[29:01] – The brain science and benefits behind “Find Awe in Nature”
[35:06] – “Heal a Broken Bond”—tools and mindsets for repairing friendships
[46:27] – Why middle schoolers are heroes in their own epic adventure

Links & Resources:

· Chris's Website https://www.chrisbalme.com/about

· Harry Chapin: Flowers Are Red https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4cVpkzZpDBA

· Mike Nicholson - educator https://www.learninspired.org/about

If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.

If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

What happens when schools set boundaries on student phone use—not to punish, but to empower learning? In this episode, I sit down with Julie Yang, President of the Montgomery County, Maryland Board of Education, to explore the increasingly complex relationship between students, smartphones, and learning environments. Julie brings both personal and professional insights from her roles as an educator, board leader, and parent to help us unpack how thoughtful school policies can shape healthier, more focused, and less anxious learning experiences.

We dive into how schools are navigating the pros and cons of technology in classrooms, what research says about screen time and attention, and why policies need to be rooted in both compassion and practicality. Julie walks us through the real-life rollout of phone regulations in one of the country’s largest school systems, and the student feedback that’s reshaping how we think about tech in education. If you’re a parent, educator, or student wondering what “phone away for a better day” really looks like—this conversation’s for you.

Episode Highlights:

[3:44] – Why regulating phone use in schools is such a hot topic right now
[5:18] – Montgomery County’s current phone policy and the balance between rules and student self-regulation
[7:30] – How student phone use has evolved through the 2010s, the pandemic, and beyond
[10:28] – The rise of screen addiction and why setting boundaries isn’t anti-tech—it’s pro-learning
[13:26] – Including student voices: What focus groups revealed about phone policies
[16:45] – Middle school and high school student reactions to phone-free learning environments
[18:49] – Creative implementation strategies from different schools—no one-size-fits-all approach
[23:34] – How to help teens develop respectful and effective phone habits
[29:00] – Teaching students that even phones need recess—and how digital detox benefits us all
[35:23] – Are Chromebooks and other tech tools part of the problem too?
[38:57] – Social media, mental health, and why phones are only one piece of a bigger puzzle
[43:45] – Final thoughts on partnership, reflection, and the importance of revisiting regulations

Links & Resources:

Julie's website: https://www.julieyang.org/

If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.

If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

It’s summer, and that means more time outside—and for me, that means time with trees. In this episode, I dive deep into how trees, those quiet giants of our world, can actually help us and our kids develop healthier minds and deeper self-awareness. I unpack some fascinating science behind what nature, especially time spent among trees, does for our brains, our stress levels, and even our test scores.

Inspired by Peter Wohlleben’s The Hidden Life of Trees, I explore not just the hidden life of trees, but the hidden life in trees—and what it can teach us about connection, cooperation, and the power of downtime. Whether you're a fellow tree-lover, a parent looking for ways to support your child’s mental health, or just someone who needs a reason to unplug and take a walk, this episode is for you.

Episode Highlights:

[0:00] - Why we fall back into old habits and the launch of our new workbook, The Seven Principles for Raising a Self-Driven Child
[1:20] - Introducing the episode theme: my love for trees and what they offer us mentally and emotionally
[3:14] - What Peter Wohlleben teaches us about trees' communication, cooperation, and support systems
[5:55] - Why intergenerational connections matter—and how forests model this beautifully
[7:03] - Green spaces and mental health: insights from Denmark and beyond
[9:02] - Understanding the default mode network and why downtime is vital for brain development
[12:25] - How nature improves test performance: the Johns Hopkins study and real-life results
[14:30] - A personal story of helping a student prep for the ACT with a walk in the woods
[16:08] - The danger of overscheduling our kids and the need for daily unstructured time
[17:40] - My son’s dreamy daydreaming as a child and how it shaped his path as a composer
[18:50] - How to gently support kids in managing phone use and embracing digital downtime
[19:46] - Final reflections and a call to get out in nature and enjoy a moment of peace and connection

Links & Resources:

• The Hidden Life of Trees by Peter Wohlleben: https://www.peterwohllebenbooks.com/

· Article: "Rest Is Not Idleness" by Mary Helen Immordino-Yang: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26168472/

If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.

If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

Hey folks, Ned here. If you're anything like me, you're always curious about how the younger generation views the world we're handing them—including the phones we put in their pockets and the social platforms we love to worry about. In this episode, I sit down with two remarkable high school students, Ellie and Flair, to talk not just about screen time and school phone policies, but how they really experience technology, anxiety, education, and what it means to grow up today.

Ellie and Flair are bright, honest, and totally engaging. They bring a much-needed perspective on teen tech use, mental health, screen addiction, and the nuanced balance between connection and distraction. This isn’t a conversation about teens—it’s a conversation with them. You’ll walk away with new insight into what our kids are thinking and feeling, and hopefully, how we can better support them.

