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In this episode of Recovery: The Whole Enchilada, host Peg McDermott and co-host Heather Hageman explore sober intimacy and why it can feel terrifying in recovery.

They discuss intimacy as “into me, see,” rebuilding trust with oneself after addiction, learning to sit with uncomfortable emotions, and moving beyond equating intimacy with sex. Heather shares how alcohol fueled transactional relationships, fear of being known, and objectification, while recovery has taught her vulnerability, respect, and connection through friendships and spirituality.

They emphasize safety, therapy with trauma-informed professionals, navigating triggers and past non-consent experiences, avoiding swapping addictions, and delaying romantic relationships in early sobriety. Practical guidance includes sober dating plans, red flags, boundaries, communication, and aligning words with actions, emphasizing that real intimacy doesn’t require “liquid courage,” only authentic presence.

00:00 Welcome and Topic Setup

00:46 Into Me See Meaning

02:32 Sex Versus Intimacy

06:39 Trauma Safety and Consent

09:09 Early Recovery Dating Advice

14:58 Sober Dating Plan

19:27 Marriage Communication and Triggers

21:50 Friendship Higher Power and Self Worth

27:02 Closing Takeaways and Farewell

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Host Peg McDermott and co-host Heather Hageman discuss the recovery principle “love and tolerance of others is our code,” clarifying that it doesn’t require approving, agreeing with, or endlessly enduring harmful behavior.

They explore how compassion can coexist with truth-telling, boundaries, and refusing chaos, including Peg’s experience supporting a longtime friend facing prescription pill abuse and withdrawal while turning her over to a Higher Power and protecting her own wellbeing.

Heather reflects on how intolerance shows up as “they should do it my way,” fueling resentment, disconnection, and victim thinking, and how recovery calls for honesty, grace, and accepting reality without taking others’ inventory.

Together they distinguish healthy vs. unhealthy tolerance and emphasize healing the stories we attach to others’ behavior to preserve emotional sobriety and serenity.

00:00 Welcome and Topic

00:30 Love Tolerance Boundaries

02:27 Friend in Crisis

05:40 Defining Intolerance

09:06 Victimhood and Drama

12:04 Spiritual Medicine

14:12 Triggered by Victim Thinking

19:46 Stories Meaning and Healing

24:20 Wisdom of Our Code

27:09 Closing Thanks

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In this episode of Recovery: The Whole Enchilada, hosts Peg McDermott and co-host Heather Hageman explore trust as a foundational part of recovery—learning to become trustworthy, rebuilding trust with others, and trusting the process and a higher power.

Heather shares how early sobriety began with “putting a plug in the jug,” showing up one day at a time, and recognizing when people aren’t safe, including a story of a friend pushing alcohol on her after she said she wasn’t drinking.

Peg reflects on coming from a dysregulated home, struggling with self-trust and broken commitments, and rebuilding trust through small promises, honesty, and noticing bodily signals. They discuss evaluating congruence between words and actions, patterns, boundaries, grace, and making amends through changed behavior, ending with the idea that trust isn’t found—it’s practiced daily.

00:00 Welcome and Topic

00:53 Trust Starts Within

02:50 Boundaries and Triggers

05:22 Rebuilding Self Trust

09:09 Redefining Trust

11:04 Body Signals and Safety

13:32 Words Versus Actions

17:45 Amends and Being Trustworthy

18:55 Police Story Breakthrough

24:38 Trust the Process

28:39 Daily Practice and Closing

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Host Peg McDermott and co-host Heather Hageman reflect on sobriety anniversaries, including Peg’s 25 years sober since choosing July 4th in a relapse prevention group, and use the milestone to explore purpose in recovery. Heather connects her trauma work to a shift from “What’s wrong with you?” to “What happened to you?” and finally “What are you going to do with this?”, emphasizing nervous-system dysregulation, self-compassion, and embodied healing.

Both describe how alcohol once soothed self-hatred, loneliness, and chameleon-like coping, and how recovery becomes an evolutionary process of subtracting false layers to reveal love and service. Heather shares yoga’s concept of santosha (contentment) and small daily purposes, while Peg discusses compassion for her alcoholic father, forgiveness, and living sober without using alcohol or people to cope.

00:00 Podcast Welcome

00:58 Sobriety Anniversary Story

02:43 From Wrong to What Happened

04:24 Finding Purpose in Recovery

06:49 Peg on Identity and Alcohol

13:54 Self Compassion and Healing

16:07 Embodiment and Contentment

20:32 Living Love and Service

23:38 Forgiveness and Family Patterns

29:12 Purpose Finds Us Closing

29:59 Outro and Subscribe

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Host Peg McDermott and co-host Heather Hagaman discuss the question “Are you an alcoholic?” prompted by a listener who doesn’t identify as having an addiction but wonders if the podcast applies to them.

