Our nervous systems form the foundation of how we move through the world. It is the filter for our thoughts, behaviors, and interpretations.

And when our nervous systems are dysregulated, it impacts how we show up for ourselves, our loved ones, and those we lead.

Emotional regulation isn’t as simple as a human equivalent of turning your computer off and on again. But it is an essential practice to learn to notice dysregulation, and develop skills and practices to bring us back when we’ve spiraled or disconnected.

As we head into another year of challenges and uncertainty, personally and societally, I’m coming back to my conversation on Polyvagal Theory with Deb Dana from earlier this year, which also happens to be the most downloaded episode of 2025. When the stakes are high, it only makes sense that so many of us are looking for ways to cope. Polyvagal practice offers a compassionate map to ourselves, and helps us build the adaptability, curiosity, compassion, and connection that are most needed in leadership right now.

Deb Dana, LCSW, is a clinician, consultant, author, and international lecturer on polyvagal theory-informed work with trauma survivors and is the leading translator of this scientific work to the public and mental health professionals. She's a founding member of the Polyvagal Institute and creator of the signature Rhythm of Regulation® clinical training series.

Deb's work shows us how understanding polyvagal theory applies across the board to relationships, mental health, and trauma. She delves into the intricacies of how we can all use and understand the organizing principles of polyvagal theory to change the ways we navigate our daily lives.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

• How regulation practices help us build the capacity to return to ourselves when we’ve been challenged
• How subconscious survival responses hijack our ability to problem solve and narrow our options
• How tiny moments of noticing can add up to big changes in your capacity to find regulation
• Why we need skills for coming back to regulation in order to engage with discomfort and struggle in our lives and in the world
• How leaders can create connected, collaborative environments for themselves and those they lead

Learn more about Deb Dana:

• Rhythm of Regulation

Learn more about Rebecca:

• rebeccaching.com
• Work With Rebecca
• The Unburdened Leader on Substack
• Sign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email

Resources:

• Stephen Porges
• The Nightingale, Kristin Hannah
• Blue: The History of a Color, Michel Pastoureau
• Céline Dion, Andrea Bocelli - The Prayer
• Halloween Baking Championship
• Holiday Baking Championship
• The Great British Baking Show

Every day, we’re flooded with information–headlines, opinions, advice, noise. And beneath that deluge of input, we carry stories that tell us how we stay safe and what asking questions will cost us.

Certainty too often feels like safety. So we rush to respond before we understand and defend before we discern. We don’t pause to reflect or to question the loudest voices in the room–proverbial or otherwise.

But certainty at the expense of discernment can damage our connections to each other and to ourselves.

Leadership that builds connection and trust for the long term requires us to cultivate the courage to ask questions and follow the answers, even when it’s uncomfortable. When we catch an old story running the show and stay curious instead of certain, we can metabolize what’s driving reactivity and protection.

It’s how we stay open, grounded, and self-led in a world that rewards reactivity.

My guest in this conversation refers to this practice as faithful skepticism: asking hard questions without abandoning hope. When I read his moving essay, “Groomed by the Church: How The Clash Saved My Soul,” I knew I had to invite him here to discuss the importance of refining our discernment and cultivating skepticism as a vital tool for effective leadership. And how music serves as a powerful trailhead–both as a cultural lightning rod and as a catalyst for self-discovery.

David Adey is a multimedia artist based in San Diego, CA. His work has been exhibited at The Museum of Contemporary Art San Diego, Orange County Museum of Art, Crystal Bridges Museum, Minneapolis Institute of Art, Frist Center for The Visual Arts, Oceanside Museum of Art, Cranbrook Art Museum, and venues nationally and internationally. His work has been featured in publications including Art in America, LA Weekly, The Huffington Post, Wired Magazine, Thisiscolossal, and PBS. He received his MFA in sculpture from Cranbrook Academy of Art. Adey is a professor of art and design at Point Loma Nazarene University.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

• How an outing to see a Black Sabbath cover band inspired David’s essay
• How the parallels of the Satanic Panic of his youth and our current cultural moment took the essay from journal entry to published work
• Why David believes in the power of being offensive with a purpose
• How the church’s narrow focus on spiritual dangers came at a cost to real life safety
• How David’s teenaged experiences inform how he now leads his students and parents his children
• The impact of his mother’s support when he both wanted to reject his musical loves and then reconnect with them
• Why faithful skepticism is a powerful antidote for certainty and cynicism

Learn more about David Adey:

• Website
• Instagram: @davidadey.studio

Learn more about Rebecca:

• rebeccaching.com
• Work With Rebecca
• The Unburdened Leader on Substack
• Sign up for the weekly Unburdened Leader Email

Resources:

• Groomed By the Church: How The Clash Saved My Soul | The Rumpus
• Satanic panic
• Jeff Koons
• The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness, Jonathan Haidt
• North Country, Gillian Welch and David Rawlings
• Loot
• Star Wars
• Richard Rohr
• Thich Nhat Hanh