Episode Highlights:
[0:00] Welcome and an exciting announcement about the new workbook
[1:30] Ellie reflects on generational changes in parenting and tech use
[3:35] Meet our brilliant guests: Flair and Ellie
[5:16] What BCC High School is like—diversity, size, and school culture
[6:17] Launching into today’s topic: phones, social media, and school policies
[8:23] What “PMDs” are and how new rules are enforced (or not)
[10:49] Why students in advanced classes often self-regulate better
[12:03] Calling out the adult double standard in screen use
[14:05] Social media as both connection and distraction
[17:01] Doomscrolling vs. genuine engagement—mental health reflections
[18:17] The healing power of nature and how it competes with dopamine
[21:05] How overprotection in the real world may fuel under-preparation
[24:51] Discussing “The Anxious Generation” and parental fears
[27:52] Does banning phones really solve anything?
[29:11] Ellie gets real about anxiety, overdiagnosis, and support systems
[33:11] Why blanket policies don’t reflect lived experience
[36:16] Can schools craft phone policies with students, not just for them?
[40:58] On class, academic support, and how expectations shape outcomes
[45:56] Highlighting the MoCAT exhibit and teen voice in action
[48:34] Final reflections: What teens really need from adults

Links & Resources:

The Museum of the Contemporary American Teenager (MoCAT): July 2–7 on the National Mall https://festival.si.edu/2025/youth-future-culture/mocat

If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.

If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

Hey folks, Ned here! This episode is a continuation of our eye-opening conversation with Dr. Stuart Slavin, a pediatrician, medical educator, and mental health advocate who's making waves in education reform. We dive deep into the hidden stressors in elite academic environments and explore what happens when you challenge the status quo.

In Part Two of our discussion, Stuart unpacks his groundbreaking research on high-performing high schools and reveals the sobering mental health statistics that too often go unnoticed. We also talk about real, practical solutions—from pass/fail grading to autonomy-supportive school cultures—that can drastically improve students' well-being without sacrificing academic outcomes. It's a powerful reminder that doing well and being well don't have to be at odds.

Episode Highlights:

[1:54] - Welcoming back Dr. Stuart Slavin and setting the stage for Part Two of our conversation.

[3:38] - Why it's "and," not "or": unpacking social media's role in student stress alongside deeper cultural forces.

[6:31] - Eye-opening survey data from 18 high schools revealing staggering rates of anxiety and depression.

[9:25] - Students define themselves by grades; extracurriculars are no longer fun—they're just more stress.

[11:19] - The "free day" pilot at SLU: one day off every other week led to better mental health and test scores.

[13:32] - How principles from positive psychology boosted connection, meaning, and performance.

[16:33] - Letting go of false incentives: moving from extrinsic to intrinsic motivation through pass/fail reforms.

[17:53] - Challenges schools face in shifting culture and making bold changes.

[20:06] - Stuart's upcoming parenting book: offering families a saner, science-based path to raising healthy kids.

[22:56] - It's not just the kids: how we're all part of the system that's failing them.

[25:49] - Schools must redefine what makes them "good": test scores or student wellness?

[29:22] - Practical mental health tools: meditation, breathing, and cognitive restructuring.

[33:41] - Real-life stories from students who found unexpected joy outside the Ivy League.

[35:26] - The dangers of rigid, narrow goals and the power of reframing.

[37:21] - Autonomy, connection, competence: how self-determination theory explains what students need.

[41:09] - Schools can change—if they have the courage. The research is clear, the model is ready.

[42:33] - A challenge to school leaders: want to try this? We’re in. Let’s make it happen.

Links & Resources:

If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.

If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com

In this episode, I sit down with Dr. Stuart Slavin—pediatrician, medical educator, and a true superhero in the world of educational reform. Stuart’s groundbreaking work has shown that yes, we can dramatically improve student mental health without compromising academic performance—and he has the results to prove it.

We get into why today's high schoolers are more stressed than med students, how maladaptive perfectionism is quietly damaging our youth, and what it really means to build resilience that lasts. Whether you're a parent, educator, or just someone who cares deeply about kids and learning, you don’t want to miss this conversation. Stuart's work is inspiring, actionable, and—best of all—hopeful.

Episode Highlights:

[0:00] - Introducing our new workbook, "The 7 Principles for Raising a Self-Driven Child".
[1:08] - Dr. Stuart Slavin on the surprising pressures teens face—more intense than med school.
[3:22] - Stuart’s origin story and how a curriculum role led to mental health reform.
[5:32] - How adolescent anxiety and perfectionism carry into adulthood.
[7:42] - The dangerous cost of maladaptive perfectionism and chronic stress.
[8:36] - What Stuart’s research revealed about depression, suicide risk, and medical students.
[11:41] - The 3-part intervention that changed everything at Saint Louis University.
[14:10] - Can cutting 10% of class time improve both health and test scores? (Spoiler: Yes.).
[17:54] - How a 90-minute resilience curriculum taught students to challenge toxic thoughts.
[22:01] - Why we must teach kids to recognize and reframe distorted thinking early.
[24:20] - Replacing perfectionism with a healthy pursuit of excellence.
[26:53] - Ned shares his own experience with depression and the power of having tools.
[28:26] - From frustrated parent to systemic change: Stuart’s fight for student well-being.
[30:21] - Final thoughts: to help kids thrive, we have to start upstream.

Links & Resources:

• Learn more about Dr. Stuart Slavin's work at ACGME: https://www.acgme.org/
• Episode 49 of The Self-Driven Child: How To Redesign Schools to Unleash Extraordinary Learning For All
• Research cited in the episode:
  • Medical student mental health 3.0: improving student wellness through curricular changes
  • Finding the Why, Changing the How: Improving the Mental Health of Medical Students, Residents, and Physicians
  • Reflections on a Decade Leading a Medical Student Well-Being Initiative

If this episode has helped you, remember to rate, follow, and share the Self-Driven Child Podcast. Your support helps us reach more people and create more content that makes a difference.

If you have a high school aged student and would like to talk about putting a tutoring or college plan together, reach out to Ned's company, PrepMatters at www.prepmatters.com