In this episode of the Love You To Life Podcast, Elizabeth White and Calvalyn Day return for Part 2 of their two-part series on the lies Black women have believed, picking up right where they left off to unpack the final three. This installment digs into the belief that our worth is tied to how much we carry for everyone else, and the hosts don't pull any punches.

Elizabeth and Calvalyn walk through Lie #5, that you have to hold everybody down, exploring caregiving, the black tax, survivor's remorse, and the fear of disappointing family, including Elizabeth's own story about the year money was tight at Christmas. They move into Lie #6, the belief that ambition is a betrayal of your community, using real talk about MC Hammer, Toni Braxton, Willow Smith, and a classic A Different World callback to unpack how loyalty and ambition get tangled. They close with Lie #7, that you're only worthy of conditional love, including Calvalyn's unforgettable chitlins story and a real conversation about what Black women actually deserve in love.

This episode speaks directly to the woman who has built her identity around being needed, the caregiver, the provider, the one everyone calls on, who is starting to wonder who she is outside of that role. Elizabeth and Calvalyn's core message: you don't owe anyone your smallness, your silence, or your self-neglect. You are worthy of love and a full life exactly as you are.

Stay Connected!

Instagram

Elizabeth — https://www.instagram.com/lovinglifewithliz

Calvalyn — https://www.instagram.com/calvalyn/?hl=en

TikTok

Elizabeth — https://www.tiktok.com/@lovinglifewithliz

Calvalyn — https://www.tiktok.com/@calvalynday

LinkedIn

Calvalyn — https://www.linkedin.com/in/calvalynday/

Elizabeth — https://www.linkedin.com/in/elizabeth-white-lmhc-lcac-board-certified-life-coach-34ba8734/

Key Takeaways

• You're allowed to stop holding everybody down. Caregiving shouldn't cost you your own well-being.

• Overgiving is self-neglect with lipstick on. If you're always saying yes to others and no to yourself, pay attention.

• You don't have to earn your place in your family, your job, or your relationship by staying small.

• Your ambition isn't a betrayal of the people you love. It's a right you're allowed to claim.

• You don't have to choose between loyalty and your own dreams.

• Notice the unspoken obligation to fund or fix everyone else's life. It's worth questioning where it came from.

• You are worthy of love exactly as you are, cooking skills, hair length, income, and all, optional.

• Real love doesn't require you to shrink, perform, or prove your worth through service.

• If you don't know who you are outside of what you do for other people, that's worth sitting with.

• Evaluate the beliefs you were raised with. Keep what serves you and release what doesn't.

Chapters

00:00 Welcome Back: Continuing the Lies We've Believed

01:53 Lie #5: You Have to Hold Everybody Down

03:27 Elizabeth's Christmas Story and the Cost of Caregiving Identity

07:52 Overgiving Is Self-Neglect With Lipstick On

12:12 Signs You're Disrupting Your Own Life to Caregive

13:59 Lie #6: Your Ambition Is a Threat

14:51 A Different World, MC Hammer, and the Weight of Success

20:29 Are You Living a Life You Actually Want?

24:15 Lie #7: You're Only Worthy of Conditional Love

25:33 Calvalyn's Chitlins Story

29:57 You Are Worthy of Love Exactly As You Are

32:44 Closing: Choosing the Truths That Serve You

In this episode of the Love You To Life Podcast, Elizabeth White and Calvalyn Day open a series they promised would be a "doubler-downer", a raw, funny, and deeply necessary conversation about the lies Black women have been told about our bodies, our worth, and our right to feel. This is Part 1, and the hosts don't ease you in.

Elizabeth and Calvalyn unpack the lie that a Black woman's body must always be productive, tracing how that belief shows up in everything from Saturday cleaning rituals to the quiet shame around fertility and motherhood. They reference Dr. Joy DeGruy's Post Traumatic Slave Syndrome to root the conversation historically, then move into the lie that a Black woman's body must look a certain way, hair, appearance, and the pressure to look "cared for" just to be treated with basic dignity. From there, they open theme two: the lies about what Black women are allowed to feel and say, starting with the myth that we must always be strong, using Vice President Kamala Harris as a real-world example of the impossible bind between "too strong" and "not strong enough."

This episode speaks to the high-achieving, over-giving woman who has never stopped to ask where these beliefs came from, or whether they're even true. Elizabeth and Calvalyn model what it looks like to hold each other accountable, disagree a little, laugh a lot, and still land on truth. If you've ever felt triggered by a comment about your hair, your body, or your strength, this episode gives that feeling somewhere to go.

