Everyone expects sobriety to reveal the real you — calmer, freer, finally yourself. What nobody warns you about is that the first thing sobriety does is introduce you to a version of yourself you don't recognize. And you might not like what you see.

In this episode, Anthony gets into the personality change that happens when you get sober — not the inspirational version, the actual version. Why early recovery can feel like becoming a worse, more uncomfortable, harder-to-be-around person. Why that disorientation is the process, not a problem. And how the agreeableness you're losing wasn't your personality — it was your armor.

This one is for two groups: the newly sober who are noticing their real personality emerging and don't like what they're seeing, and the long-term sober — especially the dry drunks — who white-knuckled past this step and never did the identity work.

In this episode:

• Why substances gave Anthony a personality — and what they were actually doing to his nervous system
• Emotional development and why so many people in early recovery feel like children
• The fawn response, people pleasing, and the codependency piece (Melody Beattie, Codependent No More)
• "Sobriety without identity work is just white knuckling and better skin"
• The grief of losing the version of you that people actually liked
• Why you don't find yourself in sobriety — you build yourself, slowly, with a lot of awkward trial runs
• The social fallout: which friendships survive and which don't
• What Anthony actually does now: pausing before agreeing, using silence as a tool, recognizing the automatic yes

Recovery is personal. Take what helps and leave the rest.

Predatory behavior in recovery spaces is real, and most people refuse to name it. In this solo episode, I share what 13th stepping is, why it puts newcomers — especially women — at serious risk, the manipulation tactics to watch for (love bombing, trauma bonding, isolation, fake "I can keep you sober" dependency), and what people with more time owe the people walking in scared.

This isn't clinical advice. It's what I've seen, what I do in my own groups, and what helped me stay safe and stay sober.

Chapters: 00:00 — Cold open 01:34 — What 13th stepping actually is 02:45 — Why newcomers are vulnerable 04:27 — Why rehab makes it worse 06:28 — Manipulation tactics (love bombing, trauma bonding) 08:01 — Red flags 09:11 — The consequences nobody talks about 11:56 — How to protect yourself 13:24 — Practical boundaries 14:40 — If you have time: your responsibility 17:09 — If you're new: you deserve safety 19:39 — Close

If this hit, follow Recovering Out Loud so the next one finds you.

In this episode of Recovering Out Loud, Anthony introduces a framework he calls Member, Attender, Pretender — the three roles people cycle through in recovery — and makes the case that knowing which one you're in right now could be the most important question you ask yourself this week.

This isn't about shame. It's about awareness.

The Three Roles:

The Pretender The Pretender isn't lying about drinking — they're lying about how they're doing. They might have years of sobriety on paper. They might chair meetings. They might be the person everyone else looks up to. But internally, they've stopped surrendering. They've stopped telling the truth. They're managing an image, not an addiction.

Anthony shares what this looked like in his own life: the ADHD medication he didn't fully disclose, the secrets he was keeping while standing in recovery spaces, the chest-weight of maintaining a sober identity when the reality was far messier. The pretender's environment, he says, is exactly where relapse grows and thrives.

The Attender The Attender isn't lying. They're just... not in it. They're showing up, checking the box, sitting at the back. No sponsor calls, stalled step work, surface-level conversation. Nothing is actively going wrong — which is what makes this role a trap. When you're attending, you're not building. And when you're not building, you're eroding.

Anthony explains why the Attender is the softest, most comfortable, and most dangerous place to be in recovery — because nobody pulls you out except you.

The Member The Member isn't someone who has it figured out. It's a current state of action. Small, boring, unsexy choices. Calling someone when you don't feel like it. Staying after the meeting. Getting a newcomer's number. Doing the step work nobody claps for. Anthony's three markers of membership: reachability, honesty with one person, and contribution.

The Self-Checklist (5 Questions):

Anthony walks through five honest questions to figure out which role you're in right now:

1. When did you last tell someone in recovery the actual truth about how you're doing?
2. When did you last move forward on your step work or internal recovery work?
3. When did you last do something for someone else in recovery that cost you time and effort?
4. If you disappeared from your meeting for a month — would anybody call?
5. When it's quiet — in the car, in the shower, at 2 a.m. — do you feel like a person in recovery, or a person performing recovery?

Anthony has been all three. He drifted from Member to Attender to Pretender across the final years of his first recovery, and he didn't break out in time. Today, he says, he can't promise he'll be a member tomorrow — he just knows what it takes to stay in the middle.

Because you only fall off the sides of recovery. You can't fall off the middle.

Anthony is a person in recovery sharing lived experience. This podcast is not a substitute for professional medical or clinical advice. If you or someone you love is struggling with addiction, please reach out to a qualified professional or call SAMHSA's National Helpline: 1-800-662-4357 (free, confidential, 24/7).

Subscribe to Recovering Out Loud on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and YouTube. If this hit you, send it to someone who needs to hear it.

Is addiction a disease… or a choice?

For decades, psychologists, doctors, and people in recovery have debated this question.

Some experts argue addiction is a chronic brain disease.
Others believe addiction develops through learned behavior, trauma, or environment.

In this episode of Recovering Out Loud, Anthony breaks down the major psychological models used to explain addiction and how they influence recovery.

