Psychologist and reparenting expert, Barlas Günay, comes on the show to reveal why the majority of us are really just children in white coats. Toddlers in scrubs. Babies pretending to be adults. And what we can do about it.

In this powerful episode, we explore why traditional cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) may fall short for high-functioning professionals—especially surgeons—whose deeply ingrained patterns stem from unmet emotional needs. We dive into the world of Schema Therapy, which addresses the origin of recurring emotional pain, not just its surface-level expression.

You’ll learn about the concept of “limited reparenting”, the 18 core maladaptive schemas, and the one that often plagues high-achievers: unrelenting standards and hypercriticalness. We explore how the environments of surgical training—hierarchical, elitist, and shame-based—reinforce these painful inner narratives.

What You’ll Learn:

• What schemas are: core beliefs developed through repeated unmet needs in childhood
• How trauma gets “stuck” in the body when fight-or-flight is inhibited
• The cycle of negative feedback in training, and how it impairs learning and emotional development
• Why positive reinforcement—not criticism—is the most effective teaching tool
• How to reconcile compassion for others with righteous anger and boundary-setting
• Why mental self-flagellation is learned, not necessary
• How it’s possible to be a brilliant surgeon with the frustration tolerance of an 8-year-old
• The link between repressed anger and chronic illness (“Repression of anger will f*ck you up”)
• Somatic and schema therapy techniques that actually help you heal, not just cope

Modalities We Discuss:

• EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) – how moving your eyes during trauma recall helps decouple the emergency response
• Somatic Completion – allowing the body to finish survival reflexes that were blocked
• Imagery Rescripting – going back into a childhood memory and rewriting the experience to reclaim power

Core Insight:

You can be competent, accomplished, and admired—and still be psychologically underdeveloped. It’s not your fault. But it is your responsibility to grow.

Final Thought:

Emotions are just data. Anger is not dangerous—it’s a vibration. Learn to feel it without reacting to it. Only then can you choose wisely.

Join more than 83k others and follow Barlas on instagram here and join his reparenting community. We all know we need this.

Join Empowered Surgeons Group here.

In this episode, Dr. Mel Thacker sits down with cardiac surgeon, Dr. Alexandra Kharazi. Together, they explore what it means to operate—literally and figuratively—from a place of purpose rather than fear.

We discuss:

• The emotional rewards of caring for high-risk cardiac patients who have few options left
• The "Black Swan" framework for surgical decision-making: a grounded process for choosing wisely when the stakes are highest
• Why just because we can, doesn’t mean we should—and how she decides when not to operate
• Why post-op cardiac care is never à la carte—and how communication defines outcomes
• Why self-flagellation after a complication sabotages future decision-making—and how to shift from fear-based to mission-based thinking
• What skydiving teaches about emergency preparedness, trust, and rapid execution
• How anxiety, fear, and trauma must be processed after the fact—not in the middle of the OR
• Using celebration and reflection to build self-trust and resilience
• Reclaiming your identity in medicine by anchoring to mission, not job title

This episode is a powerful invitation to rethink risk, courage, and how we serve. If you've ever struggled with self-doubt, anxiety about litigation and complications, or the emotional toll of high-stakes surgery—this conversation is for you.

Alexandra Kharazi, MD, is a board-certified cardiothoracic surgeon, author, speaker and skydiver.

​Dr. Kharazi is board certified in general surgery and cardiothoracic surgery. She has publications in numerous medical journals including The Annals of Thoracic Surgery, Innovations: Technology and Techniques in Cardiothoracic and Vascular Surgery, and Journal of Innovations in Cardiac Rhythm Management.

In addition to her medical degree, Dr. Kharazi holds a masters degree in biology, having completed a masters thesis titled "Generation and molecular analysis of dominant negative alleles of anthrax lethal factor in Drosophila."

Having received multiple honors and recognition for patient satisfaction, she has been featured in regional and national media outlets and peer-review journals, Medium, KevinMD, and Doximity among a few. Dr. Kharazi is the author of “The Heart of Fear” and offers realistic success plans that help her audience to become better … both personally and professionally.​

She is a member of the American College of Surgeons.

Follow Dr. Alexandra Kharazi on instagram here.

