Trying to find yourself after motherhood? Kei has some news: the woman you were before becoming a mom may not be coming back—and rebuilding your identity doesn't require her to.

This week on Motherhood Is a MF, we're talking about identity after motherhood, losing yourself in motherhood, discovering who you are now, finding new hobbies and creating a life outside of being somebody's mom.

We spend so much time talking about “getting back.”

Getting your body back.

Getting back to work.

Getting back to yourself.

But motherhood changed you.

And maybe the better question isn't how to return to who you were.

Maybe it's:

Who am I now?

Kei gets into realizing that some of her old interests no longer excite her, some old behaviors don't belong where she's going, and even answering a simple question like “What do you do for fun?” can get surprisingly complicated after motherhood.

So she's figuring it out.

New hobbies.

New experiences.

New routines.

New versions of fun.

Not because the old Kei disappeared and needs to be rescued—but because there's a new woman here worth getting to know.

LETTER FROM THE VILLAGE

A listener feels like she's been waiting for her real life to start again.

She'll travel when the kids are older.

Take the class when things calm down.

Work on the business someday.

Make new friends eventually.

But now she's wondering whether “later” has quietly turned into putting herself last.

Kei talks about separating the things that genuinely need to wait from the things you could start—at least in some form—right now.

You don't have to overhaul your entire life.

Pick one thing.

Make the arrangement.

Save the money.

Take the class.

Try the hobby.

Start building something that belongs to the woman you are today.

Send your Letter From the Village to motherhoodisamf@gmail.com.

And tell us: What's one thing about the new you that the old you could never?

If you knew Kei before she became a mom, she regrets to inform you: you don't know her anymore.

Motherhood changes more than your schedule. It can change your identity, personality, friendships, patience, priorities and social life — sometimes for the better and sometimes…not so much.

In this episode, Kei gets into the woman she's become after motherhood.

She's more empathetic and compassionate than she used to be.

She's also far less interested in conversations, drama and repeated problems that waste the little time and mental capacity she has left.

Motherhood has made her softer in some places and harder in others.

And then there's the spontaneity.

Going to happy hour used to require a text.

Now it requires childcare, scheduling, planning and possibly three weeks' notice.

Kei talks about missing the ease of being able to simply get up and go — while also recognizing that the relationships and friendships she still values require effort in this season.

Letter From the Village

This week's listener has a confession:

She usually doesn't want to go out.

She's tired. Her social battery is different. By the weekend, getting dressed, finding childcare and making conversation can feel like too much.

But when her friends stop inviting her?

She's hurt.

She doesn't want motherhood to turn her into the friend who only hears about the fun afterward.

So how do you tell your friends:

I might say no — but please keep inviting me?

Kei gets into communicating what this season looks like, making your own plans when possible, and continuing to invest in the friendships that remind you you're still a woman outside of everything you're responsible for.

Motherhood changed Kei.

Less available.

More selective.

Softer.

Harder.

More intentional.

And she wouldn't change the woman she's becoming.

Letter From the Village: motherhoodisamf@gmail.com

Follow Motherhood Is a MF, leave a review, and send this episode to the friend who still needs to invite you even though there's a 72% chance you're staying home.

What happens when your kids, work, partner, friends and everybody else get the best version of you — and you get whatever is left?

This week, Kei is talking about putting yourself first, setting boundaries, overcommitting and protecting your time and emotional capacity before you run completely empty.

Sometimes relationships need to be treated like subscriptions: somebody gets premium access, somebody gets basic cable, and somebody's subscription might need to be canceled altogether.

Kei also shares how she had to rethink the extravagant ways she showed up for other people's birthdays after realizing she wasn't giving herself that same level of time, planning, money and thoughtfulness.

Because if you're willing to give somebody else the best of you, shouldn't you get some of it too?

ALSO IN THIS EPISODE:

• Setting boundaries around your availability • Saying no without needing a dramatic reason • Doing less when you've been overcommitting • Why your time is a premium resource • Putting something into yourself before everybody starts making withdrawals • Spending money on yourself without guilt

THIS WEEK'S CHALLENGE

Do something for yourself first.

Make your coffee first. Make your plate first. Take your quiet time first.

Just once, don't wait until everybody else has been served before you decide what you get.

Send your Letter From the Village to motherhoodisamf@gmail.com.

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