Death isn’t something most of us are taught to face with honesty, compassion, or ritual. In this episode of Messy Liberation, hosts Becky Mollenkamp and Taina Brown sit down with Nikki Smith, The Death Doula, to explore what it means to navigate dying, grief, and collective loss with more humanity.

Nikki shares how her personal experiences with loss led her to become a death doula and grief coach, and why she believes grief doesn’t have to suck. Together, we talk about how our culture fails us in grief (three days of bereavement leave? really?), the myths of the “stages of grief,” what collective grief looks like in moments like COVID and global injustice, and why rituals matter.

We also touch on end-of-life dignity, hospice care, and what Nikki has learned about her own mortality from walking alongside others in their final days. This conversation is real, tender, and surprisingly hopeful—it’s about love, legacy, and finding joy even in the hardest moments.

If you’ve ever felt alone in your grief, questioned how to support someone through loss, or wondered what it means to prepare for your own death, this episode will meet you right where you are.

Discussed in this episode:

• How Nikki became a death doula and grief coach
• Why toxic positivity is harmful in grief
• The many forms of grief, including disenfranchised grief
• The limitations of bereavement leave and how workplaces fail grievers
• Rituals and cultural approaches to death
• The myth of “stages of grief” and why grief is nonlinear
• Collective grief in times of crisis (COVID, genocide, natural disasters)
• The dignity (and indignity) of dying, and hospice care
• Talking with kids about death
• Finding joy, ritual, and love inside grief

Resources:

• Nikki Smith’s website (and podcast info)
• Nikki and Taina’s upcoming session on collective grief (Sept. 25)

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What does it mean to rest in a world that’s constantly demanding more from us—and why is rest such an essential part of resistance?

In this episode, Becky and Taina sit down with Jordan Maney (aka The Radical Joy Coach) to talk about rest as resistance, how to distinguish between anger and rage, and why “rest so you can rage” is a mantra worth remembering.

Together they unpack:

• The difference between anger (short-term) and rage (sustainable)
• Why rest, joy, and care are essential for sustaining activism and justice work
• What Audre Lorde meant when she said “anger is loaded with information and energy”
• How shame and defensiveness show up when we’re called in or called out
• The tension between white women co-opting “rest as resistance” vs. acknowledging privilege
• Rest equity and who most urgently needs access to true restoration
• Why rest isn’t the absence of doing, but the presence of restoration—creative rest, social rest, emotional rest, and more

Jordan reminds us that rest isn’t an excuse to check out. It’s a strategy for sustaining ourselves in the long fight against oppressive systems. Without it, burnout wins.

If you’ve ever felt guilty about slowing down, or wondered how to balance caring for yourself while also showing up for justice, this episode will leave you with a radical new lens on why rest isn’t optional—it’s part of the work.

Jordan Maney is The Radical Joy Coach and the host of Rest Lab podcast. She helps “bleeding hearts”—people who deeply give a damn—center rest, joy, and care in their lives as an act of resistance.

Resources & Links

• RestLab Report and Podcast, Jordan’s Substack
• “Joy Is a Strategy: The White Leftist Struggle with Spirit”
• “Uses of Anger” by Audre Lorde
• “Rest Is Resistance: A Manifesto” by Tricia Hersey

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Becky and Taina sit down with Tiana Dodson, a body liberation facilitator who helps people reconnect with their bodies, destigmatize fatness, and confront the oppressive systems that keep us at war with ourselves.

Together, we dig into the messy, nuanced truths about body liberation: what it really means beyond “body positivity,” why loving your body isn’t always possible (or required), and how systemic oppression—not personal failure—shapes our relationships with our bodies.

Tiana shares her four-step framework for body liberation—education, reframing, resilience/self-care, and advocacy—and we talk about the real-life challenges of living in a fat body in a fatphobic, racist, capitalist culture. This conversation unpacks how liberation isn’t a destination but an ongoing practice of resistance, reclamation, and joy.

Discussed in this episode:

• The limits of body positivity and why “just love your body” is often inaccessible.
• The political realities of having a marginalized body and why they matter.
• Tiana’s journey from engineer to body liberation facilitator (with a spreadsheet love story in the mix).
• How trauma complicates body acceptance and why neutrality can be liberatory.
• The role of storytelling and representation in dismantling shame.
• Why reclaiming pleasure—from sex to ice cubes—is a radical act of liberation.

Resources Mentioned:

• "Fearing the Black Body" by Sabrina Strings
• "Fat Girls in Black Bodies" by Dr. Joy Arlene Renee Cox
• "The Body Is Not an Apology" by Sonya Renee Taylor
• "Pleasure Activism" by adrienne maree brown

Connect with Tiana Dodson:

• Instagram: @iamtianadodson
• Website: tianadodson.com
• TikTok: @iamtianadodson

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This week on Messy Liberation, Becky and Taina dive headfirst into the chaos of U.S. politics, personal rights under threat, and the culture wars playing out in real time. From the militarization of D.C. to the looming Supreme Court cases threatening Obergefell, they unpack how Project 2025 is already reshaping daily life and why “just wait and see” isn’t an option when democracy is on the line.

They also get personal: what it means to feel unsafe in your own country, how queer couples are already strategizing to protect their families, and why pride flags signal more safety than American flags these days.

And because no episode is complete without calling out cultural contradictions, Becky and Taina take on Taylor Swift and the problem with white feminism. Can you enjoy the music while still holding celebrities accountable for their choices? Absolutely—but ignoring privilege and power isn’t an option.

It’s a heated, unfiltered conversation. If you’re activated by it, you’re not alone—just don’t forget to take care of your nervous system afterward.

