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  • Self-Focused vs. Task-Focused Attention & How Great Things Are Done by a Series of Small Things [277]

    Self-Focused vs. Task-Focused Attention & How Great Things Are Done by a Series of Small Things [277]
    2026/07/29
    This final episode of our Confidence series ties everything together: the inner work of accepting discomfort and self-doubt, defusing from self-critical thoughts, and clarifying values now becomes the foundation for outer action. You can build confidence through the daily practice of taking small committed actions, again and again, in alignment with your values, even when you don't feel ready. We'll dig into strategies like psychological flexibility: the ability to be present with thoughts, feelings, and sensations without letting them stop you from doing what matters. With that flexibility, we can shift from self-focused attention (consumed by what others are thinking, picking apart your own performance in real time) to task-focused attention. Self-focused attention takes the prefrontal cortex partially offline and redirects computing power to threat-detection and self-monitoring. Shifting attention to the task brings it back online. You think more clearly. You respond more flexibly. You perform closer to the level you're actually capable of. The practice is simple to describe and genuinely hard to do: when you notice self-focused attention taking over, pause, ask "What does this moment call for?" and do the next best thing, imperfectly. You'll get pulled back into self-monitoring. That's okay. That's actually the practice. That's where the real strength is built. About: The Joy Lab Podcast is an Ambie-nominated podcast that blends science and soul to help you cope better with stress, anxiety, and depression. It's hosted by integrative psychiatrist Dr. Henry Emmons and holistic mental health researcher Dr. Aimee Prasek. The podcast is best paired with the Joy Lab Program (get your 7-day free trial!). Bonus: spread some joy and keep this podcast ad-free by donating (Joy Lab is powered by the nonprofit Pathways North and your donations are tax-deductible). Listen & follow the Joy Lab Podcast on your favorite listening app: Spotify | Apple | YouTube Sources and Notes for our Element of Confidence: Joy Lab Program: Take the next leap in your wellbeing journey with step-by-step practices to help you build and maintain the elements of joy in your life. Start your 7-day free trial now.Episodes in this series: Not Feeling Confident & Want to Know How to Increase Confidence In Yourself? Start By Seeing Confidence as Trust, Not a Feeling [ep. 273] Building Confidence with Mindful Acceptance (even when anxiety, self-doubt, & the harsh inner-critic show up) [ep. 274] You Are Not Your Thoughts: Cognitive Defusion for Confidence & to Change Your Relationship With Self-Critical Thoughts [ep. 275] Confidence, Motivation, & Values: Focusing on Direction, Not Perfection [ep.276] Self-Focused vs. Task-Focused Attention & How Great Things Are Done by a Series of Small Things[ep. 277] Book: The Confidence Gap by Russ Harris, PhD Book: Confidence Culture by Shani Orgad, PhD & Rosalind Gill, PhD Bandura. Self-efficacy: Toward a Unifying Theory of Behavioral Change. Access here. Baumeister et al. Does High Self-Esteem Cause Better Performance, Interpersonal Success, Happiness, or Healthier Lifestyles? Access here. Donnelly et al. Do people know how others view them? Two approaches for identifying the accuracy of metaperceptions. Access here. Hayes et al. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy as a Unified Model of Behavior Change. Access here.More about Victor Frankl's work from VFIA. Full transcript here Common Questions: Q: How do I actually start building confidence when I don't feel confident at all? A: Start with small committed actions (not big goals) that are aligned with your values and take those small actions even when you feel doubtful or uncomfortable. These small actions are the most important starting point, they collect evidence your nervous system can learn from (I can do it!), and the feeling of confidence can follow those small actions. Q: Why does my anxiety get worse when I'm in the middle of doing something I care about? A: That's self-focused attention. Your energy and focus gets redirected from the task to self-monitoring and threat-detection; this episode explains the neuroscience, introduces the shift to task-focused attention, and gives you a simple one-question reset to bring your prefrontal cortex back online. Key moments: [00:00] Welcome to the final episode of the Confidence series — committed action, the last step [00:30] Recap of the series: Ep. 274 (being with discomfort), Ep. 275 (unhooking from thoughts), Ep. 276 (clarifying values) — now it's time to act [01:00] Quoting Dr. Russ Harris: "The actions of confidence come first; the feelings of confidence come later." [01:30] Henry: up until now, we've done the inner work — now it's time for the outer work [02:00] Committed action: moving toward what matters even when uncomfortable, doubtful, or uncertain [02:30] ACT's psychological flexibility: being present ...
