Trying to find yourself after motherhood? Kei has some news: the woman you were before becoming a mom may not be coming back—and rebuilding your identity doesn't require her to.

This week on Motherhood Is a MF, we're talking about identity after motherhood, losing yourself in motherhood, discovering who you are now, finding new hobbies and creating a life outside of being somebody's mom.

We spend so much time talking about “getting back.”

Getting your body back.

Getting back to work.

Getting back to yourself.

But motherhood changed you.

And maybe the better question isn't how to return to who you were.

Maybe it's:

Who am I now?

Kei gets into realizing that some of her old interests no longer excite her, some old behaviors don't belong where she's going, and even answering a simple question like “What do you do for fun?” can get surprisingly complicated after motherhood.

So she's figuring it out.

New hobbies.

New experiences.

New routines.

New versions of fun.

Not because the old Kei disappeared and needs to be rescued—but because there's a new woman here worth getting to know.

LETTER FROM THE VILLAGE

A listener feels like she's been waiting for her real life to start again.

She'll travel when the kids are older.

Take the class when things calm down.

Work on the business someday.

Make new friends eventually.

But now she's wondering whether “later” has quietly turned into putting herself last.

Kei talks about separating the things that genuinely need to wait from the things you could start—at least in some form—right now.

You don't have to overhaul your entire life.

Pick one thing.

Make the arrangement.

Save the money.

Take the class.

Try the hobby.

Start building something that belongs to the woman you are today.

Send your Letter From the Village to motherhoodisamf@gmail.com.

And tell us: What's one thing about the new you that the old you could never?

If you knew Kei before she became a mom, she regrets to inform you: you don't know her anymore.

Motherhood changes more than your schedule. It can change your identity, personality, friendships, patience, priorities and social life — sometimes for the better and sometimes…not so much.

In this episode, Kei gets into the woman she's become after motherhood.

She's more empathetic and compassionate than she used to be.

She's also far less interested in conversations, drama and repeated problems that waste the little time and mental capacity she has left.

Motherhood has made her softer in some places and harder in others.

And then there's the spontaneity.

Going to happy hour used to require a text.

Now it requires childcare, scheduling, planning and possibly three weeks' notice.

Kei talks about missing the ease of being able to simply get up and go — while also recognizing that the relationships and friendships she still values require effort in this season.

Letter From the Village

This week's listener has a confession:

She usually doesn't want to go out.

She's tired. Her social battery is different. By the weekend, getting dressed, finding childcare and making conversation can feel like too much.

But when her friends stop inviting her?

She's hurt.

She doesn't want motherhood to turn her into the friend who only hears about the fun afterward.

So how do you tell your friends:

I might say no — but please keep inviting me?

Kei gets into communicating what this season looks like, making your own plans when possible, and continuing to invest in the friendships that remind you you're still a woman outside of everything you're responsible for.

Motherhood changed Kei.

Less available.

More selective.

Softer.

Harder.

More intentional.

And she wouldn't change the woman she's becoming.

Letter From the Village: motherhoodisamf@gmail.com

Follow Motherhood Is a MF, leave a review, and send this episode to the friend who still needs to invite you even though there's a 72% chance you're staying home.

What happens when your kids, work, partner, friends and everybody else get the best version of you — and you get whatever is left?

This week, Kei is talking about putting yourself first, setting boundaries, overcommitting and protecting your time and emotional capacity before you run completely empty.

Sometimes relationships need to be treated like subscriptions: somebody gets premium access, somebody gets basic cable, and somebody's subscription might need to be canceled altogether.

Kei also shares how she had to rethink the extravagant ways she showed up for other people's birthdays after realizing she wasn't giving herself that same level of time, planning, money and thoughtfulness.

Because if you're willing to give somebody else the best of you, shouldn't you get some of it too?

ALSO IN THIS EPISODE:

• Setting boundaries around your availability • Saying no without needing a dramatic reason • Doing less when you've been overcommitting • Why your time is a premium resource • Putting something into yourself before everybody starts making withdrawals • Spending money on yourself without guilt

THIS WEEK'S CHALLENGE

Do something for yourself first.

