Trying to find yourself after motherhood? Kei has some news: the woman you were before becoming a mom may not be coming back—and rebuilding your identity doesn't require her to.

This week on Motherhood Is a MF, we're talking about identity after motherhood, losing yourself in motherhood, discovering who you are now, finding new hobbies and creating a life outside of being somebody's mom.

We spend so much time talking about “getting back.”

Getting your body back.

Getting back to work.

Getting back to yourself.

But motherhood changed you.

And maybe the better question isn't how to return to who you were.

Maybe it's:

Who am I now?

Kei gets into realizing that some of her old interests no longer excite her, some old behaviors don't belong where she's going, and even answering a simple question like “What do you do for fun?” can get surprisingly complicated after motherhood.

So she's figuring it out.

New hobbies.

New experiences.

New routines.

New versions of fun.

Not because the old Kei disappeared and needs to be rescued—but because there's a new woman here worth getting to know.

LETTER FROM THE VILLAGE

A listener feels like she's been waiting for her real life to start again.

She'll travel when the kids are older.

Take the class when things calm down.

Work on the business someday.

Make new friends eventually.

But now she's wondering whether “later” has quietly turned into putting herself last.

Kei talks about separating the things that genuinely need to wait from the things you could start—at least in some form—right now.

You don't have to overhaul your entire life.

Pick one thing.

Make the arrangement.

Save the money.

Take the class.

Try the hobby.

Start building something that belongs to the woman you are today.

Send your Letter From the Village to motherhoodisamf@gmail.com.

And tell us: What's one thing about the new you that the old you could never?