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    22 分
  • Confidence, Motivation, & Values: Focusing on Direction, Not Perfection [276]

    Confidence, Motivation, & Values: Focusing on Direction, Not Perfection [276]
    2026/07/22
    When confidence is built on external approval, performance, and outcomes, it's fragile. It's also a fragile support for motivation that depends on getting the win, which then boosts your confidence and motivation temporarily, priming you to start the search for your next win to fuel your sense of confidence and refill your motivation tank. The problem comes when the wins sit far apart and your , confidence and motivation start to run on fumes. Or, if you try and fail, then your confidence and motivation can collapse. This episode offers a more durable foundation for your confidence and motivation to be built on: your values. When you ground your confidence in your values rather than your performance, the question shifts from "Did I nail it?" to "Did I show up in alignment with what matters to me?" We'll dig into some practical values-clarification exercises to help you identify your values and follow-up next episode with how to take action. Here's the list of values from Dr. Brene Brown that we referenced: https://brenebrown.com/resources/dare-to-lead-list-of-values/ Note: This episode includes a brief reference to gun violence at 3:30. You can skip to 4:50 or 6:00 to avoid that section. About: The Joy Lab Podcast is an Ambie-nominated podcast that blends science and soul to help you cope better with stress, anxiety, and depression. It's hosted by integrative psychiatrist Dr. Henry Emmons and holistic mental health researcher Dr. Aimee Prasek. The podcast is best paired with the Joy Lab Program (get your 7-day free trial!). Bonus: spread some joy and keep this podcast ad-free by donating (Joy Lab is powered by the nonprofit Pathways North and your donations are tax-deductible). Common Questions & Mental Health Tips from this Episode: Q: What do my values have to do with building confidence? A: When confidence is anchored in values rather than performance and external approval, it becomes something you practice daily rather than something you achieve once and lose the next time you fail; this episode explains the shift and offers a twist on Viktor Frankl's three-category framework for identifying your own values. Q: How do I figure out what my values actually are and not what I think they should be? A: This episode offers a practical exercise using a twist on Viktor Frankl's categories (what you love to give, what you love to receive, what you stand up for). Henry also gives specific guidance on noticing when you're answering authentically vs. answering how you think you should. Key moments: [00:00] Content note: brief reference to gun violence at 3:30 — skip to 4:50 or 6:00 to avoid [00:30] Welcome back to the Element of Confidence — introducing values clarification as the next step [01:00] How confidence gets built on external factors: performance, "shoulds," what others think of us. This creates fragile confidence that's dependent on outcomes, approval, hitting specific standards [02:00] The shift: grounding confidence in values rather than performance [03:00] Values are not something you achieve — they're something you live from, an ongoing practice [03:30] Henry's story: asked to speak to a community deeply shaken by a school shooting [note: gun violence reference here — skip to 4:50 to avoid] [04:50] Henry's internal shift: moving from "do I have the expertise?" to "how can I show up with compassion?" [05:30] The result: compassion-based confidence doesn't require perfection, it requires alignment [06:00] When you're grounded in values, the question isn't "did I nail it?" — it's "did I show up with care?" [07:00] Defining values: the compass, not the destination — many of Joy Lab's Elements of Joy are values [07:30] Aimee shares the ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) definition of values from Wilson and DuFrene — and why it's worth unpacking [08:00] Values are freely chosen — not what we've been told should matter, but what actually does [08:30] Values are verbally constructed and flexible — not rigid, not locked to immediate consequences [09:00] Values make effort more meaningful — the effort itself matters, not just the outcome [09:30] Intrinsic engagement: when we act in alignment with values, that alignment itself is reinforcing [10:30] Values-based motivation is more sustainable — you don't have to feel confident to act, or achieve a goal to know you're doing something that matters [11:30] Values-based motivation is more durable: outcomes are unpredictable; your values aren't [12:30] Values are not meant to become another "should" — they're for direction, not perfection [13:00] Henry coins it accidentally: "Values are for direction, not perfection" — Aimee immediately wants it on a T-shirt [14:00] The exercise: Viktor Frankl's three categories of values with a Joy Lab twist [14:30] Creative values: what do you love to give? Ways you contribute your talents to the world [15:00] Experiential values: what do you love to receive? What you love to ...
