Why do we sabotage the things we want most?

On this episode of Seen, I sit down with Lauren McQuistin, former Yale opera singer and author of How to Build a Life That You Don't Want to Escape From. Lauren has been sober for over eight years. She opens up about drinking before the auditions that mattered most, why she ruined her own chances on purpose, and what recovery really looks like.In this episode, you'll learn:- Why we sabotage our own success- Why stopping a behaviour is not the same as recovering from it- How to challenge shame, starting very small- Why there is no such thing as healedThank you Lauren for being so open.Chapters:Building A Life You Want To Escape (00:00)Hiding Behind Success (02:12)Drinking At 13 (06:56)Getting Sober At 25 (08:54)Being Ready To Accept Help (10:36)Self-Sabotage At Yale (13:51)Fear Of Failure And Success (16:32)How To Challenge Shame (20:37)Why We All Want To Escape (25:50)Loneliness And Screens (30:36)There Is No Healed (34:22) Stop Judging Your Past Self (40:53)If You Feel Beyond Saving (43:41)When Lauren Felt Seen (45:37)This episode talks openly about addiction, self-harm and eating disorders. If any of this is close to home, please speak to your GP or a support service such as Mind or Beat.Connect with Pandora Morris💌 Substack: Subscribe to Pandora's newsletter for honest reflections and thoughtful conversations about mental health, wellbeing, and life.https://substack.com/@seenwithpandora🌐 Website: Discover more about Pandora, explore past episodes, and find resources to support your wellbeing.https://www.seenwithpandoramorris.com/📸 Instagram: Follow Pandora for meaningful conversations, personal insights, and updates from Seen.https://www.instagram.com/seenwithpandora/🎧 Spotify: Follow Seen on Spotify and never miss a new episode.https://open.spotify.com/show/1Ku2D90pNwBLM17HvLxlB1?si=fbcad6ff3bb24bfa🍎 Apple Podcasts: Listen and subscribe to Seen on Apple Podcasts for more honest, thought-provoking conversations.https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/seen-with-pandora-morris/id1649515453💛 Recommended Resources: Explore Pandora's collection of mental health and wellbeing resources for additional guidance and support.https://www.seenwithpandoramorris.com/resourcesABOUT SEENHosted by Pandora Morris, Seen is a podcast featuring bold, brave, and honest conversations about mental health, wellbeing, relationships, and the experiences that shape our lives. Through personal stories and expert insights, Seen creates space for understanding, connection, and healing.

Do you ever get stuck in a spiral of intrusive thoughts and can’t step away from them, even when you know they aren’t true?

In this solo episode of Seen, I’m sharing what more than 25 years of living with severe OCD has taught me about handling intrusive thoughts. I’m not a therapist, and I’m not claiming to be an expert. These are the tools that have helped me most, and I hope they help you too.

Almost everyone has intrusive thoughts, whether or not they have OCD. The thoughts themselves aren’t the problem. What matters is what we do with them. I talk openly about my own experience: the bedtime prayers I felt I had to repeat for hours as a child, the fear that I’d done something terrible, the contamination fears, and the all-or-nothing thoughts I still have around food and exercise.

Join the community:

💌 Substack: Subscribe to Pandora's newsletter for honest reflections and thoughtful conversations about mental health, wellbeing, and life.→ https://substack.com/@seenwithpandora

🎧 Never miss an episode of SEEN! Listen to the podcast anytime, anywhere.

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/1Ku2D90pNwBLM17HvLxlB1?si=fbcad6ff3bb24bfa

Apple Podcasts:https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/seen-with-pandora-morris/id1649515453

ABOUT SEEN

Hosted by Pandora Morris, Seen is a podcast featuring bold, brave, and honest conversations about mental health, wellbeing, relationships, and the experiences that shape our lives. Through personal stories and expert insights, Seen creates space for understanding, connection, and healing.

Connect with Pandora Morris

🌐 Website: https://www.seenwithpandoramorris.com/📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/seenwithpandora/💛 Recommended Resources: Explore Pandora's collection of mental health and wellbeing resources for additional guidance and support.→ https://www.seenwithpandoramorris.com/resources

Where do you start when life feels like too much?

On this bonus episode of Seen, I'm joined again by Toni Tone, author of Soft Life. We pick up where our main conversation left off, with the small, practical shifts that make life feel a little more gentle.

Toni shares why she'd start with what you can control and what you can stop doing, not with something new. We talk about why rest doesn't have to be earned, why sitting still can feel so uncomfortable, and the phone boundary most of us need. She also gives me a brilliant question for telling a real want from a "should".

