Love. Hope. Fear. These are the emotions that victims of abuse typically experience throughout the cycle of violence. There are three main phases: Tension Building, Explosion, and Loving & Contrite.

In the tension building phase, victims may notice their partner's mood changes, their posture alters, or their tone shifts. This could make them feel like they're walking on eggshells until an explosion occurs. In the explosion phase, abuse escalates. Shouting gets louder, threats become more severe, and physical assault may occur.

After the explosion phase, the person causing harm may promise to never hurt their partner again. They may apologize, start to act like they did in the beginning of the relationship, and be loving - until the cycle continues.

CONTENT:

(0:00) Introduction

(2:20) Tension Building

(7:34) Explosion

(12:55) Loving and Contrite

(18:35) Is it Abuse Without the Cycle of Violence?

(20:18) Does Abuse Stop in the Loving and Contrite Phase?

(26:23) About JBWS & Resources

About JBWS & Resources

The Cycle of Violence

If you are in an unhealthy relationship and living or working in Morris County, New Jersey JBWS can help call our 24-Hour Helpline at 1.877.782.2873 or visit ⁠⁠jbws.org/services.

If you notice controlling or unhealthy behaviors in yourself, JBWS can help. Call 973.539.7801 or visit jbws.org/jcnv.⁠⁠

If you don't live or work in Morris County, NJ please visit https://www.thehotline.org/ or call 800.799.SAFE (7233)

Intro and outro music donated by Billy Morris

Do you ever have a right to tell your partner what they can and can’t do? Is it ever okay to threaten to leave a relationship if the other person doesn’t change a behavior you don’t like? Where is the line between communicating needs and exerting control over your partner?

Power and control is at the heart of unhealthy relationships, but it’s not always easy to recognize. This episode analyzes all aspects of power and control so listeners can begin to recognize these signs in their relationships or their loved ones relationships.

VIDEO CONTENT:

(0:00) Introduction

(01:51) What Is Power and Control?

(5:25) Coercion and Threats

(10:02) Control & Threatening to Leave

(12:31) Intimidation

(22:23) Emotional Abuse

(27:08) The Cycle of Violence

(28:17) Isolation

(35:05) Denying, Minimizing, and Blaming

(42:54) Using Children to Maintain Control

(45:32) Status Abuse

(48:43) Financial Abuse

(53:54) Equality in Relationships

(54:46) Physical and Sexual Violence

(55:58) Putting It All Together

(1:00:28) About JBWS & Resources

Power and Control Wheel

Equality Wheel

What Does Emotional Abuse Look and Feel Like?

Resources:

If you are in an unhealthy relationship and living or working in Morris County, New Jersey JBWS can help call our 24-Hour Helpline at 1.877.782.2873 or visit ⁠⁠jbws.org/services.

If you notice controlling or unhealthy behaviors in yourself, JBWS can help. Call 973.539.7801 or visit jbws.org/jcnv.⁠⁠

If you don't live or work in Morris County, NJ please visit https://www.thehotline.org/ or call 800.799.SAFE (7233)

Intro and outro music donated by Billy Morris

Do you consider consent when brushing your hand against someone's back at the bar? Do you think about it before hugging someone who is in tears? Too often, we only think about consent in regards to sexual activity, but it's something we should consider daily.

In this episode of Unsilenced, Maria Lagattuta explores:

• What consent looks like in all relationships
• How victims of abuse frequently don't have much consent in their relationships
• How nonconsensual activities can negatively impact victims of abuse
• How people cannot consent to activities that could kill them, such as choking during sex
• And how people can practice noticing when something feels consensual to them

CONTENT:

(0:00) Introduction

(1:30) Is Consent Always Sexual?

(2:45) Nonsexual Forms of Consent

(6:06) Emotional Consent

(8:01) What Consent Does and Doesn't Look Like

(10:00) The Lack of No Doesn't Mean Yes

(11:23) Arousal Doesn't Mean Always Imply Consent

(12:45) How Is Consent Used in Power and Control?

(19:57) Learning to Recognize Consent in Yourself

(21:53) Victims Don't Consent to Abuse

(26:15) Can Choking During Sex Be Consensual?

(34:46) Consent in Daily Life

(40:29) About JBWS & Resources

Are you in an unhealthy relationship and living or working in Morris County, New Jersey? JBWS can help call our 24-Hour Helpline at 1.877.782.2873 or visit ⁠⁠jbws.org/services. ⁠⁠

Do you recognize controlling or abusive behaviors in yourself? JBWS can also help. Please call 973.539.7801 or visit ⁠⁠jbws.org/jcnv⁠⁠

If you don't live or work in Morris County, NJ please visit https://www.thehotline.org/ or call 800.799.SAFE (7233)

Intro and outro music donated by Billy Morris

Imagine a woman who has endured emotional, physical, or sexual abuse for years. Her husband has isolated her from family and friends, restricted her finances, and harms her every day. If this woman then physically hurts her partner – is she seen as abusive?

Dr. Lisa Young Larance is a pioneer in the field of antiviolence intervention with extensive experience working with women who have used abuse in their relationships. On this episode of Unsilenced, Dr. Young Larance examines:

• The issue with the victim-offender binary
• Explains why programs designed for men who have used abuse will not work for women due to differences in socialization
• Offers insight into how society perceives victims of abuse who harm their partners
• And answers the question “Can Women Be Abusive?”

Content:

(0:00) Introduction

(2:02) Avoiding Stereotypes and History

(10:36) Why Programs for Men Won’t Work for Women

(15:44) The Issue with the Victim Offender Binary

(17:11) The “Lifetime” Victim

(18:51) Fear vs. Dread

(22:58) What is Coercive Control?

