In this episode of the Love You To Life Podcast, Elizabeth White and Calvalyn Day return for Part 2 of their two-part series on the lies Black women have believed, picking up right where they left off to unpack the final three. This installment digs into the belief that our worth is tied to how much we carry for everyone else, and the hosts don't pull any punches.

Elizabeth and Calvalyn walk through Lie #5, that you have to hold everybody down, exploring caregiving, the black tax, survivor's remorse, and the fear of disappointing family, including Elizabeth's own story about the year money was tight at Christmas. They move into Lie #6, the belief that ambition is a betrayal of your community, using real talk about MC Hammer, Toni Braxton, Willow Smith, and a classic A Different World callback to unpack how loyalty and ambition get tangled. They close with Lie #7, that you're only worthy of conditional love, including Calvalyn's unforgettable chitlins story and a real conversation about what Black women actually deserve in love.

This episode speaks directly to the woman who has built her identity around being needed, the caregiver, the provider, the one everyone calls on, who is starting to wonder who she is outside of that role. Elizabeth and Calvalyn's core message: you don't owe anyone your smallness, your silence, or your self-neglect. You are worthy of love and a full life exactly as you are.

Stay Connected!

Instagram

Elizabeth — https://www.instagram.com/lovinglifewithliz

Calvalyn — https://www.instagram.com/calvalyn/?hl=en

TikTok

Elizabeth — https://www.tiktok.com/@lovinglifewithliz

Calvalyn — https://www.tiktok.com/@calvalynday

LinkedIn

Calvalyn — https://www.linkedin.com/in/calvalynday/

Elizabeth — https://www.linkedin.com/in/elizabeth-white-lmhc-lcac-board-certified-life-coach-34ba8734/

Key Takeaways

• You're allowed to stop holding everybody down. Caregiving shouldn't cost you your own well-being.

• Overgiving is self-neglect with lipstick on. If you're always saying yes to others and no to yourself, pay attention.

• You don't have to earn your place in your family, your job, or your relationship by staying small.

• Your ambition isn't a betrayal of the people you love. It's a right you're allowed to claim.

• You don't have to choose between loyalty and your own dreams.

• Notice the unspoken obligation to fund or fix everyone else's life. It's worth questioning where it came from.

• You are worthy of love exactly as you are, cooking skills, hair length, income, and all, optional.

• Real love doesn't require you to shrink, perform, or prove your worth through service.

• If you don't know who you are outside of what you do for other people, that's worth sitting with.

• Evaluate the beliefs you were raised with. Keep what serves you and release what doesn't.

Chapters

00:00 Welcome Back: Continuing the Lies We've Believed

01:53 Lie #5: You Have to Hold Everybody Down

03:27 Elizabeth's Christmas Story and the Cost of Caregiving Identity

07:52 Overgiving Is Self-Neglect With Lipstick On

12:12 Signs You're Disrupting Your Own Life to Caregive

13:59 Lie #6: Your Ambition Is a Threat

14:51 A Different World, MC Hammer, and the Weight of Success

20:29 Are You Living a Life You Actually Want?

24:15 Lie #7: You're Only Worthy of Conditional Love

25:33 Calvalyn's Chitlins Story

29:57 You Are Worthy of Love Exactly As You Are

32:44 Closing: Choosing the Truths That Serve You