What if the behaviors you’re trying to “fix”—overworking, overeating, hoarding, choosing unhealthy relationships, withdrawing, or sabotaging your own success—aren’t random flaws? What if they’re clues?

In this conversation, Alina speaks with Charlene Underhill Miller, a psychotherapist, educator, coach, writer, lecturer, and marriage and family therapist based in California. Together, they explore how childhood trauma, neglect, and family patterns can show up later in relationships, work, parenting, food habits, and self-sabotage.You’ll learn how to recognize repeating patterns without judging yourself, replace “Why did I do that?” with more useful questions, and begin turning old pain into insight, connection, and meaningful change.

In this episode, you’ll discover how to:

• Recognize when a current behavior may be connected to an older emotional wound
• Understand why you may repeat familiar—even unhealthy—relationship patterns
• Replace judgment and shame with curiosity
• Identify whether you’re using food, work, possessions, or control to create comfort or safety
• Notice the “internal saboteur” that may be protecting you from failure or rejection
• Understand why some children seek negative attention rather than no attention
• Build more honest, supportive relationships and communities
• Talk about difficult experiences without immediately trying to fix them
• Use simple practices to identify patterns and make new choices
• Reframe your history as something that can inform your future rather than define it

About Charlene:
https://underhillmiller.com/

Dr. Miller works regularly with clients experiencing depression, anxiety and self-sabotage, including unusual behaviors such as hoarding. Her doctoral work focused on specialized care to adults and children who have been affected by sexual abuse and trauma.

Find Alina Here:
Resources:

- Get Alina's Book! Thoughtful Aging - Restoring Honor to the Aging Process: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0D7D92HZ5/

- Get your free Thoughtful Aging Guide: https://www.bpwcenter.com/

Follow Alina and her work here:

- Subscribe to my YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/@BecomingYears

- Instagram - @thebecomingyearspodcast: https://www.instagram.com/bridgeportlaserandwellness

- Facebook - @TheBecomingYears: https://www.facebook.com/bridgeportwellness/

Have A Question?

- Have a Question For Alina That You’d Like To Hear Answered on the Podcast? Leave her a Voice Note Here: https://www.speakpipe.com/thebecomingyearspodcast

This episode explores how fear, resentment, and unchecked emotions shape workplace culture, from employer leadership to employee behavior. Alina speaks with Debbie Longo, a workplace development coach with 24 plus years of experience, about how self-evaluation, discomfort, and mindset shifts can change the energy of a business.We discuss how negative culture can take root, why fear shows up in both thoughts and behavior, and how employers and employees can each take responsibility for their role in creating a healthier environment.

Main Topics Covered:

• How to identify and shift cultural negativity among staff
• The power of self-evaluation and energy shifts for leaders and employees
• Practical ways to manage fear and build resilient workplace environments
• The impact of regular feedback—bosses evaluating themselves too!
• Why gut-wrenching discomfort can be your fastest route to success
  

Timestamps

00:00 - Introducing Debbie Longo and the focus on workplace emotions
05:00 - Fear, worry, and how mental energy shows up at work
13:25 - How strong leaders monitor themselves constantly
16:27 - Why yearly feedback may be too slow to create change
17:54 - Discomfort as the real growth strategy
31:24 - How fear, gossip, and silence create workplace tension
35:17 - The roadmap for getting rid of fear
36:11 - Learning to shut off work behavior at home
38:07 - When a bad morning follows you into the workplace
39:46 - Direct feedback versus compassionate curiosity
40:22 - What to do when an employee's behavior is not acceptable
49:29 - Hire slow, fire fast
58:51 - Gratitude, beauty, and breathing as tools to move through fear
63:36 - Debbie's closing view: negativity can be turned into positivity

Debbie's Resources & Links:

• Workplace Development Coaching — Debbie Longo's official site
• Energy Shift Concepts — YouTube video explaining the energy vibe beneath success

• LinkedIn
• Twitter

Follow Alina and her work here:

- Subscribe to my YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/@BecomingYears

- Instagram - @bridgeportlaserandwellness: https://www.instagram.com/bridgeportlaserandwellness

- Facebook - @bridgeportwellness: https://www.facebook.com/bridgeportwellness/

- Get Alina's Book! Thoughtful Aging - Restoring Honor to the Aging Process: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0D7D92HZ5/

- Get your free Thoughtful Aging Guide: https://www.bpwcenter.com/

Have A Question?

- Have a Question For Alina That You’d Like To Hear Answered on the Podcast? Leave her a Voice Note Here: https://www.speakpipe.com/thebecomingyearspodcast

In this episode of The Becoming Years, Alina and Margaret Gardiner, former Beauty Queen, Journalist, & Author, talk about her debut novel Damaged Beauty: Joey Superstar and the deeper themes behind it: self-worth, people-pleasing, and the cost of performance.

Margaret shares how her background in psychology and her early experiences in beauty and fashion shaped the story. Together, they explore how women are often trained to self-blame, stay likable, and put others first at their own expense.

Margaret explains why her protagonist, Joey, is intentionally unlikable at first — because real healing often begins in uncomfortable, imperfect places. They also discuss how books can open difficult conversations between mothers and daughters and how compassion can coexist with strong boundaries.

The episode closes on a hopeful note: you are not your image, you are not your mistakes, and it is always possible to change. Damaged Beauty: Joey Superstar, is the kind of story that stays with you — honest, messy, powerful, and so worth reading.

Timeline

• 0:01 — Introduction to Margaret Gardiner and her background
• 1:13 — Margaret explains the inner voice and the book’s core message
• 2:09 — Fiction vs. autobiography and why the story is partly personal
• 8:12 — The hidden cost behind glamour and public images
• 12:14 — Teaching younger generations what to do in hard situations
• 13:57 — Why the book can spark mother-daughter conversations
• 17:18 — Self-blame and people-pleasing in women
• 20:28 — Breaking repeated patterns and creating new outcomes
• 22:53 — Performative behavior and living for others’ expectations
• 31:37 — Navigating obligation, self-sacrifice, and self-worth
• 33:40 — Using tools to protect your emotional safety
• 43:04 — Margaret shares a story about online bullying and responding with compassion
• 52:09 — Shame, harmful habits, and the danger of self-destruction
• 55:05 — The power of stepping back before falling too far
• 58:34 — Final message: women don’t have to be perfect to change

Win a signed copy of Damaged Beauty: Joey Superstar - Here’s how to enter:

1. Follow on Instagram:

@margaret_gardiner and @thebecomingyearspodcast

1. Tag a friend in the comments
2. Every friend you tag = one extra entry
3. Winner will be chosen randomly on 8/17/26

More about Margaret:
https://www.margaretgardiner.com/
Order the book: https://a.co/d/02m6s3zg
YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/c/MargaretGardinerUniverse
FB: https://www.facebook.com/MargaretGardinerOfficial
IG: https://www.instagram.com/margaret_gardiner/