Resources Mentioned:

Post Traumatic Slave Syndrome: America's Legacy of Enduring Injury and Healing ⁠https://amzn.to/46mwv2Z

Stay Connected!

Instagram

Elizabeth, https://www.instagram.com/lovinglifewithliz

Calvalyn, https://www.instagram.com/calvalyn/?hl=en

TikTok

Elizabeth, https://www.tiktok.com/@lovinglifewithliz

Calvalyn, https://www.tiktok.com/@calvalynday

LinkedIn

Calvalyn, https://www.linkedin.com/in/calvalynday/

Elizabeth, https://www.linkedin.com/in/elizabeth-white-lmhc-lcac-board-certified-life-coach-34ba8734/

Key Takeaways

• Your body's value was never meant to be measured by how productive it is.

• Rest is not laziness, it's a strategy, and sometimes a form of healing.

• The shame you carry around fertility or motherhood may not even be fully yours; some of it is inherited history.

• Not everything said to you was meant to harm you, but that doesn't mean it wasn't harmful.

• You are allowed to question the beauty standards you were raised inside of, even the ones that came from people who love you.

• "Strong Black woman" can be a compliment and a cage at the same time.

• You cannot be expected to be endlessly strong and then punished for showing it.

• Vulnerability, saying you're tired, hurt, or need a break, is not weakness. It's the color of life.

• You get to decide where the line is between valuing your strength and being harmed by it.

• Share this episode with a friend, then sit with what got activated in you while you listened.

Keywords

Love You To Life Podcast, Elizabeth White, Calvalyn Day, lies Black women are told, strong Black woman, post traumatic slave syndrome, Dr. Joy DeGruy, Black women mental health, Black women fertility, Black beauty standards, Black women strength, healing from generational trauma, Lovey-Lifers

In this episode of the Love You To Life Podcast, Elizabeth White and Calvalyn Day get into something that started as a laugh and turned into a real conversation about truth-telling. Calvalyn's TikTok confession, that she doesn't know how to do the Tamia line dance, went viral using the "Netflix documentary" trend, and the comments turned into an unexpected social experiment: hundreds of women disclosing things they don't normally say out loud, from experiencing colorism, as the darkest child in the family to restarting a fitness journey for the hundredth time.

Elizabeth and Calvalyn dig into why so many of us carry stories on loop in our heads without ever speaking them, the loss of communal spaces like the barbershop and beauty shop, the "what happens at home stays at home" rule so many grew up with, the shame of not having anyone in your circle who shares your experience, and the pressure on high-achieving Black women to look like they don't need anything. They talk through the Kirk Franklin moment that went viral, family roles and the myth that people are two-dimensional, the physical cost of carrying isolation and unspoken grief (tying back to the weathering of Black women's bodies), and how social media has created connection without real intimacy.

This episode speaks to anyone who has ever held a story in because they weren't sure it would be received well, whether that's about infertility, financial strain, childhood, or simply feeling like the only one in the room who doesn't get it. The core message: there's a real cost to carrying it alone, and speaking your truth, even in small, safe places like a therapist's office or a trusted support group, can be the very thing that reconnects you to community.

Stay Connected!

Instagram

Elizabeth, https://www.instagram.com/lovinglifewithliz

Calvalyn, https://www.instagram.com/calvalyn/?hl=en

TikTok

Elizabeth, https://www.tiktok.com/@lovinglifewithliz

Calvalyn, https://www.tiktok.com/@calvalynday

LinkedIn

Calvalyn, https://www.linkedin.com/in/calvalynday/

Elizabeth, https://www.linkedin.com/in/elizabeth-white-lmhc-lcac-board-certified-life-coach-34ba8734/

Key Takeaways

• You are not the only one carrying a story you've never said out loud, and that silence has a cost.

• The barbershop and beauty shop used to be built-in community; independence has quietly taken some of that away from you.

• "What happens at home stays at home" may be protecting you from something you actually need to release.

• Carrying a heavy thing alone is heavier than carrying it with someone who can share the weight.

• High-achieving does not mean you're not allowed to be tired, struggling, or in need of support.

• People you admire are still human, don't withhold space for someone else's humanity just because they perform well.

• Not every space is safe for your story; some spaces deserve your story, and some deserve your caution.

• A therapist or support group can be the safest first place to test the waters of a story you've never told.

• The cost of hiding a story is often higher than the cost of telling it.

• You get to decide what to share, how much, and with whom, there is no one-size-fits-all answer.