We’re kicking off this week’s episode by fully endorsing the Louvre heist. We don’t condone crime...unless it’s chic, mysterious, and vaguely cinematic.

Then we talk about how Kylie Jenner defended her decision to wear that dress at the Bieber wedding. Girl, why…it was giving Met Gala at a “friend’s” wedding and we DON’T like that!

On the flip side, we learned Jenna Bush lived her best First Daughter college life by ditching her secret service for dorm room hookups…and we are obsessed.

Also, we’re fully casting directors because your girls have the Quicksilver adaptation figured out…okay, mostly just Carrion Swift, but priorities.

On the book front:

• Tori started The Huntress by Kate Quinn and she is locked in.
• Emily is multitasking her way through Throne of Glass on Kindle and Alchemy of Secrets by Stephanie Garber on Audible. Same vibe, lots of chaos.

This week, Tori’s baking era is in full swing, and we are living for it. From the rise of her sourdough starter to the zest of her lemon loaf, she’s keeping us all well-carbed.

In pop culture news:

• We’re still not okay with Justin Trudeau and Katy Perry’s relationship, let alone them kissing on her yacht. Our official stance? Do better, Justin.
• Charli XCX is basically in love with Taylor Swift…it’s actually romantic.
• Kevin Federline is dropping a memoir. We’re intrigued, but let’s all agree to take everything he says with a very large grain of salt.
• Lauren Conrad and Kristin Cavallari posted a photo together, and we are still screaming about the Laguna Beach reunion we never saw coming. 2000s girlies, rise.

On the book front: Tori finally finished Quicksilver…and it delivered. We’re talking spice, plot twists, romantic chaos, and yes, a little bit of divine dick energy. Let’s unpack it all.

This week, we officially enter our next Swiftie era with all our thoughts, feelings, and favorite lyrics from The Life of a Showgirl…and yes, we’ve been listening on repeat. And side note, Tori is now a baker.

Then we take a detour into disappointment with two reality TV OGs:

• Farrah Abraham for thinking it’s chill to let her 16-year-old get tattoos…we hope it’s a publicity stunt.
• Kim Zolciak for removing her daughter’s freckles…permanently. Ma’am…why?!

We also circle back to one of our favorite people to hate, Meghan Markle, and her truly tone-deaf move during her Paris trip. We have thoughts. Obviously.

Then it’s back to the bookish chaos as Tori gives her latest Quicksilver update, full of theories, questions, and emotional spirals. And Emily is right there with her.

Celebrity drama and book-fueled obsession with wine AND Tori’s bread on hand…the perfect mix.

This week, we ride the emotional wave of celebrity news starting with the heartbreaking death of Jane Goodall, a true loss. Then came the end of an era with the split of Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban, an equally true loss. Tori gave Emily an emotional break with the beautiful pictures from Selena Gomez and Benny Blanco’s wedding and proved love is still alive.

...Until Sydney Sweeney yanked us back down with news of her dating Scooter Braun, which, frankly, does not feel like a girls’ girl move.

On the book front, Emily finished Assassin’s Blade and was emotionally destroyed (no surprise), then immediately chased healing through laughter with Chelsea Handler’s I’ll Have What She’s Having…and yes, it delivered.

Finally, we check in on where Tori left off in Quicksilver and let’s just say, the theories, the thirst, the opinions were flowing.

Celebrity chaos, literary catharsis, and all the usual spirals.

This week, we’re blessed with the Laguna Beach reunion we didn’t even know we needed…and yes, Kristin Cavallari is still our favorite mean girl. Then it’s back to messy modern drama with Stassi Schroeder vs. Meghan Markle and we’re obviously team Stassi. Of course, there’s always room for more Taylor Swift love, because when is there not?

And just when we were about to deliver our regularly scheduled Quicksilver update, Emily steals the mic and unleashes all her thoughts on Assassin’s Blade because apparently, keeping that in was never an option.

Spoilers, nostalgia, and unhinged SJM spirals = the holy trinity.

First things first: Jimmy Kimmel was canceled and we think that’s complete bullshit, and that’s all we’ll say on that.

Now, on to the rest of the chaos:

• Taylor Frankie is the next Bachelorette, and we have so many thoughts.
• Jelly Roll is out here thriving with major life changes and we’re cheering him on.
• Zach Bryan has incredible music but so many potential red flags? We’re cautiously vibing. And seriously...Brianna and Samantha are the same person and no one can convince us otherwise.

Then it’s time to get unhinged about Quicksilver. We go deep on questions, theories, romances, and everything that has us in a chokehold. We are in love, we are spiraling, and we are not okay.

This week, we start with a brief (but necessary) call-out of Snoop Dogg’s homophobic comment: not cool, not funny, and we have feelings. Tori wants everyone to know she didn't steal the Labubu’s. Then we find out we’ve been mispronouncing Denzel Washington’s name our whole lives (??), and now nothing feels real.

From there, we go on a wild ride with Netflix’s "Unknown Number", try to recover, and then immediately derail again because YEP Tori called the Taylor + Travis engagement WEEKS ago and she is not letting us forget it.

Finally, we dive back into Quicksilver with many theories, all the steam, and so many unhinged thoughts. This book owns us now.

This week, we’re spiraling over Joe Jonas’ deeply relatable – yet wildly unrelatable – embarrassing moment, and you know we had thoughts. Tori reveals a new celebrity crush (hi, Austin Butler 👀), and we dive deep into Taylor Swift’s new album, all the wild theories it’s inspired – and the not-so-small fact that Tori totally called the Travis + Taylor engagement weeks ago.

Then we switch gears and jump into Quicksilver – covering the early chapters, unpacking every juicy twist, theory, and book boyfriend moment. Yes, we’re already obsessed.

Books, theories, chaos, and Swiftie spirals – the usual.