We explore how two opposing beliefs—“I have to do everything" and "I can't do anything"—grow from different nervous system states and how peace begins by shifting our state toward safety and connection. Using Polyvagal Theory, we offer practical steps to move from survival into grounded presence and how that approach can ripple out to create a more peaceful world.

• mapping sympathetic overdrive and dorsal shutdown to everyday thoughts
• why state drives story and limits choice
• using the nervous system ladder to find ventral safety
• gentle ways to slow down when doing feels safer
• small actions to lift energy when shutdown hits
• building connection with people, pets, nature, and self
• noticing and naming as daily regulation practice
• creating inner peace as a path to meaningful outer change

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If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!

For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.

The holidays can feel bright for some and unbearably heavy for others. I open up about a Christmas that nearly ended my marriage and trace how those memories slowly softened—not by accident, but because the brain can change and grow when it feels safer. This is a story that starts with depression and disconnection, then moves to the science of hope: moving beyond survival mode, neural pruning, and memory reconsolidation. It’s also a map for finding one supported step when the season overwhelms you.

I talk through the shift from scanning for danger to making room for joy, and how therapy—especially Imago relationship work—gave us tools to repair when words misfired and patterns felt unbreakable. You’ll hear about the tree I decorated late, a child’s wonder at a star, and a mason jar full of Xs and Os that didn’t land the way I hoped. Those moments didn’t vanish; they were rewritten by new experiences of safety and small daily choices that rewrote a story of connection over time.

If you’re carrying grief, holiday blues, or chronic stress, consider this your gentle invitation to take one step today. Slow down instead of speeding up. Ask for help. Set one clear boundary. Reach for safe-enough connection. Your nervous system can learn a different holiday rhythm, and your brain can compress what no longer serves while expanding what sustains. Press play for a grounded blend of story and neuroscience, and leave with practical ways to start your new chapter. If it resonates, subscribe, share with a friend who needs it, and leave a review so more people can find support here.

If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!

For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.

Holidays have a way of pulling old feelings to the surface. This time, two truths came up at once: the enduring ache of losing my dad five years ago, and a quieter grief I call “ADHD grief”—the gap between the cozy, orderly home I imagine and the real limits of my brain and nervous system. I share the moments that stopped me mid-task, what changed when I paused to feel instead of fix, and how gratitude began to stand beside grief without erasing it.

You’ll hear how an unexpected gathering on my dad’s anniversary became a gift of connection rather than a ritual of loss, and why that mattered more than any plan I could have made. We talk about the pressure to perform “holiday perfection,” the comparison traps that heighten shame, and the kinder, capacity-based choices that bring the season back to what counts. From ordering cards early to hearing my daughter say the tree makes every morning feel like Christmas, I show how small, doable wins can carry real magic—even when the closets are messy and the to-do list is imperfect.

If you live with ADHD or another form of neurodivergence, or if you’re navigating fresh or longstanding grief, you’ll find practical compassion here: naming what you can’t control, choosing what you can, and taking one step—toward action, rest, connection, or care. We won’t force gratitude as a cure, and we won’t rush grief. Instead, we make space for both and let them guide better decisions, gentler self-talk, and traditions that fit our actual lives. If this resonates, follow the show, share it with a friend who needs it, and leave a review—then tell me: what one step will you take today?

If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!

For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.