They explore how “habit” and “addiction” differ, how stereotypes and denial can hide problem drinking, and share personal timelines of escalating consequences, cravings, blackouts, DUIs, and minimizing behavior. They describe addiction as a chronic brain disease marked by psychological and physical compulsion, continued use despite negative consequences, and “alcohol noise,” and note that labels must be self-identified.

They offer self-check questions about control, failed attempts to cut back, time and money spent, impacts on relationships and responsibilities, and emphasize that recovery involves addressing underlying emotional pain, boundaries, and broader life challenges beyond drinking.

00:00 Welcome and Introductions
00:22 Am I an Alcoholic
02:40 Peg’s Drinking Wake Up Call
05:00 Heather’s Realization Story
08:50 Alcoholic Stereotypes and Family
11:58 Habits vs Addiction Explained
13:52 DUI and Legal Consequences
17:28 Denial Rules and Cravings
21:37 Addiction as Nervous System Strategy
22:34 Self Check Questions and Alcohol Noise
29:08 Beyond Substances Whole Enchilada Recovery
31:46 Closing and Subscribe

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Hosts Peg McDermott and Heather Hagaman discuss experiencing death in sobriety, contrasting sudden losses with expected deaths and how both can dysregulate the body and trigger fear.

Heather shares the shock of a close friend dying soon after retirement and how she leaned on support, service, and self-care even when attending a celebration of life at a bar.

Peg recounts losing her mother early in sobriety, restarting smoking but not drinking, and relying on sober community, therapy, and a parent-loss grief group; she also describes being present and making clear decisions during funerals and end-of-life care for both parents.

They address relapse statistics, the fatal risks of relapse, suicide in recovery, and the need to reach out, watch isolation, plan for milestones, feel feelings, and seek professional help when needed, emphasizing that no one has to grieve alone.

00:00 Welcome and Topic

02:15 Sudden Loss Story

05:12 Peg on Losing Mom

09:07 Support and Closure

13:01 Relapse and Suicide Risk

16:44 Grief and Nervous System

21:17 Hidden Trauma Unpacked

25:14 Milestones and Planning

29:56 Relationship Grief Too

31:00 Final Takeaways and Goodbye

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In this episode of Recovery: The Whole Enchilada, hosts Peg McDermott and Heather Hagaman discuss how to navigate vacations in sobriety, including planning ahead like you would for a party.

They share strategies such as traveling with sober people, gathering phone numbers and meeting locations, setting boundaries with drinkers, choosing accommodations and activities that support wellness, and having an exit plan when environments feel triggering.

Peg describes her first sober beach trip where she redirected cravings into finding sharks’ teeth, while Heather reflects on early vacations that centered on drinking and how sobriety helped her enjoy and remember trips. Heather recounts a recent Ireland trip where she avoided romanticizing alcohol, found steadiness and ease through prayer, and unexpectedly met another person in recovery.

They also cover cruise and retreat considerations, minibar risks, safe signature drinks, and small tools like removing wine glasses at restaurants.

00:00 Welcome and Topic Setup

00:48 First Sober Vacation Triggers

01:27 Sharks Teeth New Obsession

03:56 Safety Nets and Meetings

08:26 Planning and Boundaries

09:44 Ireland Trip Guinness Temptations

11:27 Steadiness Ease and Serendipity

16:41 Cruises and Danger Zones

22:52 Sober Retreats Buyer Beware

25:50 Signature Drinks and Exit Plans

30:54 Practical Tips Drinks and Glasses

31:54 Closing and Takeaways

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Hosts Peg McDermott and Heather Hagaman discuss dual recovery as living with both substance use disorder and mental health conditions like anxiety, depression, PTSD, bipolar disorder, and ADHD, and emphasize that treating both together is more effective than treating one alone.

Peg shares her experience of post-sobriety anxiety, insomnia, complex PTSD, and the difficult process of finding and safely tapering off sleep and anxiety medications under psychiatric care, alongside therapy, yoga, breathwork, and meetings.

Heather describes chronic depression and how antidepressants helped stabilize her without getting her “high,” supporting long-term sobriety. They address stigma in recovery communities around prescribed medications, pain management after surgery, and evolving issues like medical marijuana and “California sobriety,” including examples of cannabis use leading back to drinking.

They stress doctor-supervised, as-prescribed use, motivation to heal rather than numb, and compassionate nonjudgment, including discussion of professionally facilitated ketamine and psilocybin treatments.

00:00 Welcome and Topic

01:10 Medication in Recovery

04:30 Peg’s Anxiety and PTSD

07:43 Finding the Right Meds

09:27 Heather on Depression

12:34 Stigma and Room Debates

15:43 California Sober Talk

18:35 Meds as Healing Tools

23:55 Psychedelics and Judgment

27:48 Whole Person Recovery

31:02 Closing and Takeaways