Make your coffee first. Make your plate first. Take your quiet time first.

Just once, don't wait until everybody else has been served before you decide what you get.

Send your Letter From the Village to motherhoodisamf@gmail.com.

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How much of your career, money, ambition and future have you quietly put on hold since becoming a mom?

Motherhood is expensive — and we're not talking about diapers, daycare or tuition.

Sometimes the cost is the promotion you didn't pursue.

The certification you let expire.

The business sitting in your Notes app.

The professional network you've stopped nurturing.

The money you stopped putting toward yourself.

Or the dream you keep promising you'll get back to “when the kids get older.”

This week on Motherhood Is a MF, Kei is talking about motherhood and career, working-mom ambition, financial independence, professional growth and why moms shouldn't automatically become the default sacrifice in their families.

Because “later” has a funny way of turning into years.

And while some dreams genuinely need to wait for a different season, delayed does not have to mean abandoned.

IN THIS EPISODE:

The hidden ways motherhood can affect your career and ambition • Putting your professional goals on hold after having kids • Why moms often become the default parent — and default sacrificer • Sharing responsibility with a spouse or co-parent • Protecting your savings and retirement • Keeping skills, certifications and professional relationships current • Planting seeds for a business or career move before you're ready to make the full leap • Updating your resume and LinkedIn before you desperately need them • Why your future self deserves a plan too.

YOUR CHALLENGE

Do one thing this week that your future self will thank you for.

Update the resume.

Reconnect with your network.

Take the class.

Research the certification.

Look at the job.

Start the business paperwork.

Save the money.

You don't have to build the entire future today.

Just plant something.

💌 Send your Letter From the Village to motherhoodisamf@gmail.com.

Follow Motherhood Is a MF so we can keep figuring out how to enjoy motherhood without disappearing inside of it.

This week on Motherhood Is a MF, Kei is talking about mom comparison, social media motherhood, motherhood expectations and why somebody else's version of being a “good mom” doesn't need to become the standard for your house.

Because different families have different resources.

Different capacity.

We're not all starting with the same starter pack.

And sometimes the thing making you feel inadequate isn't actually something your child needs — it's simply something you saw another mom doing.

IN THIS EPISODE

Kei gets into the pressure to copy what we see online, the working-mom-versus-stay-at-home-mom comparison trap, extracurricular overload, flexible household rules and the difference between borrowing inspiration and turning somebody else's choices into law.

Because your child doesn't need every experience.

Your dinner doesn't have to look like hers.

Your routine doesn't have to look like hers.

Your motherhood doesn't have to look like hers.

What works for your family is the point.

Now ask yourself:

Does this actually serve my family — or have I just been doing it because I think I'm supposed to?

Take what works.

Leave what doesn't.

And let your values — not comparison — be the measuring stick for your motherhood.

💌 Send your Letter From the Village to motherhoodisamf@gmail.com.

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Everybody has an opinion about what a “good mom” should do. Kei has a few opinions of her own.

This week on Motherhood Is a MF, we’re getting into mom hot takes, unpopular motherhood opinions, mom guilt, motherhood expectations, and some of the unwritten rules women inherit the second somebody starts calling them Mom.

Consider this the episode version of sending a voice note to the group chat and starting with, “Okay, hear me out…”

Because there are a lot of things moms are expected to automatically believe.

How much of ourselves we're supposed to give.

What we should feel guilty about.

How our priorities should change.

What motherhood is supposed to look like.

And what supposedly makes one woman a “better” mom than another.

Kei is saying some of the quiet parts out loud — not because everybody needs to agree, but because motherhood gets a lot more interesting when women can talk honestly without turning every difference into a judgment.

Some takes you'll agree with.

Some you absolutely will not.

That's part of the fun.

The bigger question is whether the motherhood rules you're following actually belong to you — or whether you've simply been following them because that's what moms are “supposed” to do.

And before you go, bring your own opinion to the village:

What's your most unpopular mom hot take?

The one you know might start a little debate in the group chat.

We want to hear it.

