This episode is an update and re-record of episode 56

Consequences. Punishments. Limits. Boundaries.

These words don't mean the same thing but we often use them interchangeably.

In this episode, we get clear on what exactly is a consequence versus a punishment versus a boundary.

And how parenting through the lens of regulation, connection, and felt-safety is absolutely not boundary-less or permissive parenting.

It's a way of looking at our kids and asking "What does my child need for their success to be inevitable?" and then giving them that.

It definitely isn't about making sure our kids are always happy or never frustrated or we always say yes.

It's about changing the lens on how we view their expressions of emotions and behaviors.

And yes- it's about setting boundaries that keep our kids safe and help their brains develop the internalized co-regulation (self-regulation!) they need!


Read a summary of this episode and access the full show notes at: RobynGobbel.com/WhatAboutAConsequence

The Club- you never wanted to join, but are SO glad when you do. We're welcoming new members and would LOVE to have you!

RobynGobbel.com/TheClub for all the details and to join!

:::

:::

Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book

Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub

Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion

Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram

Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

If you’re parenting a child with a vulnerable nervous system when you have your own history of trauma, you know that sometimes your reaction isn’t really about what’s happening in front of you; it’s about what’s happened before. In this episode, we’re talking about how to gently uncover what might be going on when you have a huge stress response to a stressor that didn’t quite need an attack-level watchdog response.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• What a trigger actually is (and why it doesn’t feel like one in the moment)
• How to tell if your nervous system is reacting to now… or something older
• A simple step-by-step process to uncover and care for the belief driving your reaction

If you’re ready to go deeper into this work, the full Trigger Hunting masterclass is inside The Club.

Resources mentioned in this podcast:

• Trauma, Memory, & Behavior: Part 1 {EP 90}
• What a Trigger REALLY Is {EP 223}

Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/parenttraumatriggers

The Club is welcoming new members starting next Tuesday! Set yourself a calendar reminder and then head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub on Tuesday so you can get instant access to a community, resources, and the change to pick Robyn's brain!

Check out RobynGobbel.com/Trainings for the professional trainings scheduled around the US in 2026.

Get access to over 25+ free resources in our brand, new Free Resource Hub! RobynGobbel.com/FreeResourceHub

:::

Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book

Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub

Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion

Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram

Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

This is a re-record of a foundation episode, episode 94

The Stress Response System plays a huge role in our children's behaviors and also how we perceive those behaviors.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• What stress is and how to differentiate good stress from bad stress
• The impact of trauma and toxic stress to the Stress Response System
• How to build resilience in a sensitized Stress Response System
• A reframe to shift your own Stress Response System

The Club is welcoming new members starting next Tuesday! Set yourself a calendar reminder and then head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub on Tuesday so you can get instant access to a community, resources, and the change to pick Robyn's brain!

Check out RobynGobbel.com/Trainings for the professional trainings scheduled around the US in 2026.

Get access to over 25+ free resources in our brand, new Free Resource Hub! RobynGobbel.com/FreeResourceHub

:::

Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book

Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub

Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion

Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram

Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Content note: This episode discusses trauma, nervous system activation, and protective responses such as shutdown, dissociation, anger, and urgency. There are no graphic details, but please take care while listening.

If you have a history of trauma, your watchdog and possum parts have likely been working hard for a long time. And when you’re parenting a child with big baffling behaviors, those protectors can get loud.

In this episode, we draw inspiration from Dan Siegel’s work to explore what it means to be with your watchdog and possum without becoming them. This isn’t about silencing your protectors. It’s about building a relationship with them.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• How state integration allows you to notice your watchdog and possum parts without fusing with them
• Why curiosity and compassion widen your window of tolerance more effectively than control or self-criticism
• How caring for your protective parts begins with awareness, gratitude, and understanding what they need

Resources mentioned in this podcast:

• Free Resources Hub!
• Robyngobbel.com/webinar

Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/caringforyourown

The Club- you never wanted to join, but are SO glad when you do. We're welcoming new members and would LOVE to have you!

RobynGobbel.com/TheClub for all the details and to join!

:::

:::

Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book

Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub

Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion

Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram

Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

This is a re-record of a foundation episode, episode 7

The brain has two modes- connection or protection.

Protective behaviors include opposition, defiance, aggression- basically, any behavior that doesn't invite connection.

If we want to help shift our children's oppositional behaviors, we must first help their brain shift out of protection and into protection!

