In this weekly Sex and Intimacy Q&A, Tami and Erin Snow answer participant questions about sex, intimacy, addiction, betrayal, and more. They consider timelines in recovery, what full disclosure entails, and how to know if your partner is an addict or just a full-blown jerk, or both.

TAKEAWAYS:

[:30] Is this seminar only for partners experiencing betrayal?

[3:55] How do I know if my partner is an addict or just an a**hole?

[7:25] How should I define my inner circle behaviors after chem sex recovery?

[12:09] My wife can’t get over my affair, it’s already been 10 months.

[19:50] Can I trust that my husband suddenly has no urges to act out?

[27:10] My husband says he’ll tell me anything that I ask him about. Was his disclosure incomplete?

[31:52] Do you suggest a 12-Step program for the betrayed partner? It’s not my fault!

[35:55] Can you clarify between a porn addict and a sex/love addict?

[44:10 How long does recovery take on average?

[49:19] Can recovery happen without a formal 12-Step program?

RESOURCES:

Seekingintegrity.com

Email Tami: Tami@Seekingintegrity.com

Sexandrelationshiphealing.com

Intherooms.com

Out of the Doghouse: A Step-by-Step Relationship-Saving Guide for Men Caught Cheating, by Robert Weiss

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency, by Robert Weiss

Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men, by Robert Weiss

Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.

QUOTES

• “She’s not going to believe that you’re not sexually attracted to them when she doesn’t believe anything you say right now.”

• “The action that it takes to rebuild trust takes time.”

• “You may not be enmeshed in your partner’s behavior, but you are deeply involved.”

• “What matters most is the quality of the time that you are spending on your own individual work to heal and to rebuild trust.”

Dr. Stephanie Covington and Dr. Vanessa Carlisle continue their conversation with Dr. Rob about awakening sexuality to create a healthy sexual identity, especially after betrayal or trauma. Their new book Awaken Your Sexuality: Seeking Connection and Intimacy After Addiction and Trauma offers a personalized process to learning about your own sexuality, regardless of experiences you have had in the past.

TAKEAWAYS:

[1:22] Vanessa’s perspective on sex workers.

[6:29] If you love me, you wouldn’t do this.

[10:13] Betrayed partners get to choose what they are going to do next.

[13:40] Compartmentalizing addictive and betrayal behavior.

[15:52] Creating a healthy sexual partnership.

[19:36] The danger of comparing your sex life to porn.

[22:42] Learning about intimacy from the queer community.

[25:29] The shame of non-sexual but intimate couples.

[27:31] Slow moving steps in healing from betrayal.

[31:45] Faith-based sexuality.

[35:36] Awakening your sexuality through a personalized process.

RESOURCES:

Sex and Relationship Healing

@RobWeissMSW

Sex Addiction 101

Seeking Integrity

Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment

Partner Sexuality Survey

Dr. Stephanie Covington

Dr. Vanessa Carlisle

Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.

QUOTES:

• “It is a fallacy to believe that the people who love us will never hurt us.”
• “Betrayed partners get to choose what they’re going to do about the situation they're in.”
• “Do you want to be in a relationship with someone that you don’t respect?”
• “You can’t use porn as your sex teacher. You’ve got to use your own body.”

Dr. Stephanie Covington and Dr. Vanessa Carlisle join Dr. Rob to discuss their new book Awaken Your Sexuality: Seeking Connection and Intimacy After Addiction and Trauma. They discuss the facts and myths of true intimacy, appropriate healing timelines after betrayal, and the danger of believing that sex is the only worthy expression of intimacy in a healthy and committed relationship.

TAKEAWAYS:

[3:42] Seeking connection and intimacy after addiction and trauma.

[6:29] A timeline for dealing with trauma during recovery.

[9:46] The role of facing trauma in healing.

[11:15] Addressing the why of addictive behavior.

[14:22] The challenge of culture on healthy sexuality.

[17:33] Safety as an aphrodisiac.

[20:20] Moving from betrayal to intimacy.

[22:40] Myths surrounding sex and intimacy.

[25:37] Small steps that lead to true intimacy.

RESOURCES:

Sex and Relationship Healing

@RobWeissMSW

Sex Addiction 101

Seeking Integrity

Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment

Partner Sexuality Survey

Dr. Stephanie Covington

Dr. Vanessa Carlisle

Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.

QUOTES:

• “Recovery is a slow, slow process.”
• “Asking why is a way to stay stuck.”
• “The depth of our need for sexual connection is not the problem.”
• “Safety is an aphrodisiac.”
• “Intimacy takes time.”