In this episode of the Love You To Life Podcast, Elizabeth White and Calvalyn Day return for Part 2 of their two-part series on the lies Black women have believed, picking up right where they left off to unpack the final three. This installment digs into the belief that our worth is tied to how much we carry for everyone else, and the hosts don't pull any punches.

Elizabeth and Calvalyn walk through Lie #5, that you have to hold everybody down, exploring caregiving, the black tax, survivor's remorse, and the fear of disappointing family, including Elizabeth's own story about the year money was tight at Christmas. They move into Lie #6, the belief that ambition is a betrayal of your community, using real talk about MC Hammer, Toni Braxton, Willow Smith, and a classic A Different World callback to unpack how loyalty and ambition get tangled. They close with Lie #7, that you're only worthy of conditional love, including Calvalyn's unforgettable chitlins story and a real conversation about what Black women actually deserve in love.

This episode speaks directly to the woman who has built her identity around being needed, the caregiver, the provider, the one everyone calls on, who is starting to wonder who she is outside of that role. Elizabeth and Calvalyn's core message: you don't owe anyone your smallness, your silence, or your self-neglect. You are worthy of love and a full life exactly as you are.

Stay Connected!

Instagram

Elizabeth — https://www.instagram.com/lovinglifewithliz

Calvalyn — https://www.instagram.com/calvalyn/?hl=en

TikTok

Elizabeth — https://www.tiktok.com/@lovinglifewithliz

Calvalyn — https://www.tiktok.com/@calvalynday

LinkedIn

Calvalyn — https://www.linkedin.com/in/calvalynday/

Elizabeth — https://www.linkedin.com/in/elizabeth-white-lmhc-lcac-board-certified-life-coach-34ba8734/

Key Takeaways

• You're allowed to stop holding everybody down. Caregiving shouldn't cost you your own well-being.

• Overgiving is self-neglect with lipstick on. If you're always saying yes to others and no to yourself, pay attention.

• You don't have to earn your place in your family, your job, or your relationship by staying small.

• Your ambition isn't a betrayal of the people you love. It's a right you're allowed to claim.

• You don't have to choose between loyalty and your own dreams.

• Notice the unspoken obligation to fund or fix everyone else's life. It's worth questioning where it came from.

• You are worthy of love exactly as you are, cooking skills, hair length, income, and all, optional.

• Real love doesn't require you to shrink, perform, or prove your worth through service.

• If you don't know who you are outside of what you do for other people, that's worth sitting with.

• Evaluate the beliefs you were raised with. Keep what serves you and release what doesn't.

Chapters

00:00 Welcome Back: Continuing the Lies We've Believed

01:53 Lie #5: You Have to Hold Everybody Down

03:27 Elizabeth's Christmas Story and the Cost of Caregiving Identity

07:52 Overgiving Is Self-Neglect With Lipstick On

12:12 Signs You're Disrupting Your Own Life to Caregive

13:59 Lie #6: Your Ambition Is a Threat

14:51 A Different World, MC Hammer, and the Weight of Success

20:29 Are You Living a Life You Actually Want?

24:15 Lie #7: You're Only Worthy of Conditional Love

25:33 Calvalyn's Chitlins Story

29:57 You Are Worthy of Love Exactly As You Are

32:44 Closing: Choosing the Truths That Serve You

In this episode of the Love You To Life Podcast, Elizabeth White and Calvalyn Day open a series they promised would be a "doubler-downer", a raw, funny, and deeply necessary conversation about the lies Black women have been told about our bodies, our worth, and our right to feel. This is Part 1, and the hosts don't ease you in.

Elizabeth and Calvalyn unpack the lie that a Black woman's body must always be productive, tracing how that belief shows up in everything from Saturday cleaning rituals to the quiet shame around fertility and motherhood. They reference Dr. Joy DeGruy's Post Traumatic Slave Syndrome to root the conversation historically, then move into the lie that a Black woman's body must look a certain way, hair, appearance, and the pressure to look "cared for" just to be treated with basic dignity. From there, they open theme two: the lies about what Black women are allowed to feel and say, starting with the myth that we must always be strong, using Vice President Kamala Harris as a real-world example of the impossible bind between "too strong" and "not strong enough."

This episode speaks to the high-achieving, over-giving woman who has never stopped to ask where these beliefs came from, or whether they're even true. Elizabeth and Calvalyn model what it looks like to hold each other accountable, disagree a little, laugh a lot, and still land on truth. If you've ever felt triggered by a comment about your hair, your body, or your strength, this episode gives that feeling somewhere to go.