You can read more on my blog: robyngobbel.com/connectionorprotection/

Resources mentioned on the podcast:

• Match the Energy Not the Dysregulation ep 155
• Felt Safety Series- starts at ep 161
• Boundaries Series starts at ep 111
• Oppositional Behavior Series starts at 156
• All Behavior Makes Sense ep 198
• Focus on the Nervous System webinar

The Club is welcoming new members starting next Tuesday! Set yourself a calendar reminder and then head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub on Tuesday so you can get instant access to a community, resources, and the change to pick Robyn's brain!

Check out RobynGobbel.com/Trainings for the professional trainings scheduled around the US in 2026.

Get access to over 25+ free resources in our brand, new Free Resource Hub! RobynGobbel.com/FreeResourceHub

:::

Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book

Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub

Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion

Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram

Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Content note: This episode discusses trauma, parenting stress, nervous system activation, and self-compassion. There are no graphic details, but please take care while listening.

Parenting a child with a vulnerable nervous system can stretch your capacity in profound ways, especially when you have a history of trauma yourself. In this episode, we explore what it really means to nurture your window of tolerance, not through force or self-discipline, but through safety, connection, and compassion. This episode is about strengthening your own stress response system, not by pushing harder, but by offering your nervous system the conditions it needs to feel safe.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why widening your window of tolerance after trauma has to be gentle, relational, and slow
• How self-compassion functions as a powerful intervention to support your own nervous system
• Practical, realistic ways to nurture your window of tolerance through connection, repair, honoring limits, and micro-cues of safety
  
  

Resources mentioned in this podcast:

• Free Resources Hub!

Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/ParentWindowOfTolerance

The Club is welcoming new members starting next Tuesday! Set yourself a calendar reminder and then head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub on Tuesday so you can get instant access to a community, resources, and the change to pick Robyn's brain!

Check out RobynGobbel.com/Trainings for the professional trainings scheduled around the US in 2026.

Get access to over 25+ free resources in our brand, new Free Resource Hub! RobynGobbel.com/FreeResourceHub

:::

Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book

Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub

Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion

Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram

Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

On February 3, I taught a live webinar online- Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior.

This is the audio-only version of that webinar!

To watch the full video webinar and to download the accompanying resources, head to RobynGobbel.com/webinar

In this webinar, you'll learn

• the three core tenets that underlie behavior change
• what behavior really is
• how regulation, connection, and felt safety are related to behavior
• how the nervous system responds to stress
• why baffling behaviors are due to a sensitized stress response system
• how attachment or developmental trauma leads to baffling behaviors

The Club is welcoming new members starting next Tuesday! Set yourself a calendar reminder and then head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub on Tuesday so you can get instant access to a community, resources, and the change to pick Robyn's brain!

Check out RobynGobbel.com/Trainings for the professional trainings scheduled around the US in 2026.

Get access to over 25+ free resources in our brand, new Free Resource Hub! RobynGobbel.com/FreeResourceHub

:::

The All-About-Me workbook will help your child grow their owl brain and develop ways to calm their watchdog and possum brain. 24 page, full-color, instant download at RobynGobbel.com/store

:::

Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book

Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub

Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion

Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram

Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Content note: This episode discusses trauma, parenting stress, and nervous system activation. There are no graphic details, but please take care while listening.

If you’ve spent years learning about the nervous system to better support your child, and now you’re ready to offer the same curiosity and compassion to yourself, then this episode is for you.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• How core nervous system concepts like connection vs. protection, regulation, and felt safety apply to your trauma-shaped nervous system
• Why reactions rooted in watchdog and possum states make sense for you, too
• How sensitized stress responses, state-dependent functioning, and a narrowed window of tolerance explain why insight alone isn’t enough

Resources mentioned in this podcast:

• When Parenting Triggers Your Own Trauma Part 1 of 6 {EP 250}
• Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior {EP 84}
• Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior webinar & eBook

Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/TraumaShapedNervousSystem

The Club is welcoming new members starting next Tuesday! Set yourself a calendar reminder and then head to RobynGobbel.com/TheClub on Tuesday so you can get instant access to a community, resources, and the change to pick Robyn's brain!

Check out RobynGobbel.com/Trainings for the professional trainings scheduled around the US in 2026.

Get access to over 25+ free resources in our brand, new Free Resource Hub! RobynGobbel.com/FreeResourceHub

:::

Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book

Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub

Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion

Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram

Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)