In this episode, you'll learn:

- Where to start when you feel overwhelmed, and why stopping is easier than starting

- Why rest doesn't have to be earned, and why resting can feel so uncomfortable

- The one question that shows whether you really want something, or just feel you should

- Simple ways to make your life 10% softer this week, from sleep to time with friends

Chapters:

Feeling Overwhelmed? Where To Start (00:00)

Why Rest Doesn't Have To Be Earned (01:11)

How To Learn Contentment And Stop Always Striving (02:51)

The Boundary Most Of Us Need: Using Our Phones Less (03:58)

Should Vs Want: How To Tell The Difference (05:58)

When A Should Is Still Worth Doing (08:15)

How To Make Your Life 10% Softer This Week (10:12)

Connect with Pandora Morris

💌 Substack: Subscribe to Pandora's newsletter for honest reflections and thoughtful conversations about mental health, wellbeing, and life.→ https://substack.com/@seenwithpandora🎧 Never miss an episode of SEEN! Listen to the podcast anytime, anywhere.

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/1Ku2D90pNwBLM17HvLxlB1?si=fbcad6ff3bb24bfa

Apple Podcasts:https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/seen-with-pandora-morris/id1649515453

Connect with Pandora Morris🌐

Website: https://www.seenwithpandoramorris.com/📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/seenwithpandora/💛 Recommended Resources: Explore Pandora's collection of mental health and wellbeing resources for additional guidance and support.→ https://www.seenwithpandoramorris.com/resources

ABOUT SEEN

Hosted by Pandora Morris, Seen is a podcast featuring bold, brave, and honest conversations about mental health, wellbeing, relationships, and the experiences that shape our lives. Through personal stories and expert insights, Seen creates space for understanding, connection, and healing.

How do you actually stop overthinking?On this episode of Seen, I sit down with clinical psychologist Dr Jessamy Hibberd, author of The Overthinking Cure. Her book opened my eyes to so many tools I had never thought of.Jessamy calls overthinking the problem that disguises itself as the solution. It feels useful, but she says the research shows it does not solve problems, and it should come with a health warning. We talk about rumination and worry, what happens in your brain when your mood drops, the expectation gap, perfectionism, and why modern life makes it so easy to overthink.Then we get practical. Jessamy explains what a doom spiral is, why you need to shift your mood before you try to think your way out, and why the research suggests it takes only about eight minutes. She walks through the five steps from her book and explains why clarity comes from action, not before it.In this episode, you'll learn:- Why overthinking feels productive, and what the research actually says about it- The difference between rumination, worry and healthy reflection- How to shift your mood first, and why Jessamy says it takes about eight minutes- The five steps to breaking the cycle, from noticing a thought to facing the fearIf your own mind has felt exhausting lately, I hope this one gives you somewhere gentle to start.Chapters: What Overthinking Is, And When It Turns Destructive (00:00) Why Overthinking Is The Problem Disguised As The Solution (02:45) What Happens In Your Brain When Your Mood Drops (04:52) The Link With Anxiety, And How To Spot Your Triggers (06:29) Why We Reach For Food, Busyness Or Addiction Instead (09:05) Comparison, Control And Why Modern Life Fuels Overthinking (10:31) Why Your Predictions Are Rarely Right, And Going Anyway (16:13) Doom Spirals: What They Are And How To Notice One (19:31) How To Break A Spiral, And Why It Only Takes 8 Minutes (21:14) Why Overthinking Preys On What Matters Most To You (23:14) The Spotlight Of Attention, And Why Thoughts Aren't Facts (29:16) The 5 Steps To Breaking The Cycle (34:19) Rebuilding Trust In Yourself, One Decision At A Time (38:58) Can An Overthinker Change, And What If You Feel Trapped (43:06) When Jessamy Felt Truly Seen (45:30)This episode is for education only and isn't medical advice. We touch on anxiety, addiction and disordered eating. If any of it feels close to home, please speak to your GP or a qualified therapist.

How can you tell the difference between a tough boss and a narcissistic one?In this clip, I'm joined by Kathleen Saxton to talk about narcissistic bosses, both men and women. We explore the one question that separates a tough boss from a toxic one, why female narcissists can be harder to spot at work, the exact phrases to use when your boss criticizes you, how to rebuild trust in your own judgment after being gaslit, and how to help a colleague who is struggling.

Connect with Pandora Morris

💌 Substack: Subscribe to Pandora's newsletter for honest reflections and thoughtful conversations about mental health, wellbeing, and life.

→ https://substack.com/@seenwithpandora

🎧 Never miss an episode of SEEN! Listen to the podcast anytime, anywhere.

