What if your nervous system isn’t the problem—just the scripts it’s been forced to follow?

In this episode of Untamed Ember, Dr. Misty takes us deep into the erotic brain to unpack how binary gender roles confuse our arousal systems and disconnect us from pleasure. From polyvagal theory to sensory nuance, this one’s for the rebels, the neurospicy babes, and the caretakers who are tired of performing “sexy” instead of feeling it.

✨ Inside this episode:
– The four things your brain actually needs for arousal
– How masking and performance override your nervous system
– Why desire looks different when you're neurodivergent
– What to ask yourself when you’re stuck in a role that doesn’t fit

Plus: Listener letters from “M” and “Jordan” that hit right in the chest.
And a companion worksheet that helps you unmask your real erotic self—available now in The Ember Vault.

In this episode, we explore:

• Why binary sexual roles disrupt the nervous system

• The science behind safety, novelty, stimulation, and attunement

• How the Dual Control Model explains desire for neurodivergent folks

• What happens when sex becomes emotional labor instead of embodied connection

• Queer relationship dynamics and the haunting echo of gendered scripts

• A letter from “Jordan” about losing touch with real desire after years of performance

Grab the worksheet: Binary Thinking & the Erotic Identity Crisis → Available inside The Ember Vault
Submit your own question: hello@untamedember.com (anonymity welcome!)

• (00:00:00) - Intro: Your brain doesn’t care about gender roles
• (00:01:22) - Why binary roles confuse the erotic brain
• (00:03:08) - The 4 keys of arousal: Safety, Novelty, Stimulation, Attunement
• (00:09:00) - Story of “M”: Performance vs Presence
• (00:12:45) - Queer folks + the haunting of roles we didn’t choose
• (00:15:10) - Listener letter from “Jordan” and the blank space of truth
• (00:17:25) - This week’s worksheet + closing reminders

What if your low libido isn’t about dysfunction—it’s about burnout from playing someone else’s fantasy?

In this episode of Untamed Ember, Dr. Misty burns the binary gender rulebook to the ground and shares a personal story of erotic self-abandonment, performance pressure, and what happens when we confuse dominance with power. We’ll unpack how gender roles are quietly killing desire—for everyone—and explore what it means to step outside the script and tune into your actual wants.

✨ Plus:
– Juicy reflection prompts
– A listener letter that hits hard
– A companion worksheet inside The Ember Vault: Unscripted and Unbothered: Dismantling the Gender Role Turn-Off

This isn’t about being more confident. It’s about being more you.

In this episode:

• Why “doing everything right” still left Dr. Misty feeling numb in bed

• The subtle ways gender scripts hijack our desire

• A breakdown of Victorian purity culture + modern expectations

• What to do when your body checks out before you do

• A listener story (hi Sam!) that captures exactly what erotic exhaustion looks like

• Journal questions to unlearn performative sex roles

• This week’s exclusive worksheet inside The Ember Vault

Got a question for the podcast?
Email hello@untamedember.com (anonymous welcome!)

• (00:00:00) - Intro: Your sex drive isn’t broken—it’s exhausted
• (00:01:42) - Storytime: When dominance became dissociation
• (00:05:09) - The trap of gender roles in bed
• (00:07:45) - Cultural roots of sexual performance scripts
• (00:09:10) - What happens in your body when desire becomes obligation
• (00:10:20) - Listener letter: “What if I don’t know what I want anymore?”
• (00:12:30) - This week’s reflection questions
• (00:13:40) - Your reminder: You’re not too much—you’re done performing

If you’ve ever dissociated mid-orgasm, gone numb during touch, or hyper-focused on your partner’s reaction instead of your own desire—this one’s for you. In this unapologetically nerdy and delightfully rebellious episode, Dr. Misty unpacks how shame hijacks your senses and rewires your brain to flinch away from pleasure.

We’re diving deep into the sexy side of neuroscience: trauma brains, vagus nerves, polyvagal theory, and why your erotic disconnection is not dysfunction—it’s adaptation. And most importantly, how to gently, playfully, rebelliously rewire your erotic brain using the magic of neuroplasticity and some juicy sensory rituals.

Expect brain science, somatic tips, shade at purity culture, and a permission slip to moan at your snacks.

✨ Companion worksheet inside The Ember Vault:
“F*ck Around and Find Out (What Feels Good)”

• (00:00:00) - Opening: Glitter, Science & Shamelessness
• (00:01:08) - Shame Isn’t a Feeling—It’s a Nervous System Hijack
• (00:04:38) - Polyvagal Theory & Why You Might Freeze During Sex
• (00:07:56) - Sensory Disconnection Isn’t Dysfunction—It’s a Coping Strategy
• (00:11:02) - Rewiring the Erotic Brain: Neuroplasticity Is Hot
• (00:14:45) - Your Pleasure Was Never the Problem
• (00:15:50) - Ember Vault Plug + Sensory Worksheet
• (00:16:30) - Reflection Prompt + Sign-Off