Resources Mentioned:

Post Traumatic Slave Syndrome: America's Legacy of Enduring Injury and Healing ⁠https://amzn.to/46mwv2Z

Stay Connected!

Instagram

Elizabeth, https://www.instagram.com/lovinglifewithliz

Calvalyn, https://www.instagram.com/calvalyn/?hl=en

TikTok

Elizabeth, https://www.tiktok.com/@lovinglifewithliz

Calvalyn, https://www.tiktok.com/@calvalynday

LinkedIn

Calvalyn, https://www.linkedin.com/in/calvalynday/

Elizabeth, https://www.linkedin.com/in/elizabeth-white-lmhc-lcac-board-certified-life-coach-34ba8734/

Key Takeaways

• Your body's value was never meant to be measured by how productive it is.

• Rest is not laziness, it's a strategy, and sometimes a form of healing.

• The shame you carry around fertility or motherhood may not even be fully yours; some of it is inherited history.

• Not everything said to you was meant to harm you, but that doesn't mean it wasn't harmful.

• You are allowed to question the beauty standards you were raised inside of, even the ones that came from people who love you.

• "Strong Black woman" can be a compliment and a cage at the same time.

• You cannot be expected to be endlessly strong and then punished for showing it.

• Vulnerability, saying you're tired, hurt, or need a break, is not weakness. It's the color of life.

• You get to decide where the line is between valuing your strength and being harmed by it.

• Share this episode with a friend, then sit with what got activated in you while you listened.

Keywords

Love You To Life Podcast, Elizabeth White, Calvalyn Day, lies Black women are told, strong Black woman, post traumatic slave syndrome, Dr. Joy DeGruy, Black women mental health, Black women fertility, Black beauty standards, Black women strength, healing from generational trauma, Lovey-Lifers

In this episode of the Love You To Life Podcast, Elizabeth White and Calvalyn Day get into something that started as a laugh and turned into a real conversation about truth-telling. Calvalyn's TikTok confession, that she doesn't know how to do the Tamia line dance, went viral using the "Netflix documentary" trend, and the comments turned into an unexpected social experiment: hundreds of women disclosing things they don't normally say out loud, from experiencing colorism, as the darkest child in the family to restarting a fitness journey for the hundredth time.

Elizabeth and Calvalyn dig into why so many of us carry stories on loop in our heads without ever speaking them, the loss of communal spaces like the barbershop and beauty shop, the "what happens at home stays at home" rule so many grew up with, the shame of not having anyone in your circle who shares your experience, and the pressure on high-achieving Black women to look like they don't need anything. They talk through the Kirk Franklin moment that went viral, family roles and the myth that people are two-dimensional, the physical cost of carrying isolation and unspoken grief (tying back to the weathering of Black women's bodies), and how social media has created connection without real intimacy.

This episode speaks to anyone who has ever held a story in because they weren't sure it would be received well, whether that's about infertility, financial strain, childhood, or simply feeling like the only one in the room who doesn't get it. The core message: there's a real cost to carrying it alone, and speaking your truth, even in small, safe places like a therapist's office or a trusted support group, can be the very thing that reconnects you to community.

Stay Connected!

Instagram

Elizabeth, https://www.instagram.com/lovinglifewithliz

Calvalyn, https://www.instagram.com/calvalyn/?hl=en

TikTok

Elizabeth, https://www.tiktok.com/@lovinglifewithliz

Calvalyn, https://www.tiktok.com/@calvalynday

LinkedIn

Calvalyn, https://www.linkedin.com/in/calvalynday/

Elizabeth, https://www.linkedin.com/in/elizabeth-white-lmhc-lcac-board-certified-life-coach-34ba8734/

Key Takeaways

• You are not the only one carrying a story you've never said out loud, and that silence has a cost.

• The barbershop and beauty shop used to be built-in community; independence has quietly taken some of that away from you.

• "What happens at home stays at home" may be protecting you from something you actually need to release.

• Carrying a heavy thing alone is heavier than carrying it with someone who can share the weight.

• High-achieving does not mean you're not allowed to be tired, struggling, or in need of support.

• People you admire are still human, don't withhold space for someone else's humanity just because they perform well.

• Not every space is safe for your story; some spaces deserve your story, and some deserve your caution.