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    25 分
  • You Are Not Your Thoughts: Cognitive Defusion for Confidence & to Change Your Relationship With Self-Critical Thoughts [275]

    You Are Not Your Thoughts: Cognitive Defusion for Confidence & to Change Your Relationship With Self-Critical Thoughts [275]
    2026/07/15
    You've likely had a situation where you wish you had confidence, but instead felt full of self-criticism, self-judgement, imposter feelings, and anxiety. The good news is that skills like cognitive defusion (the practice of loosening the grip that self-critical thoughts have on you) can help tremendously to help you get some space from those overwhelming thoughts. We'll dig into these thoughts in this episode, explore why they rise up, and introduce some practical tips and strategies to help you work with them. These powerful mental health tips will help create some space between you and your thoughts, helping you to take actions that build your confidence. About: The Joy Lab Podcast is an Ambie-nominated podcast that blends science and soul to help you cope better with stress, anxiety, and depression. It's hosted by integrative psychiatrist Dr. Henry Emmons and holistic mental health researcher Dr. Aimee Prasek. The podcast is best paired with the Joy Lab Program (get your 7-day free trial!). Bonus: spread some joy and keep this podcast ad-free by donating (Joy Lab is powered by the nonprofit Pathways North and your donations are tax-deductible). Sources and Notes for our Element of Confidence: Joy Lab Program: Take the next leap in your wellbeing journey with step-by-step practices to help you build and maintain the elements of joy in your life. Start your 7-day free trial now. Episodes in this series: Not Feeling Confident & Want to Know How to Increase Confidence In Yourself? Start By Seeing Confidence as Trust, Not a Feeling [ep. 273] Building Confidence with Mindful Acceptance (even when anxiety, self-doubt, & the harsh inner-critic show up) [ep. 274] You Are Not Your Thoughts: Cognitive Defusion for Confidence & to Change Your Relationship With Self-Critical Thoughts [ep. 275] Related episodes: How to Calm the Mind & Not Feed the ANTs (Automatic Negative Thoughts) [ep. 264] Rumination: What It Is and How to Break Free From It [ep. 205] Imposter Syndrome is a Myth [ep. 175] What Imposter Syndrome Really Is [ep. 276] Book: The Confidence Gap by Russ Harris, PhDBook: Confidence Culture by Shani Orgad, PhD & Rosalind Gill, PhD Bandura. Self-efficacy: Toward a Unifying Theory of Behavioral Change. Access here. Baumeister et al. Does High Self-Esteem Cause Better Performance, Interpersonal Success, Happiness, or Healthier Lifestyles? Access here. Donnelly et al. Do people know how others view them? Two approaches for identifying the accuracy of metaperceptions. Access here. Hayes et al. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy as a Unified Model of Behavior Change. Access here.More about Victor Frankl's work from VFIA. Full transcript here Common Questions & Mental Health Tips from this Episode: Q: How do I stop self-critical thoughts from taking over right before something important? A: This episode teaches cognitive defusion, a practice from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) that loosens the grip self-critical thoughts have on you without fighting or suppressing them; two specific techniques that we added in this episode (the "thank you, brain" method and psychological distancing) give you practical tools to use in the moment. Q: What's the difference between managing stress and actually changing my relationship with difficult thoughts? A: Stress management techniques are like inner tubes that are genuinely helpful for keeping your head above water. Cognitive defusion goes deeper, shifting you from reactive management to a more fundamental change in your relationship with the thought; this episode explains the distinction and why both have a place. Key moments: [00:00] Welcome back to the Element of Confidence — introducing cognitive defusion as this episode's core skill [01:00] Sometimes thoughts aren't peaceful branches on a stream — they're the Bunker Hills Wave Pool, circa late '80s [02:30] The lifeguard metaphor as an upgrade to the peaceful river observer — seasoned, present, with a broader view [03:00] The kinds of thoughts that come in like waves: "I'm never gonna get this. I'll embarrass myself. I always screw up. Everyone will think I'm an imposter." [03:30] When thoughts overwhelm: stress response surges, the only thought becomes "how do I get out of this?" [03:45] Reminder: if thoughts are feeling truly overwhelming, reaching out for extra support — therapist, NAMI helpline, 988 — is always an option [04:30] When we stop fusing with or fighting thoughts, they start to get smaller over time [05:30] How fusion works physically: heart rate rises, palms sweat, decisions made from the fused belief [06:00] The thought is not reality — it's neural activity generated by past experience, fear, or ingrained patterns [06:30] Cognitive defusion: loosening the grip, creating space between you and the thought [07:30] Defusion vs. positive thinking or cognitive restructuring: this doesn't fight the thought, it changes the ...
