Should you have sex when you’re not in the mood? You should never feel pressured or obligated to have sex, but you also may not need to wait for spontaneous desire before beginning to connect.

In this episode of the Sexology Podcast Caroline Hood joins Dr. Nazanin Moali to explain how responsive desire works and why sexual desire often changes in long-term relationships. They explore the important difference between being willing to become intimate and forcing yourself to have sex when you do not want to.

Caroline explains why some people experience desire only after affection, touch, or sexual stimulation begins. She also discusses how couples can schedule intimacy without making it feel obligatory, create the conditions that allow desire to grow, and communicate about sex without introducing pressure or rejection.

The conversation also explores sexuality after motherhood, the Madonna-whore narrative, emotional disconnection, and the importance of expanding our definition of what counts as sex. If you have been wondering why you are rarely “in the mood,” this episode offers a more compassionate way to understand your desire.

In this episode, you will learn:

• The difference between spontaneous and responsive desire

• Whether it is healthy to have sex when you are not initially in the mood

• Why sexual pressure and obligation reduce desire

• How to schedule sex without making it feel like another chore

• How couples can create more space for intimacy

• Why low desire does not always mean a lack of attraction

• How motherhood can affect sexuality and identity

• How the Madonna-whore narrative shapes women’s sexuality

• Why emotional connection matters for sexual desire

• How to communicate sexual needs without blame or pressure

• Why expanding your definition of sex can create more pleasure

• How fulfilling sexual experiences can help desire grow over time

About Caroline Hood

Caroline Hood is a writer and speaker exploring desire, intimacy, sex, play, and the cultural narratives surrounding long-term relationships. Her work combines humor, introspection, practical guidance, empowerment, and a little tough love.

Caroline challenges the assumption that sex inevitably becomes less satisfying over time. In Because I Want To, she encourages readers to reconnect with their desire, deepen intimacy, and build a more exciting and fulfilling sexual relationship.

Learn more about Caroline Hood:

https://www.desireinreallife.com/

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Why can trauma make you lose interest in sex, disconnect from your body, or freeze during intimacy? In this episode of the Sexology Podcast, somatic instructor Liz Tenuto, also known as The Workout Witch, explains how trauma affects the nervous system, sexual desire, pleasure, and our ability to feel safe in the body.

Liz shares her personal journey of living with PTSD, chronic pain, sleep difficulties, and the long-term effects of trauma. She explains how gentle somatic exercises and small, intentional movements may help reduce habitual tension, regulate the nervous system, and rebuild a sense of safety and connection with the body.

We also explore the fawn and freeze responses during sex, why anxiety can be mistaken for a lack of desire, and how trauma survivors can begin reconnecting with sexual sensation without forcing themselves to move faster than their bodies are ready for.

Liz opens up about healing after an abusive marriage, coming out, and discovering her sexuality later in life. She shares how becoming more connected to her body helped her understand what she genuinely wanted from relationships, sex, and intimacy.

In this episode, you will learn:

• How trauma can affect sexual desire and physical sensation
• What somatic healing is and how somatic exercises work
• How stress and trauma become connected to chronic tension
• What the fawn response looks like in relationships
• Why someone may freeze or disconnect during sex
• How the nervous system influences arousal, pleasure, and libido
• Ways to ground yourself when sexual triggers arise
• How to distinguish desire from anxiety or hyperarousal
• Why slowing down can help rebuild safety and pleasure
• How trauma survivors can reconnect with their bodies
• What it can mean to discover your sexuality later in life

About Liz Tenuto

Liz Tenuto, also known as The Workout Witch, is a somatic instructor who specializes in practices designed to address the physical effects of chronic stress and trauma. Her mission is to make somatic healing approachable, accessible, and easy to incorporate into everyday life.

Drawing from both professional knowledge and personal experience as a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and domestic violence, Liz helps people understand how trauma can influence the body, nervous system, relationships, and capacity for pleasure.

Learn more about Liz Tenuto:

https://theworkoutwitch.com

Work With Dr. Nazanin Moali:

https://sexologypodcast.com/work-with-me

Spice Up Your Social Media Feed and Your Sex Life:

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How do you rebuild trust after infidelity? Can a relationship survive an affair, and can emotional intimacy and sexual desire return after betrayal?

In this episode of the Sexology Podcast, Dr. Nazanin Moali speaks with renowned couples therapist and sex therapist Dr. Laurie Watson about infidelity recovery, forgiveness, attachment wounds, and rebuilding trust after cheating.

Dr. Watson explains why relationship problems involving sex are rarely just about sex. She explores how emotional attachment and sexual attachment intersect, creating a pursue and withdraw cycle in which one partner feels rejected while the other feels pressured, overwhelmed, or disconnected.

