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  • I Was Thinking Today About Addiction

    I Was Thinking Today About Addiction
    2024/06/03
    Addiction is such a powerful experience. It feels so good. There is no part of it that feels wrong. At first. I went down the Benzo rabbit hole in my 30s. I loved those pills. I didn't feel high. I felt nothing which is all I wanted. I didn't want to feel anything and these little gifts from god solved everything. At first. Then my body started to breakdown. My panic attacks became near constant and my body buzzed like I was being electrocuted. My then wife helped me navigate getting off them because no doctor would even admit they were the source of my issues. What I realized after it was all over was the addiction wasn't me chasing a feeling. It was chasing the numbness.

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    12 分
  • Loving Kindness

    Loving Kindness
    2024/05/31
    "Loving Kindness" - The Wisdom of No Escape by Pema Chodron

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    1 分
  • I Was Thinking Today About Change

    I Was Thinking Today About Change
    2024/05/31
    Change. It seems like a good thing. If I change something, I’ll be better. If I can just learn from my mistakes, I’ll be better. But change is weird. The goal should not be to change ourselves. The goal should be to accept ourselves. The only thing that ever actually changes is our point of view, our opinions. What does it tell us about changes? The change we need is not about ourselves, but in our point of view.

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    11 分
  • I Was Thinking Today About Ghosts

    I Was Thinking Today About Ghosts
    2024/05/28

    All ghosts love each other. I started working on this concept in 2018. I came up with the idea when I noticed that the only romantic partners I was connecting with was through trauma. We were trauma bonding (although at the time I didn’t know that term).


    When two ghosts haunt a house they can sometimes fall in love. They’ve gone unseen for so long that when someone finally notices them they might mistake it for intimacy and love. It’s not the worst thing in the world. But it doesn’t lay a good foundation for a relationship.


    It took me years to figure out who was a ghost and who wasn’t because there’s another type of person. The Shaman. These are people that can cross a boundary and return. Unlike a ghost, they are never stuck.


    Unless they forget who they are.


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    6 分
  • I Was Thinking Today About Spinning Out

    I Was Thinking Today About Spinning Out
    2024/05/26
    Spinning out. We all have moments where we get so overwhelmed that we lose our ability for rational thought. I think some of us do it more than others but there’s always something that sends us down a rabbit hole. The most important thing I’ve learned in the last six years that I can weather a lot of storms. Not all of them, but most of them. I haven’t failed yet. But I see how I spend so much energy on trying to protect myself from what might happen. That energy is best spent in the moment. Being present. That is the way to live a life.

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    10 分
  • I was Thinking Today About Guilt vs Shame

    I was Thinking Today About Guilt vs Shame
    2024/05/25

    Guilt and shame. These two terms are often confused with each other. I know I didn’t understand the difference for years. Guilt is the belief you did something wrong, shame is the belief you are the thing that is wrong.


    For me, I always default to shame. It’s something I struggle with a lot. I think a lot of us do. It’s important to know that we are never the thing that is wrong. It’s our actions that define us, not our being.


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    9 分
  • I was Thinking Today About Mexico

    I was Thinking Today About Mexico
    2024/05/17

    Years ago I worked on a job in Mexico and I fell in love with a woman. We got married and created a life together. Along the way I found I not only loved her, I loved her country as well.


    That marriage ended earlier this year. I have to figure out what my relationship is to Mexico. What’s left for me? Twenty years of visiting a place that I have no real connection to anymore but I still feel in my bones. Mexico became a part of me.


    I now start the journey of re-creating a relationship with a place I cannot live without.


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    13 分
  • I was Thinking Today About Energy

    I was Thinking Today About Energy
    2024/05/11
    Like attracts like. It's ironic that sometimes the thing we hate is the thing we invited in. What I found over the years of trying to right my ship was that I usually caused the issue I was struggling with. If we are in a bad space, generally speaking, we will only have access to people on our same level. It's up to us to make the changes so we can meet different energy.

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    11 分