• A therapist or support group can be the safest first place to test the waters of a story you've never told.

• The cost of hiding a story is often higher than the cost of telling it.

• You get to decide what to share, how much, and with whom, there is no one-size-fits-all answer.

In this episode of the Love You To Life Podcast, Elizabeth White and Calvalyn Day get real about what happens when a woman runs on empty and doesn't even realize it.

Sparked by a twenty-four-hour stretch where every single device in Elizabeth's life died at the same time, this conversation turns a dead battery into a full-blown revelation about the state of her own soul, mind, and body. If you've ever felt yourself running low without knowing exactly when it started, this one is for you.

Liz and Cal walk through what it actually looks like to live in the yellow: decision fatigue, snapping at things that don't usually bother you, everything feeling like an urgent fire. Cal shares her own wake-up call, a medical diagnosis brought on by being stretched too thin, and the two dig into why capacity isn't fixed and changes season to season. They name busyness as a hidden energy drainer, especially heading into back-to-school season, and ask the pointed question: which battery drainer is the most socially rewarded? From caregiving careers to church house culture, they get honest about how overgiving gets praised right up until it breaks you. They also separate real recharge from the recharge myth, wine, weed, doom scrolling, retail therapy, and oversleeping, and lay out their own non-negotiables, including the three-minute buffer between transitions.

This episode speaks directly to the high achievers, the over-givers, and the come-through queens who have a hard time saying no. The core message: give yourself permission to plug in before you hit zero, and don't expect everyone around you to applaud the change. The people who truly love you will adjust.

Join our LIVE FREE EVENT on August 4, 2026 https://weatheringwomen.lovable.app

Stay Connected!

Instagram

Elizabeth — https://www.instagram.com/lovinglifewithliz

Calvalyn — https://www.instagram.com/calvalyn/?hl=en

TikTok

Elizabeth — https://www.tiktok.com/@lovinglifewithliz

Calvalyn — https://www.tiktok.com/@calvalynday

LinkedIn

Calvalyn — https://www.linkedin.com/in/calvalynday/

Elizabeth — https://www.linkedin.com/in/elizabeth-white-lmhc-lcac-board-certified-life-coach-34ba8734/

Key Takeaways

• You don't have to hit zero before you're allowed to plug in. Catch the warning signs early: decision fatigue, snapping easily, everything feeling urgent.

• Your capacity isn't fixed. Some seasons you'll only charge to eighty percent, and that's not failure, that's information.

• Busyness is socially rewarded, but it is still an energy drainer. Protect white space on your calendar on purpose.

• Ask yourself honestly whether your go-to recharge, wine, scrolling, shopping, sleep, actually recharges you or just numbs you.

• Retail therapy is not therapy. Notice what you're really trying to soothe before you spend.

• Build a robust list of things that genuinely refuel you, because you already have a robust list of things that drain you.

• Once you find what recharges you, stop canceling it. Put it in ink, not pencil.

• A three-minute buffer between transitions can reset your nervous system more than you think.

• Give yourself permission to change your pace, even if the people around you don't applaud it. The right people will adjust.

• Overgiving in caregiving careers, at church, and at home is often praised right up until it costs you your health.

In this episode of the Love You To Life Podcast, Elizabeth White and Calvalyn Day introduce The Broken Window Reset, a midyear check-in built on an unexpected source: broken windows theory, a criminology concept about how visible signs of neglect invite more disorder. Elizabeth and Calvalyn take that idea out of the streets and into real life, asking what “broken windows” you’ve been walking past in your own home, body, career, relationships, and mind.

They cover a lot of ground, in the way that only they can, including Calvalyn sharing her own broken rearview mirror story, and Elizabeth breaking down why every unresolved “window” is a daily energy spend.

This episode speaks directly to high achievers, over-givers, and go-to girls who are quick to manage everyone else’s life while their own goes unattended, including the moment Calvalyn gently calls out using your kids as the excuse for not dealing with your own stuff. It’s not another new-year, new-you reset. It’s an invitation to get honest about the one or two windows that matter most, take a small step, and give yourself the grace that usually meets you on the other side of doing the work.

Stay Connected!