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    25 分
  • Building Confidence with Mindful Acceptance (even when anxiety, self-doubt, & the harsh inner-critic show up) [274]

    Building Confidence with Mindful Acceptance (even when anxiety, self-doubt, & the harsh inner-critic show up) [274]
    2026/07/08
    One of the most essential coping skills for building real confidence is mindful acceptance. This is the practice of noticing that fear, self-doubt, and self-consciousness are present and... that's ok. Henry puts it simply: you're acknowledging there's a passenger on the bus. You're just not letting that passenger drive. We'll also take some time to name and untangle the harsh inner critic. That's the voice that pretends to be accurate self-assessment but is usually something absorbed from a critical adult long ago and we've just pressed play on ever since. The three key questions Henry raised for distinguishing the harsh inner-critic from your true voice are: Does it attack?Does it use fear and shame?Is it absolute or extreme? If the answers is "Yes" to any of the above, then that's your inner-critic. Your authentic voice is gentler, clearer, and never tries to motivate through fear or shame. Simply acknowledging the difference can take the power away from the inner-critic. About: The Joy Lab Podcast is an Ambie-nominated podcast that blends science and soul to help you cope better with stress, anxiety, and depression. It's hosted by integrative psychiatrist Dr. Henry Emmons and holistic mental health researcher Dr. Aimee Prasek. The podcast is best paired with the Joy Lab Program (get your 7-day free trial!). Bonus: spread some joy and keep this podcast ad-free by donating (Joy Lab is powered by the nonprofit Pathways North and your donations are tax-deductible). Listen & follow the Joy Lab Podcast on your favorite listening app: Spotify | Apple | YouTube Full transcript available here. Sources and Notes for our Element of Confidence: Joy Lab Program: Take the next leap in your wellbeing journey with step-by-step practices to help you build and maintain the elements of joy in your life. Start your 7-day free trial now. Related episodes about imposter phenomenon: Imposter Syndrome is a Myth [ep. 175] What Imposter Syndrome Really Is [ep. 276] Book: The Confidence Gap by Russ Harris, PhDBook: Confidence Culture by Shani Orgad, PhD & Rosalind Gill, PhD Bandura. Self-efficacy: Toward a Unifying Theory of Behavioral Change. Access here. Baumeister et al. Does High Self-Esteem Cause Better Performance, Interpersonal Success, Happiness, or Healthier Lifestyles? Access here. Donnelly et al. Do people know how others view them? Two approaches for identifying the accuracy of metaperceptions. Access here. Hayes et al. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy as a Unified Model of Behavior Change. Access here.More about Victor Frankl's work from VFIA. Common Questions: Q: How do I stop my fear and self-doubt from getting in the way every time I try something new? A: This episode introduces mindful acceptance, the skill of noticing uncomfortable feelings like fear, doubt, and embarrassment without fighting or avoiding them, so they don't hijack your actions. With this skill, the focus doesn't have to be about making the feelings go away, it's more about learning to move forward while they're present. Q: How do I know if the critical voice in my head is giving me useful information or just tearing me down? A: Here are some important point to help you distinguish your harsh inner critic from your true voice: The inner critic attacks, uses fear and shame as motivation, and deals in absolutes. Your true voice is gentler, more nuanced, and never tries to hurt you. Key moments: [00:00] Welcome back to the Element of Confidence — recap of last episode's definition: confidence as trust and willingness to act [00:30] How we'll build confidence: Mostly Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) strategies and Dr. Russ Harris' framework [01:00] First step: mindful acceptance — noticing rather than judging, allowing rather than fighting [01:30] What we're accepting: the uncomfortable feelings that arise when we wish we felt confident — nervousness, embarrassment, fear [02:30] Henry: acceptance is not resignation and not agreement with the anxiety [03:00] What acceptance actually is: "I notice I'm feeling anxious. I'm going to take action anyway." [03:30] The bus metaphor: fear and self-doubt are passengers — they don't need to drive [04:00] Why this matters: confidence doesn't come from feeling good first; it comes from acting despite not feeling good [04:30] Aimee's fellowship interview story: knowing all the behavior change theory, then getting a question about Boston housing [05:00] Pterodactyls, not butterflies — the full physical panic experience [05:30] Thirty minutes of talking to suppress the feelings, which only made them worse — the fellowship did not come through [06:30] Henry shares his own story: giving a large talk despite genuine anxiety, using mindful acceptance in real time [07:30] What shifted during the talk: nervousness moved to the background, attention shifted to connection with the audience [08:00] Genuine confidence appeared — ...