Discussed in This Episode:

• Trump’s deployment of the National Guard in D.C. and the playbook of creeping fascism
• Project 2025 and how it’s already reshaping policy, strategy, and daily life
• The fight to protect Obergefell and what the threat to marriage equality means for queer families
• Lavender marriages, legal loopholes, and the exhausting extra labor LGBTQ+ couples face
• How rights once granted are now being stripped away—and the chilling precedent that sets
• Taylor Swift, celebrity feminism, and why “with great power comes great responsibility” isn’t just a comic book line
• White culture, “Midwest nice,” and the expectation that women should always perform “nice” at the expense of truth

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Misogyny isn’t just something “other people” do. In this conversation, Becky and Taina unpack the invisible ways it shows up in our language, our friendships, our relationships, and even inside ourselves.

From judging women for wearing too much makeup to men who call women “females,” we explore the sneaky red flags we’ve normalized. And we get real about the internalized misogyny we all carry, even as feminists.

We also talk about gay male culture borrowing from Black women, the emotional labor of womanhood, and why calling women “crazy” is more dangerous than it sounds. This episode is a gut-check for anyone raised inside patriarchal systems (so, all of us).

If you’ve ever wondered “Am I being too hard on other women?” or “Why do I feel unsafe in rooms full of women who all look alike?”—this one’s for you.

Here's Becky's Thread that prompted this episode

Discussed in This Episode:

• What misogyny really is—and how it shows up beyond violence or hate
• The difference between external and internalized misogyny
• Everyday red flags in men’s behavior (even the “nice guys”)
• The harm of calling women “females” and judging women’s choices
• Why internalized misogyny makes us distrust or judge other women
• How queer spaces can reinforce misogyny—especially toward trans women
• Gay male culture and the unacknowledged borrowing from Black women
• The emotional and invisible labor women carry in families and work
• How grief, caretaking, and people-pleasing are gendered expectations
• Why it’s not “misandry” when women resist patriarchy
• Judging aesthetics like pink or plastic surgery as a feminist
• Why “all his exes are crazy” is a major red flag
• How internalized misogyny shapes what art, comedy, and leadership we value
• Building feminist friendships and communities that aren’t copy-paste
• What it really means to divest from patriarchy without hating femininity

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Polyamory isn’t what you think it is. In this episode of Messy Liberation, we sit down with Frances Crusoe to talk about ethical non-monogamy, what it really looks like in practice, and how she navigates parenting, faith, and family while living a polyamorous life. We tackle misconceptions (no, it’s not all orgies), explore how jealousy really works, and dig into the radical idea that love isn’t a finite resource. If you’ve ever wondered how polyamory intersects with feminism, religion, and raising kids, this one’s for you.

Discussed in this episode:

• Frances’s journey from church life to polyamory

• The difference between polyamory, polygamy, and ethical non-monogamy

• How she talks to her kids about multiple partners

• Deconstructing jealousy and religious conditioning

• Why consent and communication are the cornerstone of poly relationships

• Polyamory myths and misconceptions (and what’s actually true)

• The intersection of feminism, faith, and love

Resource mentioned:

• “Opening Up” by Tristan Taormino: https://amzn.to/4mfzO2x

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Pedro Pascal’s red carpet style, Malcolm Jamal Warner’s tragic passing, and the chaos around the Epstein files — this episode of Messy Liberation goes everywhere at once. Becky Mollenkamp and Taina Brown dive into pop culture, politics, astrology, and messy real-life feminism with zero polish and plenty of swearing. From debating Pedro Pascal’s “daddy energy” and Leo season’s chaos to unpacking the Cosby Show legacy and the William McNeil police brutality video, they keep it bold, irreverent, and intersectional.

Discussed in this episode:

• Pedro Pascal’s red carpet moments and breaking masculinity norms
• Malcolm Jamal Warner’s drowning and the Cosby Show’s complicated legacy
• Dating strategically vs dating for love in your 20s
• Melania Trump and Kennedy Center renaming outrage
• Ghislaine Maxwell, Epstein files, and MAGA conspiracies
• Police brutality and the William McNeil dashcam video
• Venus Williams’ comeback and U.S. health insurance issues
• Leo season, assertiveness vs aggression, and zodiac dynamics

Resource mentioned:

• William McNeil dashcam video (TW: police brutality)

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Ever feel superior for hating the mainstream? Same. In this episode of Messy Liberation, Becky and Taina dig into the hidden hierarchies we create when we judge popular culture, and how that feeds into white supremacy, fatphobia, and American exceptionalism. From YouTube vlogs and Hallmark movies to queer fanfiction and Audre Lorde, they explore how internalized systems show up in even our most frivolous pleasures. This is a funny, challenging, and honest convo about how true liberation means dismantling shit inside ourselves first—without killing joy in the process.

Discussed in this Episode

• Toxic traits around rejecting popular culture

• Fanfiction as a space for safety and creativity

• Hallmark’s evolving portrayal of queer characters

• Superiority complexes and gifted child syndrome

• Exceptionalism and American individualism

• Intersectional readings of pop culture (like Christmas in July)

• Fatphobia and anti-fat bias in medical systems

• Language policing and supremacy in grammar norms

• Audre Lorde’s ‘master’s tools’ and internalized systems

• How liberation work demands internal accountability

Resources Mentioned

• Ryan Trahan's 50 States in 50 Days YouTube Series

• St. Jude Children's Research Hospital

• "Pedagogy of the Oppressed" by Paulo Freire

• "The Master’s Tools Will Never Dismantle the Master’s House" by Audre Lorde

• Somebody Somewhere on HBO Max

• "An Actress of a Certain Age" by Jeff Hiller

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