Instagram

Elizabeth, https://www.instagram.com/lovinglifewithliz

Calvalyn, https://www.instagram.com/calvalyn/?hl=en

TikTok

Elizabeth, https://www.tiktok.com/@lovinglifewithliz

Calvalyn, https://www.tiktok.com/@calvalynday

LinkedIn

Calvalyn, https://www.linkedin.com/in/calvalynday/

Elizabeth, https://www.linkedin.com/in/elizabeth-white-lmhc-lcac-board-certified-life-coach-34ba8734/

Key Takeaways

• A broken window in your life doesn’t have to be literal, it can be an avoided conversation, an unopened inbox, a postponed appointment, or a goal you’ve quietly given up on.

• Every broken window you walk past communicates something to you, and that daily thought is quietly draining your energy.

• Confidence and broken windows are connected, it’s hard to feel worthy of more when you’re privately tolerating disrepair.

• You don’t have to fix every window at once. Identify the one or two “main windows” and take a small, specific step.

• Sweeping overhauls rarely work because your brain needs continual, small steps, not a total reset.

• Sometimes you didn’t break the window, you inherited it. That doesn’t make it your fault, but it does make it your responsibility now.

• Get specific about what “fixed” actually looks like for you, especially if a window has been broken so long you’ve forgotten what whole looks like.

• Limiting beliefs are broken windows too, and they deserve the same urgency you’d give any other repair.

• Your kids are not your broken window. Managing their future doesn’t excuse avoiding your own.

• Repairing a broken window usually brings grace, and if it doesn’t come from someone else, you’re allowed to give it to yourself.

Keywords

Love You To Life Podcast, Elizabeth White, Calvalyn Day, broken windows theory, midyear reset, personal growth, energy management, limiting beliefs, self-improvement, mental load, confidence, high achievers, relationship boundaries, health checkups, women’s wellbeing, coaching, life coach, therapist podcast

In this episode of the Love You To Life Podcast, Elizabeth White and Calvalyn Day get real about weathering, a discussion that is perfect for Minority Mental Health Month.

They break down where the term comes from (public health researcher Dr. Arline Geronimus's 1990s research), what allostatic load actually means for your body, and why migraines, gut issues, autoimmune flare-ups, and the specific exhaustion of code-switching might be your body keeping score.

This episode speaks to the high-achieving woman who is tired in a way rest doesn't touch, the one everyone calls the strong one, and the one who's been told her whole life to push through. Elizabeth and Calvalyn's core message: you don't have to shrink your ambition to protect your body — you have to stop carrying it alone.

Stay Connected!

Instagram

Elizabeth — https://www.instagram.com/lovinglifewithliz

Calvalyn — https://www.instagram.com/calvalyn/?hl=en

TikTok

Elizabeth — https://www.tiktok.com/@lovinglifewithliz

Calvalyn — https://www.tiktok.com/@calvalynday

LinkedIn

Calvalyn — https://www.linkedin.com/in/calvalynday/

Elizabeth — https://www.linkedin.com/in/elizabeth-white-lmhc-lcac-board-certified-life-coach-34ba8734/

Key Takeaways

• You are not exempt from weathering just because you've made it — income and education don't protect your body from cumulative stress.

• Migraines, gut issues, and autoimmune flare-ups can be your body's way of telling you it's weathering.

• Code-switching fatigue is real. Being tired of performing is different from being tired of doing.

• One hour of self-care can't undo 167 hours of structural stress — soothing and addressing are not the same thing.

• Build a full care team: a doctor who truly sees you, a therapist, and a life coach.

• If your doctor says they “don't see color,” that's a red flag, not a compliment.

• You don't have to eliminate stress to protect your health — you get to choose which stress is worth carrying.

• Being “the strong one” doesn't mean you're not weathering. It just means no one's asking how you're doing.

• Advocacy, boundaries, and community are not optional extras — they're part of your actual health care.

• You can still be ambitious. This is about building the infrastructure to sustain your dreams, not shrinking them.

Chapters

00:00 Welcome & Shenanigans

01:10 Why We're Talking About Weathering Now

02:26 Defining Weathering: The Research Behind the Word

05:36 Allostatic Load & the Cost Your Body Pays

08:34 Success Doesn't Make You Exempt

12:12 When Making It Still Isn't Protection

18:22 Signs You Might Be Weathering

21:30 The Exhaustion of Code-Switching

23:32 Why Bubble Baths Don't Fix Weathering

25:06 Soothing vs. Addressing

26:09 Advocacy, Boundaries & Your Care Team

26:54 Finding a Doctor Who Sees You

35:05 Sleep, High-Functioning Depression & Your Support Team

36:48 Redesigning Ambition Without the Cost

42:04 Your Weathering Action Plan

Keywords

Love You To Life Podcast, Elizabeth White, Calvalyn Day, weathering, weathering hypothesis, Arline Geronimus, allostatic load, Black women's health, minority mental health month, high-achieving Black women, code-switching, self-care, mental load, chronic stress, medical advocacy, therapy, life coaching, Black maternal health, ambition and health

