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I've been thinking for a long time about the gendered sociocultural accusation of "too much" that's often directed towards women's behavior, especially how they love and connect to others, and how often this theme appears in romantic stories. This episode is the first in a little series I have planned, talking about female characters in romances who are shamed for being "too much," especially in costume dramas and 19th century romantic novel adaptations. Lena Dunham's fantastic new romantic comedy series is the perfect jumping off point to examine the power this accusation still has today. (I say fluffy about 29 times in this episode, but I won't apologize for being too much.)

https://www.confessionsofaclosetromantic.com

Now this is a good trailer. I'm not one of those Love Actually girls, but I am one of those Notting Hill girls.

Lena Dunham on creating the show Too Much.

A breakdown of one of my favorite scenes in the series.

And the truly jaw-dropping Megan Stalter interview on Stephen Colbert. Or maybe charmingly chaotic? That wig could have its own talk show.

Oh how those corsets, and gender roles, still bind us today.

Some of us are born A Bit Much.

Delightful interview with Lyndsay Rush on NPR's Book of the Day.

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(I'm taking a short break in the next couple of weeks for a road trip with my sweetie. I'll be back soon!)

My journey from a strict religious upbringing to discovering I'm mildly kinky in the right settings, and with the right partner, was quite the revelation. These fascinating, complex stories explore women also discovering their secret desires, vulnerabilities and sexual thrills through consensual BDSM kink. The movies are sometimes titillating, sometimes romantic but always thought-provoking in a way that you don't often see on the big screen.

CW: sexually explicit scenes, and lots of spoilers.

https://www.confessionsofaclosetromantic.com

Whewwww. Hotttt. Even if you weren't interested in kink before, aren't you now?!

"This is all I ever dreamed about—to be used by you."

"While safe kinky play is an excellent forum for navigating and even healing trauma, it’s a harmful stereotype to assume that only “broken” people are drawn to kink." Excellent article by a sex educator about what Babygirl gets right—and wrong—about kink.

"I think the sadomasochistic relationship is a theatrical platform for exploring power dynamics in a relationship, but also you can explore power dynamics with directors and actors...and the fear of performing and putting on a persona which is not you, and being watched." Fascinating glimpse into the creative mind of The Duke of Burgundy writer/director Peter Strickland.

"Exploring kink, even if you’re unsure if you yourself are kinky, can broaden your horizons, enrich your sexual repertoire, and increase tolerance of others..." If you're interested in joining the Erotic Minority, this Vice round up of kinks is a fun primer.

"There is no shame in healing in whatever way feels authentic and cathartic. You are the curator of your sexual script, and it gets to play out in whatever way you find most empowering."

"...if you're not 100% sure monogamy is right for you...I've found a great deal of happiness and freedom so far in taking a more liberal approach to relationships, and am interested to see where it leads." Lovely BDSM model Ariel Anderson talks about being "Not strictly monogamous."

Fascinating discussion with Ariel Anderson and Dr. Kate Lister, who hosts the amazing podcast Betwixt the Sheets: the History of Sex, Scandal & Society.

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This episode from a few years ago is one of my most popular, and since life has been kicking my behind lately, I thought it was a good time to take a breather and forget it all by getting kinky. It's also the episode that best represents my growth as a partner, person and podcaster, all thanks to producing and hosting this show.

I'm working on a new episode about kink and kinky romance inspired by the Nicole Kidman movie Babygirl, so look for that next time. Meanwhile, hope you enjoy this thoroughly non-NSFW throwback episode about "smutty" and kinky romance. (To find the original show notes, visit confessionsofaclosetromantic.com and search for "romance after dark.")

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One of my favorite romantic tropes in all the world is chosen or found family. Rock bands, the military, college besties, your work husband and siblings, your little clique in high school, your beloved pets past and present—if they choose you and you choose them, they're family. If you had a less than ideal upbringing, stories like these full of emotional complexity along with acceptance, loyalty and love, are so healing and remind us that relations are always our choice.

https://www.confessionsofaclosetromantic.com

Who wouldn't want to be related to these people?!

The amazing cast and crew of The Four Seasons.

The intrusive soundtrack drives me bonkers (yes, we know they met in the 80s!) but the camaraderie is just so dang good in Peter's Friends.

Friends with Kids owns the chosen family and friends-to-lovers tropes—though you have to suspend disbelief that no one seems to want Ed Burns, who represents the most perfect partner to ever roam the earth.

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After losing my sweet senior dog this week, I find myself mired in waves of grief, but in between, also feeling grateful for love: human, animal, loving relationships in all of their forms and however they come into our lives. The love of an animal is a very special experience, and my heart goes out to other pet guardians who may be experiencing anticipatory grief of their own.

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It's hard to describe how sexy, funny yet heartbreaking this mini series is. Based on real-life best friends Molly and Nikki, who created a podcast about Molly's sexual adventures while in hospice, it's one woman's story of healing, emotional fulfillment and discovering who she is as a romantic and sexual being. It's also a comical, heartfelt, life-affirming look at the deep bonds and love shared between female friends. (CW: explicit descriptions of kink and sex, repeated references to childhood SA)

"I want to feel everything for as long as I can."

The full cast and crew of Dying for Sex.

"The show taught me so much about what sex could be...” Variety interviews Dying for Sex co-showrunners Kim Rosenstock and Elizabeth Meriwether.

"Molly wanted to fall in love, and she did; she fell in love with herself...so whatever is on your list of things to do before you die—you better get started.”

"Love isn’t just doing what you think is best for someone, whether or not they want it. It’s learning how they want to be loved and loving them that way." Awesome interview with Dying for Sex co-showrunner Kim Rosenstock.

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I'm a true gore-phobe, but I was blown away by these unforgettable movies, and their amazing (and bloody) revenge moments. One is an intense, atmospheric Frankenstein horror story, the other a joyously funny Beauty and the Beast-inspired monster romcom with wit, hot monster sex and plenty of emotion. Different as they are, they're both about women coming into their own and reclaiming their power to scare away the monsters lurking everywhere, just waiting to tell them how imperfectly perfect they are.

As absurd and outrageous as all of the absurd and outrageous beauty standards that infect our daily lives.

"While it may feel like a cautionary tale for our times, the horrors at the heart of “The Substance” have been with us for many years, and the issues the movie uncovers are so much more than skin deep."

It got mixed reviews, maybe it wasn't perfect, but I absolutely adored Your Monster. I'm going to agree with the reviewer on Rotten Tomatoes who said it's a "wickedly delightful genre mashup."

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I'm recovering from a nasty flu that has affected my voice, but hope to be back soon, so let's revisit one of my favorite episodes from the past few years. As you know, one of my favorite topics is finding hot sex, love and romance past the age of 40, 50 or even 60 — my sweetie and I have been living this dream for more than two years now and I can tell you, it's glorious. Never give up on your desires!

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