Sandra A. Shachar, Ph.D., is a Licensed Psychologist in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, and has over thirty years of clinical experience working with individuals, couples and families affected by Betrayal Trauma. She is also the author of The Porn Solution, which dives into the world of betrayal through porn use and what partners can do to navigate themselves through it. In this episode, Dr. Sandra talks about the definition of betrayal, why porn affects so many people, and why it’s okay to ask for your needs to be met.

TAKEAWAYS:

[3:20] Is porn cheating?

[3:55] Why did Dr. Sandra write the book, The Porn Solution?

[7:10] What is the definition of a betrayal?

[12:05] Porn, what’s the big deal? I’m not cheating on you!

[18:10] Why does porn betrayal affect women so deeply?

[22:35] How can we regain a partner’s trust after a betrayal?

[24:30] You have a right to ask for your needs to be met. It’s okay to have needs!

[29:15] What is a problem for one person, is a problem for both people.

[29:55] Porn isn’t the issue, it’s the trust!

RESOURCES:

Sex and Relationship Healing

@RobWeissMSW

Sex Addiction 101

Seeking Integrity

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency

Out of the Doghouse by Robert Weiss

Drsandrashachar.com

Dr. Sandra on LinkedIn

The Porn Solution

QUOTES:

• “When I talk to spouses about their experience of whether porn felt like a betrayal to the relationship, we got up to 80%. We have a population of female spouses who say it’s a big deal.”

• “It’s not the act of what you’re doing specifically, it’s the deception. It’s what you’ve hidden me that constitutes as the betrayal.”

• “It makes absolute sense why you’re reacting the way you are. This is normal under these abnormal circumstances.”