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    29 分
  • How to Build Confidence (When You Don't Feel Confident Yet) [273]

    How to Build Confidence (When You Don't Feel Confident Yet) [273]
    2026/07/01
    Are you not feeling confident and curious how to increase confidence in yourself? If so, know that you are not alone, you are not suffering from imposter syndrome, and you are not in need of fixing. As we start our series on Confidence, we'll work to dismantle the most common — and most damaging — myth about confidence: that confidence is just a feeling and that you need to be confident before you act. We'll focus on a confidence reframe: Confidence is a willingness to act and a trust in your own effort, not a feeling of certainty or how others perceive you. We'll lean on Dr. Russ Harris's foundational insight throughout our work: the actions of confidence come first; the feelings of confidence come later. The episode also does important myth-busting work around self-worth, self-esteem, and self-efficacy — three concepts we tend to mash together with confidence, often to our detriment. We'll make the case for unconditional self-acceptance over the self-esteem-building culture many of us grew up in, and approach confidence with a fresh and more empowering lens. This episode will set us up for some confidence-building work that is far more nourishing than the usual methods we've been taught. About: The Joy Lab Podcast is an Ambie-nominated podcast that blends science and soul to help you cope better with stress, anxiety, and depression. It's hosted by integrative psychiatrist Dr. Henry Emmons and holistic mental health researcher Dr. Aimee Prasek. The podcast is best paired with the Joy Lab Program (get your 7-day free trial!). Bonus: spread some joy and keep this podcast ad-free by donating (Joy Lab is powered by the nonprofit Pathways North and your donations are tax-deductible). Sources and Notes for our Element of Confidence: Joy Lab Program: Take the next leap in your wellbeing journey with step-by-step practices to help you build and maintain the elements of joy in your life. Start your 7-day free trial now. Episodes about imposter phenomenon: Imposter Syndrome is a Myth [ep. 175] What Imposter Syndrome Really Is [ep. 276] Book: The Confidence Gap by Russ Harris, PhDBook: Confidence Culture by Shani Orgad, PhD & Rosalind Gill, PhD Bandura. Self-efficacy: Toward a Unifying Theory of Behavioral Change. Access here. Baumeister et al. Does High Self-Esteem Cause Better Performance, Interpersonal Success, Happiness, or Healthier Lifestyles? Access here. Donnelly et al. Do people know how others view them? Two approaches for identifying the accuracy of metaperceptions. Access here. Hayes et al. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy as a Unified Model of Behavior Change. Access here.More about Victor Frankl's work from VFIA. Full transcipt here Common Questions: Q: Why don't I feel confident even when I know I'm capable of something? A: Because confidence isn't just a feeling and it's not just about self-efficacy or your belief in your capabilities. This episode explains the neuroscience behind why waiting for the feeling often means waiting forever, and offers a more empowering definition to work with instead. Q: What's the difference between confidence, self-esteem, self-efficacy, and self-worth? A: This episode untangles all four: self-worth is your sense of inherent value, self-esteem is a more fragile self-evaluation based on comparison and performance, and self-efficacy is your belief in your ability to do a specific task. Confidence (redefined here as trust and willingness to act) can draw on all three, but is its own concept and understanding the differences can be genuinely freeing. Key moments: [00:00] Welcome to the new Element of Confidence — and the central premise: you don't need to feel confident to practice it [02:00] The cost of waiting for a feeling that wasn't coming — staying small, timid, paralyzed [03:30] The neuroscience: the amygdala looks for certainty before giving the green light to act [05:00] The common (and limiting) definition of confidence: a feeling, tied to certainty and how others perceive us [05:30] How imposter syndrome suffers from the same definitional hijacking [06:00] The reframe: confidence from Latin "com" (with) + "fidere" (trust) — to trust with [06:30] A behavioral definition: trust in your effort and a willingness to act — not a feeling [07:00] Dr. Russ Harris, The Confidence Gap: "The actions of confidence come first; the feelings of confidence come later." [08:00] The swimming example: you don't feel confident first — you flail, then build confidence through repeated action [10:30] Fear is not the enemy and not the opposite of confidence — you need your threat detection system [11:00] How a feelings-only model of confidence puts 100% of the blame on the individual [11:30] Systemic and community barriers to confidence: healthcare disparities, pay gaps, and their real impact [12:30] Why "just feel more confident" is where toxic positivity lives — and why it doesn't address real barriers [13:00] ...