(27:36) Women’s Socialization Vs. Men’s Socialization

(29:07) Mandatory Arrest Laws

(31:50) How Society Views Women Who Fight Back

(36:07) Can Women Be Abusive?

(39:18) About JBWS & Resources

Find Dr. Young Larance's Book:

Broken: Women’s Stories of Intimate and Institutional Harm and Repair by Dr. Lisa Young Larance

Resources and Additional Information:

⁠Is Your Relationship Healthy? ⁠

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800.799.SAFE (7233).

JBWS' 24-Hour Helpline: 1.877.782.2873

Support for those using abuse: jbws.org/jcnv

*Intro and outro music donated by Billy Morris

Abuse among teens can look different than our typical understanding of domestic violence. In this episode, Maddie Hahn, the manager of JBWS’ Dating Abuse Prevention Program, answers many questions about dating abuse for both teenagers and their parents or guardians.

This episode covers:

• Location sharing, the expectation of constant communication, how we can model healthy relationships for teenagers, how bullies mimic dynamics of power and control we see in abuse, the importance of maintaining our relationship armor, and more.

Maddie explains how parents or guardians can casually promote healthy relationships by encouraging discussions about media and pop culture. When these discussions do arise, Maddie offers suggestions on dos and donts for navigating the conversation.

Content:

(0:00) Introduction

(2:10) Can Abuse Happen In Teen Relationships?

(7:48) Location Sharing

(12:52) Constant Texting

(16:50) Maintaining Relationship Armor

(20:11) Warning Signs of Abuse

(24:27) Dos and Donts for Talking to Teens about Relationships

(31:27) Modeling Healthy Relationships

(32:53) Bullies Use Power and Control

(35:09) The Harm in Downplaying Teen Relationships

(38:01) How Breaking Up Could Be Dangerous

(40:18) Closing Remarks

(43:22) About JBWS & Services

Services and Resources:

Are you in an unhealthy relationship and living or working in Morris County, New Jersey? JBWS can help call our 24-Hour Helpline at 1.877.782.2873 or visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠jbws.org/services⁠⁠. ⁠⁠⁠

Do you recognize controlling or abusive behaviors in yourself? JBWS can also help. Please call 973.539.7801 or visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠jbws.org/jcnv⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

If you don't live or work in Morris County, NJ please visit ⁠https://www.thehotline.org/⁠ or call 800.799.SAFE (7233)

Intro and outro music donated by Billy Morris

Did you know that teenagers can experience dating abuse? Before reaching adulthood, 1 in 3 teenagers will experience some form of abuse by their partner. In this episode of Unsilenced, Shari Genser, Esq. will discuss

• what legal protections are in place for teenaged victims of abuse
• why victims sometimes drop restraining orders,
• how difficult it may be for teenagers to come forward about sexual abuse, and much more.

*Please note: this is not to be used as legal guidance, please seek services if you want unique, individual legal advice.

Are you in an unhealthy relationship and living or working in Morris County, New Jersey?JBWS can help call our 24-Hour Helpline at 1.877.782.2873 or visit⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠jbws.org/services⁠⁠. ⁠⁠⁠

Do you recognize controlling or abusive behaviors in yourself? JBWS can also help. Please call 973.539.7801 or visit⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠jbws.org/jcnv⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

If you don't live or work in Morris County, NJ please visit⁠https://www.thehotline.org/⁠ or call 800.799.SAFE (7233)

Intro and outro music donated by Billy Morris

Handling the legal system can be difficult for victims of domestic violence. In this episode Shari Genser, Esq. offers insight into:

• Restraining orders and court processes
• The difference between domestic violence and dating abuse
• The role of power and control in abusive relationships

*Please note: this is not to be used as legal guidance, please seek services if you want unique, individual legal advice.

Are you in an unhealthy relationship and living or working in Morris County, New Jersey?JBWS can help call our 24-Hour Helpline at 1.877.782.2873 or visit⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠jbws.org/services⁠⁠. ⁠⁠⁠

Do you recognize controlling or abusive behaviors in yourself? JBWS can also help. Please call 973.539.7801 or visit⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠jbws.org/jcnv⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

If you don't live or work in Morris County, NJ please visit⁠https://www.thehotline.org/⁠ or call 800.799.SAFE (7233) Intro and outro music donated by Billy Morris

It is critical to consider race when talking about domestic violence because there are unique barriers that Black victims face. Tamu King, CEO & Founder of The Changed Mind joins this episode of Unsilenced: Real Conversations About Abuse to talk about how:

• The "Strong Black Woman" stereotype feeds into the dehumanization of Black women and makes it harder for them to leave abusive relationships

• There is a stigma associated with domestic violence in the Black community that discourages victims from being honest about what they're experiencing

• This prejudicial belief that Black women are aggressive or angry makes them reluctant to involve law enforcement due to fear of being victimized themselves

⁠Find Tamu King's podcast here.⁠

Content of the Podcast:

(0:00) Introduction

(05:27 ) Belief Black Women are Aggressive

(10:25) Strong Black Woman Stereotype

(16:04) Racism and Black Victims

(22:06) Response to "I Don't See Color"

(26:00) Stigma Associated with Domestic Violence

(28:49) Breaking Through The Silence

(35:26) Leaving Can Be Dangerous

(42:11) About JBWS & Services

Are you in an unhealthy relationship and living or working in Morris County, New Jersey? JBWS can help call our 24-Hour Helpline at 1.877.782.2873 or visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠jbws.org/services⁠⁠. ⁠⁠

Do you recognize controlling or abusive behaviors in yourself? JBWS can also help. Please call 973.539.7801 or visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠jbws.org/jcnv⁠⁠⁠⁠

If you don't live or work in Morris County, NJ please visit https://www.thehotline.org/ or call 800.799.SAFE (7233) Intro and outro music donated by Billy Morris