In this episode of the Love You To Life Podcast, Elizabeth White and Calvalyn Day dig into one of the most deeply rooted patterns affecting high-achieving women, and Black women in particular: the identity that forms when you spend a lifetime being everything to everyone else and very little to yourself. Calvalyn calls it the 92%ers topic. Buckle in.

Sparked by two viral videos, one from an elderly woman, talking about women who never learn to receive care, and another featuring Wall Street powerhouse Carla Harris in conversation with Mel Robbins about fear and fatigue as the two forces that keep Black women from reaching their full potential, Elizabeth and Calvalyn go deep into the science and the soul of it all. They explore how caregiving identity forms in childhood, how repeated patterns beat neural pathways in the brain, how the fear of being called lazy is a trauma response rooted in generational history, and why emotional excavation is the only way out.

This episode is for every woman who has held her pee so she could cross one more thing off her list, who always says 'I got it' when someone offers to help, or who has accomplished so much she's exhausted at the thought of going after the thing that she really wants. Elizabeth and Calvalyn close with a powerful challenge for every woman who is ready to love her life.

Resources Mentioned

Post Traumatic Slave Syndrome, Dr. Joy DeGruy https://amzn.to/4xvneC1

Stay Connected!

Instagram

Elizabeth, https://www.instagram.com/lovinglifewithliz

Calvalyn, https://www.instagram.com/calvalyn/?hl=en

TikTok

Elizabeth, https://www.tiktok.com/@lovinglifewithliz

Calvalyn, https://www.tiktok.com/@calvalynday

LinkedIn

Calvalyn, https://www.linkedin.com/in/calvalynday/

Elizabeth, https://www.linkedin.com/in/elizabeth-white-lmhc-lcac-board-certified-life-coach-34ba8734/

Chapters

00:00 Opening: The 92%ers Topic, Buckle In

00:52 Why This Episode Matters (and Why You Should Share It)

01:16 How an Episode Gets Born: TikTok Inboxes and Toe-Dipping

04:30 Video 1: Women Conditioned to Caregive from Birth

05:05 The Question: When Did You First Start Taking Care of Others?

06:55 Calvalyn's Story: Being an Auntie Before She Was Born

07:52 When Identity Forms Around What Others Need from You

08:25 If You've Ever Felt Like: Who Am I Without the People I Care For?

09:00 How Caregiving Patterns Show Up in Adult Relationships

10:22 Raising People Who Can Stand on Their Own

12:33 The Cultural Context: Adultifying Black Children

14:12 We Are Not Raising Children to Step Aside

15:26 Leila's School Project: A Lesson in Not Giving Up Your Seat

18:02 What We're Excavating Now Was Planted Then

19:00 Brain Science: How Repeated Patterns Become Your Operating System

21:54 When to Work with a Therapist or Coach

22:25 Video 2: Carla Harris on Fear and Fatigue for Black Women

24:25 Overqualified and Exhausted: The Cost of Getting Here

26:18 Fear Gets More Sophisticated as You Age, Elizabeth's Take

27:07 Where Do They Actually Want Us? A Real Conversation

28:46 Elizabeth's Childhood Memory: Swallowing Grief to Protect Her Dad

30:33 It Wasn't Wrong, But Look at the Meaning You Made from It

31:30 The L Word: How Fear of Being Called Lazy Is a Generational Wound

32:23 Post Traumatic Slave Syndrome and What We Passed Down

32:45 Elizabeth's Pee Story, and What It Actually Means

34:12 Saying 'I Got It' When Someone Offers to Help

35:25 What Would It Look Like to Actually Receive?

35:44 The Abundance Challenge: $21 and a Tag-In

37:46 The Pre-Work Question: Where Do You Feel Supported Right Now?

39:40 Train Your Brain to See More of What You Want

40:25 The Reticular Activating System and Why Gratitude Changes Everything

42:23 Gratitude and Desire Can Coexist, You Don't Have to Choose

43:47 You Don't Have to Be Old and Tired

44:14 Close: Love Your Life and the People in It