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    27 分
  • From Rumination and Defending to Right-Sizing: Recapping the Science & Tips to Build Humility for Mental Health & Wellbeing [272]

    From Rumination and Defending to Right-Sizing: Recapping the Science & Tips to Build Humility for Mental Health & Wellbeing [272]
    2026/06/24
    Humility is one of the most quietly powerful practices for positive psychology and mental health. It's also one of the most misunderstood. Here's the heart of it: humility is not a weakness. It's not about making yourself small or performing modesty for social approval. It's an accurate, grounded sense of self, what Dr. Daryl Van Tongeren calls "right-sizing." You own your strengths and weaknesses. And you hold your worth steady through all of it. We explored four types of humility this month: relational, intellectual, cultural, and existential. And we worked through three core ingredients to build humility up: Know Yourself. This is where self-compassion becomes essential. Self-knowledge without self-compassion tends to slide into rumination — that harsh, looping self-focus that keeps us stuck. Dr. Kristin Neff's research reminds us that genuine self-reflection requires feeling safe enough to look clearly, without bracing for an attack. When self-compassion is in place, honest self-awareness becomes possible. So does recognizing things like the better-than-average effect, which is our tendency to unconsciously and inaccurately position ourselves as a little more right, and others a little more wrong. Humility gently corrects that drift. Check Yourself. This is ego territory. When we feel threatened, the ego rises up. We deflect, deny, shut down, intellectualize. It's a very human, very normal response. But it doesn't have to run the show. One of the most practical tools from this series: when you feel defensive, pause. Breathe. Then ask yourself, "What would I think if I weren't feeling defensive?" That question can create some space for the ego to stand down and lets emotional regulation take over instead of reactivity. Go Beyond Yourself. This is where the magic of humility really shows itself as we build a genuine curiosity about other people and life's bigger questions. The self-forgetfulness that C.S. Lewis describes as essential to humility puts it all into action. When we're not so consumed by ourselves, the world opens up. And that's where connection, meaning, and joy actually show up in more noticeable, lasting ways. If you've worked through this series and feel less certain than when you started, that's not a problem. That's the practice of humility in action. Sitting with uncertainty, tolerating what's unresolved, resisting the cultural pressure toward easy answers and performed confidence is peak courage. It's often uncomfortable and it's always worth it. If this work has stirred something that feels bigger than you want to carry alone, please reach out to a therapist, a trusted friend, or a support community. Seeking support isn't weakness. It's an act of humility and one of the most courageous things you can do. And for Joy Lab Program members: your Episode Experiment includes a guided meditation and journal prompts to help you harvest and integrate the work you've done this month. We close with Rilke (we know, we close with Rilke a lot!): "Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves." Keep tending to your humility. It grows good things. About: The Joy Lab Podcast is an Ambie-nominated podcast that blends science and soul to help you cope better with stress, anxiety, and depression. It's hosted by integrative psychiatrist Dr. Henry Emmons and holistic mental health researcher Dr. Aimee Prasek. The podcast is best paired with the Joy Lab Program (get your 7-day free trial!). Bonus: spread some joy and keep this podcast ad-free by donating (Joy Lab is powered by the nonprofit Pathways North and your donations are tax-deductible). Sources and Notes for our Element of Humility: Joy Lab Program: Take the next leap in your wellbeing journey with step-by-step practices to help you build and maintain the elements of joy in your life. Start your 7-day free trial now. Episodes in this Humility series: Humility Can Be Stressful... But Worth it for Mental Health [ep. 268] Know Yourself: The Humility Practice That Quiets Rumination and Builds Emotional Resilience [ep. 269] Check Yourself: Ego Threat, Stress Relief, & Needing to Prove Yourself [270] Book: Humble by Daryl Van Tongeren, PhDTara Brach's websiteFind more about Neff's work on Self-compassion at Self-Compassion.orgMore on C.S. Lewis from the C.S. Lewis Foundation. Hagá & Olson. 'If I only had a little humility, I would be perfect': Children's and adults' perceptions of intellectually arrogant, humble, and diffident people. Access here.Nielsen & Marrone. Humility: Our current understanding of the construct and its role in organizations. Access here.Porter et al. Predictors and consequences of intellectual humility. Access here.Van Tongeren et al. Humility. Access here. Weidman et al. The psychological structure of humility. Access here.Wright et al. The psychological significance of humility. Access here.Wendell Berry's book ...
