Jen has abandoned us for a surfing tournament in Hawaii (allegedly), so Trevor and Tom hold "auditions" for her replacement — and in walks Brando of PB&J Travels, the second man Trevor has legally exchanged vows with at sea. Shaq was there in spirit.

This week: Royal Caribbean wants YOU to name its new Discovery Class ship, and we regret to inform them that Shippy McShipface of the Seas is inevitable. Galveston drops a 107-page study on its cruise terminal expansion — 3.9 million cruisers expected in 2026 and a 2028 target. Then Brando takes us aboard the Carnival Venezia out of New York for entry-level Alaska (a.k.a. Canada): Saint John, Halifax, lobster rolls, beaver tails, Titanic history, and a mysterious seaweed candy nobody in Nova Scotia has heard of. Final rating: a strong two out of ten, would sail again.

Plus: the eternal quest to sleep overnight on the Serenity Deck, the Konami code's disappointing casino performance, New York vs. Chicago pizza, and the Golden Crew's shocking FRGC5 announcement — they're DRIVING to Florida.

Ready to book a cruise (or any vacation) with someone who rates trips two out of ten and means it lovingly? Hit up Brando at PB&J Travels: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61579037905228 or pbnjtravels2025@gmail.com

Visit cruisepodcastaways.com to leave us a voice or text message (it's like SpeakPipe, but we can actually say the name), read the lore, catch cruise news, and play the games — first person past level three of Pier Runners wins our respect. And come hang out in The Podcastaways Facebook group. It's active. Everyone nod.

Anything you do or say on a ship will remain foreve

The Golden Crew has company this week — Amanda and Josh Barmore join us to officially unveil FRGC5! We're sailing Royal Caribbean's Allure of the Seas in September 2027 to Perfect Day at CocoCay, the brand-new Cabo Rojo in the Dominican Republic, Aruba, and Curaçao. Yes, we're taking Jen back to the desert.

Along the way: Amanda and Josh explain how MSC Yacht Club turned them into people who say "gen pop" unironically, Trevor gets dangerously invested in a secret chicken sandwich, the legend of Hurricane Gale resurfaces, we crown the best pizza at sea, and Tim from Australia — a man who lives in the future and still won't give up the Powerball numbers — demands Trevor's report from Taylor Swift's wedding.

Ready to book FRGC5? Hit the FRGC5 banner at cruisepodcastaways.com for the itinerary, pricing, and Amanda's booking info. $500 deposits your room — and the rates only go up from here.

Leave us a message at speakpipe.com/carnivalcruisingpodcastaways (or try the shiny new Ask Us page on the website), and come hang out in The Podcastaways Facebook group.

Anything you do or say on a ship will remain on youtube forever.

The Golden Crew is back and dangerously patriotic for a Fourth of July special. Trevor, Tom, and Jenn open with holiday plans that range from "community band concert, then maybe the casino" to "stay home and make sure the neighbors don't burn the house down," before digging into what Carnival's got cooking for America's birthday: seven ships meeting up near Celebration Key for a celebration at sea, patriotic deck parties, and the full America 250 program running all week.

We break down Carnival's new Milestone rewards — 5,000 points at 50 days, 10,000 and a gift every 100 after that, plus a coin that apparently has nowhere to go now that the coin pusher machines have vanished from the fleet. Then Jenn brings a genuinely heavy one: Royal Caribbean's Ovation of the Seas and the endangered pregnant fin whale it struck off Alaska, and what the speed questions could mean going forward. Plus a full stack of SpeakPipes — Tim checks in from Australia (twice), a listener needs kid-friendly port picks for a February sailing with a 5- and 7-year-old, and someone's after everything Aruba. Spoiler: it's a desert with a beach and a suspicious amount of cactus.

Got a question, a hot take, or a cruise story? Leave us a voicemail at speakpipe.com/carnivalcruisingpodcastaways and we'll play it on the show. Come hang out in our Facebook group, The Podcastaways, where the party never really slows down.

And remember: anything you do or say on a ship will remain forever.