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/1Ku2D90pNwBLM17HvLxlB1?si=fbcad6ff3bb24bfa

Apple Podcasts:

https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/seen-with-pandora-morris/id1649515453

Connect with Pandora Morris🌐 Website: https://www.seenwithpandoramorris.com/

📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/seenwithpandora/

💛 Recommended Resources: Explore Pandora's collection of mental health and wellbeing resources for additional guidance and support.

→ https://www.seenwithpandoramorris.com/resources

ABOUT SEEN

Hosted by Pandora Morris, Seen is a podcast featuring bold, brave, and honest conversations about mental health, wellbeing, relationships, and the experiences that shape our lives. Through personal stories and expert insights, Seen creates space for understanding, connection, and healing.

What if the independent, ambitious life you've built is the very thing you've started to blame for keeping love at arm's length?On this episode of Seen, I'm joined by Toni Tone, the writer, podcaster and big-sister voice so many women turn to when love, work and self-worth get tangled. She is the Sunday Times bestselling author of I Wish I Knew This Earlier and her new book, Soft Life: 10 Steps to a Gentle, Abundant and Easeful Life. We talk about why dating feels so much harder than it used to, why choosing a partner matters as much as being chosen, and how to build a softer life without shrinking your ambition. At a time when so many of us are tired, over-scrolled and measuring ourselves against everyone else's highlights, it's a conversation about deciding what enough actually looks like.So many of us have wondered, after another quiet stretch, whether we should soften our edges to be easier to love, and we have chased the next milestone believing it would finally make us feel settled. This conversation suggests neither is true. You're allowed to want more, and you're allowed to stop proving you deserve it.In this episode, you'll learn:- Why the illusion of choice on social media makes it harder to build something real- The one question to ask yourself before you stay with someone- How to say no kindly, and why you should practise on the small things first- What to stop doing, rather than start, when your life feels anything but softAbout Toni Tone: Toni Tone is a Sunday Times bestselling author, award-winning podcast host of Toni Told Me and one of the UK's most trusted voices on relationships and self-worth. Often called the internet's big sister, she writes about love, ambition and softness with the candour of someone who has lived every lesson herself.Her new book, Soft Life: 10 Steps to a Gentle, Abundant and Easeful Life, is out now from Bloomsbury Tonic.Connect with Toni Tone:Website: https://www.tonitone.co.ukBook: https://www.waterstones.com/author/toni-tone/4876745Chapters: What Women Ask Toni Most, And What Lies Beneath It (00:00) How Social Media And The Illusion Of Choice Changed Dating (02:13) Who Succeeds On Dating Apps, And Why The Real Work Is (Offline (05:20) How To Meet People In Real Life, And Why You Should Choose Too (09:31) Feeling Enough, And What You Start To Attract (12:31) Am I Too Much? Why You Have Priced People Out (16:08) What Six Years In The Wrong Relationship Taught Her (18:55) Why You Should Never Date Someone For Their Potential (20:06) Learning To Make Yourself Your Own Priority (21:18) Do You Have To Love Yourself Before You Can Be Loved? (22:17) Ambition And Fulfilment: How Much Is Actually Enough? (27:08) Why Real Wealth Is Freedom And Health, Not Millions (29:14) How To Set Boundaries And Say No Kindly As A People Pleaser (35:26) Soft Life In A Hard World: Who Gets Access To Softness (42:34) One Small Step If Your Life Feels Anything But Soft (46:52) When Toni Feels Most Seen, And A Quick True Or False (48:32) This one is close to my heart. I hope it leaves you feeling like you are already enough.

In this Seen Session, I’m joined by Emma Louise Boynton to explore why we can feel disconnected from our bodies, how shame and self-criticism get in the way of pleasure, and the small everyday shifts that can help us feel more like ourselves again.

Connect with Pandora Morris

💌 Substack: Subscribe to Pandora's newsletter for honest reflections and thoughtful conversations about mental health, wellbeing, and life.

→ https://substack.com/@seenwithpandora

🎧 Never miss an episode of SEEN! Listen to the podcast anytime, anywhere.

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/1Ku2D90pNwBLM17HvLxlB1?si=fbcad6ff3bb24bfa

Apple Podcasts:

https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/seen-with-pandora-morris/id1649515453

Connect with Pandora Morris🌐 Website: https://www.seenwithpandoramorris.com/

📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/seenwithpandora/

💛 Recommended Resources: Explore Pandora's collection of mental health and wellbeing resources for additional guidance and support.

→ https://www.seenwithpandoramorris.com/resources

ABOUT SEEN

Hosted by Pandora Morris, Seen is a podcast featuring bold, brave, and honest conversations about mental health, wellbeing, relationships, and the experiences that shape our lives. Through personal stories and expert insights, Seen creates space for understanding, connection, and healing.