You’ll also learn why people cheat, how an affair affects emotional and sexual intimacy, and what it takes to repair a relationship after betrayal. Dr. Watson shares practical guidance for understanding attachment patterns, healing relationship wounds, restoring trust, and reconnecting sexually after infidelity.

Whether you are recovering from an affair, struggling with mismatched sexual desire, or feeling emotionally disconnected from your partner, this episode offers a compassionate roadmap for rebuilding safety, intimacy, and connection.

ABOUT DR. LAURIE WATSON:

Dr. Laurie Watson, PhD, LMFT, LCMHC, is a nationally recognized sex therapist, couples therapist, author, and podcaster. She is the co-author of Brave Love; Great Sex: Unlocking the Passion and Connection You Crave with Emotionally Focused Therapy and author of Wanting Sex Again. Laurie is an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist and Supervisor and an ICEEFT Certified Emotionally Focused Couples Therapist. She co-hosts the Brave Love; Great Sex podcast with George Faller, which has more than 15 million downloads and over 500 episodes. She is also the founder and director of Awakenings Center for Couples & Sex Therapy in North Carolina, where she has spent decades helping couples build stronger emotional and sexual connection.

N THIS EPISODE, YOU’LL LEARN:

• Why sexual desire changes in long term relationships

• How the pursue and withdraw cycle affects sex and intimacy

• The relationship between emotional and sexual attachment

• How to recognize the mega attachment pattern

• Why people cheat, even when they still love their partner

• Whether a relationship can survive infidelity

• What forgiveness after an affair really means

• How to repair attachment wounds after betrayal

• How to rebuild trust after cheating

• Ways to restore emotional and sexual intimacy

• How Dr. Watson’s REV Method helps couples reconnect

WORK WITH DR. NAZANIN MOALI:

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Welcome to Episode 504 of the Sexology Podcast! Today I am excited to welcome back Dr. Richard Espinoza, who speaks to me about how attachment styles shape our dating patterns, relationships, and sexual connections.

In this episode, Dr. E and I discuss why we can have such intense chemistry with people that we may not be compatible with at all. We look at how our early attachment experiences influence who we find familiar and attractive as adults, why emotionally unavailable partners can sometimes create an intoxicating sense of desire, and how the nervous system can mistake anxiety, uncertainty, or old relational patterns for chemistry.

Richard “Dr. E” Espinoza, PsyD, is a leading clinical psychologist based in Los Angeles, specializing in trauma and resilience. His practice places a strong emphasis on serving the LGBTQ+ community and its allies, striving to empower individuals from diverse backgrounds through comprehensive psychological assessments, transformative talk therapy, and dedicated activism. Dr. Espinoza is an esteemed professor and captivating speaker, where he shares practical insights on self-discovery and personal growth, along with creating accessible self-help resources designed to inspire personal transformation and a deeper sense of fulfillment.

In this episode, you will hear:

• Why Unavailable Partners Feel So Attractive
• When Chemistry Is Actually Anxiety
• Understanding The Four Attachment Styles
• How Childhood Shapes Your Dating Type
• Why Familiarity Does Not Equal Compatibility
• How Attachment Patterns Affect Sex
• Using Sex For Reassurance And Validation
• Why Insight Alone Does Not Create Change
• Creating Corrective Emotional Experiences
• Rethinking Attraction Through LA Love Lab

L.A. Love Lab – Matchmaking Event!

https://nazanin-moali.mykajabi.com/offers/joeRBnQw/checkout

Welcome to Episode 503 of the Sexology Podcast! Today I am excited to be joined by Midori who speaks to me about exploring kink, dominance, submission, and finding authentic ways to embrace our desires.

In this episode, I speak with Midori about why we’re seeing a rise in women getting curious about dominance and BDSM, particularly women in their 40s and beyond. We discuss how difficult cultural assumptions can open up opportunities for greater sexual self-exploration, and that it’s OK to be dominant without being mean, scary or playing a stereotypical dominatrix.

Midori is an internationally recognized sexologist, kink educator, coach, and author. She's the founder of ForteFemme Women's Dominance Intensive, the groundbreaking program she's run for over 20 years, and the author of The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage, the first English-language book on Shibari, along with contributions to several academic volumes. She also trains therapists and wellness professionals as Curriculum Director for the Kink Informed Certification through the Sexual Health Alliance, and presents regularly at the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT). Through workshops and private coaching, she helps adults bring more creativity, confidence, and erotic fulfillment into their lives.

In this episode, you will hear:

• Women Exploring Dominance Later In Life
• Moving Beyond Traditional Sexual Roles
• Understanding Ravishment Fantasies
• Why Submission Can Feel Liberating
• Exploring Erotic Humiliation Safely
• Finding Your Dominant Archetype
• Introducing The You Will Game
• Communicating And Co-Creating Kink
• Challenging Common BDSM Misconceptions
• Finding Safe And Trustworthy Kink Resources

Reclaiming Passion Workshop

https://www.eventbrite.com/e/reclaiming-passion-for-women-registration-1996063395348

Welcome to Episode 502 of the Sexology Podcast! Today I am excited to be joined by Jane Garnett, LMFT who speaks to me about how our attraction patterns develop and whether we change who we are drawn to.