Trevor and Jenn hold down the fort solo this week — and yes, we noticed it's quiet. #WheresThomas? He's off visiting family, reporting in dutifully from each Buc-ee's along the way (a sacred roadside service to one's country, apparently). We get into the Great Buc-ee's Sameness, the FGGC road trip that "disintegrated into madness," and why no two Golden Crew members should ever be trusted with a steering wheel again.

On the news front: Carnival's rolling out a fleet-wide "Frightfully Fun" Halloween event, kicking off aboard Carnival Illuminosa out of San Francisco on Sept 20 and haunting the rest of the fleet through October 31. Trevor walks through what a Halloween cruise is actually like (bring the costume, leave the prop guns at home).

Then it's hurricane season — John Heald shared Carnival's behind-the-scenes look at the Fleet Operations Center in Miami, the NASA-looking command room tracking all 29 ships. TL;DR: if your port gets moved, it's for your protection, so go get a complimentary soft serve and relax. (As always, verify any Heald content against his real, verified Facebook page — there's a known impostor account out there.)

Plus: a wild post-debarkation brawl at Port Miami off the Carnival Conquest that landed 16 passengers on the do-not-sail list, a hard-won cruise tip involving the Carnival melting cake (ask for peanut butter, thank us later), a moment of silence for the dearly departed Blue Iguana banana cream pie, and a SpeakPipe from Mikayla in Maine that cut off at the most dramatic possible moment — twice. We're choosing to believe she named her firstborn after us.

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Anything you do or say on a ship will remain forever — on the YouTubes.

This week the Golden Crew assembles to pay tribute to a legend: after nearly 40 years with Carnival, John Heald is stepping back from full-time Facebook duty, and we are Very Emotionally Normal about it. We honor the man the only way we know how — by spending 45 minutes on summer camp, a cult tangent, the new Carnival loyalty cards (now in portrait mode, truly groundbreaking), and a SpeakPipe from Jesse, who listened to us, started his own podcast, and is now openly plotting to steal Jenn for a spin-off. The betrayal. The drama.

Also aboard: a genuinely wild brawl at the Nassau port, cruise director musical chairs, the eternal horror of Lido iced tea, and Trevor flexing his Faster to the Fun purchase like an absolute elitist. It's basically a Seinfeld episode about cruising. Sorry, John — you deserved better, but we love you, and yes, we left a square open for you right here.

Leave us a SpeakPipe: speakpipe.com/carnivalcruisingpodcastawaysJoin the cruise cult over on Facebook: The Podcastaways

100 days to FRGC4. Anything that happens on the ship stays on YouTube.

The Golden Crew is back from a short hiatus — read: Tom turned 50 and somehow scored a birthday video from Mick Foley himself (all thanks to Jenn, naturally). We kick things off with a brand-new game Madison cooked up: A Free Cruise, But… Trevor, Tom, and Jenn each get their fate dealt, and before it's over Jenn has adopted an emotional-support seagull named Patricia and Tom is doing the nine-deck bathroom climb forty times. Play it yourself at games.section29.com and tell us what outcome you got.

On the actual news front: Half Moon Cay is now RelaxAway Half Moon Cay, complete with a brand-new pier (open as of June 1), a tram around the island, and bars one through six waiting on you — assuming the pier's short enough to stagger back from. We also dig into the Carnival data breach that hit six million people (800,000 of them Texans, and somehow not Trevor, who is furious he can't join the class action), plus word that Christine Duffy will be aboard the next FSS sailing in February 2027.

We take a more serious turn to talk about a young woman who lost her legs on a Carnival-approved excursion — a heartbreaking story, and a real reminder to vet your excursions, read the reviews, and never assume "booked through the cruise line" means risk-free. (Credit to cruiseradio.net for the reporting.)

Then it's straight back to the chaos: a Reddit legend who swallowed a diamond to smuggle it off the island, an "Entitlement of the Seas" cruise hack that absolutely does not work, and a Weekend at Bernie's tangent we accept no legal responsibility for. Plus a Speak Pipe from Brando, who's sailing out of New York to Canada on the Venezia — on purpose, this time.