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    9 分
  • Going Beyond Yourself: How Humility Fights Loneliness, Builds Connection, & Protects Mental Health [271]

    Going Beyond Yourself: How Humility Fights Loneliness, Builds Connection, & Protects Mental Health [271]
    2026/06/17
    Humility is a powerful mental health tool we have. The science of happiness is clear: genuine connection and belonging are among the strongest predictors of emotional resilience and wellbeing. In this episode of Joy Lab we'll explore the final dimension of humility: going beyond yourself. Building on Dr. Daryl Van Tongeren's framework from Humble, we'll explore how knowing yourself and checking your ego aren't the finish line. That's prep work so you can show up for others with open eyes and an open heart. Whether you've been lonely, stuck in defensive loops, or just tired of running into yourself everywhere you turn, this episode offers a warm, science-grounded roadmap toward deeper connection. This is Episode 4 of Joy Lab's Element of Humility series, following Dr. Daryl Van Tongeren's framework: know yourself, check yourself, and go beyond yourself. About: The Joy Lab Podcast is an Ambie-nominated podcast that blends science and soul to help you cope better with stress, anxiety, and depression. It's hosted by integrative psychiatrist Dr. Henry Emmons and holistic mental health researcher Dr. Aimee Prasek. The podcast is best paired with the Joy Lab Program (get your 7-day free trial!). Bonus: spread some joy and keep this podcast ad-free by donating (Joy Lab is powered by the nonprofit Pathways North and your donations are tax-deductible). Full transcript Sources and Notes for our Element of Humility: Joy Lab Program: Take the next leap in your wellbeing journey with step-by-step practices to help you build and maintain the elements of joy in your life. Start your 7-day free trial now. Episodes in this Humility series: Humility Can Be Stressful... But Worth it for Mental Health [ep. 268] Know Yourself: The Humility Practice That Quiets Rumination and Builds Emotional Resilience [ep. 269] Check Yourself: Ego Threat, Stress Relief, & Needing to Prove Yourself [270] Book: Humble by Daryl Van Tongeren, PhDTara Brach's websiteFind more about Neff's work on Self-compassion at Self-Compassion.orgMore on C.S. Lewis from the C.S. Lewis Foundation. Hagá & Olson. 'If I only had a little humility, I would be perfect': Children's and adults' perceptions of intellectually arrogant, humble, and diffident people. Access here.Nielsen & Marrone. Humility: Our current understanding of the construct and its role in organizations. Access here.Porter et al. Predictors and consequences of intellectual humility. Access here.Van Tongeren et al. Humility. Access here. Weidman et al. The psychological structure of humility. Access here.Wright et al. The psychological significance of humility. Access here.Wendell Berry's book Standing by Words Key moments: [00:00] Welcome & orientation — Aimee frames the three-part humility arc (Know Yourself → Check Yourself → Go Beyond Yourself) [01:30] Henry's realization: humility, like every Joy Lab Element, is ultimately about learning to love well and connect more deeply [03:00] Why humility is the antidote to loneliness — the difference between being surrounded by people and being genuinely seen; how isolation is really a form of alienation [05:00] What it feels like to be with a truly humble person — and why humility makes us safer, more trustworthy, and more magnetic in relationships and communities [06:30] The traffic circle of defensiveness — Aimee on why the risk of being burned by someone is still better than a lifetime of self-protective looping [07:30] Epistemic humility explained — the idea that your understanding of reality is always partial, always filtered, always a vantage point. And so is everyone else's. (Plus: a pronunciation debate.) [08:45] Why disagreement doesn't mean someone is wrong, and how truth is larger than any one person's grasp of it [10:30] William James on the deepest craving in human nature: to be appreciated and seen [11:00] Two practical strategies for going beyond yourself: (1) deep, active listening as a humility practice — not formulating your response, but truly receiving another person; (2) seeing the innocence of others [12:30] Thich Nhat Hanh: "Listen until they empty their hearts." Henry shares this as a guide for showing up and listening [13:30] Seeing the innocence in others — Henry's 30+ years of clinical wisdom distilled: most people are doing the best they can with what they have, right now. How holding that awareness softens judgment without eliminating boundaries [15:30] Aimee reflects: "That's the wisdom I'd want somebody to hold when they see me messing up." [16:00] Experiment preview for Joy Lab Program members + closing Rumi quote: "You are not a drop in the ocean, you are the entire ocean in a drop." Like and follow Joy Lab on Socials: Instagram Linkedin Facebook YouTube Please remember that this content is for informational and educational purposes only. It is not intended to provide medical advice and is not a replacement for advice ...
