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What happens when someone you love starts seeing people who aren't there? For dementia caregivers, this moment can be jarring, confusing, and even frightening. But as I discovered during my mother's journey with dementia, these hallucinations can sometimes bring unexpected comfort.

When my mom first began seeing a little girl with red hair, I recognized she was connecting with her cousin who had died at age 11. Later, she spoke with her brother who had passed just a year before—someone we deliberately never told her had died to spare her from repeatedly experiencing that grief. Rather than correcting her, I asked questions and joined her reality. "What are they saying?" I'd ask, or "Isn't it nice they came to visit?" This approach preserved her dignity and the comfort these connections brought her.

Before assuming hallucinations are simply symptoms of advancing dementia, caregivers should consult healthcare providers to rule out urinary tract infections, medication side effects, or other physical causes. Once medical issues are addressed, the key challenge becomes how to respond compassionately. Rather than arguing about what's "real," successful approaches include validating feelings, offering reassurance, redirecting attention if needed, and making environmental modifications like improving lighting or covering mirrors that might trigger confusing reflections.

For many with dementia, seeing departed loved ones isn't frightening—it's comforting. My mother found peace in these connections, and that brought me peace too. By entering her world rather than demanding she enter mine, we created moments of genuine connection despite the progression of her illness. Perhaps the greatest lesson dementia teaches us is to be present in the moment, just as our loved ones are forced to be. Years later, I'm grateful for the times I set aside my need to correct and simply joined my mother where she was.

If you're navigating this complex journey of caregiving, know you're not alone. Sometimes the most profound gift we can give is simply meeting our loved ones in their reality, whatever that might be today.

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The emotional toll of caring for a loved one with dementia can be overwhelming, but finding moments of joy, laughter, and connection might just save your sanity. Author Brenda Prater-Sellers joins us to share her deeply personal journey of caring for her mother through ten years of dementia - a challenge she describes as more difficult than climbing Mount Everest or jumping from planes.

With disarming honesty and warmth, Brenda reveals how her "sweet, timid Christian mother" underwent dramatic personality changes, and the strategies that helped her navigate this challenging terrain. Rather than constantly correcting her mother (which often led to agitation), Brenda learned to enter her mother's reality, discovering five specific approaches that brought comfort: scenic drives, ice cream treats, story reading, classic TV shows, and receiving mail.

The conversation takes a practical turn as Brenda shares crucial time management strategies that allowed her to balance caregiving with running multiple businesses and maintaining her own mental health. "If you don't schedule time for yourself, your day is going to be gone before you know it," she advises fellow caregivers. Her ingenious approach of asking her mother for help with simple tasks rather than telling her what to do resonates with caregiving experts everywhere.

Perhaps most powerfully, Brenda discusses choosing laughter over tears when facing difficult behaviors. "I just had to laugh. Otherwise, you're so sad that this happened." This philosophy not only preserved her wellbeing but created unexpected moments of connection with her mother.

Brenda's experiences formed the foundation of her book "You Slept When? Calamities of a Clumsy Businesswoman," which has raised over $50,000 for Alzheimer's Tennessee and other nonprofits. Whether you're currently caring for someone with dementia or supporting someone who is, this conversation offers both practical strategies and emotional comfort for the journey ahead.

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Grief doesn't wait for goodbye. It weaves through every moment of the dementia caregiving journey, creating a complex emotional landscape that few discuss openly.

When your loved one sits across from you—looking the same but fundamentally changed—you experience what experts call "anticipatory grief." You mourn what's already lost while simultaneously dreading future losses. The shopping trips you can no longer take together. The recipes they once taught you but now cannot remember. The phone calls that might someday stop coming.

This episode explores the profound reality that dementia creates two different people: who they were before diagnosis and who they are now. We delve into the heartbreaking contradiction of seeing someone physically present yet cognitively altered, and how caregivers must navigate this strange in-between space. The conversation touches on role reversal, dignity preservation, and finding moments to acknowledge your grief even while actively caregiving.

Whether you're currently caring for someone with dementia or supporting someone who is, this candid discussion offers validation and gentle guidance. The emotional weight of watching someone you love gradually change is immense, yet understanding that grief accompanies every stage of caregiving can help you be kinder to yourself throughout the journey.

Grab your beverage of choice—coffee, tea, or perhaps wine on the difficult days—and join us at Patty's Place, where difficult conversations happen with compassion and no one needs to face these challenges alone. Share your own experiences with anticipatory grief or connect with others walking a similar path by reaching out through our website or social media channels.

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