Dr. Rob, Beth Kelley, and Dr. Brett Kennedy continue their conversation about the many faces of loneliness. They consider the challenge and impact of technology on authentic relationships, explore Dr. Rob’s recent experience with ChatGPT, and reflect on the hard work that is creating human connection and combatting loneliness every single day.

TAKEAWAYS:

[1:25] What about partners who are physically together but not connected?

[4:58] The role of ChatGPT and social media in loneliness.

[9:20] Seeking connecting is not simple work.

[12:30] How to regulate when you’re feeling overstimulated.

[14:32] Acceptance of what is over what you want there to be.

[16:21] Loneliness in the face of technology.

[22:04] Interpersonal relationships have to be two-way.

[26:40] Loneliness and betrayal in marriage.

[29:06] Connecting with Both and Brett.

RESOURCES:

Sex and Relationship Healing

@RobWeissMSW

Sex Addiction 101

Seeking Integrity

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Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.

QUOTES:

• “What is the connection that I’m seeking to make when I’m reaching for my phone?”
• “Combating loneliness is hard work. It’s the work of being human.”
• “Acceptance is not always endorsement.”
• “Until you’re actually interacting with other humans, technology use will put you at a disadvantage.”

Beth Kelley, LPC, and clinical psychologist Dr. Brett Kennedy are cofounders of The Lonliness Lab. Together with Dr. Rob they explore the many facets of loneliness, including what it means to be connected but isolated, the danger of lacking genuine intimacy, and distiguishing between loneliness, aloneness, and isolation. Each is part of the human experience, but are they all inherently bad? And what is the difference between connection versus community, and why does it matter when navigating the many faces of loneliness?

TAKEAWAYS:

[2:27] Introducing Beth Kelly and Brett Kennedy.

[3:10] People are just people when it comes to lonliness.

[4:35] Defining loneliness as an existential connection gap.

[8:01] What makes us feel lonely versus connected?

[9:08] Uncovering the layers of loneliness, aloneness, and isolation.

[12:30] Introverted but overstimulated? Extroverted but lonely?

[16:04] Is loneliness inherently bad?

[19:02] Experiencing loneliness as an addict.

[21:48] Defining loneliness as a longing and a relationship gap.

[25:18] Loneliness as a physical response.

[28:00] Stop telling me I need more community!

RESOURCES:

Sex and Relationship Healing

@RobWeissMSW

Sex Addiction 101

Seeking Integrity

Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment

Partner Sexuality Survey

Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.

QUOTES:

• “All people are feeling lonely, but not everyone is talking about it.”
• “Lonliness is part of the human experience, even when we feel fulfilled in relationships.”
• “Loneliness is ultimately connected to belonging.”
• “Loneliness is a mind-body experience that has a profound impact on the nervous system.”

Dr. Rob challenges the common belief that the addiction part of a person is separate and therefore able to be dealt with and removed altogether. Rather, the addict part of you is part of the whole you, and will always have the potential to act out again. As a result, there is danger in declaring that you will never act out again. So what can recovering addicts do instead? Dr. Rob highlights reasonable expectations of both partners in recovery, strategies for building trust again, and the importance of creating a solid support group for both partners after betrayal.

TAKEAWAYS:

[1:22] There are two separate parts of me, right? Wrong.

[4:00] If I lie again am I not really in recovery?

[5:45] The value of attending 12-Step meetings long after recovery begins.

[8:07] Common pitfalls in the years after recovery.

[10:09] The importance of building social support relationships.

[11:46] Treatment doesn’t actually fix anyone.

[13:36] Will my spouse ever do this to me again?

[18:03] Strategies for building trust after betrayal.

[22:00] Spouses have work to do as well.

[27:07] Will we ever be happy together again?

[32:00] Addicts need to work every day on being the best people they can be.

RESOURCES:

Sex and Relationship Healing

@RobWeissMSW

Sex Addiction 101

Seeking Integrity

Free Sexual Addiction Screening Assessment

Partner Sexuality Survey

Seeking Integrity Podcasts are produced in partnership with Podfly Productions.

QUOTES:

• “Your capability to do negative things doesn’t go away because you keep your addiction in check. It’s who you are.”
• “Recovering addicts who are fearful and worried about slipping up have a realistic sense of what they’re facing when they go out in the world.”
• “Treatment doesn’t ‘fix’ anyone. It just gives you a chance for remission.”
• “You can only build trust with what you are doing, not with what you are saying.”
• “Addicts need to work every day on being the best people they can be.”