Leave us a Speak Pipe at speakpipe.com/carnivalcruisingpodcastaways and join the crew in our Facebook group (search The Podcastaways). If you made it to the end of this one — congratulations, you survived the show. Print your badge.

Two weeks away and the Golden Crew comes back swinging — through some technical chaos that briefly ejected Tom from his own show (we're fine, he's fine, the audio's mostly fine). 🚢

On this episode: Mexico shuts the door on Royal Caribbean's "Perfect Day Mexico" in Costa Maya, and Trevor delivers a Spanish-language performance so cursed it should've been the lawsuit. Speaking of lawsuits — the Havana Docks case against Carnival, Royal Caribbean, Norwegian & MSC (correction noted, Future Trevor came to the rescue!). Costa's now charging a 60-pound cleaning fee for sneaking buffet food back to your room, so Tom's revealing his armpit-transport technique. Barcelona's doubling port fees, and we break down how it stacks up against Greece, Hawaii & friends. Plus: Princess demagnetized the medallions and Jenn's Thanos gauntlet dreams are DUST.

Tim from Australia checks in via Speakpipe (still no Powerball luck, mate), Jenn's mom is skipping the birthday barbecue, and Tom unveils his airtight plan to keep Mama Kennedy on the ship at Celebration Key. Sisters, lean in.

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Remember — anything that happens on the ship stays on YouTube. 🛳️

The Golden Crew is BACK after a week off (sorry Tom, your mom's move was worth it) and we are loaded down with cruise news, speakpipe love, and one very questionable tattoo conversation.

First up — Tom's mom has officially landed in Tulsa, which means Tom is now headed to Dallas because apparently you CAN have too much of a good thing. He's got 60 days, a two-bedroom apartment, and presumably no noisy ceiling fan to sit under (yet).

Then we get into the heavy stuff. There's a real situation unfolding aboard the M/V Hondius near Cape Verde — three deaths, multiple severe illnesses, and a hantavirus outbreak that's sent even the responding doctor home sick. Trevor breaks down what we know so far (this is developing, so things may have changed by the time you hear this), and Tom reminds everyone that the Black Plague WAS, in fact, transmitted by mice. Educational AND terrifying. The Kennedy household hantavirus deterrent system (a cat) was also very vocal during this segment.

In happier-ish news, Carnival's VIFP terms of service are changing September 1st, and Trevor has STRONG feelings about the folks out there opting out as a protest. Spoiler: opt in. Trust us. Don't slam the door on Papa Carnival just because you're mad. Also, MSC, if you're listening, we are absolutely available.

Tom is officially considering a Margaritaville tattoo, and we need your help. Send your tattoo suggestions to our Facebook page — clean OR dirty, Madison doesn't care — and Madison (that's me, hi 👋) will whip up AI images of Tom rocking your suggested ink. Bonus points if anyone can finally convince Trevor to commit to that Harry Potter lightning bolt he's been threatening for years.

THREE speakpipes this week! Tim returns with more "Powerball numbers" (Trevor is still convinced he violated the temporal prime directive), Brando is BACK after a long absence with a 1992 Powerball number that'll definitely still work, and Catherine swung by for our 5-year anniversary love (and to gently confirm that no, Trevor, The Notebook is not a time travel movie). It's about letters. In a mailbox. Through normal mail.

We close out with the new Carnival dinner menu (pork chops 3 of 7 nights — Trevor is THRIVING), an appetizer-sized portion of ribs and mac and cheese spotted on John's FFS cruise that has us questioning what "appetizer" even means anymore, and the FRGC4 countdown clock ticking down to 135 days.

🎤 Got something to say? Leave us a speakpipe at speakpipe.com/carnivalcruisingpodcastaways — link in the description. Tattoo suggestions, cruise stories, conspiracy theories about Tim, we want it all.

Join us over on Facebook in The Podcastaways group, and remember — anything that happens on the ship stays on YouTube.

You are unique, you are special, and you are loved. ⚓