Connect with her on her website here.

Learn more about Empowered Surgeons Group here.

Learn more about Empowered Surgeons Group here.

In a profession that demands perfection and endurance, it’s easy to default to survival mode. But what if the real evolution happens when we shift from self-preservation to purpose?

In this episode, we unpack the 6 core human needs—belonging, autonomy, mastery, esteem, trust, and purpose—and how understanding them can change the way you show up in the OR, in leadership, and in life.

We dive into powerful mindshifts specifically for surgeons, like:

🔹 Perfectionism → Service

🔹 Scarcity → Abundance

🔹 "I have to" → "I get to"

🔹 "I don't know" → "I'm figuring it out"

🔹 Triggered → Curious

🔹 "I can’t say no" → "I only say yes when it’s a hell yes"

🔹 Self-focus → Other-focus

🔹 Waiting for the other shoe to drop → Trusting you'll be okay no matter what

These aren’t just affirmations. They’re tools for resilience and power—the kind that help you lead, advocate, and operate from your values, not just your training.

Whether you're burned out, bored, or just ready for something more aligned—this episode will help you remember what’s possible when you start leading from your whole self.

Dr. Sharon Stein is a colorectal surgeon, professor, coach, and creator of The Intentional Surgeon. In this episode, she shares her unconventional path to medicine—from outdoor education and real estate to academic surgery—and how she carved out a career aligned with her values. We explore her rise through academic leadership, the stresses of trying to fix a broken system, and the moment she realized the job she worked so hard for wasn’t the job she wanted.

We talk about the cost of “doctor-pleasing,” the power of saying “no,” and the importance of waking up to the beliefs we inherit from medicine. Sharon opens up about taking a sabbatical, discovering coaching, and now enjoying a mix of surgery, speaking, and professional development—all rooted in her values.

If you’ve ever questioned the system or felt torn between who you are and what medicine asks of you, this one’s for you.

Sharon Stein, MD, FACS, FACRS is a Harvard trained colon and rectal surgeon with over 10,000 cases under her belt. Laparoscopic, robotic, open - all of the cases. Textbook author. The kind of surgeon people went to when other surgeons couldn't figure out what to do next. Always an advocate for her patients. Professor of surgery with over 150 articles in peer reviewed journals. Moderator, course director and faculty for more than 150 programs internationally. Program director for surgical fellowship. Board examiner. Former president of Association of Women Surgeons, Committee chair for American College of Surgeons, Executive Council for American Society of Colon and Rectal Surgeons. With 100's of hours of coaching under her belt, Sharon provides her clients with insight, perspective and skills that they need to be more effective as a surgeon and communicator. Sharon trained as a coach at Weatherhead School of Business, Case Western Reserve and completed diversity and leadership training at Kellogg School of business/ Northwestern University. She is internationally known as a coach, speaker, and host of the Intentional Surgeon Podcast.

Connect with Dr. Sharon Stein via her website here.

Learn more about Empowered Surgeons Group here.

Anonymously share your story with me here.

In this impactful conversation, we dive deep with orthopedic surgeon Dr. Colleen Balkam into the emotional, physical, and cultural terrain of surgical practice—particularly in orthopedics and geriatric care.

What we cover in this episode:

• Coaching, reframing excitement as anxiety, and the importance of pausing when things get hard.
• Facing your first complication as an attending.
• The emotional weight of complications post-training versus during residency.
• Growing up the daughter of an orthopedic surgeon—rounding in soccer cleats and witnessing community impact.
• The torn ACL that inspired her path into orthopedics.
• Giving birth to her first child during residency—and what it took to keep going.
• Trailblazing as one of the first two women in her fellowship program, and how much she loved it.
• Navigating “ortho bro” culture.
• The growing pains of her first year in practice.
• Ergonomics in orthopedic surgery—and how to operate smarter, not harder.
• What enrages her about how the system treats grandma’s hip—and why it matters.
• Going head-to-head with the head of medicine as a resident advocating for patients.
• The sad reality: if healthcare workers don’t advocate for geriatric patients, no one will.
• Understanding hip fracture care as end-of-life care—and reframing what that means.
• Knowing when to go above and beyond for the people who need it most.
• The parallel between breaking barriers as a female surgeon and the women we care for who once broke barriers themselves.
• Seeing herself in her older patients—and why that connection matters.
• Setting boundaries thoughtfully—who are we saying “no” to and why?
• Carving out time for meaningful conversations within a system that rarely makes space for them.
• Her dream to collect patient stories and write a book that honors their lives.
• The privilege of hearing people’s stories at some of the worst moments of their lives.
• Remembering our impact—how a two-hour surgery can define a patient's entire life.
• Why caring deeply is both a gift and a burden for highly empathetic surgeons.
• Sound advice from an ER resident: “Every time a patient is horrible, I remember—they’re having the worst day of their life.”
• And finally: Don’t mess with little old ladies with hip fractures. They are history. They are human. They matter.