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    17 分
  • Check Yourself: Ego Threat, Stress Relief, & Needing to Prove Yourself [270]

    Check Yourself: Ego Threat, Stress Relief, & Needing to Prove Yourself [270]
    2026/06/10
    Humility and mental health are more connected than you might think. And if you add self-compassion to the humility-ego mix, then you have a recipe that can support mood, offer stress relief, and give your mind and body a break from constantly trying to defend yourself. We'll dig into all this with the "Check Yourself" step of the humility framework, unpacking ego threat, defensive thinking patterns, and the very human stress response that kicks in when we feel criticized, wrong, or uncertain. Spoiler: the ego is not the villain here. It's more like an overzealous bodyguard, and humility is how you can teach it to stand down. This is Episode 3 of Joy Lab's Element of Humility series, following Dr. Daryl Van Tongeren's framework: know yourself, check yourself, and go beyond yourself. About: The Joy Lab Podcast is an Ambie-nominated podcast that blends science and soul to help you cope better with stress, anxiety, and depression. It's hosted by integrative psychiatrist Dr. Henry Emmons and holistic mental health researcher Dr. Aimee Prasek. The podcast is best paired with the Joy Lab Program. Bonus: spread some joy and keep this podcast ad-free by donating (Joy Lab is powered by the nonprofit Pathways North and your donations are tax-deductible). Like and follow Joy Lab on Socials: Instagram Linkedin Watch this episode on YouTube Sources and Notes for our Element of Humility: Joy Lab Program: Take the next leap in your wellbeing journey with step-by-step practices to help you build and maintain the elements of joy in your life. Episodes in this Humility series: Humility Can Be Stressful... But Worth it for Mental Health [ep. 268] Know Yourself: The Humility Practice That Quiets Rumination and Builds Emotional Resilience [ep. 269] Book: Humble by Daryl Van Tongeren, PhDTara Brach's websiteFind more about Neff's work on Self-compassion at Self-Compassion.orgMore on C.S. Lewis from the C.S. Lewis Foundation. Hagá & Olson. 'If I only had a little humility, I would be perfect': Children's and adults' perceptions of intellectually arrogant, humble, and diffident people. Access here.Nielsen & Marrone. Humility: Our current understanding of the construct and its role in organizations. Access here.Porter et al. Predictors and consequences of intellectual humility. Access here.Van Tongeren et al. Humility. Access here. Weidman et al. The psychological structure of humility. Access here.Wright et al. The psychological significance of humility. Access here.Wendell Berry's book Standing by Words Key moments: [00:00] Welcome and episode framing — checking ourselves means we accept that we don't know it all, recognize our own cultural lenses, and can sit with uncertainty without losing ourselves. [02:00] Henry on accepting uncertainty as a form of letting go of control — and why the self-knowledge work from last episode makes this possible. True inner strength means being secure enough to admit when you're wrong and hold your ground when you need to. [04:00] Enter: the ego. Aimee makes the case that the ego isn't the root of all evil. A healthy ego helps us maintain a coherent, positive sense of self. The problem isn't the ego itself; it's when the ego runs the whole show, making every decision from a place of fear. [06:30] Ego threat explained — when criticism, mistakes, or uncertainty shake our sense of self, a stress response activates. This triggers cognitive distortions: black-and-white thinking, confirmation-seeking, and rigid beliefs. It's common, it's wired in, and it doesn't have to take us down. [08:30] Henry's bodyguard metaphor: the ego is a zealous protector that sometimes overreacts wildly — treating a questioned idea like a life-or-death threat. Humility doesn't fire the bodyguard. It just teaches it to relax. [11:00] Signs the bodyguard has overstepped. Aimee walks through the obvious ones (counterattacking, deflecting, blame-shifting) and the subtler ones (shutting down, overexplaining, people-pleasing, doubling down on beliefs to avoid uncertainty). If you're nodding, you're in good company. [13:00] Henry adds the physical signs of ego threat to watch for: chest tightness, heat rising, clenched jaw, shallow breathing. Your body knows you're in ego threat before your mind does. Also: the urgency to respond immediately, spinning narratives to justify reactions, needing the last word. [15:00] The good news — and the real mental health payoff. Admitting mistakes makes us more liked and respected. Humility builds psychological safety in relationships, keeps small harms from becoming earthquakes, reduces thought distortions, and separates self-worth from performance. It's a genuine resilience-booster. [17:00] Henry's three-step in-the-moment practice: pause (especially when it feels most urgent), take one slow breath (gives your brain a chance to come back online), and ask "What would I think about this if I weren't feeling defensive?" Shift ...
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    22 分