In this episode, Jane and I discuss why we can have so much attraction to people who are emotionally unavailable or unable to give us the secure relationship we want. We also look at how attachment styles, cultural conditioning, unmet emotional needs, and past relationship experience can influence what is exciting or desirable.

Jane Garnett is an Oxford-educated speaker, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), EMDR practitioner, and author of This Time with Feeling (May 12, 2026). With nearly 20 years in private practice, her work often centers on high-functioning individuals whose lives look successful on the outside but are shaped by patterns of emotional disconnection, anxiety, or underlying dissatisfaction. As a psychotherapist, Jane helps people rewrite the beliefs that subconsciously shape their lives, recognize the scripts they inherited, listen to the body’s signals, and make choices that create actual safety and connection— helping them shift not just their circumstances, but their relationship to themselves and their lives.

In this episode, you will hear:

• Changing Our Attraction Patterns
• Understanding Unhealthy Relationship Templates
• When Chaos Feels Like Chemistry
• Attraction To Emotionally Unavailable Partners
• Cultural Messages About Desire
• Exploring The Meaning Of Fantasy
• Affairs As A Form Of Splitting
• Learning To Choose Yourself
• Regulating The Nervous System
• Rewiring Relationships Through EMDR

L.A. Love Lab – Matchmaking Event!

https://nazanin-moali.mykajabi.com/offers/joeRBnQw/checkout

Welcome to Episode 501 of the Sexology Podcast! Today I am excited to be joined by Heather Florio and Dr. Fenwa Milhouse who speak to me about sexual health, desire, and pleasure during perimenopause and menopause.

In this episode, we discuss how changes in levels of oestrogen and testosterone can affect the brain, genitals, arousal and sex drive. We examine why hormones alone are rarely the cause of low libido, and how relationship dynamics, painful sex, body image, stress, shame, and the natural shift from spontaneous to responsive desire can all impact someone’s sexual experience.

Heather Florio is the second-generation CEO of Desert Harvest, a women's-health company her family founded in 1993. She writes the monthly Dear Sexpert column for BELLA Magazine, sits on BELLA's Medical Advisory Board, and is a Forbes Leading Woman in Business (2022). Late-diagnosed autistic.

Dr. Fenwa Milhouse—widely known as “Your Favorite Urologist”- is a board-certified urologist and fellowship-trained sub-specialist in Urogynecology and Reconstructive Pelvic Surgery.

She is the current President of the Chicago Urological Society—making history as the first Black woman to hold this position.

In this episode, you will hear:

• Hormonal Changes During Perimenopause
• Understanding Multifactorial Low Desire
• Barriers To Menopause Treatment
• Spontaneous Versus Responsive Desire
• Painful Sex And Vaginal Health
• Systemic And Vaginal Hormone Therapy
• Choosing Safer Personal Lubricants
• Medications For Low Libido
• GLP-1s And Sexual Desire
• Rediscovering Pleasure After Menopause

A Woman's Guide to Reviving Sex Drive

https://oasis2care.com/how-to-increase-your-libido/

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Podcast Produced by Vaudeo Productions

Welcome to Episode 500 of the Sexology Podcast! Today, I am excited to be joined by some of my most memorable guests, who speak to me about the biggest lessons on pleasure, desire, intimacy, and connection from the past nine years.

In this special milestone episode, I revisit conversations that challenged common assumptions about what fulfilling sex is supposed to look like. We explore why foreplay often begins long before anyone enters the bedroom, how every human body experiences pleasure differently, and why there is no single correct way to orgasm. We also look at what research can teach us about sexual positions, pelvic floor contractions, stimulation, and the importance of adapting sexual experiences to our individual bodies.

I also reflect on the deeper lessons these 500 conversations have taught me about becoming a more attentive and connected partner. We discuss moving beyond sexual autopilot, questioning techniques learned through pornography, understanding our fantasies without shame, and keeping desire alive in long-term relationships. Thank you for making these 500 episodes possible and here’s to the next 500!

In this episode, you will hear (In Order Of Appearance)

• Sebastian Harris
• Emily Nagoski
• Lauri Mintz
• Amir Marashi
• Anna Lee
• Miranda Houston
• Jason Julius
• Justin Lehmiller
• Ian Kerner
• Peggy Kleinplatz

Book An Appointment With Dr. Nazanin Moali

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Spice Up Your Social Media Feed AND Your Sex Life: Follow Us On Instagram

Podcast Produced by Vaudeo Productions