Follow Dr. Colleen Balkam Balk on instagram here. Whether you are a medical student, resident, or practicing physician, she’d be honored to serve as a sounding board for you!

Find out more about Empowered Surgeons Group here.

“First Do No Harm” is an impossible oath—a wonderful intention but an unlikely reality. So how do we create safety for ourselves in this profession, knowing we’ll inevitably cause harm?

This episode will teach you actionable steps to go from the “distract and avoid” type of surgeon to the “process and create” type of surgeon. The result for you? Empowerment.

Speaking of empowerment, if this resonates, you are going to want to sign up for the Empowered Surgeons Group! Learn more here.

Get Cesar's and Steven's book, Great Speech! here.

Watch my TEDx talk, How to Save Lives with Two Minutes of Listening here.

The best way to protect yourself in the profession of surgery is to build real connection with your patients.

People don’t retaliate against physicians they know, like, and trust.

This webinar will teach you how to cultivate know, like, and trust with every human you encounter.

You can take this work deeper by joining Empowered Surgeons Group. Learn more about what's included in the group here. Have questions? Feel free to email me at mel@melthackercoaching.com.

In this rich and layered conversation, we explore how sex coaching becomes a powerful *pleasure* portal to self-compassion, nervous system regulation, and healing from burnout. Danielle shares how experiencing debilitating physical symptoms in her twenties—and recognizing the abusive dynamics in her own mind—led her to a deeper understanding of the mind-body connection.

We talk about the bridges between neuroscience, pleasure, and human behavior, and how these connections help women access not only physical intimacy but personal freedom. From sex and surgical intuition to compassion-based strategies for self-evaluation, this episode is a deep dive into reclaiming agency, inside and outside the bedroom.

• Why neuroscience gave Danielle a language that mindfulness and yoga couldn’t
• Why prescriptive strategies fail without mindset alignment
• That sex can be one of the most nourishing human pleasures, be it the truly intimate version or "donut sex"
• How to create safety in the bedroom just like in the OR
• The parallels between surgical intuition and sexual agency
• How to have hard conversations with your partner about sticky subjects like sex
• Why intentions matter
• The importance of nonjudgmental evaluation of less-than-perfect surgery and less-than-perfect sex
• How sex coaching becomes a masterclass in self-compassion

Danielle Savory is a master certified coach, podcast host, and expert in the fields of neuropsychology, mindfulness, sexual pleasure and intimacy. Danielle brings a unique perspective to coaching, helping clients understand the ways in which the brain and body are interconnected and how this connection can be harnessed to experience the sensual pleasure the body is wired for.

As the host of Mashable's #1 Rated Sex & Relationship podcast "It's My Pleasure," Danielle has explored a wide range of topics related to sexuality, relationships, and personal growth - empowering women to embrace their sexuality and prioritize their pleasure. Danielle is a master certified coach with over 10 years of experience coaching hundreds of women with her proven process of increasing desire and expanding orgasmic capacity.

Check out her [website here], catch her insights (and wit) on [Instagram here] and on the It's My Pleasure podcast here, and don’t miss the Wall Street Journal piece she contributed to: “Is Everyone Having More Sex Than You This Summer?”—read it [here]!

If you loved this conversation, you are going to want to join the Empowered Surgeons Group! Get immediate access to a powerful 4 step process, bonus courses, a transformational workbook and weekly support with me. Learn more HERE.