We explore:

• The Disease Model of addiction
• The Learning / Behavioral Model
• The Trauma & Self-Medication Model
• The Biopsychosocial Model used in modern science
• Why different recovery programs emphasize different approaches
• Why addiction treatment looks different depending on the model you believe

Anthony also shares personal insights from his own recovery journey and explains why many experts now believe addiction is multilayered, involving biology, psychology, environment, and life experience.

Understanding these models can help reduce stigma, increase compassion, and open the door to more effective recovery.

Because the more we understand addiction…
the better we can help people heal.

If you found value in this episode, follow the podcast and share it with someone who might need to hear it.

That voice in your head — the one that shows up right before a relapse — isn't random. It's patterned. It's predictable. And once you can name it, it loses most of its power.

In this episode of Recovering Out Loud, Anthony breaks down the 5 lies that addiction tells you — the cognitive distortions that sound completely reasonable in the moment but are quietly setting you up. Whether you're new to sobriety, years into recovery, or currently in active addiction, these thought patterns have likely already shown up in your life.

What you'll hear in this episode:

These patterns are what researchers call cognitive distortions — thinking errors documented in addiction research going back to the work of Aaron Beck and Albert Ellis. Anthony isn't quoting the papers. He's telling you what they sound like at 2 a.m., or on the patio, or in a hotel room alone.

If even one of these landed for you — that's the one to sit with this week. Not to fight it. Just to notice when it shows up. Because naming the lie is most of the work.

Anthony's sobriety date: January 12, 2025 Recovery background: Came into recovery in 2015 got 7.5 years sober, relapsed on ADHD medication, steroids, and secrecy — and came back.

Recovery resources mentioned / related:

• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and cognitive distortions in addiction
• Aaron Beck's cognitive distortion model
• Accountability partners and sponsor relationships
• Marlatt's Relapse Prevention Model (related episode framework)

Anthony is a person in recovery sharing lived experience. This podcast is not a substitute for professional medical or clinical advice. If you or someone you love is struggling with addiction, please reach out to a qualified professional or call SAMHSA's National Helpline: 1-800-662-4357 (free, confidential, 24/7).

Subscribe to Recovering Out Loud on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and YouTube. If this episode resonated, share it with one person who needs to hear it.

Patio season hits different when you’re sober.

In this episode, I break down the reality of navigating patios, bars, and summer social environments in recovery — especially when everything looks fun on the outside.

From unexpected triggers walking past patios…
To feeling out of place when everyone else is drinking…
To that quiet voice that tells you you’re missing out…

This is the episode I wish I had before my first sober summer.

I share real experiences, practical strategies, and the mindset shifts that actually help you stay sober — without isolating or feeling like the “boring sober person.”

If you’re heading into your first sober patio season (or still struggling with triggers years in), this will help you stay grounded and enjoy your summer without relapsing.

• Why patio season is more triggering than holidays
• The psychology behind “missing out” in sobriety
• How to handle cravings in social settings
• What you’re actually grieving (it’s not the alcohol)
• How to enjoy patios without drinking
• Practical tools to stay sober in real time
• When it’s better to just not go

You’re not missing the drink…
You’re missing who you got to be when you had one.

If this helped you, follow the podcast on Spotify and leave a rating — it helps more people in recovery find this message.

🧩 What You’ll Learn:⚠️ Key Insight:📌 Follow & Support:

Why do people sometimes destroy the very progress they worked so hard to build?

In recovery, something strange often happens. Life begins improving — relationships heal, opportunities return, and stability appears. Yet for many people, this is exactly when self-sabotage begins.

In this episode of Recovering Out Loud, Anthony explores the psychology behind self-sabotage in addiction recovery and personal growth.

We break down why the mind sometimes resists success and why familiar chaos can feel safer than unfamiliar peace.

Topics explored include:

• Why stability can feel uncomfortable after years of chaos
• Identity conflicts when life begins improving
• Fear of success and rising expectations
• Why vulnerability can trigger avoidance
• Shame and feeling undeserving of good things
• Nervous system conditioning after long periods of stress
• How old habit loops quietly pull people back into destructive patterns

Anthony also shares personal experiences from recovery, including how boredom, identity struggles, and fear can subtly lead someone back toward relapse.

If you've ever wondered why people sabotage their own progress — or if you’ve felt it happening in your own life — this episode will help you understand the deeper psychological patterns behind it.

Recovery isn’t just about stopping substances.
It’s about learning how to live in peace when chaos used to feel normal.

If this episode resonates with you, follow the podcast and share it with someone who might need to hear it.

Today I sat down with my good friend Kaitlin B.

Getting sober is one thing. Learning how to live with your feelings is another. In this episode, we get into emotional sobriety, codependency, boundaries, dating, self-worth, and why being alone can feel so uncomfortable in recovery. This is a real conversation about healing the patterns underneath addiction.

What happens after you stop drinking or using, but still feel emotionally chaotic, overly responsible for everyone, and uncomfortable being alone?

In this episode, we talk about emotional sobriety, codependency, boundaries, relationship patterns, self-worth, and the deeper healing that has to happen after substance use stops. We get into people-pleasing, over-giving, fear of being alone, unhealthy dating patterns, burnout, service in recovery, and how old wounds can keep showing up even with years sober.

This conversation also explores the difference between being sober and being emotionally well, why solitude can feel so threatening, how trauma can shape intimacy and attachment, and what it looks like to start choosing healing over validation.

If you’ve ever felt like you’re doing all the “right” things in recovery but still don’t feel peaceful inside, this one is for you.