Lloyd reflects on three childhood moments that helped him recognise something “unique” about himself before he understood sexuality or labels. He recalls being around seven to nine years old when he tried to give a treasured yellow toy tractor to a boy visiting his family home, seeking validation, and then snapping it in anger when adults stopped him, leaving him with disappointment and a broken toy. He explains how that experience shaped the way he later interacted in primary school, especially during playground games like “Kiss Chase,” where he found himself chasing and wrestling with boys. He also remembers an encounter behind the bike shed where he and another boy embraced, pressed against each other while clothed, shared a kiss, and then ran off laughing.

00:00 Childhood Reflection Begins

00:57 The Yellow Tractor Gift

02:00 Rage and First Attraction

03:37 Living Beyond Labels

04:33 Playground Kiss Chase Clues

06:24 Behind the Bike Shed Moment

07:37 Three Moments Summed Up

07:57 Closing Thanks

The Moment I Knew is an intimate storytelling project capturing the pivotal moments of queer self-discovery. Through anonymous audio recordings, we're creating a tapestry of diverse experiences that highlight both our shared journeys and unique paths to authenticity.

Each contributor shares their personal story with only audio being recorded. Stories are presented with just a first name (which can be a pseudonym) and the age when the realisation occurred.

This collection celebrates the beautiful complexity of queer awakening, from childhood certainties to late-in-life revelations, from moments of clarity to gradual understandings. By sharing these stories, we create connection, validation and visibility for experiences that too often remain private.

Ready to contribute your story? Book a slot on https://unapologaytic.com/pages/the-moment-i-knew. You'll have the opportunity to review your finished recording before it's published, ensuring you feel completely comfortable with your contribution.

Ace on Discovering Asexuality and Exploring Trans Identity During Lockdown

Ace describes realising they were asexual at 26 after searching online for why they did not like or enjoy sex and finding the term “asexual,” which brought relief and fear while they were in a long-term relationship.

They told their partner, who was supportive and happy to continue the relationship, and they remain together more than 10 years on.

Ace then recounts how the 2020 lockdown prompted deeper self-reflection about gender, including discomfort as their hair grew and the realisation that thoughts they assumed were universal might not be.

A social media comment and watching the Netflix documentary “Disclosure” helped Ace consider that being trans fit their experience, and lockdown gave them space to experiment with presentation and pronouns, supported by friends as they began to come out.

00:00 Discovering Asexuality

01:11 Fear and Relationship Talk

02:13 Partner Support and Acceptance

03:01 Lockdown Identity Questions

04:36 The Trans Realisation Trigger

05:51 Exploring Gender in Private

06:29 Coming Out and New Pronouns

06:57 Second Moment Reflection

Joel’s story reminds us that “the moment” isn’t always a single penny-drop. Sometimes it’s a series of ‘small’ realisations that build over time.

In this episode of The Moment I Knew, Joel shares how growing up in a religious, heteronormative environment shaped the way he understood (and misunderstood) his attraction to men. He talks about early crushes at secondary school, how leaving for college opened up new possibilities, and the late-night encounter in 1996 that became a catalyst for physically acknowledging his sexuality. From there, Joel reflects on the fear of being outed, coming out to friends, and later telling his family — including his mum’s emotional reaction and the lingering impact of internalised homophobia.

He also speaks powerfully about identity beyond sexuality, and why being Black in the UK felt like an even bigger hurdle — and how finding “outliers” and chosen family in London helped him move towards self-acceptance.

If you’d like to share your own story for The Moment I Knew, you can book a 15-minute slot (audio-only, fully anonymous). You’re welcome to use a pseudonym if that’s what you prefer. You can also review the final edit before anything is published.

Book here: https://unapologaytic.com/pages/the-moment-i-knew