💌 Send your Letter From the Village to motherhoodisamf@gmail.com.

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Mom guilt can make you feel bad for taking a break, spending money on yourself, going out with your friends, setting boundaries or simply doing something that has absolutely nothing to do with your children. But does choosing yourself actually make you a bad mom? Girl, no.

This week on Motherhood Is a MF, Kei is coming for mom guilt — and the unspoken expectation that becoming a “good mom” means putting yourself last.

Because somehow a hair appointment can turn into, “I could've spent this money on the kids.”

Brunch with your girls becomes, “I should probably be home.”

Rest becomes something you have to earn.

And taking care of yourself somehow starts feeling selfish instead of necessary.

We're not doing that over here.

Kei gets into why moms need friendships, rest, boundaries, and lives of their own — and why your children actually benefit from seeing you model what it looks like to be loved well, take care of yourself, maintain healthy relationships, and say no sometimes.

IN THIS EPISODE:

• Why mom guilt shows up when you spend time or money on yourself
• Putting yourself first without feeling like a bad mom
• Why moms need friendships and time away from their families too
• Setting boundaries with your children
• What your kids learn by watching how you take care of yourself
• Why becoming a mom doesn't mean everything has to revolve around your children
• Comparison, social media and the pressure to perform “good motherhood”
• Letting go of motherhood expectations that don't work for your actual life
• Giving yourself permission to rest without earning it

LETTER FROM THE VILLAGE

This week's letter comes from a mom who has officially been humbled by motherhood.

Before having children, she had opinions.

Her child would never have a meltdown in Target.

She wasn't going to rely on a tablet at dinner.

She wasn't going to serve the same three meals on repeat.

Her child wasn't sleeping in her bed.

And she certainly wasn't going to become one of those tired moms canceling plans.

Then she had a three-year-old.

Now she's wondering how to stop beating herself up for breaking all the motherhood rules she created before she actually knew what the job required.

Kei's answer?

Pre-mom you didn't have a toddler.

Give that woman — and the moms you once judged — a little grace.

JOIN THE GROUP CHAT: https://motherhoodisamf.myflodesk.com/miamf

What's something you've felt mom guilt about that you've been too embarrassed to admit out loud?

Come tell us. This is a judgment-free, guilt-free zone.

Letter From the Village: motherhoodisamf@gmail.com

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Follow Motherhood Is a MF on Apple Podcasts and Spotify so you don't miss the next conversation.

Because motherhood may be part of who you are.

It does not have to become all of you.

Good Mom, Bad B*tch

Being a good mom does not require disappearing inside of motherhood.

Welcome to the first episode of Motherhood Is a MF, where Kei is laying the foundation for the entire show: you can love motherhood, love your children and still be deeply committed to having a life that belongs to you.

This week, we’re talking about mom guilt, identity after motherhood, self-care, friendships, ambition and what it really means to choose yourself as a mom.

Kei gets into:

• The unwritten rules about what a “good mom” should look like • Why putting yourself first does not automatically mean putting your children last • Feeling guilty about girls’ trips, spending money on yourself or simply wanting a break • Why overwork and exhaustion are not proof of good motherhood • Protecting your friendships, career, relationships, hobbies and dreams after having children • Finding self-care that feels good instead of creating another obligation • Why your children benefit from seeing you live a full life • Creating your own hours of operation and protecting your peace

Then, in Letter From the Village, a mom admits she couldn't wait for the kids to go back to school — and immediately wondered whether enjoying the peace and quiet made her a bad mom.

It doesn't.

And in From Mother to MUVA, Kei leaves you with one question:

What is one thing you love about yourself that has absolutely nothing to do with how well you take care of anybody else?

Do more of that.

Remember:

You are more than what you do for everybody else.

You are allowed to choose yourself without guilt, rest without earning it, protect your peace without apology and make room for joy on purpose.

You are still that girl.

Motherhood will never make you forget it.

Motherhood Is a MF is the podcast about motherhood that has absolutely nothing to do with raising kids.

This one’s about the mom — her identity, ambition and relationships.

Letter From the Village: motherhoodisamf@gmail.com

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